Is this a deal breaker?

LegacyUser

So we got engaged . My boyfriend picked the ring and it was lovely but it didn't fit. I started asking questions like, can it be re fitted, does he have a receipt , where did he get it etc. Anyway he told me bought it from a dealer and that he would ring the dealer to inquire about exchanging it. He told me the dealer said it would be awkward and to get it fitted at a jewellers.
Went to jewellers they said they couldn't re size it as it would be a risk. I basically asked him 50 questions about the dealer who he was , can I have his number etc. I spent the day trying to ring this company and could not get through. I had a funny feeling in my gut since he gave me the ring. I was not interested in the price but interested in how he chose it etc. Any time I asked him he got embarrassed and brushed me off.
After finding out the ring cant be re sized I finally pleaded with him to tell and he confessed what I think I already knew , that he bought it on done deal.
Now don't get me wrong I know its the thought that counts, but the amount he paid for it I would have been very happy to go to a shop and pick my own ring or if he had picked one from a shop. Not to mention the fact that we are stuck with this ring that cant be resized, he has lied to me about 30 different times since he got the ring.
The story he gave me about buying it doesn't even add up and I have been telling people this story until I found out the truth.
I am embarrassed, hurt , angry and confused. I am so hurt he lied. He said he wanted to tell me he couldn't afford one in a shop , but I would have been happy for him to get one from a shop for the amount he paid for it.
please help

Stench Blossoms

I don't think this is a deal breaker.

He was obviously just embarrassed about buying it on DoneDeal and I don't blame him either - if he had told you this from the beginning I think you'd still have a problem with it because you wouldn't have a 'story' to tell.

I thought you were going to say he bought it for an ex previously or something.

newtoboards

You can get beads added to the band by a goldsmith so the sizing can be resolved without changing the bands current size as long is the size jump isn't too big they should do the trick. Otherwise the ring can be fully reset.

I don't know whether or not it's a deal-breaker for you as only you can answer that. Yes he lied because I'm assuming he was embarrassed and was trying to get as good a deal as possible for his money so it's up to you to decide whether or not this is a problem. Did you talk to him about how you felt about the lies he told?

MagicMarker

I'm not sure why this would be a deal breaker?

miamee

Can you re-sell it on Done Deal and go shopping together with the sale money for another one that you're both happy with? From what you've said, the reason it can't be resized is because of the design of the ring, not because of where it was purchased so I'd give the guy a break and either try some other jewellers or sell it on and look for a new one together.

kylith

Gracious, I thought you were going to say that it was stolen!

I don't think that where he getting it on DoneDeal would be a dealbreaker. So he didn't bring you to a jeweller to pick it out, but he no doubt did the best that he could with his funds I'm sure. The important thing is that he wants to marry you, surely.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. I am sitting here crying at the thought of all the lies he told me during the week. When I asked him questions about how he picked it etc, he shrugged me off and I felt bad as if he felt I wanted to know the price of it.
The ring is going back for sale. He didn't even get a cert with it so im not sure if it will sell or not. We should be happy and celebrating our engagement this week and instead we are sitting in different rooms and I am crying and so hurt.
It s the lies that are getting to me , I had to beg him to tell me and shout, I need to know please tell me . He was getting mixed up in his stories and I was ringing dealers and shops that didn't answer but if they did , I would have heard it from them first that they didn't deal with the ring. These lies have been going on for a week. He would have happily let me get the ring cut and wear someone elses ring for the rest of my life and he would never have told me.
He is a good man other than this but I was seriously hurt before many times and just wondering if this is just another failed attempt for me.
I know im not the girl that gets the happy ending ...

ahnow

Someone thinks enough of you and loves you enough to make the gesture to ask you if you'd like to commit to them for life. It's not really a deal breaker now is it?!

amdublin

What is wrong with buying on done deal
And why oh why would you interrogate him on such a happy day??

Why can it not be resized op? What type of ring is it?

I had the feeling that the dealbreaking isn't in the donedeal bit but his lies and covering up. And considering the issues they had with resizing it and the hassle she had in trying to sort it out, which could have been avoided if he'd just talked to her in the first place, I could understand her being angry. She can't even get it resized now. I can also understand if you want to marry someone and you think that lying to them is better than communicating a simple embarrassment, there's something the couple needs to work on there and it's ok to have concerns about it.
Dealbreaker? - I don't know, but I understand the concern

iusedtoknow

well it is a deal breaker...maybe for him - your interrogation and subsequent reaction is strange to say the least.

As someone else said - why not sell it on done deal, and choose one together

Rubberchikken

He was silly to buy it on donedeal.
But if he was embarrassed about the price he probably couldn't face admitting this to you.

Have you been lied to before? I think it's this that hurting the most.

Could you talk to him.
Get rid of the ring - it'll have no good memories for either of you.

Start fresh and tell him it's better to be embarrassed and honest than trying to hide things.

Good luck

LegacyUser

iusedtoknow wrote: »

well it is a deal breaker...maybe for him - your interrogation and subsequent reaction is strange to say the least.

As someone else said - why not sell it on done deal, and choose one together

I completely understand where you are coming from but it is not about the money or the price. If he told me I want to get a ring and only have x amount I would of d great. its the lies that he has told over the last week basically a story that doesn't make sense and I have been telling this story to explain why we don't have the ring sorted. I was asking questions, like what made you pick this one etc.. not about the diamonds . I am really hurt he lied. I also wouldn't want to wear someone elses ring that obviously has bad history and I would have preferred a cheaper ring than this..

Addle

Liedaboutengagementring wrote: »

I felt bad as if he felt I wanted to know the price of it.

Why wouldn't/shouldn't you discuss the cost? Don't most people insure their valuable jewellery? Wherever it comes from.

LegacyUser

amdublin wrote: »

What is wrong with buying on done deal
And why oh why would you interrogate him on such a happy day??

Why can it not be resized op? What type of ring is it?

There are too many stones. the jewellers wont touch it.
I was asking about why he chose it etc, not about the price.. just what made him choose it as we had never looked at them and I had never looked at them either on my own.

LegacyUser

Addle wrote: »

Why wouldn't/shouldn't you discuss the cost? Don't most people insure their valuable jewellery? Wherever it comes from.

I didn't want to ask as it didn't matter to me. He told me he bought it new from a dealer etc.
I was going to insure it in the next few weeks. I can t even look at it now.

amdublin

I understand you are feeling upset.

But at the end of the day he was trying to do a good thing and get a nice ring with whatever budget he had.
He didn't set out to do a bad thing. Give him that much.

It's common for rings to have many stones, no idea why it can't be sized - maybe post over in the weddings forum about it, you'd get good advice over there about it.

amdublin

Liedaboutengagementring wrote: »

I didn't want to ask as it didn't matter to me. He told me he bought it new from a dealer etc.
I was going to insure it in the next few weeks. I can t even look at it now.

Ok I know you are upset. But do you want to remember this day like this? You can make a huge HUGE big deal out of this...and it'll be a dealbreaker alright...or you can discuss this like adults who are going to get married and decide how to fix it.

Do you want to get engaged and married op?

r3nu4l

I wouldn't say its a deal breaker. Really, all he did was tell one lie because he was embarrassed and then he had to reconfirm the lie and embellish it when there was an unexpected problem with the ring.

So its one lie, retold and embellished. I do understand why you are upset but the whole episode is actually kind of sweet AND its also actually a story that in time, I suspect, you will look back on and find quite funny.

Your other half must have been sweating bullets and feeling terrible about himself when things started unravelling.

To be honest, from an outsiders point of view, I find this hilarious and cute and could see myself finding this incredibly funny if I was watching it as a scene in a romantic comedy.

mada82

You're completely over reacting to this.

Stavro Mueller

Wow. How do you know a ring you pick out in a jeweller's doesn't have a "bad history" to it? I think you're going over the top over this. I'm sure your boyfriend bought the ring with the best of intentions and stupidly wasn't honest with you. It was poor judgement on his behalf I should think, not something malicious. Once he told the first lie it just got harder and harder to admit to the truth. If you behaved in real life over this issue in the way you've come across in the thread, he might've been afraid to come clean.

Anyway I think you should just sell the ring. All the good has gone out of it now.

LegacyUser

amdublin wrote: »

Ok I know you are upset. But do you want to remember this day like this? You can make a huge HUGE big deal out of this...and it'll be a dealbreaker alright...or you can discuss this like adults who are going to get married and decide how to fix it.

Do you want to get engaged and married op?

yes I do. I was happy just had a gut feeling something was amiss with the ring and couldn't put my finger on it. My parents are delighted and I m feeling a lot f pressure for things to be perfect. The proposal was a surprise but couldn't have gone more wrong, I got over that and now this .. I suppose every girl wants to feel special and I know that it is selfish, but this is not making me feel very special...............

LegacyUser

r3nu4l wrote: »

I wouldn't say its a deal breaker. Really, all he did was tell one lie because he was embarrassed and then he had to reconfirm the lie and embellish it when there was an unexpected problem with the ring.

So its one lie, retold and embellished. I do understand why you are upset but the whole episode is actually kind of sweet AND its also actually a story that in time, I suspect, you will look back on and find quite funny.

Your other half must have been sweating bullets and feeling terrible about himself when things started unravelling.

To be honest, from an outsiders point of view, I find this hilarious and cute and could see myself finding this incredibly funny if I was watching it as a scene in a romantic comedy.

Thanks your post made me laugh... I cant help but wonder is this comedy a black comedy like the snapper of the van by any chance

Pawwed Rig

Seems to me like you have allowed an irrelevant token destroy what should have been one of the happiest times of your life.
Sell it and get rid of it, then apologise to him for all the drama and talk about the lying part.
After that you both need to decide what you want to do in the future. From the snippets here it seems to be a very high maintenance relationship. Figure out whether you want to be together or not. If you do then don't let irrelevant details cause you grief. There will be enough real issues that strain a marriage over the years rather than getting caught up in the issues that do not really matter.

Having read your latest post, OP, I think you need to relax a bit.
It's a joint decision to get married and spend the rest of your lives together. I don't excuse him lying, and I still think you guys need to chat about it, but ease up on the "I want to feel special" stuff as well

iusedtoknow

Liedaboutengagedring wrote: »

yes I do. I was happy just had a gut feeling something was amiss with the ring and couldn't put my finger on it. My parents are delighted and I m feeling a lot f pressure for things to be perfect. The proposal was a surprise but couldn't have gone more wrong, I got over that and now this .. I suppose every girl wants to feel special and I know that it is selfish, but this is not making me feel very special...............

Perhaps you should provide a list to the poor guy with the prerequisites so that he does it right the next time.

Seriously, you've over-reacted and managed to ruin what was supposed to be a nice gesture. You need to get rid of the ring and work out a compromise as to how you can move forward.

honey79

I understand you are a bit upset but if this is how you behave any wonder he didn't want to tell you where he got it

be careful or you will be left with no ring or partner to go with it

amdublin

Liedaboutengagedring wrote: »

yes I do. I was happy just had a gut feeling something was amiss with the ring and couldn't put my finger on it. My parents are delighted and I m feeling a lot f pressure for things to be perfect. The proposal was a surprise but couldn't have gone more wrong, I got over that and now this .. I suppose every girl wants to feel special and I know that it is selfish, but this is not making me feel very special...............

Okay so things have gone wrong.

You have the opportunity to turn this into a "and then we came together as a team and we fixed it together" special type of day.

He tried to make it special. He failed. Don't kick him while he's down. And you're only making yourself feel worse as well I'm sure.

Fix it together! Make things better for both of you!

amdublin

honey79 wrote: »

be careful or you will be left with no ring or partner to go with it

I'd agree...imagine if he's thinking now "is this a dealbreaker"

padohaodha

Liedaboutengagementring wrote: »

Thanks your post made me laugh... I cant help but wonder is this comedy a black comedy like the snapper of the van by any chance

Jesus........get over it.if u are going to go ape over this i dont know if ure mature enough to get married.the poor misfortune was trying to marry you with his limited means and all he is getting is unreal grief...if ure not careful itll be a deal breaker for him.....sorry i dont mean to be rude but u badly need to put ur drama queen act aside

LegacyUser

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Seems to me like you have allowed an irrelevant token destroy what should have been one of the happiest times of your life.
Sell it and get rid of it, then apologise to him for all the drama and talk about the lying part.
After that you both need to decide what you want to do in the future. From the snippets here it seems to be a very high maintenance relationship. Figure out whether you want to be together or not. If you do then don't let irrelevant details cause you grief. There will be enough real issues that strain a marriage over the years rather than getting caught up in the issues that do not really matter.

thanks but it really is the lies. I didn't get through to any of the shops/ dealer he said he dealt with today. Imagine if I did and they told me the truth? I had to pull the truth out of him he could of told me when i started panicking about it and ringing around.. it would have been 10 times worse to hear it from somewhere else... it really is the lies that are getting to me.. i feel let down to be honest...

Merkin

Liedaboutengagedring wrote: »

yes I do. I was happy just had a gut feeling something was amiss with the ring and couldn't put my finger on it. My parents are delighted and I m feeling a lot f pressure for things to be perfect. The proposal was a surprise but couldn't have gone more wrong, I got over that and now this .. I suppose every girl wants to feel special and I know that it is selfish, but this is not making me feel very special...............

You really need to take stock. In your quest for 'perfection' you've already deemed the proposal and now the ring totally unsatisfactory. If you're this upright at this juncture I cannot for a moment imagine what you'll be like come wedding time.

He bought you a ring and you've essentially thrown it back in his face because the 'story' and it's re telling didn't live up to your expectations. Sounds like the chap was trying his best and I think he must feel incredibly hurt and has probably been absolutely terrified by your week long inquisition. If you don't like it just say, resell it and go shopping together. Have a LAUGH about it with him without hurting his feelings.

Give him a break. And if you consider all of this a deal breaker then you're clearly not at all suited.

LegacyUser

Ok i see why people are saying im over reacting and i m open to that and appreciate all feedback. Im embarrassed that i ve told people this story/ lie behind the ring and as i don't know anything about engagement rings i didn't know that it was a lie but i know ive been getting funny looks etc.
I see it makes me look materialistic but im not and i know im not.. if he had a) told me its 2nd hand , b ) bought a ring with the amount he bought the second hand ring for then it would all be ok,
i am really just disappointed at the lies and the fact that its a week now.. and he couldn't tell me . i understand he was embarrassed but sometimes we need to face up to things.. i know hes not a bad guy he is my best friend.
Marriage is a big thing for me and i am worried that he felt he had to lie to me.. i am not a materialstic or high maintenance girl.. most definitely not..

r3nu4l

Ah I think people are being a little harsh on the OP on this thread.

She has overreacted but is right to feel slightly annoyed by the lie. Best advice is for both to apologise...him for the lie, her for the reaction.

After that, laugh, sell the ring, take your time to get a new one and honestly...f**k anyone putting pressure on you over the ring.

Let's not forget that getting married is a huge deal and like it or not, most women feel incredible pressure so its unsurprising that the OP had reacted in this way.

All I can say is that you should work with your other half to fix the ring issue and try not to be too harsh on him. Believe me, us guys feel under a lot of pressure when it comes to the ring so I can understand how he messed up.

Let him off the hook, he knows he messed up

LegacyUser

r3nu4l wrote: »

Ah I think people are being a little harsh on the OP on this thread.

She has overreacted but is right to feel slightly annoyed by the lie. Best advice is for both to apologise...him for the lie, her for the reaction.

After that, laugh, sell the ring, take your time to get a new one and honestly...f**k anyone putting pressure on you over the ring.

Let's not forget that getting married is a huge deal and like it or not, most women feel incredible pressure so its unsurprising that the OP had reacted in this way.

All I can say is that you should work with your other half to fix the ring issue and try not to be too harsh on him. Believe me, us guys feel under a lot of pressure when it comes to the ring so I can understand how he messed up.

Let him off the hook, he knows he messed up

Thank you x

MagicMarker

Liedaboutengagedring wrote: »

yes I do. I was happy just had a gut feeling something was amiss with the ring and couldn't put my finger on it. My parents are delighted and I m feeling a lot f pressure for things to be perfect. The proposal was a surprise but couldn't have gone more wrong, I got over that and now this .. I suppose every girl wants to feel special and I know that it is selfish, but this is not making me feel very special...............

Jesus, hopefully he sees sense and gets out while he can. You're coming across as far too "precious".

mickoc

Sad situation as it should be a happy time. In my opinion he should have done more research as he could have found something with more insurance and safety, in case you did not like it and it could have been returned, plenty out there that could have fitted into his budget. Remember a wife is for life and not just for Christmas.

newtoboards

OP I had/have a terrible engagement story. It was just awful; it was like my husband just decided in a mad moment to propose and had no ring and did it in the weirdest and most un-romantic place ever and at a moment I would love to forget. In fact if he were to propose to me in a sewer it would have been more romantic. I was devastated that I didn't have this romantic proposal to talk about like my other girlfriends but what is funny is that mine is the only one still talked about to this day 7 years on and it's done so with fondness. Life has moved on a lot since the proposal and I am happily married and with a child and the engagement although terrible was perfect as it got me to where I am today. I would love to have kicked my husband or to have organised my own proposal but then I wouldn't have had the surprise/shock of that day. I also hated picking my engagement ring and found my practical frugal nature won out over what I really wanted for a ring so have a reasonably priced ring which is beautiful but not the one that I actually fell in love with.

ABajaninCork

mada82 wrote: »

You're completely over reacting to this.

Am I the only one who actually sees the OP's point?

To me, it's not the fact the fiance bought the ring from Done Deal (which is a pretty silly thing to do). It's the fact he lied about it. That to me would be a showstopper. And it wouldn't be a great way to start their lives together.

If he's going to lie about the ring, then what else would he lie about?

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

Jesus, hopefully he sees sense and gets out while he can. You're coming across as far too "precious".

ah that's a bit harsh? Ok i get the drift here that everyone thinks I am over reacting. I am not over reacting to the ring , I am over reacting to the lies around it. Maybe I am being precious , but i don't like lies and that is really important to me. The lies just kept going and going and going.. and i was getting more stressed and stressed because the story kept changing.. i have said he is a good guy and i would - liked to have been told it was second hand .. or b) have a new cheaper ring..
it really is the lies here and the subsequent lies i have told unknownst to me about this situation and why i am not wearing a ring. If I was reading this i would prob think the girl is a drama queen but i am actually very easy going , i don't nag or stop him from doing what he want s to do .. we have a good independent relationship, i am just hurt that is all.

LegacyUser

Ah seriously you found someone that wants to marry you that may not have had the means to buy an expensive ring. Look he probably did his best. He probably never expected you to want to know price and where it came from, like any other present, no wonder he lied put under that pressure. I understand you want to get the ring insured etc but does the value or where it came from really matter. Who gives a damn really? It's not like he put some cubic zircona from argos on your finger and for that matter who cares if he did, who would ever know? I've had friends proposed to with no sign of a ring for months for the simple fact they couldn't afford it. When those rings arrived they were nothing special either.

At the end of the day you'll have some oohing and aahing over the ring and people will want you to flash it round. People that probably don't give a damn about either your ring or your engagement. Your other have gives a damn, he wants to marry you. Is it really worth making your other half feel sh*te because it may not be either the price or the ring you wanted? Believe me if someone wanted to make an honest woman of me I'd be glad of a pretty looking ring regardless of cost knowing that we could put more money into our home, family or wedding day itself.

December2012

I can understand you being concerned at the lying.

But - hand on your heart - can you understand why he felt he must lie?

Has he apologised for lying? If he has, and does not lie about anything else then you should forgive him and put it behind you both.

But watch out that neither of you get fixated about the wedding or lie about finances ever again.

Starokan

Money is a very touchy subject and a lack of money has the ability to make people feel very insecure about themselves.

I am guessing your partner bought what he could afford in order to make the big gesture of presenting you with the ring. Obviously he would have been better discussing it with you and you buying a ring together you could afford.

But he didn't and I would guess that he simply did not want to admit that he did not have the money to get something better and that he hunted for a bargain. Once he lied he stayed lying, was he wrong here , of course but I can see how it came about.

Give him a break op, the ring is merely a token, the relationship is what is important, I don't believe this means he will lie incessantly to you, see it for what it is , a grand gesture that went wrong. I know you feel bad but I would guess he feels a hell of a lot worse. Make up & put it behind you both, its an utter waste of time being at loggerheads over this. Get over it asap

Stavro Mueller

Isthisadealbreaker wrote: »

...Maybe I am being precious , but i don't like lies and that is really important to me. The lies just kept going and going and going.. and i was getting more stressed and stressed because the story kept changing...

For what it's worth, I don't like lies either but I can't help but think that in this case, your boyfriend felt under siege, knew he'd done the wrong thing by getting this ring and couldn't bring himself to come clean. Hopefully the pair of you can sit down, have a chat about it and put it behind ye.

MagicMarker

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Am I the only one who actually sees the OP's point?

To me, it's not the fact the fiance bought the ring from Done Deal (which is a pretty silly thing to do). It's the fact he lied about it. That to me would be a showstopper. And it wouldn't be a great way to start their lives together.

If he's going to lie about the ring, then what else would he lie about?

I would class this lie in the same way I would class a lie in response to "does my bum look big in this". Would that be a "showstopper" too?

The guy was obviously just embarrassed about the whole thing and was just hoping he could get it sorted himself.

mada82

He is obviously under financial pressure if he's resorted to buying a ring on done deal.

Perhaps he felt under pressure to get the best deal possible because you are indeed materialistic? Or maybe it was just a bad call.

Once he knew he messed up it was probably male pride not being able to own up to the above or maybe you have a habit of making a drama out of things? So he tried to avoid that.

Either way, he messed up, with good intentions and you have completely over reacted.

Who cares what other people think about the story. It's none of there business. Tell them you're changing the ring for whatever reason and leave it at that.

Friends and family won't care and anyone else doesn't matter and will forget shortly after anyways.

ABajaninCork

MagicMarker wrote: »

I would class this lie in the same way I would class a lie in response to "does my bum look big in this". Would that be a "showstopper" too?

The guy was obviously just embarrassed about the whole thing and was just hoping he could get it sorted himself.

The two are completely different situations. 'Does my bum look big in this?' when it might is a white lie, IMO. Doesn't hurt anyone.

Lying about the ring when asked about it for re-sizing/insurance purposes is a little different, no? That's the showstopper.

Now - I don't give a sh1t about the size of the ring. It's the size of the love that matters. The BF was silly to buy the ring from DD as he wouldn't have known the provenance of it. For all he knew, the ring might have been knocked off. But - it's happened. He should have been straight with the OP from the off when she asked him about re-sizing it. Had he been straight about the origins of the ring, it's something that can be dealt with and they can move on from it. He kept lying about the origin - That's the showstopper to me. If you get a capture - hold your hands up!

That is also the reason why I agree with the OP to some extent. If he can lie about something as small as a ring, then like I say - What else would he lie about?

mada82

ABajaninCork wrote: »

That is also the reason why I agree with the OP to some extent. If he can lie about something as small as a ring, then like I say - What else would he lie about?

He was obviously ashamed and embarrassed knowing what a big deal she would make about it.

Perhaps he was hoping to find somewhere who would fix the ring too so he wouldn't have to give the game away.

What else can he lie about? That's a bit dramatic. This is an unusual situation.

MagicMarker

ABajaninCork wrote: »

The two are completely different situations. 'Does my bum look big in this?' when it might is a white lie, IMO. Doesn't hurt anyone.

It doesn't hurt anyone because the truth is not revealed. That's the only difference.

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Lying about the ring when asked about it for re-sizing/insurance purposes is a little different, no? That's the showstopper.

Now - I don't give a sh1t about the size of the ring. It's the size of the love that matters. The BF was silly to buy the ring from DD as he wouldn't have known the provenance of it. For all he knew, the ring might have been knocked off. But - it's happened. He should have been straight with the OP from the off when she asked him about re-sizing it. Had he been straight about the origins of the ring, it's something that can be dealt with and they can move on from it. He kept lying about the origin - That's the showstopper to me. If you get a capture - hold your hands up!

If he was able to just have the ring re-sized then the OP would have been none the wiser either. He did hold his hands up in the end. Is it not obvious why he would lie? He was embarrassed and/or ashamed.

ABajaninCork wrote: »

If he can lie about something as small as a ring, then like I say - What else would he lie about?

You can apply the same logic to any white lie. Have you ever lied to your partner?

ABajaninCork

Nope. I've never lied to my husband. Don't need to. If you can't completely trust your partner, then there's no relationship. Your partner should be the one person you can completely trust. Next question?

MagicMarker

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Nope. I've never lied to my husband. Don't need to. If you can't completely trust your partner, then there's no relationship. Your partner should be the one person you can completely trust. Next question?

I'll just go ahead and not believe you, because everyone lies. You've probably told lies so small that they don't even register, but they're still lies. It's not about trust. A man doesn't lie to his gf asking him if her ass looks big because of trust.