Hi,im too obedient for women, is it something wrong??

cristianoo3344

Hi some people told me im too good for females,even to obedient to them,told me i shudnt be like that etc...but is it somehing wrong?? Better to be obedient to them then beat them etc,obviously more males then females told like that.what u think about it?

SATSUMA

Can you give an example of how you are too obedient?

MagicMarker

I dunno, call me an idealist but I *think* there may be some middle ground between obedience and physical violence.

No one can help you if you don't give details though. How are you too obedient?

cristianoo3344

MagicMarker wrote: »

I dunno, call me an idealist but I *think* there may be some middle ground between obedience and physical violence.

No one can help you if you don't give details though. How are you too obedient?

for example,female home mate came from work her feet hurts after walking in heels ask me for massage them and i agree,she with friends sat in living room and i made and brought them coffee, one time she unfortunately pour tea in kitchen on the floor and i help her and wipe it on knees for her.i wrote just few examples.i think its normal behavior but some people(males)told me i do wrong and im tooo obedient for them.

Big Bag of Chips

If you don't mind doing things to help people, and those people appreciate your help then you are not being "too obedient". I'd think nothing of making tea for a group of people or helping someone to wipe up a spill.. Not sure about the foot rub!

If you are afraid to say "No", and people expect you to do things for them and don't appreciate it, then you are being taken advantage of.

By the way, "obedient" makes you sound like a well trained dog.

Do you fancy this housemate, by any chance?

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP

Like most things the devil is in the detail

I have found that massaging a girl's feet was a great way to, take a friendship to another level . In the late 70s I worked in a Govt. building which was pretty cold in winter. Massaging a girl's feet was a great way to warm things up. I didn't do the whole office though.

Its great to help people - its only a problem if you see it as such.

The Masculinist

Generally women like men who are powerful. As other posters have wrote there is a fine line. You may be chivalrous but no need to bend over backwards for them.

Shrap

Well I like you already! How lovely to do that for a house mate and think it's normal behaviour to treat a woman this way. Some lucky woman someday will know exactly how good she has it when you treat her like that and will hopefully treat you as a king just as you treat her like a queen. But your male friends are saying something very different to this.

Ask yourself this - if a woman asked you to do something you didn't think was right or you just weren't in the mood to do it for her, would you do it? If the answer is no, then you are not too obedient. However, if the answer is that you wouldn't mention that you didn't want to and just did as she asked, then you are too obedient.

In the case of this woman friend who asked you for a foot massage - she must already feel very comfortable with you to ask you that. BUT if she often asks for things like that, and you are often being that kind to her, then I would hope that she is equally as kind to you. You don't mention how you feel about her, and perhaps your male friends are telling you this because they feel she is taking advantage of your good nature.

Tramps Like Us

Massaging her feet is a bit weird? I've lots of female friends and I'd never do that?

Shrap

<snipped post>

I find that totally weird and not at all a reality of my life. Don't know that I know any women who think or act like that either.

My own fella is about as alpha male as you get, and can still manage to give a foot massage and clean up after my messy cooking. He's more house proud than me and yet has one of the most masculine jobs you can think of. These elements are not mutually exclusive in men. And I don't even take him for granted.

I think the view above is a very skewed one and buys into the so called gender war that most straightforward people, male and female, reject as nonsense.

Idle Passerby

"Obedient" isn't really a word I'd associate with a confidant adult (unless he's a butler!) It suggests someone who cant think for themselves and relies on being told what to do by others.

The examples your give sound like kindness rather than "obedience". Personally Id find the foot rubs overly intimate for a friend but if your housemate appreciates it and you are happy to offer it then I don't see the problem. Being thoughtful is a positive attribute.

Littlekittylou

No I wouldn't consider you obedient at all. More considerate and caring. It sounds like Kindness I agree with the other posters.

DoYouEvenLift

Op, you sound exactly like Eddie from 'How Not To Live Your Life'. I'd advise you to watch that show and pay particular attention to Eddie, his demeanour and attitude, and then don't do any of it.

Stavro Mueller

It's all to do with context. If your housemate has you going out to the shops for her, making her cups of tea and doing other things along those lines, then yes you could argue that your kind nature is being taken advantage of. I'd need more information before advising though. By any chance do you come from a culture where men generally don't do these things for women?

MagicMarker

I think massaging the feet is a bit weird. I doubt this came out of the blue? Did you offer to do with before?

The Masculinist

MagicMarker wrote: »

I think massaging the feet is a bit weird. I doubt this came out of the blue? Did you offer to do with before?

Foot fettish maybe?

StormWarrior

OP are you Scandinavian?

If you're having trouble attracting women, I wonder if maybe you running round after them all the time makes you seem desperate?

cristianoo3344

MagicMarker wrote: »

I think massaging the feet is a bit weird. I doubt this came out of the blue? Did you offer to do with before?

I didnt offer that before,she just ask me for it.one time she ask me to polish her shoes cause she so tired,about massage feet,she asked me few times about it and i did it.i just wanna say that woman dont shout to me dont order me!!!she just ask me and i just do that.is that kindness or obedience?im polish guy and she irish.

cristianoo3344

StormWarrior wrote: »

OP are you Scandinavian?

If you're having trouble attracting women, I wonder if maybe you running round after them all the time makes you seem desperate?

Im not scandinavian im polish.

The Masculinist

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

I didnt offer that before,she just ask me for it.one time she ask me to polish her shoes cause she so tired,about massage feet,she asked me few times about it and i did it.i just wanna say that woman dont shout to me dont order me!!!she just ask me and i just do that.is that kindness or obedience?im polish guy and she irish.

I think polishing her shoes seems like she is using you. I would make a joke if a woman asked me to do something like that and move on. With regards massaging her feet, that sounds a bit weird. I would only do that to me sexual partners/as part of flirting with a girl.

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

Foot fettish maybe?

No,i dont think so.she dont force me to kiss or luck them!!!but about feet i just wrote example of being"too obedience "and it happend just few times

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

I think polishing her shoes seems like she is using you. I would make a joke if a woman asked me to do something like that and move on. With regards massaging her feet, that sounds a bit weird. I would only do that to me sexual partners/as part of flirting with a girl.

it happend just few times,few.its not my regular "job".

The Masculinist

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

it happend just few times,few.its not my regular "job".

Happening once is too much.

cristianoo3344

Shrap wrote: »

Well I like you already! How lovely to do that for a house mate and think it's normal behaviour to treat a woman this way. Some lucky woman someday will know exactly how good she has it when you treat her like that and will hopefully treat you as a king just as you treat her like a queen. But your male friends are saying something very different to this.

Ask yourself this - if a woman asked you to do something you didn't think was right or you just weren't in the mood to do it for her, would you do it? If the answer is no, then you are not too obedient. However, if the answer is that you wouldn't mention that you didn't want to and just did as she asked, then you are too obedient.

In the case of this woman friend who asked you for a foot massage - she must already feel very comfortable with you to ask you that. BUT if she often asks for things like that, and you are often being that kind to her, then I would hope that she is equally as kind to you. You don't mention how you feel about her, and perhaps your male friends are telling you this because they feel she is taking advantage of your good nature.

If i answer yes for fir do something i thing not right that mean im too obedience? Why u think she must feel very comfortable with me to ask me?i think only reason is she know me long time but its just my opinion.

Big Bag of Chips

Did you polish her shoes? Do you fancy her?

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

Happening once is too much.

Too much mean my behaviour is too obedience for women?ok thank you for your opinion,can i ask you are you male or female?

cristianoo3344

Idle Passerby wrote: »

"Obedient" isn't really a word I'd associate with a confidant adult (unless he's a butler!) It suggests someone who cant think for themselves and relies on being told what to do by others.

The examples your give sound like kindness rather than "obedience". Personally Id find the foot rubs overly intimate for a friend but if your housemate appreciates it and you are happy to offer it then I don't see the problem. Being thoughtful is a positive attribute.

I didnt offer her foot massage, she asked me and i just accept it.

The Masculinist

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

Too much mean my behaviour is too obedience for women?ok thank you for your opinion,can i ask you are you male or female?

Male. I made similar mistakes you did when I was younger. It reminds me of a friend who used to drive a girl places when she wanted him to (she didn't have a car). She had a boyfriend and used to tell my friend that if she was single she would happily be his girlfriend. When the girl broke up with her boyfriend, she didn't date my friend. She moved on to someone else.

Don't let women use you, they won't respect you and hence find you less attractive.

cristianoo3344

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Did you polish her shoes? Do you fancy her?

Yes i did it, just 2 times it happend last month,do i fancy her???she is ok but i treat her like friend.

The Masculinist

Would you ask her to polish your shoes? If you did ask her, do you think she would do it?

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

Male. I made similar mistakes you did when I was younger. It reminds me of a friend who used to drive a girl places when she wanted him to (she didn't have a car). She had a boyfriend and used to tell my friend that if she was single she would happily be his girlfriend. When the girl broke up with her boyfriend, she didn't date my friend. She moved on to someone else.

Don't let women use you, they won't respect you and hence find you less attractive.

thanks for your story but i think women respect me,but thanks for your opinion.

Big Bag of Chips

It sounds a little like she is taking advantage of you. Being nice to people is nice. Being taken advantage of is not nice.

If you feel you can't or shouldn't say no to her then that is not good.

Your friend might be on to something.

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

Would you ask her to polish your shoes? If you did ask her, do you think she would do it?

I never ask her before,and idont know what she wud do,but the way,about polishing her heels,it was situation thst she came late to home and she got important meeting with someone, she was so late and she just ask me for that.thats all.

cristianoo3344

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

It sounds a little like she is taking advantage of you. Being nice to people is nice. Being taken advantage of is not nice.

If you feel you can't or shouldn't say no to her then that is not good.

Your friend might be on to something.

Well,thanks for opinion,i hope women dont take advantage of me.

cristianoo3344

SATSUMA wrote: »

Can you give an example of how you are too obedient?

I wrote few examples,if u want i can wrote few more which for some people are kindless for some people are too obedience.

Stavro Mueller

I wouldn't call it obedience but issues with boundaries. There's being nice to someone and then there's being a doormat. It's very hard to explain the difference between the two, unfortunately. It's something most of us instinctively know .

cristianoo3344

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I wouldn't call it obedience but issues with boundaries. There's being nice to someone and then there's being a doormat. It's very hard to explain the difference between the two, unfortunately. It's something most of us instinctively know .

I think be nice and doormat its huge difference.

Big Bag of Chips

Does she do things to for you? If you both do things to help out each other then that is fine, and it's a valuable thing in a friendship. If it's all one sided then it is bad in a friendship.

The Masculinist

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

I never ask her before,and idont know what she wud do,but the way,about polishing her heels,it was situation thst she came late to home and she got important meeting with someone, she was so late and she just ask me for that.thats all.

Did she do anything in return for you? Even a small gesture to thank you?

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

Did she do anything in return for you? Even a small gesture to thank you?

Yes she did,for examples if she do shoping and i call to her that i need something she buy me,
Or do me drink if i ask you.

The Masculinist

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

Yes she did,for examples if she do shoping and i call to her that i need something she buy me,
Or do me drink if i ask you.

Then I don't see too much of a problem. I am not sure why you are asking this question unless you fancy her?

cristianoo3344

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Does she do things to for you? If you both do things to help out each other then that is fine, and it's a valuable thing in a friendship. If it's all one sided then it is bad in a friendship.

Like i wrote she do as well but i didnt ask her so often like me but i dont mind to help her(or other women)more....last time when i scrub and clean by hands floor on knnes in kitchen she came with 1 her female friends and they sit in kitchen and the same time she ask me to do tea for them, i did it.1 my friend told me i shudnt do like that but i think i just wanna be kind.laret she said thanks to me.

cristianoo3344

The Masculinist wrote: »

Then I don't see too much of a problem. I am not sure why you are asking this question unless you fancy her?

I asked because i wanted know opinion about this issue.

Big Bag of Chips

So... She spilled tea. You cleaned it off the floor. While you were cleaning it she came into the kitchen with her friend and they sat watching you. And while you were cleaning up her spill she asked you to make tea for them?

Is that right?

Then the answer is yes, you are too obedient. And obedient is a good word because she has you like a well trained dog.

Paco Rodriguez

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

Yes she did,for examples if she do shoping and i call to her that i need something she buy me,
Or do me drink if i ask you.

That's only stuff you asked her to do? Has she done anything nice for you without you having to ask?

That instance where you were cleaning and she asked you to do the tea was unfair of her in my opinion. She should have made tea for HER guest and one for you.

I get the impression you are being used because you are being too nice.

cristianoo3344

Paco Rodriguez wrote: »

That's only stuff you asked her to do? Has she done anything nice for you without you having to ask?

That instance where you were cleaning and she asked you to do the tea was unfair of her in my opinion. She should have made tea for HER guest and one for you.

I get the impression you are being used because you are being too nice.

i know i was too nice but i wasnt feel weird,for me was ok but thanks for opinion,what u mean exacly "does she do something nice to me"

cristianoo3344

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So... She spilled tea. You cleaned it off the floor. While you were cleaning it she came into the kitchen with her friend and they sat watching you. And while you were cleaning up her spill she asked you to make tea for them?

Is that right?

Then the answer is yes, you are too obedient. And obedient is a good word because she has you like a well trained dog.

No,i clean floor in kitchen ,she came with friend,she asked me for tea,i did,when i continue cleaning they chat and sat in kitchen as well,and unfortunately spilled tea on the floor,she said sorry, and i wipe it. She and her friend said thank you!...u dont think "trained dog"is too big word?

The Masculinist

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

No,i clean floor in kitchen ,she came with friend,she asked me for tea,i did,when i continue cleaning they chat and sat in kitchen as well,and unfortunately spilled tea on the floor,she said sorry, and i wipe it. She and her friend said thank you!...u dont think "trained dog"is too big word?

I think you don't want to see the truth here. It seems she is using you. You need to stop being too nice for your own good.

Big Bag of Chips

You were cleaning the kitchen floor, and her and her friend came in and sat in the kitchen? Whether or not you are "too obedient" that is bad manners from her.

You obviously don't want to hear that people think you are being taken advantage of, so I'll bow out at this point.

The Masculinist

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You were cleaning the kitchen floor, and her and her friend came in and sat in the kitchen? Whether or not you are "too obedient" that is bad manners from her.

You obviously don't want to hear that people think you are being taken advantage of, so I'll bow out at this point.

Likewise, all the best cristianoo3344

Shrap

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

If i answer yes for fir do something i thing not right that mean im too obedience? Why u think she must feel very comfortable with me to ask me?i think only reason is she know me long time but its just my opinion.

I would have to know that a man liked me very much and was feeling very comfortable about giving a foot rub before I asked him to touch my feet. Just an observation.

cristianoo3344 wrote: »

I think be nice and doormat its huge difference.

If you like to do these favours and ENJOY doing them, then you are doing it for yourself as well as the woman. If you don't enjoy doing these favours, then you are being a doormat, I think.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You were cleaning the kitchen floor, and her and her friend came in and sat in the kitchen? Whether or not you are "too obedient" that is bad manners from her.

You obviously don't want to hear that people think you are being taken advantage of, so I'll bow out at this point.

I agree, it could be bad manners from the woman. But perhaps the woman has noticed that he gets a big kick out of doing favours like this. Perhaps the OP really isn't being taken advantage of, if he actually very much likes acting as a woman's assistant/slave/servant! Stranger vices have happened

OP, do you enjoy being dominated by a woman? And this is not a judgemental question. Some men definitely do enjoy this, and that is absolutely fine so long as it's consensual and that the woman knows that she could be taking advantage, but chooses not to unless she is given permission by the man.

I hope that doesn't sound weird.