Pregnant, need an abortion. - <Mod Warning Post #1>

grass123

Today me and my partner found out that birth control has failed us (I wasn't even worried when my period was few days late and only did the test to calm him down) and that I'm pregnant. Unfortunately, currently we're in a situation in life very incompatible with pregnancy and I'll have to terminate it.

Does anyone have an advice on the most convenient way to do it, logistically and financially? (We live in Cork.)

In the morning we'll go to Life Pregnancy Care for counselling, but I'd like to get as many informations as possible in the shortest amount of time possible.

Is it true that it's not possible to have a medical abortion in the UK if we only go there for a day and that in that case only the surgical abortion is an option?

Is there a way for me to have a medical abortion at home and then to have a post-abortion check-up in Cork?

Does anyone know how long does it usually take to get an appointment and does anyone have any useful tips on how to handle the waiting emotionally?

We're not religious, we don't want to read that we'll kill our baby and go to hell, and whatnot.
We both want a child and we're both sad and distressed because of this, but at the moment it's just not possible for us to have a baby, so please respect that. Thank you.

Also, please, moderators, if this is in any way against the rules or in the wrong place please don't hold that against me, normally I'd be reading for a while before joining and paid more attention to the rules, but this is really hard time for me.

Mod Warning:
If you cannot offer advice in a civil and constructive manner please don't post. Posts judging the OP or similarly decrying choices they have made will now be harshly dealt with.

Simi

https://www.womenonweb.org
http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/women/abortion/medical-abortion-explained/do-you-provide-travel-advice-overseas-clients

I hope you find the info you need.

<Mod snip: quote removed>

OP, I have experience of friends going through Marie stopes here, and others have directly contacted the clinic in England.
Going by these cases, my advise to you would be to contact a clinic in England directly.
They will accept your Irish address but never contact you there.
It also seems to work out a bit cheaper if you go direct.

I Also had a friend that did it directly with Marie stopes( I think) in Leeds, and because it was so early, she just had to take a tablet.
I reckon, even if you have to stay in a hotel in England for one night, its worth it.

iusedtoknow

English abortion clinics are more than used to dealing with Irish users. Please look at the resources mentioned above, one that a friend of mine used was bpas.

When I was in college , a friend went for an abortion in the UK, and I'll be honest...these are things I took away from it

1. don't go alone - have support
2. plan to stay a couple of days, get a hotel and relax afterwards. It won't be pleasant but you will need it.
3. while it is illegal to have an abortion in ireland, it is not illegal for your doctor to treat you afterwards. When you get home, please make an appointment with them to make sure you are monitored. While it is a standard procedure, as with anything you need healthcare advice afterwards . Also...remember everything between you and your doctor is between the two of you and no one else. They are not there to judge, they are there to help you.

What you are doing is for the best for YOU. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, it's your decision and as long as you are OK with it - then it is the right one

all the best to you and your partner

eeeee

There used to be abortion referral clinics in Dublin, there was one in Rathmines about 10 years ago. Positive options also provide abortion clinic information face to face.
It's pricey though. 10 years ago it was about €1000 all in, it is about £400 in Belfast but difficult to get an appointment there i think (actually I'm not sure that Marie Stopes clinic is still open).

You poor thing OP. Horrendous situation to be in, you have my fullest sympathy in such a difficult time. Make sure you get proper aftercare.

Taltos

Mod note:
OK, I understand this is an emotive issue and polarised people, however, if posters cannot post inline with our charter or post offering constructive advice in a civil manner then please don't post.
theperson2014, you know why you got infracted here, repeat a post like that again and you will be banned. Do not post in this thread again.
Similarly northknife please report such posts, attacking the poster only further adds fuel to the fire and in extreme cases can derail threads so much we have to close them, I think you know why you got the card here too.

I have removed a number of other posts quoting tp2014, apologies but with that post removed your contributions gave airtime to the deleted post.

As a result of some of these posts I am adding a mod warning note to the OP.

Thanks
Taltos

Rosy Posy

iusedtoknow wrote: »

plan to stay a couple of days, get a hotel and relax afterwards. It won't be pleasant but you will need it.

From the sounds of the op it's still early days and she should be eligible for the abortion pill. I supported a friend through her abortion some years ago and we did the round trip to Liverpool in a day- we were broke students and couldn't afford accommodation. In practice this was fine and my friend was happy to get home and rest up for a few days in her own environment. Do make sure that you have physical, emotional and medical support in the following days wherever you choose to be. All the best, op.

Ann84

A good friend of mine used the Marie stopes website about 6 years ago. She flew to London on the commuter flight at 7ish and flew back that evening around 8
If you let them know your travelling they will book a morning appointment to ensure you are ready to travel home.

Take it easy on yourself, as others mentioned, there are plenty of resources online x

Rubberchikken

just want to say how sorry i am for your situation and wish you all the best in your decision. take care of yourself.

whats_my_name

You can get a medical abortion in the Marie Stopes clinic in Belfast...not sure how it works but you will probably have to stay for a night or two close by so the clinic can make sure everything has worked out...best of luck OP. Make sure & seek out all the help you & your partner can get.

ABajaninCork

No real advice to add to what's already on here, but wanted to wish you and your partner all the very best in whatever you do. Most of all - be kind to yourself. You sound like a strong woman who has taken a difficult decision in a mature and confident way.

grass123

Thank you, all of you.

I've just talked with someone from Marie Snopes, Belfast isn't an option because in Northern Ireland abortion is allowed only in exceptional circumstances.

Also, at the moment I am 5+1 (my ovulations are a bit late) and I need to be 6 weeks pregnant to have a medical abortion.


And we didn't use a backup birth control because my ob-gyn kept telling me for years that I'll have a hard time conceiving. Ironies of life.

Neyite

grass123 wrote: »

Thank you, all of you.

I've just talked with someone from Marie Snopes, Belfast isn't an option because in Northern Ireland abortion is allowed only in exceptional circumstances.

Also, at the moment I am 5+1 (my ovulations are a bit late) and I need to be 6 weeks pregnant to have a medical abortion.


And we didn't use a backup birth control because my ob-gyn kept telling me for years that I'll have a hard time conceiving. Ironies of life.

You have time on your side then at 5+1 to make plans, gather together the funds you need and have a good think about the best method for you. I thought that you could get the abortion pill in Belfast but not a medical procedure. But I'm sure that if you rang a UK clinic they'd be able to tell you what timeframe they need.

Morag

https://www.abortionsupport.org.uk/get-help/

They help people from Ireland who need to access an abortion, with information ranging from best way to book flights, the prices in the different clinics as well as practical personal advice.

If you have a medical abortion with pills in the UK you must stay over night to get the second dosage of pills which you must take in the clinic. Travelling back then is difficult as you will be suffering cramping, bleeding as well as possible vomiting as your body starts to miscarry.

If you have a surgical abortion that is after 9 weeks, you should be able to fly over be assessed that day and then have the procedure under sedation and then fly back that night.

<mod snip: by your own admission, this is currently illegal here>

IF you do go down that route and take the pills as directed, they will work but you will be very ill for the 24 hours it take for the abortion to complete.

I wish you luck with your plans, it is a shame you can't just go to your own dr here in Ireland.

Nymeria

Hi OP,

I second the above post, www.abortionsupport.org.uk are a fantastic organisation who specialise in helping women from Ireland looking to have an abortion in the UK. They will give good advice and guidance, and can also offer financial support if needed.

I wish you all the best x

December2012

Nothing practical to add, but I just wanted to wish you my support at this difficult time.

Do you think, if you are under the care presently of an obgyn that you should make an appointment to see them to make sure that they remain appraised of your medical health?

Mind yourselves, please.

uck51js9zml2yt

Its not advisable to be ordering pills online.

You wont have been medically assessed and advised on the right option for you.

If you're having an abortion please be sensible and see a medical practitioner rather than self medicate.

PucaMama

i thought medical advice was banned on boards?

either way, is abortion really the only thing you can consider?

ABajaninCork

PucaMama wrote: »

i thought medical advice was banned on boards?

either way, is abortion really the only thing you can consider?

Yes. See OP...

PucaMama

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Yes. See OP...

what about adoption?

ABajaninCork

PucaMama wrote: »

what about adoption?

See OP...

Tokyo

PucaMama wrote: »

i thought medical advice was banned on boards?

either way, is abortion really the only thing you can consider?

PucaMama wrote: »

what about adoption?

Mod Note:

Ok, I'm going to nip this line of questioning in the bud before it goes any further. The OP asked for advice on a specific course of action in what was I'm sure a difficult decision. Lets keep advice narrowed down to what the OP actually asked, shall we?

December2012

Hi Again OP,

You could contact TFMR Ireland. They are a group who support people who terminate for medical reasons.

They have a facebook page and a website - www.terminationformedicalreasons.com

JaseBelleVie

I'm so sorry for your troubles and for everything you must be going through. A close friend of mine's girlfriend went through a similar situation when she was 20. They were not together then, but this was a very serious situation at the time.

I hope you find a safe haven and I hope everything works out well for you. You will find a lot of help at those resources listed above.

Be safe and be well.

grass123

December2012 wrote: »

Do you think, if you are under the care presently of an obgyn that you should make an appointment to see them to make sure that they remain appraised of your medical health?

My ob-gyn is not in Ireland (I'm not from Ireland), if I had access to her I could just get referenced to the hospital. Unfortunately, at this time of year airplane ticket would cost me fortune, and on top of that I'd have to pay for the procedure, and I can't afford that at the moment.

After a day of trying to find the most affordable option to go to UK, ordering abortion pills from online, going to Belfast to pick them up, on the way there going to Dublin and having an ultrasound just to make sure it's not ectopic pregnancy, and then going back home and taking the pills, and having an ultrasound after 10 days to for confirmation seems like the best option.

I'm only terribly worried because it would arrive in 2-3 weeks, or 10-14 days (I don't know whether that includes working days only, waiting from an email from them) from another organization. And it's holiday time and that usually mean delayed mail. I've already heard from one of them, express post is not an option.

I've spoken with Marie Snopes and BASP today, they've offered me some possible appointments, some of them pretty soon, which I'd like more than anything, but it's wrong time of the year for flying abroad, it's so terribly expensive. I know that theoretically I could try to find some financial support (thank you, Nymeria), but honestly, I'd feel guilty and like stealing money from someone who needs it more than I do.

I'm also afraid that I'll go to the UK and it'll cost us our last penny and then I'll be in that few percent of failed abortions, and then what. That's another thing in favour of taking the pills at home, I have a backup option.

I understand that for some of you this is highly emotionally and ethically charged issue and I respect that. I only hope that you can try to understand that some people have different perspective (If I gave away my baby, I could probably just buy a pack of razors, but I don't perceive an embryo as a baby). Our life circumstances could more than easily change for worse in the next few months and stay like that for unpredictably long period of time, for reasons we can't do absolutely anything to prevent, and we're grownups and we'd manage, but bringing little person into that would be very wrong. No one happier than me weren't it that way.

Thanks to all of you offering advice and support, it means a lot.

ABajaninCork

Do you have to fly to the UK? You're in Cork - right? Get a bus to Rosslare and cross over to Pembroke on the ferry. You could probably get a cheapish ticket right after Christmas.

Or you could get the bus from Parnell Place direct to London Victoria. There's a Marie Stopes in Camden Town or Chalk Farm (I think, but can check). The bus would be a tad uncomfortable, but you could do it cheap...

EDIT : Here's the timetable. It'll be the 40/890 you want, OP. Fares start from about E51

grass123

I could hug you right now.

eeeee

Bus Eireann do a bus to London, Liverpool, Birmingham and other places. I did a quick search there and it's €50 to go to London on the 29t of December.
It's be more uncomfortable but an option is money is tight. They leave from Busáras in Dublin:
https://eurolines.buseireann.ie
https://eurolines.buseireann.ie/?returnUrl=_Timetable

Would save you having to make loads of different connections with boats and the like, at least if you're on the bus you're with the bus. If you're anything like me you need as little changing as possible when your mind is elsewhere.

PucaMama

It is not lawful to encourage or advocate an abortion in individual cases.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/women_s_health/abortion_information_the_law.html

shruikan2553

PucaMama wrote: »

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/women_s_health/abortion_information_the_law.html

It is lawful to provide information in Ireland about abortions abroad

You missed this sentence before that one.

The OP is asking for information about abortions. She is receiving information about who to contact.

PucaMama

shruikan2553 wrote: »

You missed this sentence before that one.

no.

pretty sure advising about sites that sell abortion pills is illegal here too. if i had a thread open about other illegal activities it would be shut down.

grass123

Luckily, there's no one here telling me "go for it!!!!", and I haven't came here doubtful and looking for someone to pat me on the back and tell me to just go on with it and have a baby and everything will be fine, cross their heart and hope to die, and instead of that got "just go and have an abortion, I hear Dunnes cloth hangers are good" and fell under the bad influence. I came here knowing what I'll do, only not knowing how, where, how to get there, whom to call. People here helped me that and I'll be grateful for life. They just saved me some energy, some time, some money and a lot of nerves. They haven't influenced my decision in any way. I haven't noticed anyone trying to push me towards the abortion. I've decided before I came here.

Tokyo

PucaMama - I've already asked you to keep personal agendas out of this thread, and to either post towards the OP's issue, or not at all. If you have an issue with a post, report it. As your aim is not to provide advice towards the OP's issue and instead take the thread off topic, please don't post in this thread again.

Regards,
Mike

eeeee

PucaMama wrote: »

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/women_s_health/abortion_information_the_law.html

Posting things like that to others who are trying to help is bringing OP's thread off topic and your own agenda to the fore.

mike_ie wrote: »

Mod Note:

Ok, I'm going to nip this line of questioning in the bud before it goes any further. The OP asked for advice on a specific course of action in what was I'm sure a difficult decision. Lets keep advice narrowed down to what the OP actually asked, shall we?

I suggest you read and re-consider to what mike_ie has already suggested to you. Links like that do not help the OP in any way, shape or form.




ETA sorry wrote post before seeing mike_ie's response.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

This sounds alot like my own scenario, which was almost two years ago. Firstly, well done for making a decision that you know is the best for you. People are often quick to judge when they hear the word abortion because unfortunately there is still such a stigma. Just remember, you are doing what's best for YOU, you need to look after yourself because no one else will.

I'm in Dublin, so I'm unsure about the services available in Cork. However, I went to a well woman clinic here. They go through all of your options with you. I was also thinking of Belfast, but as you said it's very difficult. If you are certain that you want an abortion, the well woman clinic will give you a letter. I used Manchester Private Clinic. With the letter, I got a price reduction of €100, bringing the cost down to €380. This was for the treatment but also included a taxi to and from the airport.

In terms of professionalism, the nurses in the Manchester Private Clinic are like no other. Unfortunately I got extremely upset before, and a nurse sat holding my hand for an hour, making sure I was okay, and that this was the right choice for me. It isn't like over here, there are no judgements.

I had a surgical abortion. As heartless as it seems, it was quick and easy. It was done with the minute I woke up. I would recommend this over a pill.

Lastly, please make sure that you are aware that this can be alot more difficult than it seems. If afterwards you feel as if you need to talk etc please do it. Many clinics offer post abortion counselling and check ups. Again, there is no judgement here. You can say what you want and they are there to listen. Never feel like it's your decision and you have to live with it. There's more support than you think.

I wish you the very best of luck OP, it's not an easy decision to make.

athtrasna

Op check out Brussels. I'm not sure if it's still the case but when I was a student it was half the price of the uk, Ryanair even advertised this in student magazines.

Stavro Mueller

OP, a few months ago Ray D'Arcy (I think) read out an email from a listener who'd ordered abortion pills online and taken them at home. To cut a long story short, she did indeed terminate her pregnancy but she also ended up seriously ill in hospital. So whatever decision you make re. your abortion, please don't go down the "home" route.

wdmfapq4zs83hv

op are you absolutely sure your pregnant? 5 weeks is very early to get a positive test. Just thought I'd mention it, might be faulty test. Either way I wish you all the best.

grass123

Yes, I've done the Tesco home test, the red line showed up immediately even though the instructions said that I'll need to wait for 3 minutes, then the next day I've bought digital intimplus and it also confirmed. AFAIK usually it's early enough to wait until the period is one day late, and the more sensitive and expensive tests can be used even before the period is late.

Yesterday I was on the phone with a nurse from Marie Stopes, she told me that even the next week it would probably be too early to see anything on the ultrasound, so if I make an appointment for the next week there's a risk that I'll come and be sent home and told to come back later. Apparently it's necessary to rule out the ectopic pregnancy before surgical or medical abortion.

Also, the good thing is they don't charge for the second procedure should the first one fail for some reason. That was worrying me terribly.

grass123

beenthere1234321 wrote: »

I had a surgical abortion. As heartless as it seems

To me, not at all. I am even considering general anaesthesia for the same reason. A part of me would like to be under it from now until it's over.

beenthere1234321 wrote: »

Lastly, please make sure that you are aware that this can be alot more difficult than it seems.

Thank you. For now, I'm handling it far better than I would've thought. Weird, but the hardest thing at this point is that I'm feeling abused by the law. It's hard to grow up perceiving something as quite basic right and then to need it and not have it any more. Also, it helps me to cope with this that, if everything goes right, I might be happily pregnant again in this time next year. And if they do get ****ed up, at least I'll know I haven't brought a new person into that situation.

Thank you.

I hope things worked out good for you and that you're ok now.

neemish

Hey OP,

Whatever you decide, I wouldn't suggest getting a bus. I once bussed it to London for another reason entirely and it was the longest, most torturous journey of my life. Making that trip, especially on the way back, would be I imagine very difficult and painful for you.

Have you talked to a counsellor face to face (I'm not trying to change your mind or influence you). I can only imagine what you are going through, and it might it helpful to talk things through in real life. Also, if you need support when you get home there will be someone who will know the story and you won;t have to start explaining yourself.

Best of luck

Littlekittylou

Hello OP. I know many many women who have had an abortion in the UK.

I know a medical abortion requires two visits. A surgical one has a quicker recovery time and requires only one visit. But you will still need to recover.

An Irish doctor will be able to provide post abortion care. That is all though.

http://www.bpas.ie/index.php is a UK site.

A medical abortion means a longer recovery and if it were me I would not want to be traveling at that time.


I am sure OP you possibly have a few friends who have had an abortions. If you know of one maybe talk to them. You might not want to talk but don't feel you can't either. I would want to be there for a friend who was going through this. And they can distract you while you are waiting (you mentioned how to deal with emotions while waiting).

I wish you and your partner all the best OP.

xx

Rosy Posy

Hi OP, from a practical point of view, I just wanted to add that after the procedure, be it medical or surgical, you will most likely have a bleed for which you will need to use pads (not tampons or a mooncup). Best of luck op.

eviltwin

I had a surgical abortion a few years ago at nine weeks. There was minimal discomfort and bleeding. I flew over and back in the same day without any issues. I felt a bit groggy as I was put out for it but that only lasted a day or two. Emotionally you will probably be a bit up and down until your hormones settle and it can take a month or two for your cycle to return to normal. You are able to get a free checkup at a family planning clinic and have counselling if you need it. I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said, just to wish you the very best of luck. There are few resources to people in this position but lots of support here on boards for post abortive women/couples if you feel you need it. Wishing you the very best, it's a difficult position to be in xx

hfallada

<SNIP> Abortion pills are not legally available in Ireland. We do not advocate the purchase and self-administration of pharmaceuticals through the Internet.

dudara

Nead21

I have no information to help you, but I just wanted to say best of luck. I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you. Please try an seek out some counselling afterwards.

Mr. Incognito

Hi there,

I have experience of this, unfortunately.

Women on the Web are excellent. Be advised that anything that you have sent to Ireland will be seized. Parcel Delivery Services that operate from Belfast to Ireland also will be seized. This can cause great distress as they take about three weeks to deliver and if they are seized you have lost those weeks and the emotional distress that goes with that.

That's why those women recently had them sent to Belfast and collecting them from there to start their protest. There is a lot of medical information on their website and their service is free although they do recommend a donation. I think a lot of people are forced to this option as it is the only option that some people can afford.

Marie Stopes in Belfast provide for a consultation, which is a fee of around €100. The prices is on their website. They can then organise lawful terminations in the UK. I believe that up to a certain number of weeks (9 or so) it is the same pill that women on the web send for free.

The Fee is reduced if you are coming from Ireland as they recognise that women have to bear the cost of travel.

They keep you for observation for a few hours and then let you go. Your partner is not allowed in with you and has to wait in the waiting area.

Marie Stopes also operate a free taxi to and from the airport (Well Manchester do anyway) and I found them to be very professional and non-judgmental.

If you have any other practical questions I have no problem answering openly and honestly here on the forum.

blacklilly

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Women on the Web are excellent. Be advised that anything that you have sent to Ireland will be seized. Parcel Delivery Services that operate from Belfast to Ireland also will be seized. This can cause great distress as they take about three weeks to deliver and if they are seized you have lost those weeks and the emotional distress that goes with that.

That's why those women recently had them sent to Belfast and collecting them from there to start their protest. There is a lot of medical information on their website and their service is free although they do recommend a donation. I think a lot of people are forced to this option as it is the only option that some people can afford.

I don't think it's a good idea to be promoting this route for obvious medical and legal reasons.

Mr. Incognito

blacklilly wrote: »

I don't think it's a good idea to be promoting this route for obvious medical and legal reasons.

The provision of information is legal as upheld in a number of Irish cases most notably SPUC v Students Union. There is no illegality to provide information about abortion in Ireland. Promotion or offering the services is illegal. Offering information as to choices is not. I am not promoting any service.

I am not a doctor and am making no statement as to medical effects/ medical supervision etc. The OP can do her own research with this regard.

I might just point out that an online Medical assessment with a doctor is part of the process Women on the Webs advertise on their website.

Tokyo

I'd like to remind everybody that as per the forum charter, please do NOT request PM exchanges with the OP, however well intentioned.

Regards,
Mike

Casualcontrol1

Hi OP. In my opinion I would advise against ordering pills online, my friend done this before and while she was ok you still don't know what are in those pills, what reaction you may have or what damage they could do. I know another friend had a surgical termination with Marie stopes a few years back and had no problems thank God, I think if you feel you need to go down this route you need to slow down and choose somewhere reputable and get the procedure done correctly to avoid long term complications. Best of luck with your decision and <mod snip-please read our charter>