Crossdressing guy

DoctorBoo

Recently a wise person made the observation that our society has decided that women should be the "peacocks". They are the ones that dress up, attract attention, and generally exhibit themselves. That's fine, but society doesn't suggest this, it demands it. And clothing and appearance are associated with emotions, feelings and behaviours. Women are associated with emotional outbursts, sensitivity etc. When there are women who don't particularly want to wear "peacock" clothing, people look down on them. They think things like, "She could have made an effort" or "She's pretty, it's a pity she wouldn't do something with herself". When there are men who would like to play the "peacock" role, people think it's weird and often think they are gay.
So, if you look at this guy's situation, is it possible that he finds an outlet for his peacock side through dressing as a woman? Maybe the clothes act as a door to his less "masculine" emotions, allowing him to access his feelings?

LegacyUser

Just thought I'd come back to give a final update.

It's over. For many reasons. And I'm kind of devastated.

just after i wrote this thread things got really really really busy at work - i mean 12 hours a day 6 days a week busy, and we didnt see each other for a few weeks. then i went back home for Christmas and although we were texting the whole time, when i got back things had definitely changed between us.

he started talking about how things had 'fizzled' because we hadn't seem each other for more than a month and then with him starting in a new job, and getting just as busy himself, our lives were virtually incompatible.

i tried to meet with him a few times, both times he 'forgot' or ended up late in work and i ended up sitting at home feeling hurt and disappointed. so we had a proper chat last night and this morning and he told me that he withdrew after not seeing me for so long and started dressing up a lot over christmas and that really changed things because he has decided that he wants to live as a woman and that kind of kills the chance for any romance at the minute. ???!??

ive tried so hard to understand this but there's just no way i can. he doesnt seem to have any answers to my questions - is he gay? will he date men from now on? will he change his name? will he identify as a woman from now on? is he transgender? it's just 'i don't know' to all of those and that all he knows is that when he shut himself off frm me he ended up crossdresssing a lot and realised that that was more 'him' now and he needs to focus on that. he's started wearing tights, bra and knickers to work etc and has 'told a few female friends, who think i'm gay with it' etc and this is basically the way forward for him.

it all sounds so crazy and even to me, totally surreal and bizarre, but i've literally been crying for the last 24 hours, i'm just absolutely devastated because it's the first time in so so so so long that i met someone where it felt the way it did. where i felt like i knew him and he knew me. where i felt like we 'got' one another and it was just so wonderful. we connected. and yet all these issues. i'm just a bit upset and don't know how to deal with it because i know in the real world, im not going to date a full time transvestite and this was never going to work, but that's just completely at odds with the strong feelings that were there from the get go.

so i guess there's the answer. dating a transvestite is not for me. and it's taught me a thing or too about my working life too and how i need to reel that in if i ever want to give a relationship a proper shot. something i've probably known for a while, but has really been hammered home with all this.

thanks for all of the eye opening advice and information. this is not the happy ending i had hoped for.i guess you live and learn x

tara73

you poor thing.
but it's probably for the best, as I read it he's in the process of finding himself, or this female side of him is becoming a huge part in his life and he's expressing it more and more openly.
there seems to be no room for a proper straight relationship, so I wouldn't take it personal, I'm sure he likes you very much but not the way you would like him to.
It's also a very good possibility he's gay and it's his coming out just now. A lot of gay people like to wear womens' clothes.

it's tough for you now, but better a clean cut (and he also explained it to you) than a leading on from his side. so I would say he's fair.

all the best.

Ande1975

OP,

I'm so sorry to read this. A broken heart socks but remember this was just to complicated to to have a proper shot. Don't beat yourself up over work. That happens and people who want to be with you will still be there. This guy used it as an excuse.
He obviously had things to explore but concentrate on you.
Take a step back - you know now what you want in a relationship. This type of connection minus the complexity. That in itself is a great achievement and it will happen
Take care

Idle Passerby

Well done for trying. It was outside your comfort zone and you gave it a good shot. In the end it wasn't your fault it didnt turn into something more. It sounds like he's still unsure of who he is and that would not have made being with him easy. Fair play for being brave.

HiGlo

I think you had a great attitude and open mind to it. Even if you felt you were struggling with it, you were willing to give things a shot.
It's a shame it didn't work out, but it seems like he's on a path of discovery and is still trying to understand who he is and what he wants/needs so it's not a good time for a relationship for him.

Best of luck to you in your search.

tomthetank

honestly op I'm not surprised this has turned out the way it has. And I think you might have learnt a valuable lesson.

sometimes in life that special connection you can have with someone is not enough. sometimes even Love is not enough. The reality of being in a relationship with someone stretches to more than those things, it must involve life compatibilities and both being in the same place emotionally and mentally and it;s pretty clear from reading your posts that those things weren't there.

From reading your earlier posts you seemed to have a good open atitude to it but really were u ever going to be ok with him being a crossdresser? what about if he were to become public about it, as it sounds like he might be doing - how would you feel about that, your family and friends and all the world knowing about it? could you have stood by him and been happy and confident and supportive of this lifestyle choice?
it sounds like he's quite a confused guy who has quite a few big decisions to make and maybe knowign that you werent exactly on board even at that early stage is what made him withdraw. if someone rejected a pretty important part of you in the early stages of dating, would you remain open and excited about them? or would you feel a bit confused and upset and rejected by it all. he'd been thru that before with another partner, i'd say he just didn't want to go through it again.

i'm very sorry for what your going through. But try to learn from it. Stay open and stay brave, but stay true to yourself. you'll feel sad and hurt by this for a while but i think in the end you'll see that it had no potential and it was good of him to end it rather than drawing it out and causing more pain. maybe eventually you'll be able to be friends, he sounds like a good guy. i hope he can come to terms with himself and find happiness and i hope that you can too. best of luck.

Dark Phoenix

aw OP I am sorry it didnt work out. Please dont blame yourself or you work hours. yes work life balance is important but if something can be broken by a few weeks of not seeing each other, then it was never strong enough to survive.
You were open minded but it sounds like this guy doesnt know what he wants just yet and is trying to figure himself out. In our current society it would be far easier for him to hide away that side of himself and date a woman than it would be for him to live as a woman full time so I would imagine he is finding this a hard time himself and its better that he doesnt string you along or get you caught up in it all.