Would you believe it

LegacyUser

A few days ago, texting this guy on what's app.
He says he was asleep-however he was showing as online and went off after my text.

He doesn't reply -fair enough he doesn't want to talk to me.
However he says and has denied he wasn't online at all...
However I thought you had to be on phone to show your online.
It doesn't bother me about not replying but I'm thinking he is lying and it's bs he wasn't?
Or could he actually be telling the truth?
Thanks

This sounds like a lot of worry over something very little
I wouldn't notice if watsapp said someone was online or not. Maybe it's left online while they're off doing something else. Maybe he read your message just before falling asleep.
I'd relax and let it go...

CaraMay

He could gave fallen asleep leaving the phone on. The bigger issue is why you are so concerned about it

LegacyUser

There's no real reason to believe he wasn't telling the truth. If you have a look next time you're chatting, that onlinne/last seen/typing status isn't always accurate and you can see that from the fact that messages come in at times which don't match the status.

More importatantly though, if you're challenging him on something like this, you're giving him reason to be wary of you and if you're gonna sweat stuff like that you'll drive yourself mad.

ladygirl

My facebook says I'm online all the time. My whatsapp is probably no better. I often send my OH messages and he reads them and dosen't reply - SO WHAT!!

At night time if I was tired and a message I see comes up - I might have a quick glance of it and go back to sleep, I certainly wouldn't expect to be questioned on it the next day.

Also you say - fair enough that he didn't want to talk to you - this sentence makes me think that you actually took this as some form of rejection - kinda scary to be honest that you would analyze something so much.

Cannot understand why this is any kind of an issue for you? You seem to be making an issue out of nothing.

michellie

wouldyou wrote: »

However he says and has denied he wasn't online at all...

Did you ask him? How well do you know this person?

Lux23

Really, you have to wonder why he is worrying about something like that.

LegacyUser

Lux23 wrote: »

Really, you have to wonder why he is worrying about something like that.

He isn't, the OP is.

LegacyUser

I did ask him.He said he was asleep for 3 hours. It appeared he went offline after I texted?! Even tho apparently not on phone. I don't know maybe that can happen.
. I don't know maybe he is telling the truth.
Just I rang him and he did say one or two things which made me def think he was lying. He says no wasn't.bwouldn't know him that well but have talked a lot over last few months.
I want to believe him but my gut insinct is telling me he is not.
He has lied to me before and I don't know if it would have came out only once again we had an argument and admitted he was lying to me and said the reason he did was that he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

When I rang him one day he said he only had ten minutes.I believed this at the time but now think may have not been truthful.
Rang another day, says he only has ten minutes and then I say smth and turns out on ph for an hour.
He has rang me different times too but usually I end up getting hurt and feeling miserable after answering all his questions but sometimes he hasn't rang me back and one day the conversation wasn't over and he left mw hanging all day knowing I was upset.He said he did it on purpose to hurt me.I was extremely hurt as I was after making a lot of effort to get back to him.
He is 33.

retro:electro

wouldyou wrote: »

I did ask him.He said he was asleep for 3 hours. It appeared he went offline after I texted?! Even tho apparently not on phone. I don't know maybe that can happen.
. I don't know maybe he is telling the truth.
Just I rang him and he did say one or two things which made me def think he was lying. He says no wasn't.bwouldn't know him that well but have talked a lot over last few months.
I want to believe him but my gut insinct is telling me he is not.
He has lied to me before and I don't know if it would have came out only once again we had an argument and admitted he was lying to me and said the reason he did was that he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

When I rang him one day he said he only had ten minutes.I believed this at the time but now think may have not been truthful.
Rang another day, says he only has ten minutes and then I say smth and turns out on ph for an hour.
He has rang me different times too but usually I end up getting hurt and feeling miserable after answering all his questions but sometimes he hasn't rang me back and one day the conversation wasn't over and he left mw hanging all day knowing I was upset.He said he did it on purpose to hurt me.I was extremely hurt as I was after making a lot of effort to get back to him.
He is 33.

Honestly this is a lot of information to take in. Nobody can tell you if he was online or not, these things can be as unreliable as they are reliable. How and ever you seem to have major trust issues with him that need to be addressed.

njs030

Do you think you might be overthinking this a bit?

Tbh most people would find it a bit full on if someone acted like that after a couple of months. You seem to be looking for problems and finding them in small things!
So what if he said he only had 10 mins and stayed on the phone for longer? That's a pretty positive thing, he made time for you!! And so what if he didn't reply and fell asleep instead! Happens to us all.

No one here can tell you 100% if he saw your message but I can tell you with 90% surety that your scrutiny and nitpicking will drive him away unless there's more to it than you have said?
Why are you upset after talking to him and answering his questions? What type of questions?

LegacyUser

It sounds like you are basically at him constantly with this stuff and so he basically feels forced into 'lying' (saying he has only ten minutes, when he really could have more but feels so utterly overwhelmed by your neediness that he wouldn't be able to handle more than ten minutes). You haven't given any reason why you would feel justified for feeling this paranoid and insanely over the top. So I think it's just you. I really don't think you should be trying to form a romantic relationship with anyone right now. You're not in a healthy frame of mind it seems. This level of neediness and possessiveness isn't normal. I think you should probably forget about relationships for the time being and maybe seek out some counselling or something to address the things that are going on with you. It doesn't have to be like this. And there is help out there if you want it.

Idle Passerby

So in a nutshell, you barely know this person but suspect they are not truthful. Why bother even thinking about it, if you dont trust a total stranger, theres no reason to stay in touch with them is there?

LegacyUser

He lied to me for a long time before-and before he admitted he was he said he was being totally honest.However he wasn't. I didn't have any reason not to believe him at the time but he kept going on about smth all the time
Eventually the truth came out but it wouldn't have only there was a fight. He said he did it to save my feelings.Perhaps he really did think he was.
He told me he was asleep for 3 hrs as had to work early. I was messaging him at 11.30 and he was showing online
However he told me he was asleep since 9.Perhaps it was an error in phone.

He is a very intelligent guy and sometimes I think he thinks I would believe anything he says.

He has got angry and shouted at me on phone before not all the time a few times.That's when I feel upset.
He says I drive him to it.I have told him there is never an excuse for that.
One time he said if he was there he would prob hit me.

I was there for him for a lot of stuff and yeah I think I got too invested
I asked him before was he just using me.He said no and that is actually a nice decent guy.

When he is nice, he really is nice and did help me through a lot too.However when my mam died a day after he decided he didn't want to talk to me which I actually thought was mean and couldn't understand how he cc could do that for no reason.

We were supposed meeting one time. However he never told me he wouldn't be im the country the day suppose to meet. A few days later I text him no reply.
When he came home, he said he was busy.
I asked him why didn't he tell me he wouldn't be in country when arranging.
His answer, I don't have have any answer. I don't know why I did.that was his ans.

When he came back he turned whole thing on me and intereggated me for 2 days even though I hadn't done anything.

Big Bag of Chips

So why persist with a "relationship"? You obviously are not compatible. You need more contact and attention than he is interested in.

End the contact and find someone who is as interested as you are.

You do know relationships are supposed to be fun, don't you?

CaraMay

Why are you wasting time on this guy? Have you ever met him?

Lovely Bloke

This is toxic from all angles, but it doesn't sound like you even want to hear that.

But anyway.

Stop wrecking your own head, and certainly stop wrecking his and get yourself away from this situation. You clearly don't trust the guy, he's lied to you before so that's fair enough, but you need to just accept that you'll never, ever trust him, and by continuing this contact with him you are just creating a problem of your own making.

Sounds to me like he can take or leave you, isn't really that bothered about telling you little white lies, seemingly the whole time - but we don't have his side of it.

He probably thinks you are a total headwreck though, I know I would, so god knows why he keeps up contact with you.

Are you having sex with him?

Guffy

Well when I log out of my gf's face book after a good snoop, and back into my own account she will remain 'online' for a good 15-20 min

Stavro Mueller

wouldyou wrote: »

He has got angry and shouted at me on phone before not all the time a few times.That's when I feel upset.
He says I drive him to it.I have told him there is never an excuse for that.
One time he said if he was there he would prob hit me.

As I read down through what you'd written I found myself asking why exactly you were with this guy seeing as it's all very head wrecking. You are miserable and he doesnt sound like a nice person. Then I spotted this ^^^^

Without any hesitation my advice to you is to dump him and cut contact immediately. This is classic domestic abuser talk and an early warning of what you're dealing with. It is never right to threaten violence or say you've driven him to it. As things stand, The situation has made you miserable enough to start this thread on boards and is melting your head. Things are not going to get any better I might add. You have been warned. Please take the warnings on board. Why do you feel you deserve to be with someone who doesn't seem to even like you? Would you say your self esteem is low? Have you had boyfriends before?

Shrap

wouldyou wrote: »

He has got angry and shouted at me on phone before not all the time a few times.That's when I feel upset.
He says I drive him to it.I have told him there is never an excuse for that.
One time he said if he was there he would prob hit me.

Look, OP, reading through all your posts and particularly this part, I think you are in danger and your own naivety/lack of experience is stopping you from spotting this. I hope this isn't falling on deaf ears, but you seem to be desperate enough for his company that all this drama seems like a relationship. It's not. Nowhere near.

I fear for your safety if you continue to pursue this man and I think you should tell your friends/parents what is happening here. I also think you should stop talking to him at all, even if you have feelings for him. It is unhealthy to continue to be attracted to someone who threatens you, shouts at you and interrogates you. Imagine what you'd say to a friend if she told you what you're telling us? You'd be worried for her, wouldn't you? You'd tell her to get away from him, wouldn't you?

Be very, very careful hon. This drama from you and aggression from him is NOT a relationship you should be in.

Stavro Mueller

OP, are either of you a nationality where you need a visa to stay in the EU?

miamee

OP, reading between the lines I don't think you have ever met this guy, have you? It's all on the phone, calls and messages.

He has caused you nothing but upset and hassle from the sounds of things. Just because he says he is a nice guy does not make him one. If someone has no positive influence on your life or the positive is outweighed by all the negative, you need to distance yourself from that person no matter who they are.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mam by the way and I hope you have other friends and family to support you at this time.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your nice words.

We are both Irish, I can see how I may have came across as desperate to get into country tho!
I met him once, kissing .No sex. After that he decided to lie to me. I know alarm bells. However he did tell me when we had big argument reason for it and thought he was trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings. We were chatting previous to date and then out of the blue decides to ask me if wanted to date... A few weeks earlier, mam died and he didn't want to talk to me...
I just thought asking to date out of blue was bizarre, he mentioned sex while asking. I said I didn't want to date. I just had a funny feeling.He didn't pursue and said we were at an "impasse"
I asked him was it ever his intention to use me. He said no, that he is actually a nice guy despite how he came across.
Another phone call he said, he did use me, I may have put these words in his mouth.

I have been in a domestic abusive relationship however little I still was and I told him this which makes it worse as directly after I told him he started speaking to me like crap.

Now I know he has his own issues which he is getting help for and I am not helping either.
He has used this to get at me though which isn't right and saying oh I will tell this person on you which I have no doubt he has and has told me he has.

The bottom line is he can take me or leave me and I should have cut contact a long time ago.

retro:electro

Your last two lines say it all really. Cut him from your life immediately and delete all contact you have with him.

Big Bag of Chips

Who is he "telling" and what is there to "tell"?! You've met him once, he doesn't even know you! Seriously, OP, let this one go. I find myself hoping you are both teenagers.... Young teenagers.

Delete him, block him and don't bother with trying to sort out anything. It's going nowhere.

Shrap

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Who is he "telling" and what is there to "tell"?! You've met him once, he doesn't even know you! Seriously, OP, let this one go. I find myself hoping you are both teenagers.... Young teenagers.

Delete him, block him and don't bother with trying to sort out anything. It's going nowhere.

Totally agree. Unfortunately, she has already said he's in his early 30's. That's why this is so sinister, and I am quite afraid for her

LegacyUser

Thanks all for replies. I guess you could say I do have low self esteem..
I did get too invested in this guy but I have cut contact with him. I do know he was going through a lot of things and perhaps I cared a little too much than I should of and it wasn't returned.

Anyway I met him on a dating website.
The other day supposed to meet someone. He asked and texted me then ten minutes afterwards says he has to go home to his house that is an hour away that he has to sort out a fight between his brother and dad. Now perhaps this is true but the longer I spend on dating sites, the more I am wary.
Any guys I do date are nice and that are interested in me, I never meet them for a second date as I don't think it is fair on them.
Or I think online dating has made me far more pickier and after one date I decide that's enough.

Stavro Mueller

I think for now you should take a break from dating and work on building up your self esteem. It didn't surprise me when you said you'd been in some sort of abusive relationship previously. My worry for you is that there may be a pattern emerging.

Any guys I do date are nice and that are interested in me, I never meet them for a second date as I don't think it is fair on them.
Or I think online dating has made me far more pickier and after one date I decide that's enough.

What an odd thing to say. Do you not value yourself? Why are you online dating if you intend to only go on one date before bailing? What exactly is it that you're getting out of the experience?

I'm genuinely curious about what it was that was different about the guy in this thread? You quickly ended up in a toxic situation despite only meeting him once. Why did you want him and not the other nicer men? Are you drawn towards men who don't treat you well?

LegacyUser

At the beginning, I used to go on second dates despit not having a lot of interest
.I did it more out of politeness and oobviously this wasn't right.
Obv I have been on dates too where guys have not been interested in me.

I think this guy was diff as I was v attracted to him and personality but Iit's clear these weren't returned
He told me once he stays up till 3am talking to his mate about films on sat nights.
Now maybe men do this but I have my suspicion as anyone would.
I talked to him more than anyone else and both clicked or so I thought.
Unfortunately I developed feelings for him and was so hurt when he left hanging that sat and admitttingly he said he did it to hurt me. I was there for him for a lot of stuff but appears he just used me.

Once he told me his counsillor told him to stay away from women and he said that's what he is doing.
However was/is on a dating website.Now u might understand how it's hard to believe him

I don't want to go for those type of men.I want someday to find someone who treats me well.

I don't know why I don't go on second dates. Maybe I don't have any interest or believe if no connection /attraction on first date why go on second one.

I have been out of my last relationship over two years now and felt I was ready but perhaps I'm not quite there yet.

Idle Passerby

You are really overthinking all of this. You barely know this guy, he doesn't seem to have treated you well in the short time you've known him, yet you've become very attached. That suggests you are not really ready to be with someone at the moment. I think you need to focus on yourself for the time being. Build up your sense of self so your not falling for people that are clearly not good for you.

Big Bag of Chips

Hi OP, I think you might be a little bit naive. You have mentioned a few times how you were "there for him", and helped him through some stuff. I don't mean to sound mean, but you weren't "there for him". You've met him once. You were texting him. You have absolutely no idea if the stuff he was telling you was true or not.

You sound like a very nice, trusting person. And you sound like the type of person who makes a very good friend. But you also sound like the type of person who others find it easy to take advantage of. I think this fella has then advantage of your good nature. You can't know if he was genuinely going through a hard time, or if he was spinning you a sob story and using your good nature against you to make excuses, and garner sympathy from you.

To be honest, at this stage it doesn't matter. You need to stop over thinking it. This one didn't work out. As others said maybe take a break from the dating scene for a little while. Be happy with being by yourself first, and then you'll be ready for a relationship.

Stavro Mueller

I wonder were you attracted to this guy because he seemed to be a bit damaged? So you put yourself into a role where you'd be "needed" by him? You really need to be very careful not to get into a pattern of going for damaged men or ones who are treating you badly. It'd not be good if you are addicted to drama and find that normal men who'll treat you with respect don't do it for you. Out of curiosity, why did you only meet this guy once despite being in contact for months?

LegacyUser

I guess I always had a little feeling I liked him more than he did.Asked me on another date, said yeah but failed to tell me he be out of country and when I text him a few days later asking why he didn't tell me.He said he didn't know why nd had no other answers.

After this out of the blue, he decides he wants to date while mentioning sex.
I thought then he would habe used me nd then decided he wasn't ready after wards
I didn't want to allow myself to get hurt.
My gut instinct was telling me not to go there.


This set alarm bells off and had massive row and he admitted he was lying to me.
Then I decided maybe to.give him a chance but then he said he didn't want as was busy!
Wasn't previously!So made me think def was right.


I do think he is telling truth about rough time but imagine it may have been turned up a volume for me.

Tasden

wouldyou wrote: »

I guess I always had a little feeling I liked him more than he did.Asked me on another date, said yeah but failed to tell me he be out of country and when I text him a few days later asking why he didn't tell me.He said he didn't know why nd had no other answers.

So after one date he went abroad and you questioned him as to why he didn't tell you?

LegacyUser

No, asked before went but did not say was going!
Before that a couple of wks asked me to hse to watch film.Said I would prefer cinema. Said he wouldm't be able for that!! So left that one.

However after a long time out of blue decided wanted to..date
This is why I think just one thing.However he said it wasn't
And all these nice words but how come didn't want to do anything before.
To me it seemed like a last resort but od course I could have git it all wrong but
When a guy is interested there is never any question.

Tasden

would you wrote: »

No, asked before went but did not say was going!
Before that a couple of wks asked me to hse to watch film.Said I would prefer cinema. Said he wouldm't be able for that!! So left that one.

However after a long time out of blue decided wanted to..date
This is why I think just one thing.However he said it wasn't
And all these nice words but how come didn't want to do anything before.
To me it seemed like a last resort but od course I could have git it all wrong but
When a guy is interested there is never any question.

I'm sorry I don't really understand your post.

But he has no obligation to tell you where he is going so I don't really understand why its an issue he didn't tell you? Or is it that he asked you on a first date and then went abroad? If so, then I really don't see why he would have to tell you anything if he barely knows you...?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I understand if you are typing on a touch device that using shorthand might be easier. But it really is better for everyone else if you type full sentences and full words. It's makes it easier to read, to understand and respond to.

iPink

Tasden wrote:

So after one date he went abroad and you questioned him as to why he didn't tell you?

no i think (from what i can understand) that he asked her on a second date & then went abroad without telling her. ..
i wouldn't like that either to be honest!

OP I think he is defo lying to you about the Whatsapp thing. .. I live away from my family & use it A LOT to communicate with them all. .. it isn't like Viber where you aw always marked as 'online' as long as you have opened the app once & your fone is on even if you are asleep... What'sapp ONLY marks you as online when you are physically using & interacting with the app even if your are chatting with someone else!
The new thing now us that the ticks show as blue when the person reads the message. .. 1 tick for sent, 2 for delivered, 2 ticks then turn blue when the person opens the app & reads the message. ..

sounds to me OP that you should move on & find someone who will value you more, won't lie to you & will treat you better
you deserve it
good luck

Idle Passerby

It sounds like you're building up this whole interaction to be something it really isn't. You've met the guy one time and he's blown you off several times by the sounds of it. If you had any self respect you would have ditched him the first time he showed he wasn't interested. This man is a virtual stranger who hasn't even been nice to you, whats in it for you to keep mulling over it?

Tasden

iPink wrote: »

no i think (from what i can understand) that he asked her on a second date & then went abroad without telling her. ..
i wouldn't like that either to be honest!

OP I think he is defo lying to you about the Whatsapp thing. .. I live away from my family & use it A LOT to communicate with them all. .. it isn't like Viber where you aw always marked as 'online' as long as you have opened the app once & your fone is on even if you are asleep... What'sapp ONLY marks you as online when you are physically using & interacting with the app even if your are chatting with someone else!
The new thing now us that the ticks show as blue when the person reads the message. .. 1 tick for sent, 2 for delivered, 2 ticks then turn blue when the person opens the app & reads the message. ..

sounds to me OP that you should move on & find someone who will value you more, won't lie to you & will treat you better
you deserve it
good luck

After one date you'd expect to be told of his whereabouts? Unless he was moving permanently, then I'd obviously want to be told that the second date wouldn't be going ahead. Apart from that I cant see why him being away is any of her business tbh.

Also, just to add, if you share a pic or link with a contact through whatsapp then it will show you up as online/last seen even if you didn't physically open the app to use it, if that makes sense. But op i think you're investing way too much worry and time into this guy.

Stavro Mueller

I think you became too invested in this guy too early on. Too needy, too intense. In this case it proved to be your saving grace because it brought out his nasty side more quickly than may otherwise have happened. When you're over this, it would be worth looking back at this thread and picking out all the warning signs you chose to ignore.

My head hurt just reading this. If I started dating someone who behaved like you did, it would've had me running to the hills in no time. All that watching of Whatsapp and being accused of lying is intense stuff. Having said that, a lot of what you've described doesn't point to him being a nice person. The lies you say he told you. The shouting at you down the phone. Being told you were driving him to it and that he could hit you.... You do seem to be very naive and you should never take at face value what people tell you. Make up your own mind whether someone's nice or not.

LegacyUser

He arranged date while knowing he wouldn't be in country.I am not sure how much clearer I can be.

That doesn't matter now.You're right Stravo, I got invested too quick.
I am well aware I didn't behave appropriately.

He threatened to go to guards once cos I accused him of lying and the what's app thing.
This is an another form of abuse.

I don't know if he did.I asked him.He didn't answer.
He rang me few wks ago.I missed it so rang back but he didn't bother ringing me back.
Why ring!!!

Anyway, has caused me nothing but misery and distress so I will block him now.

Stavro Mueller

wouldyou wrote: »

...

He threatened to go to guards once cos I accused him of lying and the what's app thing.
This is an another form of abuse.

I don't know if he did.I asked him.He didn't answer.
He rang me few wks ago.I missed it so rang back but he didn't bother ringing me back.
Why ring!!!

Anyway, has caused me nothing but misery and distress so I will block him now.

Seriously - why on earth would you want to have anything to do with someone who behaved like this? You were the one on the back foot in this arrangement, begging for this guy's attention and being treated like an annoying pest. It makes me wonder have you ever been in a normal, healthy relationship if you think this is the way men and women should treat each other. Anyway it's obvious that he only wanted you as someone to have sex with and it just turned nasty. The early mentioning of sex was a warning. So too was his wanting to watch a DVD in his house the second time ye met.

As I said before, I think you need to take a break from dating and be single for a while. If you can afford it, you could do with some counselling because this threw up some issues you seem to have. You were in a bad relationship before this and you've been saved from another nasty arrangment. That you kept wanting to stay in contact with this guy after everything is another question you need to get to the bottom of. Not to mention the neediness and insecurity you displayed.

dellas1979

OP as pointed out, forget about this guy for one second....there is a bigger picture going on here.

You seem exhausted from men/dating. Youve very low or little self esteem. You say, you felt what was going on was wrong in your gut instinct, but you wont trust it (meaning you dont trust yourself). Youd rather stay and get pummeled and lied to more, and play detective inspector. But, youve put yourself into this role. I would think you are like this in your life/friends/family too.

I think you do need a little pep talk, from a councellor. You seem too nice not to give yourself this chance! You are not to blame for his behaviour. But neither is it registering with you when to walk away (despite your (right) feeling to).

You must work on yourself OP. Will you give yourself that chance? There are serious behaviour patterns (like feeling validated through people treating you like crap). Only you can fix this. Not the next guy to come along. Because the same thing will happen, again and again.

LegacyUser

Starvo/Dellas,ye are both right and the worst thing is I know all this.I knew he just wanted sex but continued to text him. He did everything my ex did, talked down to me, insulted and lied and I don't believe he stays up to 3am texting about a film on a Sat night to his mate.More Bull****.
He always turned everything around on me and I was the one apologizing.
I apologized for my irrational behaviour etc.. He didn't return my call other week even though he rang me because he knew it would hurt me. I know I should have went with gut instinct but chose to ignore it

I am down at the minute.I am exhausted from men, dating, people.
When my mum died my so called friend who I was bridesmaid for didn't tell any of my friends till funeral was over despite knowing when it was on.My friends were very annoyed she didn't. This friend of mine didn't even come to the funeral but I was ok with that.It was the not telling mutual friends was more hurtful

I haven't been in any healthy serious relationships.The last one I fell for oh it won happen again every time but I eventually got out.

I will go see a councillor. I need to help myself.You're right.

dellas1979

would you wrote: »

I will go see a councillor. I need to help myself.

You deserve to give yourself that chance.

LegacyUser

Do you think he would have went to guards or was that just to scare me and another abuse tactic?

I did leave messages/sent texts to his phone when I was upset. Again I put myself into being in the wrong.
I don't why I did or felt upset as he obviously couldn't care less even when I was really upset.

I was worried about it for a while but really would someone really do that. Yes I was a pest I know that.

Am I worrying over nothing.

Big Bag of Chips

Yes you are worrying about nothing. You both wreck each others' heads. You are better off never contacting each other again.

Let that be the end of it now.

LegacyUser

Thank you.

Stavro Mueller

If you take anything from this thread it's that you need to talk to someone. From what you've told us, you've been let down by people who should've had your best interests at heart. Your nasty ex, that awful so-called friend, possibly others too. This pattern of being treated like crap didn't start today or yesterday, did it? I'd hate to think that this would be your template for friendships and relationships going forward.

While it's very unlikely he went to the guards (if nothing else you'd have had a visit from them by now) perhaps there's a grain of truth in his threats. Did he feel so harassed that the only way he could think of to stop you was to threaten going to the guards? It's not something you have to answer here but another reason a visit to a counsellor would really help.

And finally, I can't emphasize enough how much you need to stay away from this guy. The pair of you are bringing out the worst in each other. If you own a smartphone I strongly recommend you block his number. I fear you won't be able to help yourself should he come sniffing around again.

iPink

Tasden wrote:

After one date you'd expect to be told of his whereabouts? Unless he was moving permanently, then I'd obviously want to be told that the second date wouldn't be going ahead. Apart from that I cant see why him being away is any of her business tbh.

yes if he had asked me on a second date & then disappeared leaving me wondering what was happening. ..!
i would expect that from any social relationship not just someone who had asked me on a date & expressed an interest in me!