Poem by an Irish Expat In Australia

jimgoose

no money honey wrote: »

He's right though, this country is a corrupt backwards kip ran by very stupid old people, and with terrible weather and no job prospects.
Most of the people who stay are either profiting from it or stuck with kids and trapped.

Ireland is the most ageist country in the Western world against Young people.

I'm a white, property-owning professional male with a sensible haircut aged between 35 and 50. Everybody listens to what I say, no matter how fcukan stoopid. Shine on Ireland, ya crazy diamond!

Davarus Walrus

jimgoose wrote: »

I'm a white, property-owning professional male with a sensible haircut aged between 35 and 50. Everybody listens to what I say, no matter how fcukan stoopid. Shine on Ireland, ya crazy diamond!

I'd say you sometimes show your crazy side by wearing a novelty tie to work.

jimgoose

podgemonster wrote: »

Have you heard of the Ex-Pat Down Under
Who claims his motherlands gone asunder
Ignorant to the fact that we once again thrive
He claims we remain in 1845

How easy it is to blame the land of your birth
When you should have worked harder on the ‘ould Leaving Cert
Painting all of us in a cloak of gloom
We are not shut, stuck in a rut nor crushed by the boom

What’s hurting Paddy is really his pride
For thinking the grass was greener on the other side
So to justify going over to earn a dime
He writes poems glorifying sweating down in a mine

And slates the greenest country on this little Earth
And bigs up a land of dust, spiders and dirt
But his old classmates are glad he's out there because
All the thíck cúnts are sent out to Oz

Oh well-hoofed, Chief! :):)

jimgoose

Davarus Walrus wrote: »

I'd say you sometimes show your crazy side by wearing a novelty tie to work.

You have no idea. I have a couple of brown leather waistcoats and a motorbike!

keithclancy

sashafierce wrote: »

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Same, I get the "did you move for better job/unemployment/more money/foreign wife."

They seem slightly annoyed or something when I tell them I moved just to see what it was like.

When they say "do you not miss home" I tell them my home is where I am living now, not where I am visiting today.

Don't get me wrong, Ireland is a beautiful country, living in Holland for 7 years sometimes I do miss the hills and randomly sized fields over the flat Dutch landscape with perfectly arranged square fields.

Living in Ireland is nice since everything is so relaxed, no formal registration with the city hall, you don't have to do tax returns, parking rules aren't strictly enforced, but having everything so relaxed also has its problems.

And it's nice to be able to drive to so many different countries with different cultures and languages by car without having to take a ferry

mikeym

Thats a good poem and Im not into poetry.

sashafierce

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sashafierce

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Don Kedick

There once was a lad in Australia,
To be honest he was quite a failya,
He drank a bottle of octavia,
And he wouldn't give a wave to ya.

Henry Sidney

Don Kedick wrote: »

There once was a lad in Australia,
To be honest he was quite a failya,
He drank a bottle of octavia,
And he wouldn't give a wave to ya.

Holy fûck, that's even worse than the one in the OP....

pedro1234

There was a young man from Kildare
Who was fucking a girl on the stair.
The bannister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.

topper75

As with everything good on the net - the true joy is in the comments.

A Gavin Kelly moans: "My whole teenage years Revolved around drink."

You were not responsible for that at all Gavin. Not responsible at all.

suicide_circus

Where ever you go, there you are...

Macavity.

Jesus Christ.

Donkey Oaty

Sad notes from home, by Donkey Oaty, 2014

I wept at the counter of the stately deli in the Wicklow hills
Where in desperate attempts to woo the godforsaken traveller
There was a reduction in the cost of a toasted ham and cheese panini
And a feeling that we were all in this together
The vendor and me, in the bleakness and the gloom
On this once-great island of morbid mawkish doom.

I've also written another account of that event, which can be sung to a well-known Rolf Harris tune:

Buying a sandwich in Powerscourt
Now the prices are down
Buying a sandwich in Powerscourt
Now the prices are down.

AnLonDubh

That poem makes me very sad
I suppose that makes it very bad
But don't worry I won't get mad
Instead, I'll think "could be true by gad!"

Donkey Oaty

AnLonDubh wrote: »

That poem makes me very sad
I suppose that makes it very bad
But don't worry I won't get mad
Instead, I'll think "could be true by gad!"

Sent from my Apple I-pad.

keith16

I moved to Switzerland
Where running around is banned
Prostitution is legal
I feel almost regal

Will I go back to Ireland?
Not so long as I am grand
Here in Switzerland
Where talking is also banned

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

keith16

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Dear sashafierce
I see you have a face
This poem makes no sense
I blame the stingy sweat and flies
And the governments lies

Wompa1

keith16 wrote: »

I moved to Switzerland
Where running around is banned
Prostitution is legal
I feel almost regal

Will I go back to Ireland?
Not so long as I am grand
Here in Switzerland
Where talking is also banned

I moved to Arizona, so something about carrying a concealed weapon being legal, Phoenix, Bald Eagles...most residents are illegal. Prison is a tent, Freedom is a fence and the Latinas are a ten and so on....You get the idea...

Aidric

Highflyer13 wrote: »

Hes right about the politics, corruption and greed. Once all that is dealt with we will be sorted. We are a fantastic country and when we get our affairs in order we will be a great country.

Where are the signs that it's being dealt with? As an expat the Irish political landscape is one of the main reasons I wouldn't be rushing back. We are an inherently conservative nation served by two main parties whose policies could be split by a cigarette paper.

There is a lot of talent in the country but they aren't working in the public sector.

asteroids over berlin

Mongfinder General wrote: »

It is strongly nationalist, that's for sure.

ironically the majority are blow ins, poor abbos wha!

spacetweek

no money honey wrote: »

He's right though, this country is a corrupt backwards kip ran by very stupid old people, and with terrible weather and no job prospects.
Most of the people who stay are either profiting from it or stuck with kids and trapped.

Ireland is the most ageist country in the Western world against Young people.

WTF? Ireland is almost entirely kids and young people. Have you ever been to a Central European country? It's like Children of Men.

spacetweek

Macavity. wrote: »

Jesus Christ.

My favourite bit about that video is the Oirish music in the background.

Laura Palmer

I'd say some of what he wrote is applicable to parts of Ireland, but not Dublin - which is the only place in Ireland he mentions.

mad muffin wrote: »

You guys are so fücking racist it's unreal.

mad muffin wrote: »

I love how the thread started with a poem by a drongo ex paddy and has now become an Aussie bashing thread.

Typical Oirish shíte :rolleyes:

I understand your objection to the silliness of people going on about how sh-t Aussies are and how racist it is (irony much?) but then again, you just end up doing the same yourself with lines like the above!
Irish people overall are hardly "so racist it's unreal", in fairness.

But I'm sure Australia is a great place for lots of people - it's not a lifestyle for everyone (even though I like the sun, I wouldn't be able for that level of heat either, and as someone else said, I like a bit of variation in the seasons - apart from rain) but lots of Irish people love it, and good luck to them. Not sure what the point is in people peeing on their parade.

ireland.man

Still prefer this poem:

"I dig,
he digs,
she digs,
they dig,
it dug,
We all dug.

It's not very pretty but it's deep."

fro9etb8j5qsl2

There's nothing more annoying to see
Than ex pats on facebook screaming daily
'Sun is shining, having a beer'
'This is the life, wish ye were here'

When it's clear to everyone reading back home
That you're stuck in your bedroom drinking alone
You're only a twat with a big freckly head
In your county jersey with your skin lobster red

mad muffin

Laura Palmer wrote: »

I'd say some of what he wrote is applicable to parts of Ireland, but not Dublin - which is the only place in Ireland he mentions.


I understand your objection to the silliness of people going on about how sh-t Aussies are and how racist it is (irony much?) but then again, you just end up doing the same yourself with lines like the above!
Irish people overall are hardly "so racist it's unreal", in fairness.

But I'm sure Australia is a great place for lots of people - it's not a lifestyle for everyone (even though I like the sun, I wouldn't be able for that level of heat either, and as someone else said, I like a bit of variation in the seasons - apart from rain) but lots of Irish people love it, and good luck to them. Not sure what the point is in people peeing on their parade.

Oh but they are. Extremely so.

I've seen it first hand. Don't take a taxi with a black driver. What are all these Africans doing in our town all of a sudden.

A place I used to work at the hight of the building boom had loads of Polish working there. Lots of Irish guys were unhappy about that.

I've even been told at wedding and such. When the Irish are sufficiently loaded. Aussie go home. Or Aussie blow in.

I tell them frequently that I would be gone back in the morning if I could sell my house. We never payed over the odds but it's still won't even make what we still owe on the mortgage. If my wife would let me I would drop the house keys through the banks letter box.

How many travellers are represented in government or even local government? Asians? Africans? Eastern Europeans?

How many ethnic groups are represented in the media?

I can tell you one thing though. Australia has had about as much as they can take of the Irish. Coming over loud and brash and full of piss. Aussies have enough of their own. They don't want or need to import them.

Lots of places don't want to hire Irish any more because they are unreliable. Coming over thinking the country owes them something. Not willing to put in a hard days work, always complaining about the heat. WTF did they expect? Cool breezes every day? Of course this is only a recent phenomenon. Heaps of Irish came over, over the decades and integrated, assimilated into Australian society.

It's this Celtic Tiger breed that are really giving the Irish a bad name in Australia.

mighty magpie

keithclancy wrote: »

English Cadburys is better than Irish Cadburys.

Not a chance.