Struggling and on the verge of giving up

Whippersnapper

So, I'm 30 years old. I've had 8 lessons so far with an instructor.

I still struggle with moving off when I've been at a red light, I can't do hill starts, I spend the entire lesson in a state of nervousness. I look in my mirrors but don't take in what I see, it's like checking your watch and then someone asks you the time and you realise you have no idea what it said.

I can't tell when to move into 3rd gear, I'm unable to coordinate myself coming up to junctions (I can't look, judge, change down gear, slow, react etc). As for roundabouts, I get stuck because I can't move off quick enough so I wait until there's a huge gap before I move onto it. I cut out but I don't know what I'm doing to make me cut out.

I can't get any practice with anyone between lessons so I'm at the point of giving up altogether as I feel I'm never going to get anywhere. (I've never driven a car without dual controls and I don't feel confident enough to do so).

Is there any hope for me? I'm trying very hard but I feel stuck!

greenbicycle

Dont give up Whippersnapper.... I know learning to drive is horrible, I was the same as you, same age, same situation and its so frustrating cause you feel like you should have had your license for years at this stage. and you dread going out in the car every time you have to.

I passed my test eventually though and now I really like driving.

for me the real learning was done once i got my license and was out driving on my own in proper situations like being stuck in traffic and having to stop on hills and doing repeated hill starts ( I HATED hillstarts too, they were the worst thing about the whole experience for me!).

The more you do it the better you will get though.

Is there anyone at all to go out driving with you?a parent or a sibling or a friend? do you maybe a get a regular lift somewhere with someone a bit close? could you see if you could do the driving in for that regular lift? I used to get a lift to work every morning but instead of being driven I did the driving to the destination and that was a good regular bit of practice for me (horrible and all as it was!)

I think that if you can afford it you could really do with a very good instructor who will talk you through each step over and over again until you are doing each maneuover naturally....

Keep going, dont give up, its horrible now but you will get there and you will like driving even though it seems impossible at the moment.

Blingy

Whippersnapper wrote: »

So, I'm 30 years old. I've had 8 lessons so far with an instructor.

I still struggle with moving off when I've been at a red light, I can't do hill starts, I spend the entire lesson in a state of nervousness. I look in my mirrors but don't take in what I see, it's like checking your watch and then someone asks you the time and you realise you have no idea what it said.

I can't tell when to move into 3rd gear, I'm unable to coordinate myself coming up to junctions (I can't look, judge, change down gear, slow, react etc). As for roundabouts, I get stuck because I can't move off quick enough so I wait until there's a huge gap before I move onto it. I cut out but I don't know what I'm doing to make me cut out.

I can't get any practice with anyone between lessons so I'm at the point of giving up altogether as I feel I'm never going to get anywhere. (I've never driven a car without dual controls and I don't feel confident enough to do so).

Is there any hope for me? I'm trying very hard but I feel stuck!

8 lessons really is very little. Do you think your instructor is good? They should be able help you with all the things you have listed above. It takes time to get the hang of it all and a huge amount of concentration. You need to relax it sounds like you are driving in a blind panic. Try and be slightly more confident in yourself. Maybe start looking at you tube videos on hill starts or gears and stalling.
You need to be confident of your car too.
It took me a long time and many lessons before I felt confident. You have to go at your pace.
And there is no quick way of learning. It's all about practice practice practice.
If you could try and get someone to bring you out between lessons it would really help. Good luck. And don't give up now. It's a life skill!!!!

lab man

ask the teacher to kno could you practice in a industrial estate on a sat or a sunday you eill have no pressure then learn to drive on the flat first avoid hill starts for a while imo

Whippersnapper

Thanks.

I don't have anyone to bring me out. My dad doesn't drive, my sister is in work when I'm free, my partner has a new car that I cannot use. It's very frustrating. (I wouldn't trust myself in a car without dual controls yet, I'm still braking too early/too late.) Each time I have a lesson I feel like I'm doing a mini-test and I panic.

greenbicycle wrote: »

Is there anyone at all to go out driving with you?a parent or a sibling or a friend? do you maybe a get a regular lift somewhere with someone a bit close? could you see if you could do the driving in for that regular lift? I used to get a lift to work every morning but instead of being driven I did the driving to the destination and that was a good regular bit of practice for me (horrible and all as it was!)

I think that if you can afford it you could really do with a very good instructor who will talk you through each step over and over again until you are doing each maneuover naturally....

I'm on my 3rd different driving instructor at this stage!

I do get a lift but I haven't been behind the wheel of car where the other person hasn't got dual control. My driving instructor still intervenes a lot in my lessons so I don't feel as though I can be in sole control of a car yet.

Blingy wrote: »

8 lessons really is very little. Do you think your instructor is good? They should be able help you with all the things you have listed above. It takes time to get the hang of it all and a huge amount of concentration. You need to relax it sounds like you are driving in a blind panic. Try and be slightly more confident in yourself. Maybe start looking at you tube videos on hill starts or gears and stalling.

Is 8 lessons very little? I've been comparing myself to friends who learned to drive relatively quickly which makes me feel useless.

I've watched videos and it's all fine in theory. I just can't seem to replicate that in real life! I have trouble with hill starts because I don't press the accelerator enough, when I realised this I started focusing on that but then moved my left foot too soon and scrambled to take the handbrake off fully. It was a disaster.

It's nice to hear other people with similar issues as most people I know are driving accompanied in only a few lessons.

greenbicycle

Whippersnapper wrote: »

Thanks.

my partner has a new car that I cannot use.

Why cant you use your partners Car? if you cannot use theirs why dont you buy a banger and use that for everything.

Forget about the dual controls. You are too fixated on them and seem to be looking at them as a crutch.

to even get your license you need 12 lessons anyway and it can take some people far more.(unless you had your learning permit before that cut off for the twelve lessons requirement)

it also seems like you have had 8 hours of lessons and no hours of practice so of course you are not going to be very good at driving yet you need far more hours than that!

you really need to change your mindset to this it seems, stop thinking you are bad and start thinking that you can do this. Forget about other people and what they can do and have done, just focus on you and what you can do if you put your mind to it.

TeaBagMania

Definitely done give up, and as for comparing yourself to friends... Everyone learns at different speeds you can’t compare yourself to them.

Maybe start out driving an automatic equipped vehicle and once you’re comfortable with traffic and your nerves are calmed you can switch back to the manual trans.

Find someone to practice with, if you’re worried about stalling, holding up other drivers, or nervous at the round abouts I would practice when the roads are empty, weekends or in the early hours of the morning (2am or the like)

JamboMac

Best off going to an industrial estate near you and learn your gears and clutch properly. At night time it would only be other learners, I started off with this while doing my 12 EDT'S. The thing with roundabouts is if the other car is the other side of the roundabout enter but if he is your side unless he is committed to turn before he gets don't enter.

Hill starts is about finding the biting point before releasing the handbrake and you should only need a small depression on the accelerator. I'm 29 and only started during the summer and initially felt nervous but after 3 lessons they where gone.

The question is why do you get nervous?

I also like to state I don't have my full licence yet but hopefully in 2 weeks that will be a different story.

LilyShame

I have been here OP!

You are finding it frustrating because you know you are getting limited/no practice in....no doubt your ADI is expecting you to have done some practice every time you meet....and your having to explain your situation every time... and yet, many (the majority) drive around on their own to get the road hours up, as they feel its the only realistic way to pass the test.

Maybe also you are learning in a very busy part or Dublin/other city? This could lengthen the learning time.

Its a catch 22!

Altho at first glance when people read this they are probably thinking 'the partner should be more supportive'.... lets face it, he has a nice new car and he is worried. He doesn't want a row. Many people are not comfortable sitting in the car with a learner, and partners, mums and dads can be the worst ingredient in this situation.

If you could afford it, get a very cheap car for a couple of months.
Then, post an Advert here or elsewhere, seeking a sponsor to accompany you, and in return you will donate to their chosen charity.

Maybe when your more practiced, your partner will have more belief in you and start accompanying you then.

But again, I do emphathise with you - it is very difficult to get test-ready if your (legal) options are limited.

Also no harm, on the day of your test(s) to let the Tester know you learned the Legal way.

Pugzilla

Man up

Vic Vinegar

Pugzilla wrote: »

Man up

Grow up.

Pugzilla

As Bombleswizzum said, grow up. You're 30 years old.

Thoie

8 hours is nothing if you're starting from scratch.

There used be a rule of thumb that said you needed at least an hour per year of age to get the basics down. People who say "Oh, I only took 3 lessons" or whatever have often been driving elsewhere.

Would you expect to be able to play a piano concerto after 8 hours of basic piano lessons?

5uspect

There appear to be two issues here. First you're super nervous about the car controls. The second is since you're so nervous you are not paying attention to the world outside the car. You need to sort out the first problem before you can progress.

Why can't you use your partners car? He should bring you to a big open carpark and help you get used to the feel of the car. Get used to clutching, braking, reversing, turning etc.

When you're a passenger in a car you should be watching everything going on around you. Learn to have situational awareness.

Once you have more confidence with the controls then you can begin to get more from your instructor.

braddun

get a different instructor

take a half a valium pill


your thinking too much


I would not use my mirror too much,

never at a red light

hill starts might be the car,the gears might be too hard


try different car





listern for the engine when it starts racing change gears


you can also look a rev counter,



A significant problem with many learner drivers is lack of preparation by not looking at what is happening in front. For example if you have stopped in traffic, a learner will often wait till the car directly in front starts to move before they think about operating the clutch.

Ideally they need to be looking further ahead for signs that the traffic has started to move and to get themselves prepared to move.


look at drivingtesttips.biz in search


This lack of preparation leads to stress as they think that they are holding everyone up behind them. As a result, they will operate the clutch too quickly which often ends in stalling the car.




drivingtesttips.biz/clutch-control.html

MascotDec85

Pugzilla wrote: »

Man up

MOD: If you've nothing constructive to add to the debate than I suggest you pass the thread by without leaving derogatory comments.

looksee

OP don't panic! I learned to dive only on lessons, I never had any practise or non-istructor driving time, and passed, so it can be done. Eight lessons is not much though, give yourself chance.

When you get into the car, take a couple of deep breaths, relax your shoulders, sit straight and make sure you can see through the windows and mirrors comfortably, give yourself a second to get your thoughts together. Look around the car to remind yourself where everything is, put your hand on the gear lever to know where it is without looking, then put your foot on the clutch and run through the gears so you know where they are. Take your time, say to the instructor that you are inclined to get nervous and you want to get your head together.

Ask the instructor if you could, as the others have suggested, go somewhere quiet to get the feel of the car, rather than trying to cope with traffic as well.

Don't take valium, do check your mirrors. Don't even consider driving your partner's car - some partners, family, etc are good at allowing learners to drive their cars, others are not. You will not learn anything from someone overly concerned about their car, or indeed if you are overly concerned. If you do drive someone else's car do remember there are insurance implications to consider. Try and forget the dual controls, accept that you are in control of the car, the dual controls should only be used in an emergency.

Good luck - and remember to relax!

Whippersnapper

Whippersnapper wrote: »

Thanks.

I don't have anyone to bring me out. My dad doesn't drive, my sister is in work when I'm free, my partner has a new car that I cannot use. It's very frustrating. (I wouldn't trust myself in a car without dual controls yet, I'm still braking too early/too late.) Each time I have a lesson I feel like I'm doing a mini-test and I panic.

If you're in Louth I'd happily try and help you out if I can. Take you in my car for an hour or two to a quiet car park or such.


I did a few lessons with an instructor and I had no car to practice in on my own time. Everything I learned was in one ear and out the other.

I stopped and started again from scratch, essentially, this time with my own car, and I made progress so much faster. Having access to a car on your own time makes a world of difference.


If you genuinely are stuck, pick up an old banger for feck all on done deal and drive that into the ground. Insurance wouldn't be too pricy for a 30 year old, and you'd really benefit from it.


Or as I say, feel free to PM me if you're near me. I won't be able to help you out the whole time, but I'd definitely offer up a couple of hours to help you out if I could

Kevin McCloud

braddun wrote: »

take a half a valium pill

Is taking drugs wise?

Into The Blue

My wife gave up on driving few years ago, said it wasn't worth the stress/uncontrollable shaking that comes with driving.. After loads of lessons, I said OK, it's the fear you're concentrating on, instead of the driving.

So I got a lend of a car with an automatic gear box.. Brought her to a car park, and showed her that it was actually as easy as right foot does either the accelerator or brake... End of....


She did a few lessons for road positioning, awareness, etc.. She has a full auto licence now, and no bother driving.

DoYouEvenLift

Why not just drive an automatic? Eventually we won't even be driving our own cars anyway so in the mean time why not just make it as easy and effortless as possible

the_syco

Whippersnapper wrote: »

I've had 8 lessons so far with an instructor.
<snip>
state of nervousness
<snip>
unable to coordinate myself
<snip>
don't feel confident

Get a new instructor. 1st one I had was useless, and didn't know how I was failing my exams. 2nd instructor was far better.

Tipsy McSwagger

Practicising in a car without an instructor in it to judge your every move is the key to learning to drive. I'm 37 and had my first lesson in March. I did 6 lessons and then bought a 1 litre Opel Corsa and didn't go back for my 7th lesson until I was confident about stop/starting, roundabouts and a few other things. I have 12 lessons done now and drive around with lots of confidence, but I'm still not confident enough to take the test yet as I still make lots of mistakes like gear changes are not smooth or using the clutch going down the gears is not great.

Thoie

I've said this before, but there are two parts to learning to drive. One is muscle memory - feet and hands moving in all the ways they should. The second part is general awareness. When you first start learning, it's all about the muscle memory, and you're concentrating so hard on what to do with your hands and feet, that your general awareness isn't very good - which is why you have people accompanying you.

You will reach a point where the muscle memory kicks in, and you don't need to think about the physical stuff, and can then concentrate on what is going on outside your car. The physical stuff is like learning an instrument, and no-one expects to be perfect at that from day one.

Spend some time sitting in a car with the engine off and your eyes closed, and practise some of the physical stuff. Change gear - have someone say "4th to 3rd", "1st to 2nd" and do that with your eyes closed.

In answer to one of your original points that you don't know why you're cutting out... When you put the clutch in, you are essentially disengaging the engine from the wheels (very simplified). Imagine the engine has a wheel of cogs on it, and the wheels are also connected to another wheel with cogs in it. With the clutch depressed, both of these are moving at different speeds and aren't touching each other.

You accelerate as you take your foot off the clutch in order to make these two wheels match speed, so that the cogs interlink nicely. Cutting out and stuttering is just a side effect of the cogs not lining up properly.

This is where you'll hear people talking about the biting point - there's a point in each car when you're taking your foot off the clutch where those two cogs start touching each other again. Over time you'll learn to recognise where this point is for the car you're in, and it will make things smoother. The most common reason for cutting out is that you remove your foot too quickly from the clutch, and leap over that spot, meaning our two cogs are misaligned.

This same biting point is the spot you need to find in order to do hill starts, so once you get it right for one, the other will come along. If you take the handbrake off before our cogs are touching and lined up, the wheels of the car aren't "connected" to anything, which is why you roll backwards.

Ask your driving instructor to spend some time concentrating on helping you find the biting point - even if it's in a car park or somewhere out of the way.

Francie Barrett

Don't be disheartened. 8 lessons in the grand scheme of driving is something. To me, it sounds like the best thing you could do is go into a quiet car park or open area and drive around, getting comfortable with the clutch, with gears, etc. That sort of thing will become second nature to you, but only with practice. When it becomes second nature, you will then find that you are more aware of what's going on outside the car, your bearings on the road, mirrors, etc.

Tipsy McSwagger

I made this thread in April http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=90109829, I'm flying it now.

Rubberchikken

Op
8 lessons is nothing especially if you're not getting a chance to practice in between them.

If you definitely can't get any practice in, then don't give up. Keep getting the lessons for another bit. Things will start to come together after a while and then if you could get lessons in a car with no dual control you'd really progress.

Good luck

I can't tell you why

Whippersnapper wrote: »

I still struggle with moving off when I've been at a red light, I can't do hill starts, I spend the entire lesson in a state of nervousness. I look in my mirrors but don't take in what I see, it's like checking your watch and then someone asks you the time and you realise you have no idea what it said.

I can't tell when to move into 3rd gear, I'm unable to coordinate myself coming up to junctions (I can't look, judge, change down gear, slow, react etc). As for roundabouts, I get stuck because I can't move off quick enough so I wait until there's a huge gap before I move onto it. I cut out but I don't know what I'm doing to make me cut out.

A.K.A: Being a learner.
Give yourself a chance. 8 hours is nothing. It's a days work. Did you ever start a new job of which you had no previous training, no experience and walk out after your first day knowing everything?

JetJadore

8 hours is minimal, everybody learns at their own speed.

I done my 12 lessons and had no car to practice in, done the test and failed badly.

Bought an 800 euro Corsa, and was forced into practising by my partner. I hated it, I used to vomit and have the craps before a drive with pure nerves.

Forcing practice on yourself was the only way for me. I knew we had to do the weekly shopping, I made myself drive (the satisfaction when you get home in one piece is great - but I did have a minor tip one day!)

It took my a few more lessons to get the nerve for a second test, failed on one grade 3. Nerves.

Took two more lessons and passed on my third time a few weeks ago at the age of 29.

Driving is a piece of cake for some, but for me I was terrified. The only thing that works is practice, and if cant get a friend or family to help then you will have to get more lessons. They will pay off.

Best of luck x

Andrewf20

Theres little substitute for hours behind the wheel and 8hrs is very little. For me learning to driving felt like trying to perfect 1000 things all at the same time when out with the instuctor. It felt like they wouldn't shut up criticising everything. Mirrors, gears, clutch, braking, watching for lights, handbrake, pedestrians. The mind cannot take in so much at the start.

With work and other commitments I could only fit in 1.5hrs of instructor driving lessons a week and I never found it was enough. In the end I decided to go nuclear and buy a small car, get provisional insurance and do lessons with friends or family members. I drove a few hours a week - quiet roads, early in the morning or late at night with almost no traffic to start with. I then found that after a week or 2 the basics started to become instinct like changing gear & clutch control etc. This was important. Once I got over that hump it was much easier from there.

OP, you may have to do the same. It will cost a bit to buy a car, get insurance but I dont think you will regret it. Best of luck.

MarkAnthony

OP if worst comes to worst you can go into an automatic, it's literally easier than riding a bike.

Rubberlegs

You will get there, OP!! I was 35 before I learned to drive, out of necessity. I was a wreck, used to come back off lessons with a stiff neck, and pounding head, from gritting my teeth! It took a long time to get comfortable with the gears, moving off in traffic, and don't talk to me about hill starts. I can remember shaking out, afraid to let down the handbrake, with cars building up behind me. I found it very hard as well, to negotiate the controls of the car, and know what was going on around me on the road. There is no way I would have gone out in my partners car, and to be honest I didn't want to drive with him, as he has no patience. I was lucky to have my Dad to practise with though. As others have said I ended up getting a 1l Polo, and going out as much as I could. Eventually it all falls into place, and starts to come naturally. Don't give up, and best of luck!

J_R

I can't tell when to move into 3rd gear, I'm unable to coordinate myself coming up to junctions (I can't look, judge, change down gear, slow, react etc). As As for roundabouts, I get stuck because I can't move off quick enough so I wait until there's a huge gap before I move onto it. I cut out but I don't know what I'm doing to make me cut out.

I can't get any practice with anyone between lessons so I'm at the point of giving up altogether as I feel I'm never going to get anywhere. (I've never driven a car without dual controls and I don't feel confident enough to do so).

Is there any hope for me? I'm trying very hard but I feel stuck![/QUOTE]

Hi,

I look in my mirrors but don't take in what I see,

Have you ever seen an "Hourglass" or an arrow speeding around in circles on a computer screen ? It means the computer memory is too busy to accept and act on any new input as it its memory is fully loaded occupied with some other program. The same thing is happening to you. Your brain is feverishly working on controlling the car, anticipating what you will have to do and the consequences if you can''t etc etc

I still struggle with moving off when I've been at a red light, I can't do hill starts,


That is the result of not being taught properly and is due completely on your incompetent instructors (all three)

Being nervous is in no way a hindrance in learning car control. Provided it is done one step at a time and each step explained - same for any learner. If you had been taught how to move off correctly from the start, hill starts would be no problem whatsoever as they are exactly the dame except as you re asking the car to do a little work you musy give it a wee bit more gas.

I can't tell when to move into 3rd gear, I'm unable to coordinate myself coming up to junctions (I can't look, judge, change down gear, slow, react etc).

If you had a proper instructor, after he had taught you car control he would have brought you to a quiet road (deserted dual carriageway ??( and covered this.

When you were fairly confident then and only then should he have brought you to busy roundabouts/junctions. Then your subconscious mind would be operating the controls and you would have had a few brain cells left over to watch the traffic/mirrors etc etc.

You are to be commended for sticking it out so long. But see if you could find an instructor who will actually teach. Not just give you the use of the car for an hour

Nervous pupils were my favorite, the more nervous the better. I found them easier to teach, they usually listened better and gave much more feedback, sometimes too much, some were inclined to babble a bit.

Your partners car is not a BMW by any chance ? I had young pupil (also very nervous) Turned up for a lesson one morning and told me the boy friend had just bought a new BMW. I told her it was an ideal car to practice on. She came bck next lesson and told me she could not drive it, the boyfriend says he is not allowed to put "L" plate on a new BMW. Did not say anything did not want to maybe spoil their relationship.

Thoie

Here's an easy to understand video about gears for anyone learning to drive (or who doesn't know how gears work).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOLtS4VUcvQ

MarkAnthony

Love those vids! How I learnt what a diff did