Hotel Accommodation Problem

LegacyUser

Hi,

Going unreg. Not sure why, but you know. It's a pretty minor issue in the grand scheme of things, but annoying none-the-less.

I'm going away on holidays next week with my aunt and her son (just turned 9), my uncle and aunt-in-law (she's basically my aunt, been with my uncle since I was a tot), and their son (three). It's for five days.

They were booking as they saw a great deal, and asked did I want to go with them before they booked. This was a month ago. I said thanks but no thanks as I was broke and it was short notice, until my parents said they'd pay for it as my present for my 21st (next month) and for Christmas if I wanted. I said thanks, happy days. I talked to my aunts and uncle about it. They told me the name of the hotel, the city and what's in the area. They told me about all the amenities and everything. Things like that don't bother me much. I just like getting away anywhere. All was grand.

Yesterday, my aunts and uncle were down. We were talking about the holiday, and I said "oh, I can't wait to have a bit of peace and quiet towards this place!" My aunt with the 9 year-old said "I'm not sure how much quiet you expect to have staying in a room with my son!" I was like "what do you mean?" Apparently it was cheaper to throw her, her son and myself into one room and then of course, my uncle, aunt and their three year old will be in the other room.

This was the first I heard of it and got really annoyed. I like going away anywhere (usually just down the country though) to rest my mind and for the adventure, quiet and privacy. I'm a very creative person and work mostly at night, which I was planning to do while away. I asked how many beds there were. She said two doubles. Then she said that her son will get one of them as he's a boy, and we'll be sharing a bed. I pointed out that he's still a child, so he could sleep with her. He'd take up less room anyway, and snuck in and slept in the same bed as her just recently because he had a bad dream in the middle of the night. As an adult I expected my own bed, never mind my own room.

I know that I probably should have checked this beforehand, but I figured it was a given that I would have my own room? I don't want to share with her nor my cousin. I really love my privacy, and go for the cheapest of cheap weekends away often on my own just so I can relax and write/edit. I find that writing in Dublin can be distracting, as people are constantly trying to contact you and everyone is on the go. I can't exactly whip out my laptop and write if she's laying next to me, whether she's asleep or not! I find it uncomfortable to just think about.

Anyone know what I should say/do? I couldn't afford to book my own room - especially only a week beforehand!

PirateShampoo

I think your birthday present might have actually been a trip away to baby sit.

Barely There

You seem to have quite set notions as to what you want from a holiday.

The solution;
Book you own holidays in future.

Big Bag of Chips

If your parents are paying for a birthday present for you, surely you can have a single room? Of course it would be cheaper to only book 2 rooms, but I think if it is really a 21st birthday present, then you should get your own room.

In saying that, the first thing I thought when I heard you were going away with your aunts and younger cousins was that you were being brought along as the babysitter. I'd say everyone else, including your parents, discussed this but nobody thought to tell you.

If someone else is paying then you can't really dictate too much. You can ask, but you can't expect.

You can also just not go. I have a feeling this getaway isn't going to work out the way you have it planned in your head. Regardless of if you have your own room or not

Starokan

That would really bug me to be honest , someone should have told you first. At this late stage I think I would be inclined to grin and bear it and make as much of it as I could. Your folks paying for it and all that makes it hard to withdraw.

Its for 5 days and as long as you make sure you get some free time to be on your own it should be doable

Merkin

It immediately struck me that you will be resident babysitter for the weekend too so I think you'd really want to clear up what they expect from you being there and see if that tallies with your own expectations because I suspect they are poles apart unfortunately. If you want to pull out do so because it sounds to me that you won't be getting the holiday that you think you're going to be getting.

Teyla Emmagan

Oh God, I would be really annoyed too. Did your parents not expect to pay for a single room for you? Can you just pull out? I mean where were the aunt and her son going to stay before you came song? Can they just switch to a single for themselves? And there is no way I would share a bed just so someone's nine year old could sleep by themselves. She's his mother, she should do it. Personally I wouldn't go.

Flippyfloppy

Be upfront with them, tell them the reasons why you can't share (you don't have to) and if it doesn't go well try and cancel

Big Bag of Chips

Are flights booked, or is it a trip away in Ireland? If it's in Ireland then it should be very easy to either change your room (if you can afford to) or cancel. Your aunt can then either keep the room she booked or change the room with the hotel, at no extra cost to her. (Apart from paying the full price of the room rather than having your parents pay half!)

Really, OP. It might be uncomfortable for you to stand your ground on this, but now is your chance to show them you are becoming and adult and can longer be treated like a child by them. Which is what they are doing. You will 100% be expected to sit in the hotel rooms with the kids while "the adults" go down to the bar or go out around the city.

By the way - if they expect you to be the babysitter, then maybe they should in fact be paying for you to go along with them.

tinkerbell

I agree with the others - it looks like you're being brought along as a babysitter. Unfortunately, even though you're 21, some relatives will still view you as being too immature to make your own decisions because they still think of you as a kid (a kid now old enough to babysit). Now is your time to get rid of that notion.

I would pull out. Say that you thought you were going on a nice relaxing holiday and that sharing a room now that you are an adult, never mind a bed (completely ridiculous), is unacceptable so you will have to decline their offer.

Defo sounds like you're the babysitter though!! If you pull out they might suddenly offer to put you in a single room as they'll have lost their sitter but tbh, I'd decline anyway since they were so frickin sneaky about it in the first place.

tenifan

Single rooms, double rooms and rooms with a child often cost much the same.. you could be talking €140 for a single, €160 for double and €180 for a family room.

Seeing as your aunt was going anyway and would have been paying €160, it looks like your amazing present for your birthday and Christmas is worth about €20, and the privilege of sharing a bed with your aunt and babysitting her child.

Honestly, it's not worth it. Just make your excuses and don't go.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Barely There wrote: »

You seem to have quite set notions as to what you want from a holiday.

The solution;
Book you own holidays in future.

How is that supposed to solve the OP's current problem?

It's not a holiday if you're not going to enjoy yourself OP. I would ask your parents if they would be willing to book you a single room, if not then maybe you should consider not going. As others have said this is a chance to assert yourself as an adult. No way would I be comfortable sharing a bed with an aunt/uncle for an entire holiday. As said also you will be a very convenient babysitter for them, is that what you want for the five days?

R.D. aka MR.D

That certainly sounds like a mess.

If it were me in that situation, I wouldn't go. I would explain that I had thought that I would have my own room and I'm really sorry but I'm just not comfortable with it.


Stick to your guns and show them that you can be independent.

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP

I agree with everyone else. You've been tagged on as the babysitter.

There's nothing wrong in itself but you should have been included in the discussions and I really don't see it as any sort of present.

At 21 your relatives don't see you as adult. You know I had an uncle who use to call me Paulie right up until I was 44 .

I don't suppose the family dynamics on holiday would give you something different to write about?

That was a bit tongue in cheek. If I were you I wouldn't go, but then I'm a crusty old guy who doesn't mind upsetting people too much;).

Wish you well OP.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here.

I didn't expect so many replies so soon! Thanks everyone.

My family know exactly what I'm like in terms of staying up late writing and everything. I make videos for YouTube as well, and the last few times we were away I made vlogs (video blogs) while we were out. They know that I usually take a day or two to do my own thing whether it's editing (because I'm bored of the place after two weeks) or just resting.

It's a trip outside Ireland, Big Bag of Chips.

I asked my parents if I pulled out, how much money would be lost. I don't like the thoughts of them losing a few hundred euro! I also checked online how much it would be for my own room at this stage, and it's fair to say I'd have no spending money going over if I got my own place. My parents said that they "assumed I knew" that with the deal it was a room for two adults and a child.

At this stage I'm kind of like "okay, sharing a room is doable. Not ideal. Not even good, but doable." The thing I'm really hating is having to share a bed! Everyone (parents, grandparents, etc) seems to agree that it makes more sense for myself and my aunt to share a bed, and my cousin to get his own, except for my friends and myself. It's like I'm fighting a losing battle!

Tokyo

Personally I am with everybody else in that I would pull out of the trip if I were in that situation, but if you do go, is it possible to arrange with the hotel to put a trundle bed or fold up bed in the room, even if it costs a few euros extra? Many hotels provide this facility if you ask them....

afterglow

mike_ie wrote: »

Personally I am with everybody else in that I would pull out of the trip if I were in that situation, but if you do go, is it possible to arrange with the hotel to put a trundle bed or fold up bed in the room, even if it costs a few euros extra? Many hotels provide this facility if you ask them....

Hi OP

I was about to suggest exactly what Mike_IE has written above.
TBH, it's really really really really unfair in my opinion, both that you are being brought along as a babysitter, and that anyone would think it's ok for you to be made share a bed with anyone, family or not, against your will, and without your prior knowledge.
I mean, what if your aunt did something really annoying like snoring or whatever? Not going into detail but what if you had personal reasons why you didn't want to share a bed? I know that at certain times I would not be comfortable sharing with anyone and if this happened to me, particularly at these times, but at any time tbh, i'd be really put off and would be tempted to pull out.
I think as everyone else has said, a great opportunity to asert your independence as an adult. They can't not view or treat you as the adult you are, then bring you along to babysit? That does not compute!!!!
Fab suggestion by mike though so even if you can't pull out, explore this, maybe don't even ask them to do it for you, get the hotel's number and do it yourself.

Best of luck OP Hope it turns out as ok as it can at this stage.

Big Bag of Chips

Your family know what you're like, and know what you like to do on holidays? But yet seem unwilling to respect that you would not want to share a bed with your aunt. So why do you think they will respect your right to go off doing your own thing for the few days? I'm guessing they'll be "minding" you. Not letting you go too far on your own, and if you're sitting in in the evenings working on the laptop anyway, sure they might as well leave the kids with you.

And, if you don't go along with any of the suggestions, like sharing a bed and babysitting, then be aware that they will be talking about how contrary you've become recently...


... Especially after they brought you on holiday with them!

Neyite

If you dont bow down to babysit while the aunts and uncles go out you'll be the bigger villan again! They really stitched you up OP, the lot of them.

It stinks to high heaven to be honest, and the first people I'd be tearing strips off about it would be your parents duping you into a gift which had sneaky conditions attached.

Do you have another teen cousin who would be willing to go and babysit? If so then I'd offer to pay to change the ticket name and stay home.

LegacyUser

you're 21 and they expect you to share a bed with your aunt!!! Are you very close to your aunt or something? what age is your aunt? Jeez even at that age I wouldn't even share a bed with my sister!
Sorry but I find that a bit messed up, fair enough when you are kids its ok to share beds but I mean you are gone beyond being a child now. What were they thinking?

Buona Fortuna

Neyite wrote: »

Do you have another teen cousin who would be willing to go and babysit? If so then I'd offer to pay to change the ticket name and stay home.

Ney I think you overstate that a little.

So not only does the OP, not get the holiday, that she had previously looked forward to, she doesn't get mum and dad's present, and she then spends some of her own money to get out of it all?

Don't go by all means but let the aunts and uncles worry about their unstated babysitting requirements.

emuhead

I would pull out of it OP.

They obviously don't respect your need for space and privacy.

The weekend actually sounds more stressful than relaxing. They might learn in future not to try and dupe you the next time.

If you want to compromise, do you have have access to an airbed or sleeping bag? It would mean a slightly less comfortable night's sleep but at least you're not forced to share your personal space as much. MikeIE's idea about a fold out bed is good.

Make plans for yourself in advance so you're not automatically available to babysit...

The_Conductor

I'd echo this. Its not a holiday- no matter how you look at it.
Pull out of it.
If you loose part of the cost- so be it- life is too short.......

StripedBoxers

Personally I would be pulling out of the trip, and advising my parents to go instead of me.

ted1

I'd go but tell them
That your not comfortable sharing s bed and you won't be doing it.

Miaireland

If you have the name of the hotel would you not consider emailing them and as for a room with three single beds or a room with a double and two single beds.

It might also be worth emailing the hotel and explaining the situation and see if they could offer a solution. I went away with a couple of friends once and as one snored a lot we emailed the hotel and asked they was there anyway that we could get a single and a twin room. They were happy to do it for free as they had the single room spare anyway and by us having the twin room the hotel was able to resell the triple room. Might be worth a shoot considering it is off peak.

Neyite

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Ney I think you overstate that a little.

So not only does the OP, not get the holiday, that she had previously looked forward to, she doesn't get mum and dad's present, and she then spends some of her own money to get out of it all?

Don't go by all means but let the aunts and uncles worry about their unstated babysitting requirements.

Sorry, what I meant was for the flights. That if she pulls out now, she will get a big guilt trip about how much was spent on them and all that. I fully agree that they should lump it, but the suggestion to them to bring someone else along might offset the worst of the fallout.

Personally, I'd leave the lot of them out of pocket and not pay a penny, but then I'm twice the OP's age and its only now I can mostly stand up to older relatives with varying degrees of success so I do know how daunting it will be for her.

OUTOFSYNC

I don't understand your aunt's position on sharing a bed with her son who at 9 is,very much a child.

Maybe he still wets the bed abd that's the issue ? Either way it's bizarre she thinks it's more appropriate to share a bed with another adult.

Lots of hotels have pull out couch beds .... Perhaps you could ask them to ask the hotel about this ?

I would go and insist and having your own bed. If you insist I am sure your aunt will sleep with her kid.

Idle Passerby

It sounds like they needed a babysitter, proposed it to you as holiday, then when you couldn't pay had a conversation with your parents re them not having a babysitter. It sounds like your parents knew well all along they were paying for you to go along as the childminder.

You're not going to enjoy this trip by the sounds of it. No peace, no personal space, you'll probably be left entertaining the kids in the evenings.

It's unlikely you'll get out of it now without loosing the money that's gone into it but it sounds like they all need to know you are not the in house governess!

Its a pity you didn't accept the offer from your parents and use the money to go away on the kind of relaxing trip you enjoy.

deise08

Poor op!
I'm just going to throw in my tuppence worth regarding the sleeping.
I know if I was paying to sleep in a hotel, I'd be expecting a bed for me, for the money I was paying not half a bed.
I know it's your parents that are paying but they should be expecting the same for you.
It's her child, it's her burden to deal with to sleeping with.

The_Conductor

I'll reiterate- personally, I'd think its better to loose the money in its entirety- and spend a quiet weekend at home- than to pay for a situation like this.......

LegacyUser

OP here again.

I kicked up a fuss, said I wasnt going and my parents got onto the hotel. They said that they can offer a blanket and extra pillow if someone wants to sleep on the floor. We'll be taking turns sleeping on the floor now.

Thanks everyone for the replies! Hope they've carpet, haha.

Big Bag of Chips

That's ridiculous. How much are you paying to sleep on the floor? And will the precious 9 year old be on his own in a double bed every night while you or his mother sleep on the floor?.... Have you told your aunt she's sleeping on the floor some nights? She's ok with that, is she?!

At this stage I'd tell your mother to go in your place.

StripedBoxers

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

That's ridiculous. How much are you paying to sleep on the floor? And will the precious 9 year old be on his own in a double bed every night while you or his mother sleep on the floor?.... Have you told your aunt she's sleeping on the floor some nights? She's ok with that, is she?!

At this stage I'd tell your mother to go in your place.

I 100% agree with this.

Absolutely and utterly disgraceful that at twenty one years old you are expected to share a bed with a child simply because of his gender, and when you say that isn't happening you are offered the floor instead? You are offered the floor and presumably a nine year old child will have his own bed? I can imagine that you will end up sharing a bed with either the child or his mother, I really don't think you'll stick the floor, especially if there is no carpet.

I would refuse to go on this trip full stop. And in future for any family trips, I would be booking my own accommodation too to ensure you get the type you want and you won't be sharing with others or sleeping on floors.

It's absolutely disgraceful carry on by your family.

seamusk84

theopofthisthread wrote: »

OP here again.

I kicked up a fuss, said I wasnt going and my parents got onto the hotel. They said that they can offer a blanket and extra pillow if someone wants to sleep on the floor. We'll be taking turns sleeping on the floor now.

Thanks everyone for the replies! Hope they've carpet, haha.

No way, that is actually ridiculous. Paying money in a hotel to sleep on a floor.

OP that is not a solution, I would prefer to stay at home and deal with the consequences than do that.

In fact I can't believe a hotel would even offer that!

ABajaninCork

A few hundred quid to sleep on the bloody floor?? And you're willing to accept that? :eek: I think it's outrageous of the hotel - robbing gits...

Sorry OP - I gotta tell you the truth. You're stone bleeding mad to even consider it. You can bet your bottom dollar your auntie and cousin won't be sleeping on the floor.

Just say NO!!

Idle Passerby

Are you sure your parents even rang the hotel? It seems unlikley that a hotel would suggest a guest sleep on the floor. They would generally have trundle beds to offer in that scenario at the least.

To be honest OP, given the situation I wouldn't be accepting anything less than getting a room to yourself, otherwise the whole trip will be a nightmare.

Big Bag of Chips

Your family obviously see you as a complete eejit. And to be honest, if you think this is a good compromise then you're making it pretty easy for them to treat you like an eejit.

m'lady

Idle Passerby wrote: »

Are you sure your parents even rang the hotel? It seems unlikley that a hotel would suggest a guest sleep on the floor. They would generally have trundle beds to offer in that scenario at the least.

To be honest OP, given the situation I wouldn't be accepting anything less than getting a room to yourself, otherwise the whole trip will be a nightmare.

Was thinking the very same. What hotel would make a suggestion like that?! If a hotel did make such a suggestion it would tell me what sort of hotel it is and would definitely make my decision easier to make and just NOT GO!

Faith

Op - this is supposed to be a gift. Something designed to bring you pleasure and joy. I'd rather get a box of Ferraro Rocher for my 21st birthday present than sleep on a floor for a week.

There is no way anyone other than you will be sleeping on the floor. You've let them treat you like a doormat so far. Why would anything change now? I guarantee you that, on the first night, you'll find your aunt and her son tucked up in the beds and you'll either have to share or sleep on the floor. Your aunt must be delighted that she's suddenly getting a bed to herself, at your expense! Your birthday present is a babysitting job where you have to sleep on the floor. A dog would have a better time of it.

If you let this go ahead, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of being walked all over. You're about to turn 21. Make a change in your life. Learn to stand up for yourself, starting now. Life will be unimaginably more pleasant for you if you grow a backbone now. If you don't, people will continue to take advantage of you at every single opportunity they can, because you've shown them that you'll just put up with it.

Merkin

I can put money on it that no hotel with any kind of interest in hospitality would suggest 'a blanket and a pillow' on the floor. Which in turn suggests that your parents never bothered actually phoning them. It actually sounds like every single member of your family is taking you for a mug and on that basis I'd tell them all you've decided not to go. I'd also do that at the last minute in order to drop them all royally in it. How dare they .

mikemac1

Reading along the thread I thought at least your parents will back you up but they're just as bad. They never rang the hotel, no way.

No hotel in Ireland or indeed anywhere would suggest sleeping on the floor. They all have beds that can be easily brought into rooms by the porter. It's true the hotel can run short of these but that hasn't happened here.

Your entire family are stitching you up OP

LynnGrace

I agree with other posters, OP. No hotel would offer a guest a blanket and pillow to sleep on the floor. It just wouldn't happen. There was no phone call.
And this is your birthday present?? Let this be the moment that you stop people treating you like this, it's unacceptable.

Rubberchikken

hotels have little beds they can set up. would be ideal for a kid.
i think too much thought was given to the cost/who might mind the kid senario as opposed to thinking things throough and realising a 21 yo might not want to share a room never mind a bed.

theopofthisthread

theopofthisthread wrote: »

and my parents got onto the hotel. They said that they can offer a blanket and extra pillow if someone wants to sleep on the floor. We'll be taking turns sleeping on the floor now.

Listen OP no offence but: no they didn't, no they didn't, and no you won't.

You're 21. Stop letting them lie to you and treat you like an idiot. Tell them at the last minute you've made other plans and take off.

Neyite

I think it would actually be contravening health and safety rules in most countries to have guests sleeping on the floor. Imagine in hot countries with insects crawling around at night. Some of those are big!:eek:

It's such a parent thing to say, isnt it? "Oh, well you don't want to share a bed?? Well you can just sleep on the floor so!"

Just cancel. I understand its hard to stand up against parents and the wider family. And you might wonder if the fallout is worth it, but really, it is. Not just for this, but for drawing healthy boundaries and reminding them that you are an adult, and deserving of respect and consideration.

So your answer to that: "The floor? Hmmm. No thanks. I'll stay home and in my own bed."

Esterhase

I agree that there was no way a decent hotel would have offered a blanket and pillow instead of an extra portable bed. And if that is a genuine offer that was made during a phone call that really happened, then that says a good bit about their standards. I'd be afraid of sleeping in the beds in such a place, never mind the floor!

Do you really think you'll all be taking turns on the floor? You'll be put there for the first night, then all of a sudden your aunt will develop some sort of back problem, and sure the child is settled in his own spot now and it would upset him to be moved to the floor....

If I were you I'd be telling the family to stuff their 'gift' and taking myself off to enjoy a nice relaxing break on my own terms. There would be some muttering about cheek and ungratefulness but it's better to stand up for yourself than to be a doormat IMO. If the family end up unhappy they have nobody to blame but themselves for being so inconsiderate towards you.

The_Conductor

OP- you're 21.
If you're insistent on going on this trip- find yourself a hostel and stay elsewhere yourself- and go do your own thing.

You are being taken for a fool.

Toots

Like everyone else has said, I bet your parents didn't actually ring the hotel. If I were you I'd get the phone number from the internet and ring the hotel yourself (but don't mention to anyone that you're doing it) then you can see if what your parents told you is actually true.

If they're lying then call them out on it and tell them that you'll definitely not be going unless there's a bed put into the room for you. And that you want to see an email confirmation from the hotel confirming that - if they're going to lie to you about ringing the hotel, it's likely that they'll lie and tell you there's a bed being brought in just to shut you up.

If in the unlikely event that what they've told you is true, then personally I wouldn't go. Firstly because the sort of hotel that tells patrons to sleep on the floor is not somewhere that I'd like to stay. Secondly, because you'd be crazy to believe that anyone other than you is going to be sleeping on that floor.

deise08

Hotels as standard, have an extra blanket and pillow already supplied in the wardrobe in every room.
I hope they're not trying to say that this is the 'extra' one that they are giving you.
As it stands the aunt and child are getting 2 beds for the same money for you to sleep on the floor?????
Say that to yourself over and over and hopefully it will sink in just how bad you are being treated.

Raminahobbin

I don't have anything else to add OP but to echo what others are saying- this is insane. You really do have to stand up for yourself on this one- I know you don't want your parents to loose out on the money, but you have to put yourself first here and assert some boundaries for yourself.

Do you think your mother would go ahead with the same thing if the situation was similar for her? Do you think she would share a bed with your aunt? Do you think she would accept sleeping on the floor? Do you think she would have been surprised that everyone had assumed she would be okay with all of this? And if she was in this situation, do you think she would go anyway to keep the peace or would she put her foot down? Especially if it was a gift???

The only difference between your mother and you here is that everyone automatically thinks of your mother as an adult and would never put her in this situation. They're all used to thinking of you as a kid and treating you like one. If you want to be seen as an adult, DO NOT accept this. No other adult would.

It's not a NICE feeling to make your parents feel bad, and to throw their gift back in their face (which is what it probably feels like), but you need to put your foot down and start expecting to be treated like an adult- it's more important than the temporary unpleasantness of the argument you'll have.