Drink driving father

diusmr8a504cvk

So my father drinks a load every Sunday and bank holiday from 12 midday to about 8PM and continues to drive afterwards for a very long time now. We've tried to get him to stop but he just ignores us. Any ideas on how I could stop it?

CollyFlower

Report him to the police.

dpofloinn

Very simple take his car keys off him

lukesmom

CollyFlower wrote: »

Report him to the police.

He's not gonna rat his own father out! And I agree with dpofloinn take the keys off him problem solved.

dudara

Report him to the Gardaí. If he won't listen to or respect his family, then you have to go that one step further.

diusmr8a504cvk

I'm kinda unsure like I thought about just letting rip and verbally roasting him which would probably lead to a physical fight between both of us. Before ye get any ideas he's never laid a finger on me.

pablo128

Are you going to wait untill he mills another car out of it or knocks some poor fcuker 30 foot in the air, God forbid.

On a practical level, is there a way of ensuring he has a lift home after having a few?

kay 9

Go for a drink with him. Your parents won't be around forever.

diusmr8a504cvk

pablo128 wrote: »

Are you going to wait untill he mills another car out of it or knocks some poor fcuker 30 foot in the air, God forbid.

On a practical level, is there a way of ensuring he has a lift home after having a few?

Yeah my mother but he's refused it, unless he wants to sit on my bike's handlebars haha

diusmr8a504cvk

kay 9 wrote: »

Go for a drink with him. Your parents won't be around forever.

I understand what your saying but you're missing the point here.

Bloodwing

lukesmom wrote: »

He's not gonna rat his own father out! And I agree with dpofloinn take the keys off him problem solved.

I'd rather "rat" my father out than see him kill some poor unfortunate on the roads.

OP, tell your father that you will be reporting him if he does it again and if he does then follow through. If you don't you may end up regretting it when you and your mother are making funeral arrangements.

pablo128

How about having a word with the pub manager? He could be reminded that he is responsible for letting a fella who's had a belly full of drink get into his car and drive away from the pub.

He in turn might have a word with your father. It might be worth a shot.

diusmr8a504cvk

pablo128 wrote: »

How about having a word with the pub manager? He could be reminded that he is responsible for letting a fella who's had a belly full of drink get into his car and drive away from the pub.

He in turn might have a word with your father. It might be worth a shot.

Thanks for the advice but he drives to multiple pubs every Sunday / bank holiday Monday.

GLaDOS

Sounds like your Father has a serious problem tbh

diusmr8a504cvk

Bloodwing wrote: »

I'd rather "rat" my father out than see him kill some poor unfortunate on the roads.

OP, tell your father that you will be reporting him if he does it again and if he does then follow through. If you don't you may end up regretting it when you and your mother are making funeral arrangements.

Could that result in him being thrown off the road though? Thanks for the advice.

diusmr8a504cvk

ScienceNerd wrote: »

Sounds like your Father has a serious problem tbh

One day a week and bank holiday Mondays. He's just stubborn as ****.

eviltwin

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

Could that result in him being thrown off the road though? Thanks for the advice.

Best thing for him tbh, you don't want the aftermath of him hitting someone while drunk believe me

Bloodwing

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

Could that result in him being thrown off the road though? Thanks for the advice.

Depends on the level he comes back at, but a driving ban is preferable to death or a driving ban for dangerous driving causing death.

diusmr8a504cvk

eviltwin wrote: »

Best thing for him tbh, you don't want the aftermath of him hitting someone while drunk believe me

Funny thing is, he makes his living on the road. Do you see what form of a stubborn idiot we're dealing with. I don't understand because this guy is a genius at his craft but when it comes to drinking and driving he's just oblivious to the dangers.

salamanca22

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

One day a week and bank holiday Mondays. He's just stubborn as ****.

He does have a problem. Drink driving is a huge selfish stupid problem. I would have no problem calling the guards on my own father if he did this. I have lost a family member due to a drunk driver and I would never forgive my father if he did the same thing to some other family.

eviltwin

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

Funny thing is, he makes his living on the road. Do you see what form of a stubborn idiot we're dealing with. I don't understand because this guy is a genius at his craft but when it comes to drinking and driving he's just oblivious to the dangers.

That's even worse. If he's using the road under the influence then you have a responsibility to inform the gardai. My dad ended up disabled thanks to a drunk driver, the guy who hit him took his own life. Two families ruined by one stupid decision. if someone had been brave enough to report it things could have been a lot different for everyone. Do the right thing.

diusmr8a504cvk

salamanca22 wrote: »

He does have a problem. Drink driving is a huge selfish stupid problem. I would have no problem calling the guards on my own father if he did this. I have lost a family member due to a drunk driver and I would never forgive my father if he did the same thing to some other family.

Thanks for the advice.

diusmr8a504cvk

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice so far and to keep it coming if possible. You're all extremely helpful. I'm a 16 year old lad that's just worried.

GLaDOS

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice so far and to keep it coming if possible. You're all extremely helpful. I'm a 16 year old lad that's just worried.

Have you talked to other family members about this? Your Mother, siblings, his own brothers/sisters? If he hears how concerned so many people are, it might start to hit home how serious this is.

eviltwin

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice so far and to keep it coming if possible. You're all extremely helpful. I'm a 16 year old lad that's just worried.

That's a heavy burden to take on at 16. Have you older siblings to talk to, what about your mum?

pablo128

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice so far and to keep it coming if possible. You're all extremely helpful. I'm a 16 year old lad that's just worried.

You're doing the right thing for everyone concerned. I'll guess that he may not be inclined to listen to you seriously due to your age. Is there someone like an uncle or a friend of his who could have a word with him?

diusmr8a504cvk

ScienceNerd wrote: »

Have you talked to other family members about this? Your Mother, siblings, his own brothers/sisters? If he hears how concerned so many people are, it might start to hit home how serious this is.

It's something we've all became accustomed to. We've spoken about it in the past but I think now it's time for serious talk and change.

kay 9

kay 9 wrote: »

Go for a drink with him. Your parents won't be around forever.

Well, his dad might not be if he keeps up this behaviour. Maybe someone else's parents might not be around much longer if he keeps it up.

diusmr8a504cvk

eviltwin wrote: »

That's a heavy burden to take on at 16. Have you older siblings to talk to, what about your mum?

Yeah I have a mother, and older brother and younger sister. None of them are idiots and I'm going to have a serious talk with her tomorrow.

Faith

Sorry, Advanced Gh0st, but this is not the correct forum for this thread at all. I'm unsure if there even is a correct forum, so I'm just going to lock the thread rather than moving it. If you feel you need further advice, Personal Issues might be your best bet.

/edit: On further reflection, I'm going to move it to PI because you are clearly upset and looking for further advice.

diusmr8a504cvk

Faith wrote: »

Sorry, Advanced Gh0st, but this is not the correct forum for this thread at all. I'm unsure if there even is a correct forum, so I'm just going to lock the thread rather than moving it. If you feel you need further advice, Personal Issues might be your best bet.

/edit: On further reflection, I'm going to move it to PI because you are clearly upset and looking for further advice.

Thanks I think

eviltwin

Nicolas Shy Snub-nosed wrote: »

Yeah I have a mother, and older brother and younger sister. None of them are idiots and I'm going to have a serious talk with her tomorrow.

It might be a good idea to contact AL-ANON or ALATEEN for advice in the meantime. He's the one with the problem but its probably affecting family life and you all need support.

shamrock55

Listen op you or another family member has got to bite the bullet on this, the next time yee are together collectivly tell your father how worried you all are, tell him its come to the stage now where unfortunatly due to his actions your family needs to take action, he needs to be told that the next time he goes on the piss and takes the car, that a phone call will have to be made to the guards, tell him nobody wants to do it but he is leaving yee with no choice,you are doing it because you love him, its not going to be an easy conversation but he needs to know you are serious, basically dad you leave this house next sun with the car you can expect the guards you have been warned we will put up with this worry no more!!

EoghanIRL

You might think that reporting him to guards is extreme but think of it like this , it's not just his life he is putting at risk but also the safety of others .

diusmr8a504cvk

shamrock55 wrote: »

Listen op you or another family member has got to bite the bullet on this, the next time yee are together collectivly tell your father how worried you all are, tell him its come to the stage now where unfortunatly due to his actions your family needs to take action, he needs to be told that the next time he goes on the piss and takes the car, that a phone call will have to be made to the guards, tell him nobody wants to do it but he is leaving yee with no choice,you are doing it because you love him, its not going to be an easy conversation but he needs to know you are serious, basically dad you leave this house next sun with the car you can expect the guards you have been warned we will put up with this worry no more!!

Sound I'll think it through.

ManOfMystery

Report him to the Guards. He doesn't even ever need to know it was you, it could be someone in a pub he's in for all he knows.

indigo twist

There is no need for you to get involved with a physical or verbal confrontation with your father, or with any other family members.

He has (by the sounds of it) six sober days a week to reflect on his behaviour. He of course realises what he's doing is completely wrong, and yet he makes the conscious decision to go out and do it over and over again.

You need to report this anonymously to the Gardaí. Give them his reg number, and give them an idea of the pubs he frequents, and the times. Contact the local Garda station either over the phone, or in writing. No need to say that it's you're father you're reporting - you can say you're a concerned neighbour. If nothing is done, continue to contact them on a weekly basis until he is caught.

At least then it won't be on your conscience if he wipes out an innocent family.

Will he lose his licence? Yes, probably, for at least a couple of years. Will he lose his job? Yes, probably. But the lives of the other innocent and vulnerable road users are FAR more important than any of this. He's the one who chooses to drink and drive on a regular basis. If he loses his licence and his job, it's his own fault, and you should not feel any guilt over this. He's the one breaking the law and endangering himself and others.

You don't ever need to let anyone know that it was you who reported him. But you would absolutely be doing the right thing.

coylemj

pablo128 wrote: »

How about having a word with the pub manager? He could be reminded that he is responsible for letting a fella who's had a belly full of drink get into his car and drive away from the pub.

Where did you pick up that urban myth? You can walk out of a pub with a belly full of beer and be perfectly capable of walking home but be over the limit to drive - it's not the publican's business to follow you out of the pub to check if you're getting into a car to drive home.

Toots

I was going to suggest just going straight to the Gardai about this, however when you mention he make his living on the road would it be possible for you and some other family members to stage an 'intervention' type thing before going to the Gardai? Obviously him losing his job will have a huge impact on your family financially so if you could get him to stop without getting the law involved that would be preferable.

See can you get a group of family members together - mostly adults, and about 6 or 8 if you can manage it - and all sit down together and explain that it has to stop, lay it out in black and white exactly what's at stake if he keeps it up. You all need to be on the same page about this before you sit him down. Also time is of the essence, because it'll have to be done this week. If you can't muster the extended family in time then get your siblings and mother together and do it. If he doesn't take heed of what you're saying and heads out to the pub again on sunday, then really your only option is to call the Gardai and report him. It can be done anonymously and if you know the names of the pubs he frequents, give those to them also.

punisher5112

Get spare key to car and disconnect the battery and remove a spark plug.

He may be one of the old school type who never had crashes as they only drive slow and this was the done thing.

Sure remember back in 2001 started driving and you wouldn't be home till 4 or 5 in morning and out for work in few hours. Times have changed so much and there is no excuse not getting a lift or taxi.

Stavro Mueller

I think Toots's suggestion is the way to go. I've got a very very low opinion of drunk drivers but you've got to be pragmatic here. (Yes, I accept that if he hits someone on the way home from the pub tonight, the consequences are going to be horrific). If your household's like most, your dad's the main breadwinner in the house. If he loses his job then it's going to have massive implications for everyone in the house, right down to you.

Realistically, approaching him on your own's not an option but perhaps if he's outnumbered its going to be harder for him to be aggressive and defensive. There are some useful pointers at this link. Not all of it will apply of course but there are some things in there that might not have occurred to you http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-an-Intervention

TheBlock

What about popping in to the local station and explaining the situation to the desk sargent. They may be willing to call to the house one evening this week to tell him he's heard your father likes to drink and drive and that they'll be keeping an eye out for the car from now on (basically marking his card). Needn't say it was you who mentioned it to them but it might be enough to put him off without him actually losing his license.

Timberrrrrrrr

lukesmom wrote: »

He's not gonna rat his own father out! And I agree with dpofloinn take the keys off him problem solved.

I would rat him out in an instant, imagine the guilt if you would feel if he wiped out an innocent family :mad:

suicide_circus

I think it is worth mentioning that at 16 years of age, it is not your responsibility to curb your father's dangerous activities, he no doubt has other adults around him who know exactly what he's up to.

shuffles88

suicide_circus wrote: »

I think it is worth mentioning that at 16 years of age, it is not your responsibility to curb your father's dangerous activities, he no doubt has other adults around him who know exactly what he's up to.

This is true but it's worth noting that other adults are often the biggest cowards and completely unwilling to confront someone just in case they upset the status quo. It's better that OP voices his concerns if he/she sees fit, at least one life is at risk. It brings to mind the quote: 'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing'

indigo twist

I'd agree with the idea of an intervention if the OP were a grown adult, but this is a sixteen-year-old, who has already alluded to the possibility of a physical confrontation with his father.

I think the safest option here would be to inform the Gardaí anonymously.

If he tries to organise an intervention, and the idea is shot down by his mother/siblings/other family members, it would make it a lot more difficult to report it anonymously afterwards, as it may then be very obvious to the family that it was the OP.

blackbird98

Get your mother to bring the car home when he is in the pub, if there is a spare key. When he comes home, explain that you will do this every time he goes drinking

LegacyUser

I wouldn't jump the gun on top offs to the Gardai.

I know it's the morally right thing to do, but it's also a situation from which there is no turn back. As OP's father makes a living on the road, it will likely have a huge effect on the entire family if he loses his job.

Prior to taking such a drastic action, other options need to be considered. Sounds like everyone has turned a blind eye up to now.

If your mother is willing to collect him, then it's time she becomes more proactive. She needs to be sitting outside the pub door to collect him, maybe putting her foot down that he cuts it out or at least cuts back.

There are many people of that generation who see nothing wrong with having 6 or 7 slow pints and driving home slowly. "Sure I've been doing it all my life and I haven't hit anyone yet." It's difficult to reason with that mindset. Especially if/when they're drunk.

When I was your age, I was in an identical situation with my mother. I felt very strongly about it and actually called the Gardai to report her more than once but lost courage when they answered the phone. As it so happens, had I gone ahead and reported her, it would've been a total disaster for our lives. My dad dropped dead very suddenly one day during the worst of her drink driving days, leaving my siblings and I solely dependent on her for school runs, etc. We lived in a rural area, no bus route. Had she been off the road, I have no idea how life would've played out for us all.
Her drink driving stopped overnight (due to shock of losing my dad) and I was so thankful many times after that I hadn't gone ahead with my anonymous tip off.

I am not a supporter of drink driving, I absolutely understand the dangers and implications, but if his job is dependent on having a license, I recommend you at least make a strong effort at home to fix this prior to bringing the law into it. And after a trial run, if he still insists on driving, then report him.

Novella

My dad was involved in a car accident caused by a drunk driver many years ago. He suffered a serious head injury and never fully recovered. He is in his early 50's now and has Alzheimer's, a direct result of the brain injury he suffered and damage from epilepsy, also caused by the crash. My dad is still alive but he won't comprehend his son graduating from college, he won't walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, he won't be proud and overjoyed if/when he has grandchildren. My mother is still a young woman but instead of looking forward to retirement with her husband, she is his carer. That isn't fair. My dad is a wonderful, kind man. He didn't deserve this.

Your father is, quite frankly, a danger. He is selfish. I know that this is an emotional topic for me and I can see that you completely understand the seriousness of it so I respect you for that. You are only sixteen and you shouldn't have to deal with such a huge worry. Please report your dad. I know some posters are saying that he could lose his job but he could also lose his life. He could kill or seriously harm an innocent person or people. Our actions have consequences and your dad's actions are horrendous. 8 hours of drinking every weekend and then driving home? That is a major problem. It is simply asking for trouble.

Kathy22

salamanca22 wrote: »

He does have a problem. Drink driving is a huge selfish stupid problem. I would have no problem calling the guards on my own father if he did this. I have lost a family member due to a drunk driver and I would never forgive my father if he did the same thing to some other family.

Completely agree with this poster. My grandfather was killed by a drunk driver. Do you really want your father to be in this position and know you could have stopped it. Hide his keys before he goes out, bury them deep in a field if you have to but do something. If that doesnt work, report him. IMO he has a major problem if he can go boozing to different pubs, driving aound filled with alcohol. A total and utter disregard for others!!!!

LegacyUser

The reality is that your father is showing no consideration for you, his wife or the rest of his family. He is doing a job where he needs to drive to earn a living so what happens if he can't drive for what ever reason?

The reality is that he is a danger to himself and other road users. How would he feel if he killed someone on the way home one night or had an accident that left someone disabled?

I would get your mother and his family involved and tell him that he can no longer drink and drive. If he wants to go to the pub he needs to get a lift there and he either arranges a lift home or gets a taxi home. At this stage he has no choice in the matter. If he continues to do this I would get one of the local guards to call to the house and tell him they will be looking out for his car as they heard he drinks and drives.