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would you hook up with someone who was attached?

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135

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    #62
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    conorh91 wrote: »
    If a woman is married, marital fidelity is her responsibility, and not the responsibility of her lover. Obviously the converse applies to a man.

    I would have no moral qualms about hooking up with someone I suspected to be married. If I had actual knowledge of their marriage, I'd have to think about the circumstances, but it's just not my responsibility.

    Sex is a transaction, like any other. If you're a butcher, and some woman is buying your meat, why should you care if she's paying her debts elsewhere? As long as she's putting out that hairy chequebook, be happy.

    People dwell too much.

    It's hardly "dwelling too much" not to want to get involved with someone in a relationship if the opportunity arises. It is a big deal in fairness. I'm not judging people who have done it, but I don't agree with excuses to try and mitigate it either. If people do it, it's none of my business and sh-it happens - life's not black and white, but no point trying to disguise it as something less than it is either.


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    #63
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    It's not always about the sex. A marriage may not work out and a person can fall for someone else. How exactly does it make the person a coward? :confused:

    You're projecting here, Davey and referring to your own situation here and I wasn't talking about the woman you were seeing specifically as I don't know the ins and outs of it.

    I was talking in general about cheaters; if you don't have the balls to leave someone before cheating on them, you're a coward. Vast majority of cheats I've met were cowardly in their actions.

    Relationships not working -> try to fix it -> can't fix it -> leave person before being with someone else.


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    #64
    conorh91
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭conorh91


    Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »
    I'm not judging people who have done it, but I don't agree with excuses to try and mitigate it either.
    If you're refusing to accept their reasoning, then you are de facto judging those people. That judgment is based on your moral outlook.

    You're free to judge whomever you want, and i'm free to sleep with whomever I want and ignore your morals.

    I've cheated in the past. I've been 'revenge cheated' upon, and I'm sure I've been the third person in other relationships. Some of those situations are justifiable to me. If they aren't justifiable to a random person judging others on the internet, that's quite alright.


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    #65
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    You're projecting here, Davey and referring to your own situation here and I wasn't talking about the woman you were seeing specifically as I don't know the ins and outs of it.

    I was talking in general terms about cheaters; if you don't have the balls to leave someone before cheating on them, you're a coward. Vast majority of cheats I've met were cowardly in their actions.

    Relationships not working -> try to fix it -> can't fix it -> leave person before being with someone else.


    Ahh I see what you mean, if someone is cheating and still playing happy family at home. Although it can be difficult in certain situations where there are kids for example.


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    #66
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    DoYouEvenLift wrote: »
    You need to confront her about this and tell her the harsh truth that unless the boyfriend ended his current relationship and became exclusive with her, she will never be "#1". However, even if he did, she still loses because how can she trust a guy who cheated in his old relationship to start a new one with her? After that, cut contact with her for good, she's a horrible kunt and definitely not someone worthy of friends who are obviously morally superior and decent human beings. What an idiot she is.


    "Morally superior and decent human beings" refer to other human beings as horrible kunts now?

    Well, I suppose they would.


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    #67
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    Ahh I see what you mean, if someone is cheating and still playing happy family at home. Although it can be difficult in certain situations where there are kids for example.

    It's those kinds of situations I'm talking about that I'd say make up the majority. I'm not so black and white in my thinking that I don't realise there can often be more to a story.


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    #68
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    conorh91 wrote: »
    If you're refusing to accept their reasoning, then you are de facto judging those people. That judgment is based on your moral outlook.

    You're free to judge whomever you want, and i'm free to sleep with whomever I want and ignore your morals.

    I've cheated in the past. I've been 'revenge cheated' upon, and I'm sure I've been the third person in other relationships. Some of those situations are justifiable to me. If they aren't justifiable to a random person judging others on the internet, that's quite alright.

    Best of luck forming and maintaining successful, trustworthy long term relationships in the future if that's your attitude.

    Czarcasm wrote: »
    "Morally superior and decent human beings" refer to other human beings as horrible kunts now?

    Well, I suppose they would.

    Oh, was I addressing myself in a post where I quoted another poster? That's funny, thought I was talking to and about them.


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    #69
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    It's those kinds of situations I'm talking about that I'd say make up the majority. I'm not so black and white in my thinking that I don't realise there can often be more to a story.

    If they do make up the majority then the person involved wouldn't necessarily be a coward then. You may not be so black and white in your thinking but it often comes across that way. :)


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    #70
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    conorh91 wrote: »
    If you're refusing to accept their reasoning, then you are de facto judging those people. That judgment is based on your moral outlook.

    You're free to judge whomever you want, and i'm free to sleep with whomever I want and ignore your morals.

    I've cheated in the past. I've been 'revenge cheated' upon, and I'm sure I've been the third person in other relationships. Some of those situations are justifiable to me. If they aren't justifiable to a random person judging others on the internet, that's quite alright.
    I'm not refusing to accept reasoning, that's something I actually do accept.

    I'm just not accepting that it's no big deal - it is when the bigger picture is considered. Insisting you're doing nothing wrong smacks of denial and actually not being that comfortable with what you're doing. Work away at it, not my business but no point pretending to yourself.

    If people are unhappy in their relationships and meet someone they really like and things escalate, I fully see how it could happen and I'd even sympathise, but they're still doing the wrong thing. So much so if they were married it'd be grounds for divorce.


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    #71
    conorh91
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭conorh91


    Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »
    I'm not refusing to accept reasoning, that's something I actually do accept.

    I'm just not accepting that it's no big deal - it is when the bigger picture is considered. Insisting you're doing nothing wrong smacks of denial and actually not being that comfortable with what you're doing.
    You're completely contradicting yourself. How can you "accept" the reasoning, if you dismiss it as self-delusion? That is a de facto rejection of the person's reasoning.

    People maintain relationships for all kinds of reasons - financial convenience, children, or even non-sexual companionship. People stray for all kinds of reasons, too. If I'm having a one night stand with someone, it isn't appropriate nor necessary for me to act as a marriage counsellor, or to impose myself in another couple's affairs, so to speak.

    Like i said, I'm saying this as someone who has cheated and been cheated upon. I suspect a lot of people are, in fact, and some are a little more bitter about it than others. Or else just too willing to impose their morals on others' lives. There's no shortage of that online.


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    #72
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    If they do make up the majority then the person involved wouldn't necessarily be a coward then. You may not be so black and white in your thinking but it often comes across that way. :)

    Bottle kettle black *passive aggressive smiley* Night night.

    Edit: I don't understand your point btw. If someone is deceiving their partner and won't tell them the truth pretending everything is A1, they're cowards for the most part


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    #73
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    Well you did say Conor that you felt justified in cheating - denial is bound to come from that.
    If a person cheats but says they know it was wrong, that's fair enough IMO. I'm hardly that judgemental. Some people are very black and white about cheating, I'm not. Denial about the ramifications of it is silly though.


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    #74
    Peist2007
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,257 ✭✭✭Peist2007


    indigo twist wrote: »
    Yeah but isn't sex with someone who actually wants to be with you nicer ...?

    Rather than with someone who sees you as their second (third? fourth?) choice?

    Weird logic. The average person is nobody's first choice. Let's be realistic


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    #75
    Peist2007
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,257 ✭✭✭Peist2007


    TheZohan wrote: »
    I think someone has to be a bit mentally unstable to cheat, and that includes both parties.

    What a beta thing to say


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    #76
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Peist2007 wrote: »
    What a beta thing to say

    Not really. A person with an alpha mindset would have the will power to control themselves when tempted and stay faithful since they'd be totally secure and sure that the committed relationship they're in is what they actually wanted. And if not, they'd end it without thinking about it twice and move on unaffected.


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    #77
    Peist2007
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,257 ✭✭✭Peist2007


    DoYouEvenLift wrote: »
    Not really. A person with an alpha mindset would have the will power to control themselves when tempted and stay faithful since they'd be totally secure and sure that the committed relationship they're in is what they actually wanted. And if not, they'd end it without thinking about it twice and move on unaffected.

    Or maybe the whole alpha beta thing is a complete load of shiite?


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    #78
    conorh91
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭conorh91


    DoYouEvenLift wrote: »
    Not really. A person with an alpha mindset would have the will power to control themselves when tempted and stay faithful

    You seem to be confusing alpha personality with some kind of zen.

    You could just as easily say "The alpha personality never gets frustrated or exasperated, because an alpha has sufficient will power"

    "Will power" or self-control isn't what distinguishes alpha and beta. The distinction is much less objectively meritorious, such as tendency to dominate, tendency to manipulate, and so on.


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    #79
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Peist2007 wrote: »
    Or maybe the whole alpha beta thing is a complete load of shiite?

    If it can help some "nice guys" find their way to not being used like doormats by other people, which it can, then I'm all for the terminology and examples being used.


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    #80
    0byme75341jo28
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,571 ✭✭✭0byme75341jo28


    Peist2007 wrote: »
    Or maybe the whole alpha beta thing is a complete load of shiite?

    Yep, nothing but complete overthinking.


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    #81
    Summer wind
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,285 ✭✭✭Summer wind


    Nah ain't got no time for that


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    #82
    Ficheall
    Registered Users Posts: 9,027 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    I wonder how many of the people who said they would be willing to be the bit on the side, would also cheat on their own partner in a relationship...


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    #83
    ALiasEX
    Registered Users Posts: 535 ✭✭✭ALiasEX


    Why do people risk that the other parent of their child will be a dicky ****?


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    #84
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Bottle kettle black *passive aggressive smiley* Night night.

    Edit: I don't understand your point btw. If someone is deceiving their partner and won't tell them the truth pretending everything is A1, they're cowards for the most part

    It's hardly passive agressive now, come on. I don't understand your point. I said its difficult in situations where there are kids involved. And you said those situations would make up the majority, yet they are cowards. It's not always that simple though.


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    #85
    Tarzana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭Tarzana


    Did when I was 18 (knowingly). Wouldn't do again. Live and learn.


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    #86
    AudreyHepburn
    Registered Users Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭AudreyHepburn


    No never, not if you paid me. Why on earth would I want to be some guy's bit on the side, his dirty little secret?

    I have more self respect, and respect for others than to lower myself to that.

    And it doesn't bode well for the relationship either, if he cheated with me chances are he'd cheat on me.

    If you are unhappy in a relationship, leave it, simple as.


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    #87
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    Isaac Ancient Rodeo wrote: »
    Yep, nothing but complete overthinking.

    A beta would say that. :rolleyes:


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    #88
    osarusan
    Registered Users Posts: 16,583 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    I get the impression that the OP was talking more about a one night stand than a relationship.

    More people would be willing to do the former than the latter, I'd imagine.


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    #89
    FairytaleGirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 663 ✭✭✭FairytaleGirl


    As much as it galls me, I did - I was in an unhappy relationship and so was she.

    Were together almost 4years now though so it was worth the guilt at the time.


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    #90
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    FairytaleGirl wrote: »
    As much as it galls me, I did - I was in an unhappy relationship and so was she.

    Were together almost 4years now though so it was worth the guilt at the time.


    One thing I can say FTG about cheating, in general (and having been on every side of the fence at this stage!), is that it really has a way of showing you who genuinely cares about people, and who genuinely just cares about spreading malicious gossip that gives them a feeling of being superior to someone else.

    I suppose whatever gets you out of bed in the morning.


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    #91
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    One thing I can say FTG about cheating, in general (and having been on every side of the fence at this stage!), is that it really has a way of showing you who genuinely cares about people, and who genuinely just cares about spreading malicious gossip that gives them a feeling of being superior to someone else.

    I suppose whatever gets you out of bed in the morning.

    :confused:


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