The one thats getting away..

LegacyUser

Hi all

New to boards and rather post anonymously. .bit of background here..
Met a girl about two years ago in work. She was with someone at the time so it was all very friendly but there was definitely a spark from my side anyway. She broke up with her boyfriend so I saw my chance and asked her out. We went on several dates and eventually got down to business. I have to say it was amazing, the sex was unreal and we went at it for the whole night.At the time we had said that it was the best sex we'd both had in a LONG time, I literally couldn't keep my hands off her. Afterwards we talked and spooned..I'm not a one for cheese but it was just perfect. .
Things were moving pretty fast and we both decided it best to slow it down (her previous relationship was 6 or 7 years) me being about two years younger than her, freaked out a little at the thoughts of settling downn also...boy do I regret that!
She eventually met another guy and they are dating now (this all happened a year ago) and I swear I feel like I have made the worst decision for not fighting for her harder(im too stubborn for my own good)
This girl though....I dont think her new guy knows what the hell he's got (saw him checking other girls out when he was with her) why the hell would he? He has the hottest girl in the room and way outta his league (I think outta mine too, looks and personality)
Shes moving abroad to be with him soon but I want to try anything to get her back..I know too little too late and all that but should I come clean about my feelings? I feel like I might have hurt her when i didn't fight for her at the start of her new relationship aswell. This girl is everything I have every dreamt off (the most amazing rack ever cannot get them outta my head!)
Sorry for the rant but I don't want to let her go without a fight...am I mad for feeling this way?

Btw we do still talk on fb from time to time.

ladygirl

OP I suggest you leave them alone and move on with your own life..
You had your chance - you didn't take it..

Your comments on her new boyfriend are extreemely Petty.. All he is doing is looking at another female - he's not exactly acting on it.. Even if he did - IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!

Stop making excuses to try and ruin another persons relationship..

nc19

Go for it!


YOLO

tinz18

It depends on what she's like but I don't think you should. I know personally I wouldn't take too kindly to any guy trying to mess with my relationship. Never mind a guy who had his chance and didn't step up to the plate. She sounds happy with this guy- moving abroad to be with someone is a big step that most people wouldn't take unless they're serious about each other so don't go messing with her head.

miamee

OP leave her be, she is unavailable.

Adults don't get into new relationships in the hopes that their ex will be spurred into fighting to get them back - it just means she has moved on. You may still think she is amazing but not amazing enough for you to have thought about any of this while she was single and available - only now that she is unavailable you want her back. Nowhere have you mentioned loving her or wanting to settle down with her or anything other than how good looking she is and what a great rack (:() she has.

Moving to another country to be with someone is a pretty big deal so it sounds like her relationship is very serious, I'd advise you to leave her be and retain some semblance of friendship with her.

LegacyUser

musicatdawn wrote: »

We went on several dates and eventually got down to business.

This says a lot about how you viewed what went on between you back then. If you treated it then as "getting down to business", then agreed to slow down and not pursue a relationship, well then you got as much out of it as you deserved. Leave her alone, her relationship now is none of your business, you made your choice and your regret and recent jealousy is your own problem to suck up, not offload on her.

too little too late

Why dont you tell her how you feel and let her make the choice. Just be honest with her, and with yourself.

tinz18

too little too late wrote: »

Why dont you tell her how you feel and let her make the choice. Just be honest with her, and with yourself.

That could mess with her head. Most likely as far as she's concerned its over and ye're friends or fb buddies. Again it depends on the girl, some girls love the attention but if this is a case of you knowing deep down she's happy with her current boyfriend (regardless of him looking at other girls, I thought all guys did this*) then leave them be.

*the way my OH phrases it - he looks but then he looks back at me and realises how lucky he is. (cringeworthy but truthful)

CaraMay

Yeah leave her be? you had your chance at the time.

LegacyUser

I know how it looks and yes, I do sound petty about the comments about him checking out girls (I personally think hes being greedy) although I like how tinz oh put it
So alot of people are saying I should leave her alone
.dont think I can
Ok to poster yes she has an amazing rack but its only one of the things I love about her. Everyone that comes into contact with her falls for her hard. I know this cause I know of someone else that basically loves her although they have never been together. I dont think shes the cheating type but if I could just change her mind and show her how much I love her

CaraMay

musicatdawn wrote: »

.dont think I can

So you've made up your mind and you actually want us to tell you it's ok and go ahead?

power pants

id say go for it. Not because I think you have a chance. but for closure. She will more than likely tell you that she has moved on and realized how immature you actually are

plenty of other girls out there with big wracks, happy searching

ManOfMystery

You had your chance, blew it, move on.

Kinda ironic that you also chastise her new fella for checking other girls out when most of your comments in your OP have been about her physical attributes and very little about her personality. You're clearly cut from the same cloth.

tinz18

Well don't be suprised if she tells you no- take no as her final answer and leave her alone. Nothing worse than having a guy persue you when you've already told him clearly that you love someone else and you're not interested. I get the feeling that you are hoping for a romantic outcome and declaration of love- given the circumstances I would say thats unlikely- she's probably excited to be going abroad and to stay with you would probably curtail her plans. Not to mention she must love the guy to do that.
Hint to the wise- don't lead that conversation off with "I want you back because you have an amazing rack"...those of us well endowed are proud of them but we don't like being summarized by our body's assets. Beauty fades so relationships based solely on that will fade too. Kind of reminds me of the scene from disneys swan princess where Derek asks Odette to marry him and when asked why he can only say its because she's beautiful.

LegacyUser

No..I dont need people to tell me its ok. The reason im on this asking advise is because I have very luttle willpower and although I don't want to mess with her head I do want to almost apologise to her for not giving it my all.
Yes poster she is extremely attractive and I am extremely attracted to her that's not to belittle her personality which is out of this world. Smart and unbelievably funny shes like a whole new breed than what im used to

indigo twist

As far as I can see, there are two probable potential outcomes if you decide to tell her how you feel.

1) Probably your preferred outcome. You tell her you want to give things another shot. She leaves her boyfriend, abandons her travel plans, and starts a relationship with you. But ... do you even want a serious relationship with her, or is a case of you want to have some more fun with her and see how things go? I mean, she's giving up her plans of living abroad just to stay with you. She's presumably already given notice to her employer, etc. Most importantly, she's broken off what seems to be a happy relationship. Don't you think she's probably expecting a lot more from you than "a bit of fun and see how things go?" And, also importantly, if she's willing to do this ... if she wasn't truly committed to the move and the boyfriend in the first place ... how do you know it won't be the same with you? How do you know one of her exes, or a new guy, won't suddenly come on the scene and win her over, same as you did? If I were in your position, I'm not sure I'd ever fully relax in the relationship.

2) She is shocked that you'd have the nerve to suggest such a thing to her when she's in a happy new relationship. She wants nothing more to do with you, and finds it insulting that you really think she'd leave a serious partner for an old fling.

Obviously neither of the above outcomes are ideal from your point of view, really.

If I were you? I'd leave her to get on with her life. Maybe her new relationship will work out perfectly; maybe it won't; either way, be gracious about it. No harm in remaining friends on Facebook or whatever, but I'd avoid contacting her often. Maybe this relationship won't work out, and you might get another chance with her if she's single down the line. But maybe they'll stay together and live happily ever after, and if you really care for her, surely you could only be happy for her in this situation?

If you were to break up this relationship - if you were to start into a relationship with her as a result - I just can't imagine it ending happily for anyone involved. There'll always be that tension and imbalance there; that she gave up everything for you. I think leave them at it, and move on with your own life.

tinz18

musicatdawn wrote: »

Hi all

way outta his league (I think outta mine too, looks and personality)

Btw we do still talk on fb from time to time.

I would also be worried about whether you are putting her on a pedestal a.k.a. saying she's outta your league... many a relationship has been ruined by insecurities related to one party thinking their not good enough for the other, that they could do better, or by not being able to cope when he/she does something that doesn't conform to the ideal image in your head.
BTW I still agree with indigo that you should leave her be and try to move on with your life. Its been a year- have you been with anyone since?

LegacyUser

No....I dont need people to tell me it's ok when I say "I dont think I can let it go" I mean I obviously wouldn't be here if I had self control, I just would have gotten over it.
Also I want to point out that yes she is beautiful and yes im extremely attracted to her but her personality is out of this world, like no other woman I've been with. Sooo funny and smart. In my eyes she's the total package.
I see where ye are all coming from. .some people think im an idiot and selfish for even thinking that I want to come clean with her but yes, If I was given the opportunity I do see something down the line with us on a serious level...if she was single of course.
I feel like I owe her an apology also..I know she confided and trusted in me and I totally let her down. I should have told her how much I cared for her rather than let her slip through my fingers. I've f*cked up on many a level

DeltaWhite

musicatdawn wrote: »

In my eyes she's the total package.

PUH-LEASE :rolleyes:

If she was the total package, you wouldn't have messed things up in the first place! I'm on the "leave her to it" side of the fence tbh.

She's moving abroad, obviously that's a huge step for her and she must really love her new bloke to do that so in all honesty leave her to it!

Maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to tell her, and for her to let you down. Because I doubt you would make that mistake again then in future. As they say, you dont miss the water until the well runs dry!

Lalealynn

Telling her how you feel is not cheating. And it is acceptable for you to do this if you want to. However if you are only looking for a fling then no leave it. If you want something series and really want to try then say it to her. But honestly considering how serious they are I think it is something you REALLY HAVE TO KNOW YOU WANT.

Ok so you fancy her and you like her personality. But do you love her? Can you see yourself loving her and being in a longterm relationship with her and committing to that?

What are your true feelings for her? How much time have you spent with her and how much do you really know her?

Measure up your feelings for her to her boyfriends.

' If I was given the opportunity I do see something down the line with us on a serious level...if she was single of course. ' This sounds like a maybe and you are not so certain. Think about that.

LegacyUser

No honestly I have learnt my lesson on this one. She is the total package but it scared me that she was fresh out of a relationship and that I was some rebound. .I know I should have been open with her from the start.
I've been with one girl but no where near the spark that we had. I don't find it hard to find women I mean im not bad looking and not insecure at all.
I did tell her yesterday that I was stupid in letting her go and that I've learnt my lesson (she asked me were there any ladies on the horizon)

tinz18

Its not the finding women I'd be worried about tbh. Its more I worry that if this girl doesn't reciprocate your feelings and chooses her boyfriend (very likely scenario) that you're always going to hold up any girl you date against this woman and as a result make them feel like crap and like they're not good enough. If she says no you're going to have to make a huge effort to move on and put the whole deal to bed- even if that means cutting contact with the woman in qn... just so you don't stunt future relationship prospects. Also- you refer to the spark- not all relationships begin with sparks and in the long run, often sparks fizzle out (not always but quite often) while a relationship based on friendship and respect (and of course sexual compatibility) are the ones that generally last.

LegacyUser

Lalealynn wrote: »

What are your true feelings for her? How much time have you spent with her and how much do you really know her?

' If I was given the opportunity I do see something down the line with us on a serious level...if she was single of course. ' This sounds like a maybe and you are not so certain. Think about that.

I am certain I want something with her, letting her go was the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. I aldo want to point out that I am not attacking her OH! I just feel he takes her for granted and doesnt see what an amazing girlfriend he has..I know that you could say the same about me and I agree. I was naive in thinking that she would be single for long and that I would get a second chance

LegacyUser

I agree with everyone else here HOWEVER I also think you should tell her how you feel because maybe you two are meant for each other? Its like ross and Rachel from friends :-D

Lalealynn

musicatdawn wrote: »

I am certain I want something with her, letting her go was the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. I aldo want to point out that I am not attacking her OH! I just feel he takes her for granted and doesnt see what an amazing girlfriend he has..I know that you could say the same about me and I agree. I was naive in thinking that she would be single for long and that I would get a second chance

Ok well it's your decision. If you feel you would rather move on then that's what you do. If you feel it's better than holding it in prepare yourself and tell her.

It really depends on what you want to do really.

Good luck whatever you decide :-)

LegacyUser

I think I should probably let go. She obviously loves her new fella alot I dont want to mess with her. Its just a shame

Lalealynn

musicatdawn wrote: »

I think I should probably let go. She obviously loves her new fella alot I dont want to mess with her. Its just a shame

You'll find someone. Don't worry. :-) You don't need the drama. :-)

keano25

The OP sounds like the plot of some American romance film where he chaces her into the departure lounge of the airport only to be shot down in a blaze of glory before going to a cut screen... "5 years later" OP is working a dead end job she returns from Australia broken hearted runs into OP and the romance is back on over a coffee in the old hang out spot

Barely There

musicatdawn wrote: »

I am certain I want something with her, letting her go was the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. I aldo want to point out that I am not attacking her OH! I just feel he takes her for granted and doesnt see what an amazing girlfriend he has..I know that you could say the same about me and I agree. I was naive in thinking that she would be single for long and that I would get a second chance

You've absolutely no idea how her bf feels about her, you're just projecting, based on nothing more than seeing him look at other girls (which obviously guys never do :rolleyes:).

Basically you ****ed up, best thing you can do is learn from it and move on. Trying to mess up the relationship she's already in would be a dick move.

LegacyUser

I don't plan on ruining her relationship...I just wanted to give her the full story so she could make the decision herself.
I know men look at other women but to be completely honest I didn't when I was with her because I thought of it as disrespectful to her and thats why I think he doesn't care an awful lot for her if he can openly upset her by looking at other women cheekily in front of her. More power to him if he thinks he can do better than her.
I feel like we have a strong connection and that's not just from my side. I honestly think she cares a lot for me

LegacyUser

keano25 wrote: »

The OP sounds like the plot of some American romance film where he chaces her into the departure lounge of the airport only to be shot down in a blaze of glory before going to a cut screen... "5 years later" OP is working a dead end job she returns from Australia broken hearted runs into OP and the romance is back on over a coffee in the old hang out spot

To be honest, It does. Hopefully it won't take 5 years for them to split though I meant that in a non malicious way of course.
I just asked her to do something purely as friends tonight. I think maybe she'll hesitate purely due to the fact the amount of chemistry we have isn't normal. I would be good and not go there though. Wouldn't want our relationship to start off in a cheating situation but god if I could get my hands on her

Lalealynn

musicatdawn wrote: »

Wouldn't want our relationship to start off in a cheating situation but god if I could get my hands on her

Don't go there OP. Seriously plenty of fish in the sea.

dixiefly

musicatdawn wrote: »

Hi all

New to boards and rather post anonymously. .bit of background here..
Met a girl about two years ago in work. She was with someone at the time so it was all very friendly but there was definitely a spark from my side anyway. She broke up with her boyfriend so I saw my chance and asked her out. We went on several dates and eventually got down to business. I have to say it was amazing, the sex was unreal and we went at it for the whole night.At the time we had said that it was the best sex we'd both had in a LONG time, I literally couldn't keep my hands off her. Afterwards we talked and spooned..I'm not a one for cheese but it was just perfect. .
Things were moving pretty fast and we both decided it best to slow it down (her previous relationship was 6 or 7 years) me being about two years younger than her, freaked out a little at the thoughts of settling downn also...boy do I regret that!
She eventually met another guy and they are dating now (this all happened a year ago) and I swear I feel like I have made the worst decision for not fighting for her harder(im too stubborn for my own good)
This girl though....I dont think her new guy knows what the hell he's got (saw him checking other girls out when he was with her) why the hell would he? He has the hottest girl in the room and way outta his league (I think outta mine too, looks and personality)
Shes moving abroad to be with him soon but I want to try anything to get her back..I know too little too late and all that but should I come clean about my feelings? I feel like I might have hurt her when i didn't fight for her at the start of her new relationship aswell. This girl is everything I have every dreamt off (the most amazing rack ever cannot get them outta my head!)
Sorry for the rant but I don't want to let her go without a fight...am I mad for feeling this way?

Btw we do still talk on fb from time to time.

Was the original breakup not mutual? it seems as if she didn't fight for you either and your relationship had its course.

LegacyUser

Lalealynn wrote: »

Don't go there OP. Seriously plenty of fish in the sea.

She's not your typical "fish". I want to hold her again like I did

If she still likes me, if I come clean about how I really feel

If I come clean about my real feelings for her, that I am madly head over heels for her and that I can make her happy in every way? The guy that shes with basically abandoned her so if I assured her I would never do that there could be a chance?

LegacyUser

dixiefly wrote: »

Was the original breakup not mutual? it seems as if she didn't fight for you either and your relationship had its course.

Well....I would say mutual as she didn't want to get hurt because I started backing away when I realised I adored her. It scared me how much we clicked ive never had that connection with anyone. Plus I didn't want to be a rebound..although I see now that's never what I was with her

Yurt2

musicatdawn wrote: »

T
I just asked her to do something purely as friends tonight. I think maybe she'll hesitate purely due to the fact the amount of chemistry we have isn't normal.

You're not asking her to do things as friends. You have an agenda, that's more than a bit manipulative. She's moved on with someone else, making a major life decision to move abroad with the person. If you respect her you'll accept that. Funnily enough you didn't think she had 'gotten away' until she'd met someone else. Methinks your ego is bruised.

You can go down this road if you want, but be prepared to be confronted by 'the other guy' (her partner) and probably the object of your desires telling you to take a running jump.

LegacyUser

Yurt! wrote: »

You're not asking her to do things as friends. You have an agenda, that's more than a bit manipulative. She's moved on with someone else, making a major life decision to move abroad with the person. If you respect her you'll accept that. Funnily enough you didn't think she had 'gotten away' until she'd met someone else. Methinks your ego is bruised.

You can go down this road if you want, but be prepared to be confronted by 'the other guy' (her partner) and probably the object of your desires telling you to take a running jump.

Not entirely true. I try get with her at Christmas. I dont think they were officially together. She did back away though and nothing happened. I thought this was because she was hurt. If that night meant anything to her she would give it a go I think, it was amazing!

CaraMay

musicatdawn wrote: »

Not entirely true. I try get with her at Christmas. I dont think they were officially together. She did back away though and nothing happened. I thought this was because she was hurt. If that night meant anything to her she would give it a go I think, it was amazing!

You are not listening to anything you've been told. You want to do what you want to do so fire away. See how it goes

beks101

musicatdawn wrote: »

She did back away though and nothing happened.

'She backed away...she backed away...she backed away.." - this is all I'm reading from your various posts OP.

You can muse all you like as to the reasons for her reluctance, but the most likely answer was that she didn't/doesn't want to be with you and all evidence suggests that she has moved on. Namely, she has a new PARTNER and is EMIGRATING to be with him.

I suggest you preserve your dignity, get a grip and move on. YOU instigated the end of things by 'not appreciating what you had', or however you'd like to phrase it - it doesn't really matter because it doesn't change the fact that you PUSHED her away, and now that someone else has come along, your ego can't take the hit.

The ironic thing is if you actually did love and care about this girl as much as you purport to, her well-being would be considered a lot more deeply than it is and you'd have come to the conclusion long ago that she is capable of making her own decisions (i.e in choosing this new fella) and deserves that happiness far more than you deserve a 'second chance'. The fact that you can't see that shows that this is entirely based on your ego and your self-involved desire to have that elevated again in contrary to the facts at hand.

Have a bit of respect. Don't "hang out" with her under false pretences, and move on.

strobe

musicatdawn wrote: »

I did tell her yesterday that I was stupid in letting her go and that I've learnt my lesson (she asked me were there any ladies on the horizon)

So you've told her how you feel and she's told you to find someone that isn't her.

You have your answer. You're flogging a dead horse. Move on, there's nothing there.

LegacyUser

This has nothing to do with my ego. This has to do with letting someone go that might be the person you were supposed to spend your life with. Its not easy for me to see with someone else. Do you really think I would have went though all this for my ego?

LegacyUser

I talked with her today and after a lot of thought and taking into consideration what everyones said I've decided not to pursue this. I don't want to be that guy that messes up a relationship. I still want her in my life though so will continue to speak with her. I'll have to suck it up and get over the fact that it won't be me holding her and making her happy. Feel sickened that I've lost the most amazing women I've ever met but maybe down the line we could be close friends because im definitely not losing her altogether

dellas1979

If she didnt get with someone (portraying the happiness you seek), I do wonder if you would still have the same interest to get with her now.

Because before, you didnt.

Either be honest and tell her your feelings, straight out, and deal with the reply (could be good or bad). But accept what it is. Once and for all. Or if you dont say anything, for your own sake, stop hanging around with her as her "friend", because as another poster said, you do have another agenda to just being friends. And if anything, that seems to be hurting/doing worse for you more than for her.

LegacyUser

""If she didnt get with someone (portraying the happiness you seek), I do wonder if you would still have the same interest to get with her now.

Because before, you didnt.""

I can guarantee you I DID think about her and still do. I think back to how she felt,how she made me feel, her face, her hair, her smile.. everything. That was before I even knew they were official

dellas1979

musicatdawn wrote: »

I can guarantee you I DID think about her and still do. I think back to how she felt,how she made me feel, her face, her hair, her smile.. everything. That was before I even knew they were official

Dude-you are being as indecisive now as you were back then. I think you are using here to fantasise/gush about her or something, rather than facing up to one of the options you do have, in real life.

Either make a decision to tell her, in very plain terms to her face, how you feel, and see how it goes. Could be yay or nay.

Or let her go.

Or leave the situation as it is now.

You are driving yourself demented over something that could be dealt with, if you'd make a decision, and for want of a better expression, it would stop you pussy footing around, and allow you to move on.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Dude-you are being as indecisive now as you were back then. I think you are using here to fantasise/gush about her or something, rather than facing up to one of the options you do have, in real life.

Either make a decision to tell her, in very plain terms to her face, how you feel, and see how it goes. Could be yay or nay.

Or let her go.

Or leave the situation as it is now.

You are driving yourself demented over something that could be dealt with, if you'd make a decision, and for want of a better expression, it would stop you pussy footing around, and allow you to move on.

I agree with you to the extent of fantasising what could be and what happened between us. I realise I have to step up and make a decision what to do. I really believe if I told her the extent of my feelings she would admit she felt the same

CaraMay

musicatdawn wrote: »

I really believe if I told her the extent of my feelings she would admit she felt the same

Op why do you think this? If so why are you not acting?

dellas1979

musicatdawn wrote: »

I really believe if I told her the extent of my feelings she would admit she felt the same

What is stopping you then.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

What is stopping you then.

Because I don't want to be "that" guy. The one that goes around interfering in relationships. Its horrible seeing her with someone else when I know deep down it should be me but for now I am just grateful to have her in my life at all. .even if it is only friends

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

Op why do you think this? If so why are you not acting?

I know this because of the talks that we had when we were together. We both really opened up one night and talked for hours. Things were said that would make me feel she had strong feelings for me. Although she had never met her fella at this stage so that may change the circumstances a little but it doesn't change what we talked about

strobe

musicatdawn wrote: »

I talked with her today and after a lot of thought and taking into consideration what everyones said I've decided not to pursue this. I don't want to be that guy that messes up a relationship. I still want her in my life though so will continue to speak with her. I'll have to suck it up and get over the fact that it won't be me holding her and making her happy. Feel sickened that I've lost the most amazing women I've ever met but maybe down the line we could be close friends because im definitely not losing her altogether

Ah man, look, I get where you are, but you're being a ****ing drama Queen - you've gone from 'oh god she has an amazing rack' to 'I can't live without her'. leave her be. She has no interest in you, if she did, she would have said something. She wouldn't have kept pushing you away etc.

Move on.