Elderly parents

Foggy Jew

Hello everybody

My parents in their 80's were employing a lovely Philipino girl as a sort of home help/ companion. She works Sunday - Friday, and myself and my siblings picked up the slack at the weekends. My Dad became ill, requiring a prolonged hospital stay, and eventually full time residential care.

He was lucky enough to secure a bed in a Nursing Home in June this year. (There is a chronic shortage of nursing home beds in the Dublin area!). The HSE have acknowledged that he requires Nursing Home care, and he has qualified for the Fair Deal Scheme, however, they have not yet sanctioned it. So we are funding his stay at the moment.

Meanwhile, my mother injured herself, requiring 24/7 care. I am currently searching for a suitable person to live-in Friday to Sunday, and possibly to cover holidays for her existing help. (Any steer in the direction of where I should be looking would be most appreciated). The costs associated with the provision of Dad's care, and now full time care for her are just enormous...

It is becoming very clear that my mother will not improve, so we are looking down the road of seeking the Fair Deal for her. However, she will not even discuss the possibility. She is adamant she is not going into a home, leaving us in a pretty impossible, and extremely expensive situation. Should we begin the Fair Deal application process against her wishes? Given that Dad's application went into the HSE in April, and we still haven't received sanction in late September, I worry about how long the process is going to take.

Maybe I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I'm not really expecting a response, but thanks for reading this.

ID

raspberrypi67

Hi There,

Well, I have to say I'm nearly in the same boat. My Dad is 94 but still able to get around though not really able to hear to well
or do much. My mother looks after him with all the pills he has to take and she's in her late 80's. She's not too bad but hasn't given up.

Not sure about your case, at least you were able to get home help. My mother wouldn't dream of it. I suppose if I was in your mothers shoes I wouldn't blame her, I'd prefer to drop off at home! On the other hand we all have lives to live I guess. If the 2 of them were in the same place together , would that be an option. Do they still get on at this stage. Mine don't!
Would it be an option to get a full time carer in the house or would that be too expensive. I know they can be about 1k per week, certainly not cheap. I don't suppose they have savings you could use for this .....I take it they dont by your difficulty.
Sorry not to be of much help. I certainly dread the day when and if we have to make that choice.

Foggy Jew

Thanks for that Rasp! I LOL'ed at your question about them getting on... Married for almost 60 years, and they fight, squabble and bicker like toddlers. Sigh!

My Dad's (pre Fair Deal approval) fees for the nursing home are €1,280.00 per week. My Mam's Sunday to Friday home-help gets paid €500.00 per week. The weekend cover is coming in at €250.00. Their modest savings are almost exhausted now.

I honestly feel like taking up smoking again after 25 years. I have absolutely no desire to end up in my 80's, causing my kids' hair to turn prematurely grey. Growing old is not for the faint-hearted!!

Thanks for your input, Raspberry, and the best of luck. :-)

raspberrypi67

No problem. Think when I get to the stage when I cant move any more or make my own coffee I'll call it a day. Perhaps euthanasia will be an
option 30 years hense...lol

msdaisy7

A fair deal application can really only be applied for if your mother consents as she has to sign the papers, I can understand your concern and motives for planning for the future as the financial cost is huge. hopefully in January there will be a release of funding so the process for your mum, if she agrees, may go through a lot quicker! Best of luck

oconnol1

Foggy Jew wrote: »

Thanks for that Rasp! I LOL'ed at your question about them getting on... Married for almost 60 years, and they fight, squabble and bicker like toddlers. Sigh!

My Dad's (pre Fair Deal approval) fees for the nursing home are €1,280.00 per week. My Mam's Sunday to Friday home-help gets paid €500.00 per week. The weekend cover is coming in at €250.00. Their modest savings are almost exhausted now.

I honestly feel like taking up smoking again after 25 years. I have absolutely no desire to end up in my 80's, causing my kids' hair to turn prematurely grey. Growing old is not for the faint-hearted!!

Thanks for your input, Raspberry, and the best of luck. :-)

Why don't you and your family get togeather and work out a schedule and care for your parents yourselves. My family are doing this and it works. It was never an option to put our parents into a nursing home. Pay back time I guess. Speak to your public health nurse also , they provide some support and you may qualify for some home help and or a carer. Our public health hires organised a carer to come into the house for an 1 1/2 hours per day mon- Fri. It's hard I know to work full time and provide care but hey you won't have your parents forever. We all have work, family etc, but we only have one set of parents who did their best for us, pay back time.