New technology and gizmos that can go and ask our collective lovely årses

IvaBigWun

So apparently the iPhone 6 is just hours away and as I look at my own smartphone here I wonder; "what the fcuk do we need on a new phone that we don't already have now?"

The one upmanship between Apple and Samsung is now like something out of a playground.

What new technology and gizmos can go and ask our collective lovely årses?

Menas

IvaBigWun wrote: »

What new technology and gizmos can go and ask our collective lovely årses?

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

Bang_Bang

IvaBigWun wrote: »

So apparently the iPhone 6 is just hours away and as I look at my own smartphone here I wonder; "what the fcuk do we need on a new phone that we don't already have now?"

The one upmanship between Apple and Samsung is now like something out of a playground.

What new technology and gizmos can go and ask our collective lovely årses?

An electronic cóck app would be nice, I could give the missus one from work.

IvaBigWun

OSI wrote: »

Smartwatches.

"God, my phone is so far away in my pocket. If only I had a much smaller, restricted version strapped to my wrist with even worse battery life"

Winner so far.

Bang_Bang

OSI wrote: »

Smartwatches.

"God, my phone is so far away in my pocket. If only I had a much smaller, restricted version strapped to my wrist with even worse battery life"

Oh yeah, drooling at the prospect of charging my watch all day, USB cables hanging of the wrist, oh yeah......

IvaBigWun

3D TVs

No. Just no.

KeithM89

That ridiculous samsung phone with a screen at the edge, fu*king moronic idea.

BeerWolf

Bang_Bang wrote: »

An electronic cóck app would be nice, I could give the missus one from work.

Phones have had this for ages... it's called the vibrator function... Similar to controllers when they were introduced:

Picture

:pac:

Last_Minute

It's not Apples or Samsung's fault, its the consumers who but them that create the demand.

I love new tech as much as anyone else, but you just know exactly what a new model Iphone or Galaxy will be these days - usually thinner, lighter and with a better camera.

I think an evolution in smart phone making is about to happen. Instead of creating larger and bigger phones they will start to get smaller and smaller, some day becoming so small you can just rest it on you ear lobe.

kylith

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

I love those toilets. Makes going to the loo fun

The Purveyor of Truth

OSI wrote: »

Smartwatches.

"God, my phone is so far away in my pocket. If only I had a much smaller, restricted version strapped to my wrist with even worse battery life"

Heeeyyyyy, Star Trek promised us! :mad:

Karl Stein

I've recently patented the 'ChewBot'. It's a robot that chews your food for you and then spits it into your mouth; it will take the hassle out of having to chew your own food.

DubDJ

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

jester77

KeithM89 wrote: »

That ridiculous samsung phone with a screen at the edge, fu*king moronic idea.

Get out, best idea ever.

Have you never been lying down in bed or on the couch and been too lazy to reach over and turn over the phone to see what message just popped up on the screen?

Now you don't need to, it will be on the side of the phone in line with your view.

KeithM89

jester77 wrote: »

Have you never been lying down in bed or on the couch and been too lazy to reach over and turn over the phone to see what message just popped up on the screen?

But I could just look at my smartwatch to see :P

solomafioso

This. Waste of time and money...

Lenin Skynard

Google Glass. The idea is good and the potential is huge but as of now, it's very limited and far too expensive.

It will also cause a massive rise in the numbers of fights that start with "You were lookin' at me burd!", except it will be "You were filmin' me burd!".

byronbay2

Karl Stein wrote: »

I've recently patented the 'ChewBot'. It's a robot that chews your food for you and then spits it into your mouth; it will take the hassle out of having to chew your own food.

Great idea, but instead of spitting the chewed up food into your mouth (some people might find it a bit bleeagh) the food should be put in the top of the ChewBot, gradually ground into smaller pieces as it goes through and then served through a hole at the bottom as a kind of "99" (without the cone and flake) onto a plate!

Akrasia

I don't think this internet thing will ever catch on

Most of the gadgets people are laughing at now is just another step on the way towards something awesome that we won't be able to live without in 10 years

I love to laugh at early adopters, but genuinely, thanks guys for taking one for the team. Those people who spend 600 quid on the first xbox 360 only for it to get red rings of death and die 6 months later, you guys paved the way for my ultra reliable, reasonably priced xbox a few years later

To the people who spent a fortune on the first touch screen phones on 3g before there were any decent apps or battery life or decent screen or mobile internet coverage... you guys paid for my 100 euro quad core smartphone with a 5 inch screen and 13mp camera

To you guys who are spending a small fortune on 4k televisions now, way before there is any content available for them, you are paving the way for me to get a better more reliable one for 500 quid in a few years time

To the massochists who are getting travel sick with early versions of the Oculus Rift, you're taking the pain so that I'll get my very own fully functional holodeck for my 40th birthday.

IvaBigWun

Lenin Skynard wrote: »

Google Glass.

Is it past beta yet?

For Forks Sake

IvaBigWun wrote: »

So apparently the iPhone 6 is just hours away and as I look at my own smartphone here I wonder; "what the fcuk do we need on a new phone that we don't already have now?"

This is what Apples 'new' product launches remind me of...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaOgZwk9rN8

Karl Stein

Karl Stein wrote: »

I've recently patented the 'ChewBot'. It's a robot that chews your food for you and then spits it into your mouth; it will take the hassle out of having to chew your own food.

byronbay2 wrote: »

Great idea, but instead of spitting the chewed up food into your mouth (some people might find it a bit bleeagh) the food should be put in the top of the ChewBot, gradually ground into smaller pieces as it goes through and then served through a hole at the bottom as a kind of "99" (without the cone and flake) onto a plate!

We're onto something we are.

jimgoose

catallus

solomafioso wrote: »

This. Waste of time and money...

Soap dispensers? Seriously, you have a problem with that?

Best thing since sliced bread.

Frank Lee Midere

Odd that this thread appears when Apple is having its conference not when Samsung started to make phones big as airports or screens that curved for no reason.

srsly78

DubDJ wrote: »

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

There have been massive advances in battery technology in recent years. However this extra battery has been used to power hungrier electronics. Consider the processing power in your phone, it's equivalent to a full desktop pc 15 years ago.

KeithM89

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

Odd that this thread appears when Apple is having its conference not when Samsung started to make phones big as airports or screens that curved for no reason.

In the past month, its his 3rd thread having a go at apple.
Someone needs a hobby.

ancapailldorcha

srsly78 wrote: »

There have been massive advances in battery technology in recent years. However this extra battery has been used to power hungrier electronics. Consider the processing power in your phone, it's equivalent to a full desktop pc 15 years ago.

Crazy. An old school Nokia could probably go for weeks or even a month or 2 on a modern battery.

faceman

Remember when you'd laugh at your Da and grandad when he'd say "why in my day...."?

You're becoming him already....

Timberrrrrrrr

Pretty amazing how far we have come though

eamonnq

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Crazy. An old school Nokia could probably go for weeks or even a month or 2 on a modern battery.

but it could not play Angry Birds.

byronbay2

Karl Stein wrote: »

We're onto something we are.

Hey, you're the brains of the operation - I'm just glad if I can help (even in a small way) towards getting this world-changing invention onto the shelves of every retailer on earth. Just imagine it, a world where children no longer have to chew their food - Da Vinci dreamed of it but couldn't bring the idea to fruition! I don't want or expect anything in return for my input except perhaps a quick mention in your speech at the Nobel Prize-giving ceremony.

ancapailldorcha

eamonnq wrote: »

but it could not play Angry Birds.

Angry Birds pales in comparison to Snake.

Quin_Dub

solomafioso wrote: »

This. Waste of time and money...

catallus wrote: »

Soap dispensers? Seriously, you have a problem with that?

Best thing since sliced bread.

No.. It's pointless...

S....Don't touch it because it might have germs????

But I'm just about to wash my hands with your superdedouper Anti-bacterial soap???

So why the hell does it matter if I have a few germs on my hands a split second before that?????

cerebus

DubDJ wrote: »

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

Lots of people are working on battery technology, but the problem is that it is a really difficult thing to solve - hardcore chemistry and physics problems.

catallus

Quin_Dub wrote: »

No.. It's pointless...

It isn't pointless at all. Integrating motion-sensor technology into household items is the way of the future.

I have one of those soap-dispensers and I couldn't live without it; I shudder to think of all of the backward thinking luddite households in this country and beyond, sliding their grimy uncouth hands on their filthy plastic manually-operated soap dispensers. Absolutely abhorrent. Think of the grime that builds up on it!?? :eek::mad:

Cienciano

DubDJ wrote: »

Decent battery life. How nobody has realised this and invested resources into it I'll never know. I couldn't care how thinner my phone gets anymore.

You'll be happy with the direction Sony are going:
http://www.cnet.com/news/sony-doesnt-believe-2k-screens-are-worth-the-battery-trade-off/

Wibbs

OSI wrote: »

Smartwatches.

"God, my phone is so far away in my pocket. If only I had a much smaller, restricted version strapped to my wrist with even worse battery life"

Funny enough pocket watch wearers said pretty much the same thing about the wristwatch when it came out(and suggested it was only for ladies). Though the one big diff is that a wristwatch is more convenient, easier to read in a hurry and has the exact same info that the pocket watch has. A "smart" watch simply won't. It can't. Now if they had brought oout a smart watch back in the days of tiny screened mobiles they might have taken off but not now, or I really really doubt it. Don't get me started on the daftness and potential twat labeling device that is google glass.

catallus wrote: »

I have one of those soap-dispensers and I couldn't live without it; I shudder to think of all of the backward thinking luddite households in this country and beyond, sliding their grimy uncouth hands on their filthy plastic manually-operated soap dispensers. Absolutely abhorrent. Think of the grime that builds up on it!?? :eek::mad:

Exposure to bacteria is in the vast majority of cases beneficial to humans. The larger an ecosystem of bacteria you carry, in and on your body the healthier you will be. For a start you'll be highly unlikely to have any allergies. About the biggest reason a large percentage of kids today are huffing inhalers and being generally allergic to every goddamned thing is because a generation(and more) were convinced that bacteria were bad and attempted to sterilise everything, or tried to kill them with antibiotics. Plus "antibacterial soap" is largely a con. Ordinary soap will kill/remove just as many.

catallus

Fine. Let's all just wash with a rag on a stick then! Jesus! :mad:

Wibbs

Yep. You'd be better off. Lick your dog and cat while you're at it and let them lick your face after they've run around in the world picking up all the good stuff.

jmayo

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

I am lost a bit, is the new iphone going to have a bidet function.

Fecking hell I heard they were going to wipe Samsung's ar**, but this is taking to a whole new level.

Karl Stein wrote: »

I've recently patented the 'ChewBot'. It's a robot that chews your food for you and then spits it into your mouth; it will take the hassle out of having to chew your own food.

I'll save you some time, ever heard of a blender ?

Karl Stein

jmayo wrote: »

I'll save you some time, ever heard of a blender ?

No NO NO.

The consistency was to be chewed not blended. Anyway the idea has moved on to the Digesti-Bot™ where the food will go into the formerly named ChewBot's mouth and come out the DigestiBot's bum-hole onto a plate.

Do keep up. Sheesh.

The Strawman Argument

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

You can get ones of these that can be controlled by a smartphone app now, so presumably you can do things like literally scare the **** out of your visitors by abruptly turning on the bidet option while they're on it.

The Strawman Argument

cerebus wrote: »

Lots of people are working on battery technology, but the problem is that it is a really difficult thing to solve - hardcore chemistry and physics problems.

...and basically all the real advancements still seem to come from making hardware less power hungry

Call Me Jimmy

Last_Minute wrote: »

It's not Apples or Samsung's fault, its the consumers who but them that create the demand.

Genuine question, is it the consumers that create a demand in this instance?

Consumers: Hey technology companies, you got all that manufacturing equipment and knowledge just lying around gathering dust and costing money, make something for me will ye, I'll pay ye?

or the technology companies say:

Hey we made something with all our manufacturing equipment and knowledge, our design and marketing geniuses will tell ye all about it but safe to say it's grreeeeat.


Sounds like I'm being facetious and juvenile... maybe I am.

_Kaiser_

I was gonna watch the stream for the IPhone 6 launch out of curiosity but it won't work on their site without their own browser/OS

Clever! I'm quite happy with my Note 3 but good way to drive off new customers :rolleyes:

Lenin Skynard

IvaBigWun wrote: »

Is it past beta yet?

It's for sale on the US Play store.

IvaBigWun

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

I was gonna watch the stream for the IPhone 6 launch out of curiosity but it won't work on their site without their own browser/OS

Says it all really.

FloatingVoter

I am keeping a close eye on the interactive sex doll industry. When they invent one that cooks dinner and does the dishes I'm investing.

ScumLord

Trigger Happy wrote: »

Japanese toilets with automatic 'bidet' function. Gave me a hell of a shock the first time I got a 'blast' of warm water whilst having some loo time.

I'm sure there's an app for those toilets, I just hope it's called smartarse.

Samsung have teamed up with oculus rift to make a mobile version of their VR headset. I think it won't take off though, mostly because their customers will probably end up dead from wandering in front of traffic while going for a stroll in their VR world.

Bang_Bang

FloatingVoter wrote: »

I am keeping a close eye on the interactive sex doll industry. When they invent one that cooks dinner and does the dishes I'm investing.

Where have you been??? I have the "flap master 5000" at home. Savage bit of kit. Cooks, cleans, takes the kids to school and .........









*Dramatisation may not have happened.