Asteroid Defence (We need to ACT NOW)

catallus

An idea I'm blatantly stealing from another thread.

Now that "Climate Change" has been proven to be a hoax, we need to divert time money and energy into making some sort of asteroid defence.

Why? Well, you tell me.

I for one think it could double up as a response system against alien invasions.

Reoil

*facepalm*

PLUG71

jimgoose

You know all those 18-inch naval guns from obsolete heavy battleships? Well, you take a load of them, right, and set 'em up around the big observatories, like Jodrell Bank, Mt. Palomar, and so on, only you use new, modified super-dooper shells with computers in, and rocket motors, and extra propellant, and... and...

Bollocks to it. I'm going fer a pint.

Pudders

catallus wrote: »

An idea I'm blatantly stealing from another thread.

Now that "Climate Change" has been proven to be a hoax, we need to divert time money and energy into making some sort of asteroid defence.

Why? Well, you tell me.

I for one think it could double up as a response system against alien invasions.

Jim, will you be releasing a new album with your sisters?

Ruu

Am sending off my plan of a defence shield to ACME products as we speak.

Barely There

All we're going to need is Bruce Willis, some nuclear weaponry and a spaceship.

fizzypish

Ok but lets do this.
1. Invest in long distance object detection. This will generally be useful.
2. Invest in an effective propulsion method for space travel.

We probably already have explosives/warheads of sufficient explosive force to alter the course of an asteroid if we can hit it at a long enough distance.

deandean

I have a triangular spaceship that gets in close to the asteroids and blasts the crap out of them. Like this:

Maximus Alexander

There's already a detailed plan in place for Asteroid defence.

Adamantium

What a ridiculous fantasy; I don't have the resources to lease out any more kids from my child soldier army.

catallus

It's no more or less ridiculous than "AGW"

And it's inflammable.

statesaver

"Climate Change has been proven to be a hoax" . When did this happen ? It seems i didn't get the memo.

catallus

statesaver wrote: »

"Climate Change has been proven to be a hoax" . When did this happen ? It seems i didn't get the memo.

Shut it, "statesaver" if that is your real name, there's a new game in town and it's called ASTEROID DEFENCE!!!!

who the fug

catallus wrote: »

Shut it, "statesaver" if that is your real name, there's a new game in town and it's called ASTEROID DEFENCE!!!!

I don't think defending them asteroids is going to help

Mr. CooL ICE

Defense? Feck that, I'm buying a dashcam (again). Internet dollars, here I come

Kermit.de.frog

Great OP.

I predict a mighty good and entertaining thread.

Awkward Badger

First of all OP you need to look into climate change if you think its a hoax.

Secondly if there are asteroids coming towards us all they have to do is launch some guns into orbit and connect them up to any arcade and let expert 10 year olds blast them all to bits for a quid a go.

catallus

who the fug wrote: »

I don't think defending them asteroids is going to help

A pacifist eh?

What the hell are you going to do when they're on your doorstep.

Peace For Our Time, springs to mind, you collaborationist you.

SouthTippBass

We already have an asteroid defense plan in operation, its called Jupiter.

ScumLord

catallus wrote: »

Now that "Climate Change" has been proven to be a hoax, we need to divert time money and energy into making some sort of asteroid defence.

The ice age was a con, geography teachers have been lying to us all this time.

who the fug

catallus wrote: »

A pacifist eh?

What the hell are you going to do when they're on your doorstep.

Peace For Our Time, springs to mind, you collaborationist you.

Would that make me one of them fifth dimension columnists

Duggy747

Have we tried reasoning with the asteroids?

catallus

who the fug wrote: »

Would that make me one of them fifth dimension columnists

Ok. The fate of humanity is at stake and you make jokes? :mad:

We have to act now to ensure our continued existence! There's a global scientific consensus and everything!

who the fug

catallus wrote: »

Ok. The fate of humanity is at stake and you make jokes? :mad:

We have to act now to ensure our continued existence! There's a global scientific consensus and everything!

Now who is making with the jokes

35cent

We need to build Stonehenge or at least Chandelier then if that's the case.

(If you get the reference, I'll love you)

anncoates

We would be unwise to comet funds to such a costly project.

Ruu

Duggy747 wrote: »

Have we tried reasoning with the asteroids?

Are you stone mad? Would be met with blank expressions...

who the fug

Ruu wrote: »

Ate you stone mad? Would be met with blank expressions...

Could be Locked in Syndrome or they are still in a huff about downgrading Pluto

corner of hells

I , for one ,will be welcoming our new asteroid overlords.

Technoprisoner

statesaver wrote: »

"Climate Change has been proven to be a hoax" . When did this happen ? It seems i didn't get the memo.

apparently 5 days ago

http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-28870988

kneemos

Technoprisoner wrote: »

apparently 5 days ago

http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-28870988

Basically not a fcuking clue.

Red Nissan

Believe it or not, we actually have an asteroid watch and plans to divert.

I think we should make giant genetically modified and radiation resistant spiders and get them to build a giant, stronger than steel, but flexible web between Earth and the Moon and we just catch or sling shot any pesky asteroids that get too close.

Sunnyisland

Call Bruce willis, he's our man...

Red Nissan

fizzypish wrote: »

Ok but lets do this.
1. Invest in long distance object detection. This will generally be useful.
2. Invest in an effective propulsion method for space travel.

We probably already have explosives/warheads of sufficient explosive force to alter the course of an asteroid if we can hit it at a long enough distance.

1. We already are doing exactly that. And for fun anyone with an internet connection can get a piece of space to look at so anyone can be part of the observing team, all you need is the URL to go to, a PC, register, and download the images. Next day download more images, report any differences.

The common theory now is to place a low velocity vehicle on the surface or actually near surface and the pair will bond gravitationally and the low powered vehicle will, given sufficient time, nudge the giant meteor a couple of degrees to alter an otherwise collision course.

We pretty much have everything we need already, we do need more people looking though.

catallus

Red Nissan wrote: »

... we do need more people looking though.

So we can strengthen the consensus, right? I like your thinking....

Tail Docker

Load of high-tech bollox. Nip down to Smyths, buy up their stock of Jumbo 8 Footer trampolines and bang up around 100 of them in the strike-zone. Sit back and watch that rocky fecker bounce right back to where it came from. Simples.

catallus

Tail Docker wrote: »

Pimples.

What if the strike-zone is in the water, what then?

jimgoose

Tail Docker wrote: »

Load of high-tech bollox. Nip down to Smyths, buy up their stock of Jumbo 8 Footer trampolines and bang up around 100 of them in the strike-zone. Sit back and watch that rocky fecker bounce right back to where it came from. Simples.

Are you running for President at some stage? Please say yes!!

kneemos

catallus wrote: »

What if the strike-zone is in the water, what then?

More land.

Tail Docker

catallus wrote: »

What if the strike-zone is in the water, what then?

Smyths do inflatable li-los - increase the budget by €80 and bang the trampolines onto the li-los. Quit trying to create problems. This is a no brainer.

jimgoose wrote: »

Are you running for President at some stage? Please say yes!!

Sadly, no, the world of blocked toilets would be lost without me...:(

Red Nissan

Just launch Bertie at it, his ego is bigger than any Asteroid, neither will survive.

Capt'n Midnight

Barely There wrote: »

All we're going to need is Bruce Willis, some nuclear weaponry and a spaceship.

And all NASA need is a way to launch humans into space.

shruikan2553

Sounds like Youth Defence developed a space programme. Asteroids are unborn planets.

wiseoldelf34

first ebola now this? I hope to feck them iodine pills are still in the gaff

Supergurrier

Actually watched a really cool documentary a few months back on YouTube where basically a comet was headed to hit our sun (big fecker) but we had like 80 years notice and a plan was enacted to build ships so a small % of the population could gtfo.

The propulsion system was mad. It was a system where every 10-15 seconds a nuke was set off behind the ship in order to reach near light speed to reach a system 120 years away (some amount of nukes lol)

Red Nissan

Supergurrier wrote: »

The propulsion system was mad. It was a system where every 10-15 seconds a nuke was set off behind the ship in order to reach near light speed to reach a system 120 years away (some amount of nukes lol)

I believe I saw that too, you retell it well.

padser

Supergurrier wrote: »

The propulsion system was mad. It was a system where every 10-15 seconds a nuke was set off behind the ship in order to reach near light speed to reach a system 120 years away (some amount of nukes lol)

Some ship that survives 120 yrs of nuclear explosions.

anncoates

I have years of previous experience in asteroid management:

http://ascii.textfiles.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/asteroids.jpg

Red Nissan

padser wrote: »

Some ship that survives 120 yrs of nuclear explosions.

Ya, it's the shield sail principle, similar to the particle capture sail propulsion system, except the ship is pushed rather than being pulled.

Mr. CooL ICE

padser wrote: »

Some ship that survives 120 yrs of nuclear explosions.

Would be less taking Einstein's theory of general relativity into account. Be grand, like