Contraception is such a nightmare...

Beccadaisy

My boyfriend and I have been together 4 months and we have begun discussing contraception options. I am 20 years old, and was on the pill from the age of 16-19. I started on Microlite, and very soon after starting the pill I noticed I was feeling extremely low and depressed and not like 'myself', so I went to the doctor and he switched me to Yasmin. It's hard for me to say wether or not there was a difference on yasmin, seeing as I suffer from anxiety and bouts of depression regardless, but I just know that when my relationship ended at age 19 and I decided to go off it completely, I had a wonderful feeling of being 'me' again.
I am a highly sensitive person, both physically and emotionally, and am extremely sensitive to many medications. I am in a place in my life right now where I don't want to take hormonal contraception if I don't absolutely have to, so I decided to do some research on non-hormonal methods. After a LOT of research, I found that the diaphragm sounded like the best option for me. I booked an appointment at the women's clinic to discuss all contraception options, and I mentioned that I really liked the sound of the diaphragm, only to be told by the doctor that she really didn't reccommend it because of how low it's effectiveness is. She then proceeded to pretty much tell me my only options would be hormonal ones, or the copper coil which I would not be happy about getting due to the high risk of long, heavy and painful periods on it which I do not need when I am in university studying.
I spoke to my boyfriend about the option of using just condoms and a spermicide, but he said he would be uncomfortable with that because with his ex he broke so many condoms that he wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy it without worrying about the condom breaking, and I feel the same way. Pregnancy right now in my life would feel like the end of all my plans for the future and I would be fairly devastated, so I sort of feel like my only option now is abstinence..

This is very frustrating to me and I have a lot of stuff going on right now that are making me feel like crap such as thrush, bad PMS, irregular periods, and I've just come off an anti biotic for clearing up acne which I got after going off the pill, etc. So I just feel as though putting any hormones into my body would be a bad idea, considering I'm already an anxious person who suffers from low mood. I am starting university in a month and I don't want anything getting in the way of it. Things are going extremely well with my boyfriend and we're being intimate in other ways, he's been very understanding of my wishes not to use hormones and he cares a lot about me choosing an option that I'm happy with, but I just feel like I have no options now, and the fact that he cares so much about me just makes me want to have sex with him all the more!

Has anyone been in this position and what did you do?

I feel like it's so unfair that us women are nearly always the ones who have to put all this crap into our bodies if we want to have sex. Obviously I'm not blaming men for this, it's not their fault, but when are they going to make something other than condoms for men?! This is soo frustrating..

fits

I would recommend the diaphragm. Use it with condoms and know your cycle. Doctors seem really reluctant to prescribe it but I don't know why really.

lazygal

I would recommend every woman read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is full of information on fertile times and natural signs of ovulation so you can recognise when you're likely to get pregnant.

Princess Peach

I have almost always only used condoms and never had one break. Maybe you and your boyfriend need to learn how to use them correctly?

Henwin

You could go to Boots and get fertility monitors or ovulation kits so you get an idea of when u are fertile so you could abstain during these few days.
I was on the pill for a year and did not like it one bit. Doctors do not inform patients in my opinion of the side effects of hormones. Are they put under pressure from the drug companies, the chemists to prescribe hormonal contraceptives or is there no scientific research done on the hormones.

xzanti

I'm the same as you OP.. every form of the pill has made me feel like sh1t.. so it's condoms and knowing my cycle like clockwork for me.. it's the only way.

I tried the Depo Provera injection, was on it for a year, seemed fine, and then I noticed my hair started falling out I was also constantly bleeding to some degree by the end of my time on it.

Now I just point blank refuse to do that to myself.. I'd rather be happy and feel like myself..

Lia_lia

OP it took me 5 pills to find one that suited me. Now I've been on that one (a low dose triphasic pill) for about 6 years and haven't had any problems with it. I also suffered awful emotional effects from every other pill I was on. But it really does depend on the person and what suits them.

With my ex condoms always broke, I had to use the morning after pill a good few times. That's what made me go on the pill in the first place.

eviltwin

xzanti wrote: »

I'm the same as you OP.. every form of the pill has made me feel like sh1t.. so it's condoms and knowing my cycle like clockwork for me.. it's the only way.

I tried the Depo Provera injection, was on it for a year, seemed fine, and then I noticed my hair started falling out I was also constantly bleeding to some degree by the end of my time on it.

Now I just point blank refuse to do that to myself.. I'd rather be happy and feel like myself..

+1. I used Depo for a few years but its not recommended long term so I just track my cycle now. I don't really want to be putting drugs into my body long term anymore anyway. There is a myth that natural family planning is only done by very religious people or that its really unreliable but done properly it has a very good success rate.

jackofalltrades

Beccadaisy wrote: »

I spoke to my boyfriend about the option of using just condoms and a spermicide, but he said he would be uncomfortable with that because with his ex he broke so many condoms that he wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy it without worrying about the condom breaking, and I feel the same way.

He could have be using a condom that's too small for him or not have been using enough lubricant.
This company does condoms in different sizes and their website has a measuring tape that you can download to make sure you get the right one.

Could well be worth doing more research into as it's one of the few reliable, hormone free options.

THEZAPPA

I like you had a very bad time with any pill contraception, it just never suited any women in my family. I tried every form, lots of women health trips and it never worked I was a maniac on them.

I didn't want to just rely on how my body was acting when it came to ovulation because I did have an accident that way.

I decided to try depo provera and it worked great for me including no periods however you can only go on it for a maximum of two years due to bone density issues. After this I went on implanon and again it was great. Implanon is a progestin only hormone so your body does not release any eggs. Overall I had no bleeding what so ever in those 5 years. Went off it(lasts 3 years and you get another straight away) I wanted a break to see if my body would go back to normal, needless to say it went right back to normal. Just got Implanon again and I'm happy.

In your case you need to try a few out and find some form you are comfortable with. This can take some time for different women as we all react differently to different contraception. Unfortunately it is down to us to make sure we are protected but such is life.

I hope you find something

czechlin

Oh I know how you feel. I've been on the pill for years since 16-17 because of very irregular periods. The first pill didn't sit well with me and then I took Yasmin for a few years. It was grand at the start but I'm not the best at popping pills and towards the end it used to really irritate my stomach so one day decided the hell with it and went off. I was off it for about a year and a half. I wasn't feeling particularly bad but wow, how well did I feel when I got rid of it! I think I finally got in sync with my own body and got to know myself that way. I felt great. Although for the past few months I've experienced painful periods, which was quite new to me and now I understand what were other women talking about, yikes, that's not nice at all.

I met a really lovely guy and I'm enjoying the relationship in every aspect. Although we haven't encountered any problem with condoms I have to admit I was getting very nervous. I feel like I need a backup method. I don't despite the idea of having kids. In a few years time maybe. But no now. Absolutely not ready for it. I'd much prefer not to stuff myself with hormones but I guess at the moment it's worth the peaceful mind. Went to the doc and after a long chat I decided to give the NuvaRing a go. It's been in only few days and so far so good. I'm going to give it 2 months trial and see.

ComputerKing

Op you said your boyfriend had troubles with condoms splitting with his ex. Was he buying proper fitting condoms as if he wasn't it would explain the splitting. If he is bigger than average he may also have condoms splitting and may need to order them from special companies that make then for us larger guys.

Beccadaisy

Thanks for all the replies, nice to know I'm not the only one having trouble finding something!

ComputerKing wrote: »

Op you said your boyfriend had troubles with condoms splitting with his ex. Was he buying proper fitting condoms as if he wasn't it would explain the splitting. If he is bigger than average he may also have condoms splitting and may need to order them from special companies that make then for us larger guys.

Well, I haven't gone into too much detail here because I don't want to spread his business all over the internet, but he goes through a phase of performance anxiety when with a new partner so I wondered when he was with his ex was he putting the condom on at a time when we wasn't fully erect or if he was going between being really hard to quite soft then would that cause a break?
As I said, due to the performance anxiety I haven't seen how big he is when completely 'ready' yet, but judging by what I have seen, he's what I would call average size.
I've also wondered if maybe he just wasn't putting the condoms on correctly.. maybe he didn't properly pinch the the top while placing it on or something.
Regardless, he is very uncomfortable with the idea of using them alone because of his previous experience with them. So I feel like even if we got around the size issue and him learning how to put them on properly, he would still feel super nervous using them and therefore his anxiety about sex would be made even worse and we wouldn't be able to really enjoy it.



I just really, really don't want to use anything with hormones in it. I am so sensitive and, like some of you have said, I just didn't feel like myself when I was on the pill. I refuse to spend months on end chopping and changing from one form of hormonal contraception to another, pumping myself full of all these various hormones and ingredients to try and find one that 'fits', because I just feel like that would really take it's toll on my body and I am not willing to put my health at risk.. nor is my boyfriend happy to let me go through all of that, because he's seen how sensitive I am to stuff.

One poster said that she feels like doctors etc push hormonal contraception on women without fully explaining the risks and side effects, and I couldn't agree more. When I went to my appointment in the women's health centre to speak about contraception, I felt as though I wasn't being listened to, and even at some points felt like I was being laughed at for being overly cautious. This is why I tend to go for holistic treatments and therapies wherever possible. Doctors don't understand why someone wouldn't want to fill their body full of chemicals, or why we worry so much about side effects. I'm planning to go to another family planning clinic in town this week and ask them more about the diaphragm or cap, or possibly the sponge. Maybe they'll be more understanding of my needs and not try to push all these drugs on me

Any key?

Hey OP! I was on the pill for years and finally decided about 4 yrs ago it wasn't for me. Really messed up my tummy and hated messing with my bodies hormones. We have only used condoms since then and never had any issues.
I do know a lot of guys are not a fan as they lose sensation though.

shalalala

I had the bad depression, the thrush etc on the pills before. But now I am on cerazette, the single hormone pill. The only negative effect for me has been bleeding but other than that it is all good! I hate the hormones too but maybe it is worth trying

pwurple

Thinking about contraception myself at the moment. Doing charting and condoms at the moment. Found it hard to find a pill that suited me too, but am planning to get back to it. I took the pill in order to regulate cycles to help me get pregnant.


On the hormones, they are the same hormones that your body produces itself. That weird feeling on it, that's what pregnancy kinda feels like. The pill has a good few health benefits, lowering some cancer risks, and I've even seen interesting studies where people who have used the pill for years have higher egg reserves when older. I wouldn't write it off totally.

http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/features/other-reasons-to-take-the-pill

we'llallhavetea

Was on the pill from my teens but I'm really bad at taking it so had to move to the coil, I'm still a bit of a mentalist every week but I don't find it as bad as the pill. Tried the whole watching my cycle thing without contraception, failed could not risk it again, I seem to be the most fertile woman in fcuking Ireland

czechlin

I'm on the NuvaRing a few days and my legs feel a bit weird. I'll give it a few more days and if it won't stop I think that'll be me done with the ring. I really don't want to go back on the pill as even just the thought of it makes my stomach uneasy
Why can't we just be programmed in "un/wanting baby mode", you don't want a baby - you switch yourself into the free mode (no periods, ovulation, pains and other shenanigans), you want a baby - yay jump start them ovaries!

czechlin

xzanti wrote: »

I'm the same as you OP.. every form of the pill has made me feel like sh1t.. so it's condoms and knowing my cycle like clockwork for me.. it's the only way.

I tried the Depo Provera injection, was on it for a year, seemed fine, and then I noticed my hair started falling out I was also constantly bleeding to some degree by the end of my time on it.

Now I just point blank refuse to do that to myself.. I'd rather be happy and feel like myself..

xzanti, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take you to get a hang of knowing your cycle and could you recommend any particular books/articles? I'm just doing a bit of a research for myself to see all the options

ted1

As said before condom breaks are usually as a result of wearing one that's too small. They are not one size fits all.

OP a flaccid one has no relation to a fully erect one, you may be in for a surprise.

pwurple

Fertility friend is a cycle tracking app for your phone too...

Snoopy1

czechlin wrote: »

I'm on the NuvaRing a few days and my legs feel a bit weird. I'll give it a few more days and if it won't stop I think that'll be me done with the ring. I really don't want to go back on the pill as even just the thought of it makes my stomach uneasy
Why can't we just be programmed in "un/wanting baby mode", you don't want a baby - you switch yourself into the free mode (no periods, ovulation, pains and other shenanigans), you want a baby - yay jump start them ovaries!

Ive been on the nuvaring for over 2 years now. The first month is horrible, my legs felt heavy, i could feel it in me. kept thinking why am i going through this pain. Now dont even notice it, and i love it. My moods are definitely better, although not cured.

Knowing what I know now about how ovarian hormones governing the female brain, and therefore our mental health, I will never ever ever take a hormonal contraceptive again.
No kind of pill, coil, injection or implant.

Condoms, education about my cycle has worked for me for 10+ years.

And if I had a daughter I'd strongly encourage her to stay away from synthetic hormones too, knowing there are alternatives.

Lux23

lazygal wrote: »

I would recommend every woman read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is full of information on fertile times and natural signs of ovulation so you can recognise when you're likely to get pregnant.

This is what I do and it worked a dream until this month, missed my period and had a few slightly worrying days until I got a negative blood test.

czechlin

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Ive been on the nuvaring for over 2 years now. The first month is horrible, my legs felt heavy, i could feel it in me. kept thinking why am i going through this pain. Now dont even notice it, and i love it. My moods are definitely better, although not cured.

I had to remove it 5 days later. First two days I was feeling a bit odd, but ok, day 3 & 4 my legs and arms felt really heavy. By the end of day 4 I was feeling sick and day 5 - the nausea was just unbearable. Also got horrible cramps in the middle of the night so I just gave up. Was grand the next day. I'm not sure if I'll give it one more shot or look for something else. The other reviews I found haven't encouraged me very much tbh

Snoopy1

czechlin wrote: »

I had to remove it 5 days later. First two days I was feeling a bit odd, but ok, day 3 & 4 my legs and arms felt really heavy. By the end of day 4 I was feeling sick and day 5 - the nausea was just unbearable. Also got horrible cramps in the middle of the night so I just gave up. Was grand the next day. I'm not sure if I'll give it one more shot or look for something else. The other reviews I found haven't encouraged me very much tbh

The first month i found very hard, i was like "get this thing out of me", but i stuck at it. Wouldnt be without it now

czechlin

Snoopy1 wrote: »

The first month i found very hard, i was like "get this thing out of me", but i stuck at it. Wouldnt be without it now

Thanks Snoopy, the legs and stuff I could handle but the sickness was tough. Good to hear a feedback though, especially a good one

Snoopy1

If i can remember i got serious cramps too. Now i just forget its there, periods last a day (sometime not even a day).

Beccadaisy

Bit of an update for everyone. I went to a family planning clinic in town today and am very happy with how it went. The doctor was a male which was a little awkward because I've never been examined down there by a male before but he made me feel very comfortable and there was a nurse present to oversee everything. He asked why I felt I didn't want anything hormonal, I explained, and he didn't argue with me. I felt a big sigh of relief when he began explaining how to use diaphragms and giving me all the info. He didn't once try to convince me to use anything hormonal. He listened to exactly what I want and he really helped me. First he showed me how to find my cervix, which we discovered is actually slightly to the left of my body, he told me this is normal its just how im made. I got fitted for a diaphragm next. The first one was too big (felt some pain in my cervix and could feel it inside me when he asked me to walk around with it in), second one fits perfect. He left me to put it in myself and then checked that I'd put it in right. It felt strange but once I had it in, I walked around and couldn't feel it. He gave it to me for a week to practice putting it in, then in a week I will go back with it in, he'll check once again that it's in right and then if I want I will purchase one, along with spermicide.
I have just practiced putting it in again a few minutes ago, didn't leave it in just put it there, checked position, then removed it. Only difficulty I have is actually removing it! Find it very fiddly trying to hook my finger under the rim, I have to put my arm at a very odd angle and almost turn my finger backwards but I'm sure I'll find a better position with more use. It's about ten minutes since I did that now and I feel very slightly crampy or something? The diaphragm is out and everything, I just feel a little bit of discomfort inside (where my cervix is, or possibly my bladder??). Anyone know if this is normal? Is it just from all the poking and prodding at my cervix?

Now all I have to hope is that I'm not allergic to spermicide, and that the diaphragm doesn't cause me to get UTI's. I really, really hope this is the start of my new form of contraception, completely hormone free and safe for my body. If all goes well, my partner and I will be using the diaphragm AND condoms, as we really don't want any little ones running around us just yet I will let you all know how things go!

strobe

Dear God, Allah, Vishnu, Thor, Zues, Undirected Random Quantum Fluctuations That Have Subtley Influenced The Matter In The Universe (delete as appropriate).

It's me Strobe, I probably don't say this often enough, so a big thank you once again for that Y chromosome, it really is appreciated.