Married couples with separate bank accounts

Ghost Buster

I dont geddit!
Perhaps it works for them, YES its no skin off my nose but I really really dont get a marriage where the two keep their own cash separate from the other. This just seems to fly in the face of what marriage is about...you know....for better or worse, richer or poorer.
A mate of mine had to put petrol back in her husbands car last week after she broke down and had to borrow his.
Do you geddit?

Heroditas

My wife and I have separate accounts but we also have a joint account that we contribute to every month - mortgage, bills, shopping, petrol etc all are paid with it.
Our own accounts are effectively our "pocket money".

Ghost Buster

Heroditas wrote: »

My wife and I have separate accounts but we also have a joint account that we contribute to every month - mortgage, bills, shopping, petrol etc all are paid with it.
Our own accounts are effectively our "pocket money".

If you didnt have these separate accounts would you prevent each other from doing what you wish with the shared money?

monflat

Ghost Buster wrote: »

I dont geddit!
Perhaps it works for them, YES its no skin off my nose but I really really dont get a marriage where the two keep their own cash separate from the other. This just seems to fly in the face of what marriage is about...you know....for better or worse, richer or poorer.
A mate of mine had to put petrol back in her husbands car last week after she broke down and had to borrow his.
Do you geddit?

I get it.

Married 8 yrs. We never got around to goin down the route of "paying " fees for another A\c. So certain bills come out of his certain ones out of my account and then we keep goin till we both get paid next month.

I.don't care if he drIves my car n drains it of diesel if has the money to put it in or he does not then il put diesel in.

If I have no money to pay for childminder he does it.

I'm in no way counting pennies at end of month.
If he wants a 100 euro cash does not have I'll give it to him and vice versa.

No big deal if you ask me.

Sunnyisland

Intrest ing thread.

Billgirlylegs

Sensible.

If two people are using the same account at the same time, who knows what the balance is?

Joint accounts are usually set up so that "either or both"are in control, and eventually that will be left to one person to control it all.

Sam Kade

It's simple really the main reason for marriage breakup is money. It also gives each spouse more responsibility with their money whereas if their money was pooled together one spouse could become careless with money. I think it's a great idea.

everlast75

I absolutely get it.

We have a joint account - we both pay in the same amount per week. Out of that account comes mortgage, utility bills etc etc.

We them have the remainder of our own wages to spend on what we like. We earned it so it's ours to spend.

I find there's a fair amount of people who don't have that setup and it's a huge source or rows - one thinks the other is spending too much money etc.

If I wanna buy a golf club, I do. If she wants to buy another handbag, that's cool. There's nome of that "oh I hope he doesn't find out I bought..." nonsense..

A Primal Nut

No way would I want to share my bank account with anyone...crazy idea.

Snowpavlova

We have separate accounts and a joint account into which we both make monthly contributions. Communal bills such as utilities and mortgage payments come out of the joint account. Personal bills such as phone bills come out of our personal accounts.

The Peanut

I will be very interested to hear the comments from people where one or other of the couple has had to give up working to mind children.

From couples who've had one or more accounts that is.

Collie D

If all the money goes into one account what happens with birthdays, Xmas, etc? Or random things like one treating the other to dinner out, flowers, little treats. Effectively the recipient is going Dutch on his or her own present.

Of course most of the above probably stops once the ring is on!

Snowpavlova

The Peanut wrote: »

I will be very interested to hear the comments from people where one or other of the couple has had to give up working to mind children.

From couples who've had one or more accounts that is.

If my wife gave up work I'd pay her a wage unit her own account on a monthly basis and vice versa.

I get satisfaction from responsibility of having my own account, couldn't live without that.

monflat

everlast75 wrote: »

I absolutely get it.

We have a joint account - we both pay in the same amount per week. Out of that account comes mortgage, utility bills etc etc.

We them have the remainder of our own wages to spend on what we like. We earned it so it's ours to spend.

I find there's a fair amount of people who don't have that setup and it's a huge source or rows - one thinks the other is spending too much money etc.

If I wanna buy a golf club, I do. If she wants to buy another handbag, that's cool. There's nome of that "oh I hope he doesn't find out I bought..." nonsense..

We don't ever row about money haven't yet anyways.
Once the bills are paid and a few euro in.savings it does not matter.

With 2 children and a third any day now there's not much time to be fighting over which one of us gets what.
The children are the priority at the moment.

Getting the mortgage paid off too is a big priority and having a warm house with food for all is the main thing.
We share our money but neither of us are big clothes shoppers for ourselves now anymore as we don't stray to far at the moment.

everlast75

The Peanut wrote: »

I will be very interested to hear the comments from people where one or other of the couple has had to give up working to mind children.

From couples who've had one or more accounts that is.

Simples - the person who stays at home puts the kids out selling lemonade, doing bob a jobs and keeps whatever money is made.

Ghost Buster

Anecdotal perhaps but the married friends I have WITH separate cash pots seem to bicker about it more than those who dont.
Its not the physical act of having two accounts in separate names its the non sharing of resources that i find odd.

frostypants

We have separate accounts and pay for everything half and half. Obviously we do nice things for each other like taking each other for meals etc. We've been happily married for years. I've seen friends bickering about money for having a shared account and one getting controlling over the other because of it.

The way we do it is we each pay half for all the bills including shopping, utility bills etc and we then each have our own 'pocket money'.

If you have a shared account I know this it's basically the same but this way we've both equal control of out own hard earned money and we can also treat each other whenever needs be from time to time.

monflat

Collie D wrote: »

If all the money goes into one account what happens with birthdays, Xmas, etc? Or random things like one treating the other to dinner out, flowers, little treats. Effectively the recipient is going Dutch on his or her own present.

Of course most of the above probably stops once the ring is on!

Ye things like that don't bother me anymore.
He might treat me to a dinner out at the end of the month say when mortgage is just paid and some other bills
He may then have only a.few euro left till his pay day.

I.could give him 50 or more to keep him goin.

I never think about it really

mackeire

I know a couple that all his money goes into his account and all her money goes into his account aswel.
Then he buys her what she needs (after an argument).

Personally, I couldn't do that to my missus. I give her money the whole time because she doesn't have too much herself (either do I but sure feck it).

Sam Kade

The Peanut wrote: »

I will be very interested to hear the comments from people where one or other of the couple has had to give up working to mind children.

From couples who've had one or more accounts that is.

I know a woman that has a job 2 days a week and believes that any money she earns is hers to spend as she pleases. She even wants her husband to fund her €70-80/week smoking habit and pay all the bills. She believes her husband should provide for her :rolleyes:

KCC

Ghost Buster wrote: »

If you didnt have these separate accounts would you prevent each other from doing what you wish with the shared money?

Of course you wouldn't, if you had all the money in the world that is! You can't have two people spending what they want from one account!

The simplest and fairest solution is to have a joint a/c for mortgage, bills, childcare, groceries, etc. Each puts in the same amount. You might also decide to have a joint savings account for saving for the kids, big household purchases, etc.

Whatever is left over is your own. It avoids rows! It also allows for an element of privacy. How would you buy each other gifts for birthdays/Xmas, etc. if you only had a joint account?

Fat Christy

Ghost Buster wrote: »

I dont geddit!
Perhaps it works for them, YES its no skin off my nose but I really really dont get a marriage where the two keep their own cash separate from the other. This just seems to fly in the face of what marriage is about...you know....for better or worse, richer or poorer.
A mate of mine had to put petrol back in her husbands car last week after she broke down and had to borrow his.
Do you geddit?

What's the problem? My parents have always had separate bank accounts. They split the bills but have always kept their bank accounts separate.

If I got married I say I'd have one joint account for bill paying but I'd also have a separate personal account. Just because you're married doesn't mean you are joined at the hip or that your partner has free reign over ever penny you earn. Money is hard-earned. Aside from bills/mortgage/groceries, I'd use the remainder on myself, I earned it.

Sunnyisland

Sam Kade wrote: »

It's simple really the main reason for marriage breakup is money..

No it's not.


On the OP
Married couples can choose to maintain separate accounts and also open a joint account in which they deposit a portion of their income. This provides the benefits of a joint account and the independence of divided finances. And of course people should recheck :-) there accounts every so often to make sure all is working fine and to adjust accordingly.

Snowpavlova

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Anecdotal perhaps but the married friends I have WITH separate cash pots seem to bicker about it more than those who dont.
Its not the physical act of having two accounts in separate names its the non sharing of resources that i find odd.

What happens when one person wants to save up to buy an expensive product. So they make all their lunches for work and only buy the bare minimum clothes required in pennies for a year to buy the expensive product. In the course of that year their spouse has been buying expensive luxury good thereby wasting the effort of the saver.

everlast75

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Anecdotal perhaps but the married friends I have WITH separate cash pots seem to bicker about it more than those who dont.
Its not the physical act of having two accounts in separate names its the non sharing of resources that i find odd.

But we are sharing resources - the joint account is the resource??

I cannot see why those couples argue more. I've bought some silly things and if she gives ouy to me for buying it I politely reply it's none of her business. Likewise she has bought some stuff that has never been used and I keep my mouth shut for the same reason.

Fat Christy

KCC wrote: »

Of course you wouldn't, if you had all the money in the world that is! You can't have two people spending what they want from one account!

The simplest and fairest solution is to have a joint a/c for mortgage, bills, childcare, groceries, etc. Each puts in the same amount. You might also decide to have a joint savings account for saving for the kids, big household purchases, etc.

Whatever is left over is your own. It avoids rows! It also allows for an element of privacy. How would you buy each other gifts for birthdays/Xmas, etc. if you only had a joint account?

I'd be the same as this if I was married.

Just having a joint account where either person can spend as they please is pure cray cray.

KCC

frostypants wrote: »

We have separate accounts and pay for everything half and half. Obviously we do nice things for each other like taking each other for meals etc. We've been happily married for years. I've seen friends bickering about money for having a shared account and one getting controlling over the other because of it.

The way we do it is we each pay half for all the bills including shopping, utility bills etc and we then each have our own 'pocket money'.

If you have a shared account I know this it's basically the same but this way we've both equal control of out own hard earned money and we can also treat each other whenever needs be from time to time.

Same here and it works. In 18 years we've never rowed over money. However, we both earn similar amounts, so maybe that's why it works.

Annasopra

Ghost Buster wrote: »

I dont geddit!
Perhaps it works for them, YES its no skin off my nose but I really really dont get a marriage where the two keep their own cash separate from the other. This just seems to fly in the face of what marriage is about...you know....for better or worse, richer or poorer.
A mate of mine had to put petrol back in her husbands car last week after she broke down and had to borrow his.
Do you geddit?

I totally get it. Theres a huge potential for control and abuse if everything is shared.

Snowpavlova

everlast75 wrote: »

But we are sharing resources - the joint account is the resource??

I cannot see why those couples argue more. I've bought some silly things and if she gives ouy to me for buying it I politely reply it's none of her business. Likewise she has bought some stuff that has never been used and I keep my mouth shut for the same reason.

That's ridiculous, resources are more likely to be wasted, much like in socialism.

Ghost Buster

mackeire wrote: »

I know a couple that all his money goes into his account and all her money goes into his account aswel.
Then he buys her what she needs (after an argument).

Personally, I couldn't do that to my missus. I give her money the whole time because she doesn't have too much herself (either do I but sure feck it).

Its that bit there that i find odd. Im not knocking others marriages and perhaps mine is freakishly trusting and harmonious but the notion of either of us 'giving' the other money has never been considered. From before we got married we have shared everything, trust each other 100% not to spend cash on reckless or unnecesessary (?) things and never do.
The point of birthday gifts and such isnt about the cash value but about the thought and effort which goes into the choosing.
Bah. We're odd i guess.:D

Ghost Buster

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

I totally get it. Theres a huge potential for control and abuse if everything is shared.

Then they have a bad marriage.

Larry Wildman

everlast75 wrote: »

We have a joint account - we both pay in the same amount per week. Out of that account comes mortgage, utility bills etc etc.

We them have the remainder of our own wages to spend on what we like. We earned it so it's ours to spend

Surely that only works if both spouses earn similar money?

Snowpavlova

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Its that bit there that i find odd. Im not knocking others marriages and perhaps mine is freakishly trusting and harmonious but the notion of either of us 'giving' the other money has never been considered. From before we got married we have shared everything, trust each other 100% not to spend cash on reckless or unnecesessary (?) things and never do.
The point of birthday gifts and such isnt about the cash value but about the thought and effort which goes into the choosing.
Bah. We're odd i guess.:D

Sometimes people want to buy reckless unnecessary things, with individual accounts you can do that an not effect your partner.

mackeire

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Its that bit there that i find odd. Im not knocking others marriages and perhaps mine is freakishly trusting and harmonious but the notion of either of us 'giving' the other money has never been considered. From before we got married we have shared everything, trust each other 100% not to spend cash on reckless or unnecesessary (?) things and never do.
The point of birthday gifts and such isnt about the cash value but about the thought and effort which goes into the choosing.
Bah. We're odd i guess.:D

Would you rather I gave her a lend and expected it back?

Steven81

We both get paid roughly the same every month, she pays the mortage and i pay all bills/food, holidays etc. She would spend it all every month, whatever i have left goes into a savings account.

Its nice to have a bit of money and spend it accordingly than accounting for it

The Peanut

Snowpavlova wrote: »

If my wife gave up work I'd pay her a wage unit her own account on a monthly basis and vice versa.

I get satisfaction from responsibility of having my own account, couldn't live without that.

Thanks for the reply. I've been married a long time. For me personally, I don't need that level of financial independence. Individual money has always been way down the list of priorities for both of us. Everything has always gone through one joint a/c. I also figure that more a/C's means more money for the bank.

We always knew that once we had a family, my wife would stop working for a period of years. She is working now and I've finished studying. Money is just something that is there between us. We know what needs to go out. We will both inform the other if a major spend is on the way. We're together long enough now to know how it works. It's just another function of our life together. We treat it with the same respect as other aspects of our relationship. Mightn't work for others but we have always done it this way.

Ghost Buster

Snowpavlova wrote: »

Sometimes people want to buy reckless unnecessary things, with individual accounts you can do that an not effect your partner.

Me too. And if the family can afford it and its not utterly dumb then there is no problem in the first place. If the family cant then you would be a dick and would most definitely be effecting your partner.

Sam Kade

realies wrote: »

No it's not.

Ok, lets rephrase it money is one of the main causes of marriage breakup

Fat Christy

mackeire wrote: »

I know a couple that all his money goes into his account and all her money goes into his account aswel.
Then he buys her what she needs (after an argument).

Personally, I couldn't do that to my missus. I give her money the whole time because she doesn't have too much herself (either do I but sure feck it).

That is absolutely ridiculous, didn't he get the memo? We're not living in the 1950's anymore. I actually can't believe that her money goes into his account!! Why?? Honest to gawd! She can always set up her own account and notify work of the account change. She seems like a bit of a pleb to me, no offence to the lady. It's not that hard to set up another account and avoid having these arguments.

I lend money to my partner if he needs it and he does the same for me, it's not a one way street and it really shouldn't be, ever, unless one partner/spouse is down on their luck and can't find a job. The thoughts of not being able to provide for myself fill me with dread. Autonomy all the way, no matter what. The potential of the shít hitting the fan is always there.

Ghost Buster

The Peanut wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. I've been married a long time. For me personally, I don't need that level of financial independence. Individual money has always been way down the list of priorities for both of us. Everything has always gone through one joint a/c. I also figure that more a/C's means more money for the bank.

We always knew that once we had a family, my wife would stop working for a period of years. She is working now and I've finished studying. Money is just something that is there between us. We know what needs to go out. We will both inform the other if a major spend is on the way. We're together long enough now to know how it works. It's just another function of our life together. We treat it with the same respect as other aspects of our relationship. Mightn't work for others but we have always done it this way.

Perhaps i should have started this thread this evening after coffee had kicked in and i became a little more eloquent but this is it in a nut shell.

Larry Wildman

Snowpavlova wrote: »

If my wife gave up work I'd pay her a wage unit her own account on a monthly basis and vice versa.

I get satisfaction from responsibility of having my own account, couldn't live without that.

That's shocking to be honest.

Sam Kade

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Perhaps i should have started this thread this evening after coffee had kicked in and i became a little more eloquent but this is it in a nut shell.

So everything works out perfect if you have enough money and both husband and wife have the same value on money and think alike. If you wanted an answer like this why did you ask in the first place?

ForEffsSake

I really think it depends on the relationship you have and the type of spenders you are. As well as a couple of savings accounts. We have two joint accounts: one for bills and mortgage, one for general expenses such as shopping and spending money. It works for us because we both have a similar attitude to money and I keep an eye on the balance. OH us good at cutting back if funds get low but tbh neither of us are extravagant and it works for us.
However, if you have one who is a happy-go-lucky spender and a partner who worries more about cash then it's better that the spender gets their own account, contributes to the bills/savings account and is then entitled to spend the rest as they see fit with no rows.
What I find odd is married couples who 'owe' each other money. Or where one spouse is not working and the other gives them a small allowance to cover bills/food/children's costs - and then keeps a large portion for their socialising and hobbies while spouse struggles to keep the household afloat. (Just a couple of personal examples from friend/family!)
However, most couples seem to find a method that suits. It's couples who have incompatible ideas on money management that have the rows.

PeteFalk78

Married 10 years and use a shared account. I couldn't imagine having separate account and then a shared account, it must be a gigantic pain in the hole to keep an eye on 3 account balance + the associated fees.

Its not a good thing if you can't trust your other half with money.

A2LUE42

Larry Wildman wrote: »

Surely that only works if both spouses earn similar money?

Not necessarily. If you have two separate accounts and a joint account and you both agree on how much you both contribute to the Joint account, it doesn't have to be an exact 50:50 split, as long as it is fair to both and it is reviewed every so often.

Frozencastle

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Me too. And if the family can afford it and its not utterly dumb then there is no problem in the first place. If the family cant then you would be a dick and would most definitely be effecting your partner.

You can only effect your own account when you have individual accounts.The joint account money goes straight into the joint account as soon as you receive your wages.

Mena

We've only got shared accounts, we're married ffs, not dating.

toadfly

Larry Wildman wrote: »

Surely that only works if both spouses earn similar money?

No I don't think so. My husband and I have a joint account, mortgage and bills go out of that. We both contribute to it, he used to contribute more as he earned more but since my wages increased a bit we put the same amount in. If one of us earns more, we contribute more. Works for us.

Ghost Buster

A2LUE42 wrote: »

Not necessarily. If you have two separate accounts and a joint account and you both agree on how much you both contribute to the Joint account, it doesn't have to be an exact 50:50 split, as long as it is fair to both and it is reviewed every so often.

But if its a fluid set up then why bother in the first place. Just share, trust, dont be a dick with your money but similarly dont be a kill joy miser and dont give the banks more money in account fees!

Heroditas

Ghost Buster wrote: »

If you didnt have these separate accounts would you prevent each other from doing what you wish with the shared money?

I'd like to think we wouldn't but we'd probably end up questioning a lot of what the other buys!

Frozencastle

Larry Wildman wrote: »

That's shocking to be honest.

How is that shocking? Each person in that scenario has there own money to spend how they wish.