are you good at getting over someone?

Pablodreamsofnew

ugh breakups suck. It takes me FOREVER to get over someone. I also get to sad to go to all our favourite places, which sucks. I'm happily married now and literally feel sad at just thinking we might break up in the future!

I think part of the reason is that I hate change. We got new sofas today and I feel like I should hold a funeral of something for the olds ones. I get way too attached.

bodice ripper

MS.ing wrote: »

fyp

your edit is also true.

did I insult you?

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

takamichinoku wrote: »

Not even at the point where you can acknowledge he didn't steal her, she left?

"She left"? Eh, no she did not. He STOLE her!

Anyway, if she had left, her parents would have went looking for her. She wasn't even allowed out after nine.

takamichinoku

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller wrote: »

"She left"? Eh, no she did not. He STOLE her!

Anyway, if she had left, her parents would have went looking for her. She wasn't even allowed out after nine.

So she didn't want to go with him?

Pablodreamsofnew

whirlpool wrote: »

I guess it's affected by a few things - like your self-esteem levels (how high or low your self-esteem was before you met the person and how high or low it continues to be), and how attached you were to the person.

There are people who are in relationships because they need it for their self-esteem. When those relationships end, it'll almost kill them, and they would be helped by getting to work on their self esteem a.s.a.p.

However, when it's a genuine case of being deeply in love with each other - i.e. where you would die for the person but your self-esteem was high before you met them - there's going to be a grieving process to go through when the relationship ends.

If it doesn't take you long to get over people then your self-esteem is probably very high and/or you weren't very attached to the person.

(*self esteem does not equal cockiness, arrogance or faux confidence. Self esteem equals being genuinely and completely at peace with who you are regardless of what goes on around you.)

This makes no sense to me!

Reiketsu

I'm not so good at break ups. My last boyfriend really hurt me and it took me a year and a half to be able to handle being around him. Other boyfriends have cheated on me and I guess once its happened a few times you kind of take it personally :pac:

Tom1991

Will put my hands up and say I'm abysmal at it and takes me nearly longer than the length of the relationship to get over it.
Its worse when I'm usually friends with these girls a good while before so when I'm giving the p45 its losing a gf friend and some of your social circle.

Noobascious

If my looks didn't fade so quickly I might've been able to get over her, somewhat quicker!

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

takamichinoku wrote: »

So she didn't want to go with him?

Christ almighty. I was joking. We were kids. Thought the 'Grifter cycling' part of my post would have made that obvious.

Perhaps you're not old enough to have gotten the reference? Neh bother.

_Redzer_

Was always pretty ok at it. Felt kinda bad but bounced back pretty quickly and thought of it positively, in that we'd never broken up for a terrible reason like one of us cheating and we had a good run.

But then I broke up with someone I was really mad after, under crap circumstances, and there was no chance of getting them out of my head for weeks, well months.
It's since all worked out and I'm off the market and back with them again.

So I really don't know how long it would've taken to get over him had we not gotten back together again eventually. Longest it's ever been by a big stretch, tho.

takamichinoku

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller wrote: »

Christ almighty. I was joking. We were kids. Thought the 'Grifter cycling' part of my post would have made that obvious.

Perhaps you're not old enough to have gotten the reference? Neh bother.

Have you tried the RI forum? I'm sure there's ample opportunities there for the fodder you appear to be looking for here.

Yep, sorry, hadn't a clue that was a reference, born in 1990. Thought it was just grifter as in a grifter.
What's RI?

Reiketsu wrote: »

I'm not so good at break ups. My last boyfriend really hurt me and it took me a year and a half to be able to handle being around him. Other boyfriends have cheated on me and I guess once its happened a few times you kind of take it personally

Did you have to be around him?

For whatever reason, I've no issue with myself if I've been cheated on, I know there's loads of ways to take it personally and I practically always find ways to do that but with cheating it's all on them. Maybe it's just some sort of smug sense of superiority, would absolutely hate to be the cheater in one of those incidents.

Sam Quentin

No problem, easy peasy lemon squeasy, Ha I just laugh them off, not a shred of sadness........







See the reason I'm so tough eh is because I can't get over the first one, shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone.. And that ended years ago.

Reiketsu

takamichinoku wrote: »

Did you have to be around him?

For whatever reason, I've no issue with myself if I've been cheated on, I know there's loads of ways to take it personally and I practically always find ways to do that but with cheating it's all on them. Maybe it's just some sort of smug sense of superiority, would absolutely hate to be the cheater in one of those incidents.

We have the same group of friends so it was inevitable. I did avoid going out to anywhere I thought he might be for about 5 or 6 months at one stage but eventually decided to just suck it up and get on with it. We get on great now .

I had 3 guys in a row cheat on me. It made me question myself for a while, about whether it was my looks or personality, but I came to the conclusion that I've dated more than my fair share of assholes! Been single a while now through choice and the time by myself has been good for me.

Lou.m

whirlpool wrote: »

I guess it's affected by a few things - like your self-esteem levels (how high or low your self-esteem was before you met the person and how high or low it continues to be), and how attached you were to the person.

There are people who are in relationships because they need it for their self-esteem. When those relationships end, it'll almost kill them, and they would be helped by getting to work on their self esteem a.s.a.p.

However, when it's a genuine case of being deeply in love with each other - i.e. where you would die for the person but your self-esteem was high before you met them - there's going to be a grieving process to go through when the relationship ends.

If it doesn't take you long to get over people then your self-esteem is probably very high and/or you weren't very attached to the person.

(*self esteem does not equal cockiness, arrogance or faux confidence. Self esteem equals being genuinely and completely at peace with who you are regardless of what goes on around you.)

I would say yes i can do that. But I tend to get over things not too badly.

It is not separation I find hard to get over but any damage or abuse.

Separation can also make you feel like a burden has been lifted you know. Like a breath of fresh air.

SaoirseRose

It really depends on the relationship - i.e how attached you were, love Vs lust, emotional damage, cheating, clean break or messy...

In general, I'm pretty good at cutting people out completely if needs be. That's not necessarily always a good thing as sometimes I do it hastily, but it comes in handy when it comes to break ups. To be honest I find it a relief to just say 'that's it' and move on instead of the waiting around not knowing what's going to happen. Uncertainty sucks ass.

I've had a few tough ones that weren't so easy to get over, mainly due to unresolved issues/emotional abuse or simply just still being in love with the person even if you knew it wouldn't work.

Lou.m

SaoirseRose wrote: »

It really depends on the relationship - i.e how attached you were, love Vs lust, emotional damage, cheating, clean break or messy...

In general, I'm pretty good at cutting people out completely if needs be. That's not necessarily always a good thing as sometimes I do it hastily, but it comes in handy when it comes to break ups. To be honest I find it a relief to just say 'that's it' and move on instead of the waiting around not knowing what's going to happen. Uncertainty sucks ass.

I've had a few tough ones that weren't so easy to get over, mainly due to unresolved issues/emotional abuse or simply just still being in love with the person even if you knew it wouldn't work.

I think the most difficult thing to get over is when you might love a good person but for whatever reason they dump you or it can't work THAT is the hardest to get over.

When it is revealed to me that they were not worthy of me I find it easier.

When it is revealed to me that they are unworthy that is closure. When it is shown to you that they are a horrible person and that others think more highly of you and you think more highly of yourself it's easier.

Lou.m

Lou.m wrote: »

I think the most difficult thing to get over is when you might love a good person but for whatever reason they dump you or it can't work THAT is the hardest to get over.

When it is revealed to me that they were not worthy of me I find it easier.

When it is revealed to me that they are unworthy that is closure. When it is shown to you that they are a horrible person and that others think more highly of you and you think more highly of yourself it's easier.

It's actually difficult to let someone go with ambiguity over their ultimate character and motivations. You make up excuses for it all in your head that might explain why they do something but still could be a good person.

But worst is to get over someone who has been there for you and been kind and is a nice person that you were into etc that sucks. It is easier to get over the jackass once you actually leave them. That unworthiness and nastiness is closure. Its actually getting to the point of leaving them that is the tricky thing.

But once you do I think they are easier to get over. It's the nice guys that you lament. You don't lament the bad boys that treated you badly. You can despise them for a while then forgive them and move on.

It's not the fakes you need to watch for it's the real deal. The real deal is dangerous. Love is dangerous.

But I know I am strong. It gets easier to get over it if you have been through it. I think that anyway. I get over it much faster now. But you have to make the effort and decide you want to. Either you want single life for a while or you want to find a relationship straight away. But either way you have to decide you want to and make it happen.

SaoirseRose

Lou.m wrote: »

I think the most difficult thing to get over is when you might love a good person but for whatever reason they dump you or it can't work THAT is the hardest to get over.

When it is revealed to me that they were not worthy of me I find it easier.

When it is revealed to me that they are unworthy that is closure. When it is shown to you that they are a horrible person and that others think more highly of you and you think more highly of yourself it's easier.

Yeah, the toughest breakup I had was a few years ago when circumstance was the issue, and not a lack of wanting to be together. We both loved each other still and that was a killer. I had always thought 'once you love someone that's all that matters', but when that love is impacting your emotional well-being then you really need to take a step back and reassess things.

When someone just really fcuks with you through, it's easier to justify the break up in your head for sure, i.e. just remembering all the **** they did whenever you feel your resolve waning.

hippy_hi

Too easy...get up and move on...life is too short, it obviously wasnt meant to be!

realgirl

Just as all relationships are different, all break ups are different too. In my younger days I would often be the one who initiated the break up, of a fairly short relationship, I would feel a little sad but no big deal. My most recent break up was from a LTR and was not initiated by me. Getting over that one, and all the upheaval in my life because of it, has taken a lot of resilience and a good bit of time. I never would have thought it would take me as long as it has, but I think it's something you don't have much control over.

suicide_circus

I guess what goes around, comes around.