Banter in Relationships

lufties

Ok so I met this girl recently, I find her attractive but she seems utterly immature. As bad as it sounds she seems to be self entitled, spoilt and childish.

One thing that really bugs me is how she insults me and dresses it up as 'banter', Yesterday I told her I didn't appreciate being treated like that. She slags off my height almost everytime we meet and generally never has anything nice to say about me, but says its only 'banter'. Then expects me to take her out, cook for her etc

I haven't been in too many loving relationships, but is this normal?

monflat

lufties wrote: »

Ok so I met this girl recently, I find her attractive but she seems utterly immature. As bad as it sounds she seems to be self entitled, spoilt and childish.

One thing that really bugs me is how she insults me and dresses it up as 'banter', Yesterday I told her I didn't appreciate being treated like that. She slags off my height almost everytime we meet and generally never has anything nice to say about me, but says its only 'banter'. Then expects me to take her out, cook for her etc

I haven't been in too many loving relationships, but is this normal?

No not normal get rid of her she will grate on ur confidence and then leave you feeling worse.


Don't bother with her again. She is putting you down to make herself feel good.

NipNip

Put it this way:
You say 'she seems utterly immature.... and that she seems to be self entitled, spoilt and childish.'
And you take issue with her slagging your height.

It sounds to me like a normal relationship from her side, but not from yours.

ash23

lufties wrote: »

Ok so I met this girl recently, I find her attractive but she seems utterly immature. As bad as it sounds she seems to be self entitled, spoilt and childish.

One thing that really bugs me is how she insults me and dresses it up as 'banter', Yesterday I told her I didn't appreciate being treated like that. She slags off my height almost everytime we meet and generally never has anything nice to say about me, but says its only 'banter'. Then expects me to take her out, cook for her etc

I haven't been in too many loving relationships, but is this normal?

Myself and my boyfriend slag each other off a little bit now and then but not all the time. An occasional jokey remark which would constitute about 1% of the stuff we'd say to each other.
To me that is banter.

However when a relationship consists of that 100% of the time or the negative remarks far outweigh the positive, then it's not banter.

Having said that, you find her immature, self entitled, spoiled and childish. So you're not exactly being kind about her either.

Seems like it's just not going to work out.

DanDublin1982

Banter is things like slagging the OH off for forgetting to take the bin out or for missing a turn on the motorway. Trivial things.

Slagging off someone's physical attributes is not banter IMO. Is she much taller than you? Start calling her BFG and see how she likes it.

DeltaWhite

I get slagged about my height all the time by people. 5ft10 is tall for a woman and some people just cannot seem to accept it or understand it. TBH if my OH was continuously slagging me off over my height even though I told him not to, I wouldn't bother my arse with him. Immaturity is one thing, but persistent slagging is not banter in my opinion.

lufties

ash23 wrote: »

Myself and my boyfriend slag each other off a little bit now and then but not all the time. An occasional jokey remark which would constitute about 1% of the stuff we'd say to each other.
To me that is banter.

However when a relationship consists of that 100% of the time or the negative remarks far outweigh the positive, then it's not banter.

Having said that, you find her immature, self entitled, spoiled and childish. So you're not exactly being kind about her either.

Seems like it's just not going to work out.

Your probably right, it just angers me, every day there is Irish jokes(she's English), I don't honestly care but once or twice was enough.

NipNip

But banter is just that - banter; - presumably, the girlfriend does not know that you have an issue with your height?

lufties

DanDublin1982 wrote: »

Banter is things like slagging the OH off for forgetting to take the bin out or for missing a turn on the motorway. Trivial things.

Slagging off someone's physical attributes is not banter IMO. Is she much taller than you? Start calling her BFG and see how she likes it.

I'm 5ft 7 and she's 5ft 4...she's a nice girl deep down but seems to act like a spoilt princess.

lufties

NipNip wrote: »

But banter is just that - banter; - presumably, the girlfriend does not know that you have an issue with your height?

I don't have a issue, its just I'd prefer to hear nice things not put down all the time, its starting to affect my confidence I must admit.

DanDublin1982

lufties wrote: »

I'm 5ft 7 and she's 5ft 4...she's a nice girl deep down but seems to act like a spoilt princess.

Replace bfg with hobbit so.

Chance The Rapper

I know a girl like that who just has a bad habit of " slagging" her male companions, she's always putting them down. I copped it after a month and just stopped paying attention to her. I certainly wouldn't want to be going out with her if she was at that every day

NipNip

You have nothing to offer her. I would finish with her (get in there before she dumps you).

lufties

Chance The Rapper wrote: »

I know a girl like that who just has a bad habit of " slagging" her male companions, she's always putting them down. I copped it after a month and just stopped paying attention to her. I certainly wouldn't want to be going out with her if she was at that every day

We have been having sex without condoms(she's on the pill), I was hesitant but she laughed and said she's been on it several years. Lo and behold she forgot to take it, telling me not to worry it will be fine, if she falls pregnant she'll keep it a secret...If that's not immature I don't know what it.

lufties

NipNip wrote: »

You have nothing to offer her. I would finish with her (get in there before she dumps you).

I'm worried there might be a chance pregnant now, once her period comes I'll say goodbye.

lufties

NipNip wrote: »

You have nothing to offer her. I would finish with her (get in there before she dumps you).

She has nothing to offer me either it would seem.

monflat

lufties wrote: »

I don't have a issue, its just I'd prefer to hear nice things not put down all the time, its starting to affect my confidence I must admit.

Well which is she a nice girl whom you like spending time with or a spoilt princess?

If you want to hear nice things about yourself your lacking in.a bit of self confidence somewhere ( nothing to feel bad about we all had times where we felt /feel like that)

Is it you who cooks and cleans all the time?
List out 5 nice things she done for you recently


If you can't think of them. There's no point in.staying with a person maybe she is easy on the eye and your friends think this too.
BUT If she is affecting your confidence you don't need her in your life


Oh and also. Watch out for STDS. Pregnancy is an issue but so are std s.

lufties

monflat wrote: »

Well which is she a nice girl whom you like spending time with or a spoilt princess?

If you want to hear nice things about yourself your lacking in.a bit of self confidence somewhere ( nothing to feel bad about we all had times where we felt /feel like that)

Is it you who cooks and cleans all the time?
List out 5 nice things she done for you recently


If you can't think of them. There's no point in.staying with a person maybe she is easy on the eye and your friends think this too.
BUT If she is affecting your confidence you don't need her in your life

You don't have to be lacking in confidence to appreciate being complimented instead of put down...To be brutally honest, she is good in bed, nice looking but otherwise a pain in the hole.

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

You don't have to be lacking in confidence to appreciate being complimented instead of put down...To be brutally honest, she is good in bed, nice looking but otherwise a pain in the hole.

So basically, she's got nothing deeper than the physical going for her? Dump her.

If she forgot to take a pill, how come she didn't get the morning after pill?

You say you've met her recently. As this hasn't been a long term thing, I'd suggest you get an STD test.

lufties

green_screen wrote: »

So basically, she's got nothing deeper than the physical going for her? Dump her.

If she forgot to take a pill, how come she didn't get the morning after pill?

You say you've met her recently. As this hasn't been a long term thing, I'd suggest you get an STD test.

She refused to take the morning after saying it'll be fine..I don't think she's the type to sleep around too much as she has been in 2 long term relationships

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

She refused to take the morning after saying it'll be fine..I don't think she's the type to sleep around too much as she has been in 2 long term relationships

Sounds like she wants to get pregnant. Refusing condoms, missing a pill, refusing the MAP, that'smessed up.

You ddon't know her well enough to know if she's clean or not. For your sake, and the sake of future partners, get tested, and wrap it up unless you know for sure that the other person is clean.

Tokyo

lufties wrote: »

You don't have to be lacking in confidence to appreciate being complimented instead of put down...To be brutally honest, she is good in bed, nice looking but otherwise a pain in the hole.

While I might have used different words, you have summed up your relationship with this person pretty concisely. She's eye candy, but other than that she does not treat you as an equal, and dress it up with whatever words you like, she talks down to you and insults you.

It sounds like the gloss of being "good in bed" has worn off, and you are looking for something more meaningful that you are not getting from her. It may be time to let her go and search for that somewhere else.

lufties

mike_ie wrote: »

While I might have used different words, you have summed up your relationship with this person pretty concisely. She's eye candy, but other than that she does not treat you as an equal, and dress it up with whatever words you like, she talks down to you and insults you.

It sounds like the gloss of being "good in bed" has worn off, and you are looking for something more meaningful that you are not getting from her. It may be time to let her go and search for that somewhere else.

Yes true, but I'm not sure if its just me, Im 32 and have never met a girl who I felt truly into, bar 2 or 3.

monflat

lufties wrote: »

You don't have to be lacking in confidence to appreciate being complimented instead of put down...To be brutally honest, she is good in bed, nice looking but otherwise a pain in the hole.

Right I'm bowing out of this thread because it's not really about.your initial post that she criticises your height and your getting tired of her saying these things.

there's more to the whole scenario than a few negative comments.

lufties

monflat wrote: »

Right I'm bowing out of this thread because it's not really about.your initial post that she criticises your height and your getting tired of her saying these things.

there's more to the whole scenario than a few negative comments.

Be my guest, I said she's a pain in the hole and puts me down with 'banter'....

Thanks for coming, bye!

Tokyo

lufties wrote: »

Im 32 and have never met a girl who I felt truly into, bar 2 or 3.

At risk of pointing out the obvious....

lufties wrote: »

...she seems utterly immature...self entitled, spoilt and childish.

lufties wrote: »

seems to act like a spoilt princess.

lufties wrote: »

I'd prefer to hear nice things not put down all the time, its starting to affect my confidence

lufties wrote: »

She has nothing to offer me either it would seem.

lufties wrote: »

she is good in bed, nice looking but otherwise a pain in the hole.

You're not truly into her - far from it. You're beginning to see clearly the way things actually are between you two.

DeltaWhite

At the risk of sounding offensive (which is not my intention, this is merely for your sake) stop having sex with her. If you are truly not interested in her, which I don't think you are, you need to end this. Seems to me like you're heading down a dangerous path here with her messing up her pill etc.

lufties

DeltaWhite wrote: »

At the risk of sounding offensive (which is not my intention, this is merely for your sake) stop having sex with her. If you are truly not interested in her, which I don't think you are, you need to end this. Seems to me like you're heading down a dangerous path here with her messing up her pill etc.

She's probably the most mutual attraction I've had in years, hence its hard to let her go.

Twas Not

lufties wrote: »

Ok so I met this girl recently, I find her attractive but she seems utterly immature. As bad as it sounds she seems to be self entitled, spoilt and childish.

One thing that really bugs me is how she insults me and dresses it up as 'banter', Yesterday I told her I didn't appreciate being treated like that. She slags off my height almost everytime we meet and generally never has anything nice to say about me, but says its only 'banter'. Then expects me to take her out, cook for her etc

I haven't been in too many loving relationships, but is this normal?

How long have you been together?

lufties

Twas Not wrote: »

How long have you been together?

2 months

PinkLemonade

lufties wrote: »

She's probably the most mutual attraction I've had in years, hence its hard to let her go.

You came here for advice, the advise is unanimous, dump her

kylith

lufties wrote: »

She's probably the most mutual attraction I've had in years, hence its hard to let her go.

So she is consistently horrible, puts you down, makes fun of your height, is an immature, spoilt, childish, pain in the hole, and is blatantly trying to get pregnant ('forgetting' to take her pill then refusing to take the MAP because 'ah sure, 'till be grand' is pretty blatant). But you're willing to overlook all that because she's attractive?

Dude, she's horrible. Dump her before she succeeds in 'accidentally' getting pregnant and you're stuck with her for life.

meeeeh

She puts you down and you don't really like her. It seems you two are made for each other.

DeltaWhite

I take it you're just with her for sex? That's kind of what it looks like to me, as Kylith points out all the faults you stated about her, but you're willing to keep going because she looks good? Looking good means F all dude. I honestly don't know how you can still be having sex with someone who clearly does your head in.

lufties

Thanks for all the comments,As hard as it was I just dumped her.

Obliq

lufties wrote: »

I haven't been in too many loving relationships, but is this normal?

Jaysus, no. Not for a loving relationship.

lufties wrote: »

We have been having sex without condoms...If that's not immature I don't know what it.

That's both of you being immature.

lufties wrote: »

To be brutally honest, she is good in bed, nice looking but otherwise a pain in the hole.

Why are you with her again? Oh wait...for the ride. Good one.

lufties wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments,As hard as it was I just dumped her.

Both of you just dodged the same bullet. Thank fcuk for that.

Big Bag of Chips

And what if she is pregnant? If
don't want a baby, you take responsibility for contraception. I can't believe at 32 years )old you need to be told that.

If you don't use contraception you are at the girl's mercy.. And is paying out a hefty sum of your income for the next 20 odd years something you have in your long term plan?

She sounds very immature, but you don't sound all that sensible yourself. I think you attract what you put out. And if you find you are attracting/attracted to immature girls, then maybe look at how you come across to others.

Lou.m

lufties wrote: »

Ok so I met this girl recently, I find her attractive but she seems utterly immature. As bad as it sounds she seems to be self entitled, spoilt and childish.

One thing that really bugs me is how she insults me and dresses it up as 'banter', Yesterday I told her I didn't appreciate being treated like that. She slags off my height almost everytime we meet and generally never has anything nice to say about me, but says its only 'banter'. Then expects me to take her out, cook for her etc

I haven't been in too many loving relationships, but is this normal?

We have been having sex without condoms(she's on the pill), I was hesitant but she laughed and said she's been on it several years. Lo and behold she forgot to take it, telling me not to worry it will be fine, if she falls pregnant she'll keep it a secret...If that's not immature I don't know what it.
lufties is offline Report Post

RUN FOR THE HILLS. Listen I am a girl I would NEVER do that. I can tell you ANY girl who says that is probably TRYING to get pregnant. And adding in her other behavior I would say she is trying to. You need to get away from this girl seriously it sounds like she would mess up your life.

Sorry to sound like I am paranoid but I think she is trying to wear you down and trap you. Partners should build each other up.

I would suggest you seriously consider whether or not she is worth it at this point.

There seems to be little or nothing redeeming about her.

If you have said I am sensitive about that it should have been the end of it.

If she insults you and turns it around as 'oh you are one of those who can't take a joke' sorry she is trying to get you down.

You can slag off some people and they never mind some do it's subjective.

Tell her that her jokes aren't funny.

What matters is you are hurt by it and have told her so. It should stop now.

The main issue is that you are both being silly about protection.

monflat

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

And what if she is pregnant? If
don't want a baby, you take responsibility for contraception. I can't believe at 32 years )old you need to be told that.

If you don't use contraception you are at the girl's mercy.. And is paying out a hefty sum of your income for the next 20 odd years something you have in your long term plan?

She sounds very immature, but you don't sound all that sensible yourself. I think you attract what you put out. And if you find you are attracting/attracted to immature girls, then maybe look at how you come across to others.

From reading the first few posts the op sounds like someone 16-20 yrs.
But then. Revealing he is 32......
This isn't really a relationship " banter " issue..

jantheman91

Wouldn't stand for that.

I can't imagine she would stand for it had you spoke to her like that.

Too many cnuts already walking this earth. The less time you've to spend with another one, the better.

Bin.

Obliq

Ps. Since you're here asking and telling OP, my advice is take a careful note of when that contraceptive slip-up happened (or at least, the last time ). You may be wondering about dates at some stage, if she happens to turn up at your door pregnant.

And for christ's sake, be more careful about yourself and others. Maybe find out and take responsibility for what else you want/don't want, apart from the ride?

dixiefly

lufties wrote: »

We have been having sex without condoms(she's on the pill), I was hesitant but she laughed and said she's been on it several years. Lo and behold she forgot to take it, telling me not to worry it will be fine, if she falls pregnant she'll keep it a secret...If that's not immature I don't know what it.

To be honest you sound immature and a bit too trusting yourself. If it was me I wouldnt wait until her period. I would dump her straight away for the reasons you have yourself given. If she is pregnant then you will have to deal with it. But deal with it from a position where you have already broken up.

lufties

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

And what if she is pregnant? If
don't want a baby, you take responsibility for contraception. I can't believe at 32 years )old you need to be told that.

If you don't use contraception you are at the girl's mercy.. And is paying out a hefty sum of your income for the next 20 odd years something you have in your long term plan?

She sounds very immature, but you don't sound all that sensible yourself. I think you attract what you put out. And if you find you are attracting/attracted to immature girls, then maybe look at how you come across to others.

I hate this ****ing website sometimes,all the holier than thou goons who never made a mistake come out of the woodwork...sex with condoms suck, being a human I naively put my trust in her. if you have nothing good to say then shag off.

Obliq

lufties wrote: »

...sex with condoms suck, being a human I naively put my trust in her.

Aaarghhh, the truth, it burnsss usss

marie12

lufties wrote: »

I hate this ****ing website sometimes,all the holier than thou goons who never made a mistake come out of the woodwork...sex with condoms suck, being a human I naively put my trust in her. if you have nothing good to say then shag off.

Self entitled, spoilt and childish much? I think you got very good advice here.

Neyite

lufties wrote: »

I hate this ****ing website sometimes,all the holier than thou goons who never made a mistake come out of the woodwork...sex with condoms suck, being a human I naively put my trust in her. if you have nothing good to say then shag off.

Keep it civil please or I'll lock this thread and start handing out cards

marie12 wrote: »

Self entitled, spoilt and childish much? I think you got very good advice here.

As above. Read the charter before posting in this forum again. Personal attacks on posters is not permitted.

Penny Tration

lufties wrote: »

I hate this ****ing website sometimes,all the holier than thou goons who never made a mistake come out of the woodwork...sex with condoms suck, being a human I naively put my trust in her. if you have nothing good to say then shag off.

Wow.

I'm not trying to be 'holier than thou,' but actually, no, I've never made a mistake with my sexual health. I used condoms and had tests done after every break up, and while my bf and I don't use condoms now, i had him get tested, and i take my pill religiously. If I'm even 2 hours late taking my pill (the one I'm on has a 12 hour grace period), I won't have sex for a week.

It's great that you trust her, but c'mon, no condoms with a girl you barely know, who 'forgot' her pill and refused the MAP? Run like the wind.

kylith

lufties wrote: »

I hate this ****ing website sometimes,all the holier than thou goons who never made a mistake come out of the woodwork...sex with condoms suck, being a human I naively put my trust in her. if you have nothing good to say then shag off.

You know what else sucks? Paying child support for 18 years for a child you had with a woman you don't even like, because you don't like using condoms.

lufties

kylith wrote: »

You know what else sucks? Paying child support for 18 years for a child you had with a woman you don't even like, because you don't like using condoms.

She seems really genuine and had a 7 year relationship on the pill without condoms. I do like her, not everything about her obviously but I was still getting to know her.

lufties

green_screen wrote: »

Wow.

I'm not trying to be 'holier than thou,' but actually, no, I've never made a mistake with my sexual health. I used condoms and had tests done after every break up, and while my bf and I don't use condoms now, i had him get tested, and i take my pill religiously. If I'm even 2 hours late taking my pill (the one I'm on has a 12 hour grace period), I won't have sex for a week.

It's great that you trust her, but c'mon, no condoms with a girl you barely know, who 'forgot' her pill and refused the MAP? Run like the wind.

In fairness she's not stupid and comes from a decent backround, this is the third time in my life I had sex without a condom. She refused the MAP as she took her regular one the next morning

njs030

lufties wrote: »

In fairness she's not stupid and comes from a decent backround, this is the third time in my life I had sex without a condom. She refused the MAP as she took her regular one the next morning

STD's don't choose people based on background, cleanliness, attractiveness or the amount of partners they've had.
Either of the previous two women you've slept with without a condom could have had a STD and unknowingly passed it on to you, the same with her and her ex's.
As genuine as you think she is it's possible her ex could have cheated on her, caught something and passed it on. It happens.
The ONLY way to know it's safe to have sex without a condom is to both get tested. One of you should have enough sense to think clearly.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here, your answers contradict each other.

If you're only with her for sex then do the decent thing and make that clear to her- don't use her.