Older single men and women

Voodoomelon

Just some observations about older single men and women I've made over the years.

I see far more 40+ year old single men out eating by themselves in restaurants and drinking in bars, going to sporting events, cinema etc, than women. In fact you would rarely see women of that age ever doing the above.

Do middle-aged single women stay out of the public eye more than men, or am I incorrectly assuming that men out by themselves in the above situations (maybe excluding sport) are single?

I worked in a bar/restaurant for years and I remember just one regular middle-aged women coming in for dinner. One. Yet you'd get many men a week in for a meal for one. Do women prefer to eat/drink at home than to be seen in public alone?

Or do more women end up married than men (probably a given)? Is it part of the same cycle that causes more men to become alcoholic, become homeless etc?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Anytime I see a woman drinking alone, I always assume she's a hooker, and speak to her accordingly.

Voodoomelon

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Or do more women end up married than men (probably a given)? Is it part of the same cycle that causes more men to become alcoholic, become homeless etc?

Who are they marrying?

gordongekko

Deleted User wrote: »

Who are they marrying?

Lesbians

cazzer22

I think women may be conscious about eating alone/doing stuff alone. I had this conversation with my boyfriend and it seems (from my experience) men seem to be more willing to do stuff on their own. I'd be too conscious of it.

Mr. Incognito

Women are more social and go in groups

Men enjoy their own company more.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Women are more social and go in groups

Men enjoy their own company more.

Each and every single one of them.

o1s1n

cazzer22 wrote: »

I think women may be conscious about eating alone/doing stuff alone. I had this conversation with my boyfriend and it seems (from my experience) men seem to be more willing to do stuff on their own. I'd be too conscious of it.

Why can't you enjoy your own company while out and about? What do you have to be self conscious about?

Lapin

How do you know all the men are single OP?

Maybe they just go out to eat beause they can't stand their wife's cooking.

cazzer22

I'll do stuff like shopping, grabbing a coffee or simple things like that, but when it comes to a restaurant/cinema kinda thing, it's a thing that people do together so I'd feel weird doing it alone. I'd almost feel like people would be like ''oh that person is on their own'' and pass a comment. I guess some people are comfortable with it, I just don't think I am.

I am just a person who doesn't really enjoy being alone for long periods of time, I prefer to be with people.

chinacup

o1s1n wrote: »

Why can't you enjoy your own company while out and about? What do you have to be self conscious about?

Because you get men approaching you thinking you're a hooker?

o1s1n

o1s1n wrote: »

Why can't you enjoy your own company while out and about? What do you have to be self conscious about?

I've had a few girls admit that the reason they were late for some meet-ups was because they would feel too weird if they had to sit in the pub on their own for a few minutes before I showed up. Bordering on sad tbh.

Mr. Incognito

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

Each and every single one of them.

Yes. Every one.

Time them taking a number two if you dont believe me.

Shakespeare's Sister

cazzer22 wrote: »

I'll do stuff like shopping, grabbing a coffee or simple things like that, but when it comes to a restaurant/cinema kinda thing, it's a thing that people do together so I'd feel weird doing it alone. I'd almost feel like people would be like ''oh that person is on their own'' and pass a comment. I guess some people are comfortable with it, I just don't think I am.

I am just a person who doesn't really enjoy being alone for long periods of time, I prefer to be with people.

I'm similar, although cinema isn't sociable IMO. I'd go to the cinema alone no problem. Sometimes I prefer it.

Magaggie

Magaggie wrote: »

I'm similar, although cinema isn't sociable IMO. I'd go to the cinema alone no problem. Sometimes I prefer it.

Even better in the day time and there's no-one else there.

cazzer22

Deleted User wrote: »

I've had a few girls admit that the reason they were late for some meet-ups was because they would feel too weird if they had to sit in the pub on their own for a few minutes before I showed up. Bordering on sad tbh.

HA that's me all over. Girls hate to be in public places, waiting for someone. I'd always try and arrive just on time/ a few minutes late so I know I won't be first there.

Voodoomelon

cazzer22 wrote: »

I'll do stuff like shopping, grabbing a coffee or simple things like that, but when it comes to a restaurant/cinema kinda thing, it's a thing that people do together so I'd feel weird doing it alone. I'd almost feel like people would be like ''oh that person is on their own'' and pass a comment. I guess some people are comfortable with it, I just don't think I am.

I am just a person who doesn't really enjoy being alone for long periods of time, I prefer to be with people.

What about when you are middle-aged, or maybe you all ready are. Would you rather sit at home for two weeks, waiting for a group scenario to come around before going out? I'm not attacking, just wondering.

cazzer22

Magaggie wrote: »

I'm similar, although cinema isn't sociable IMO. I'd go to the cinema alone no problem. Sometimes I prefer it.

Yeah I get you. It's not really a place where you can talk. I could never go for a random drink on my own, I'd feel really weird doing it and really self-conscious. Would you go for a drink on your own?

Agricola

Magaggie wrote: »

I'm similar, although cinema isn't sociable IMO. I'd go to the cinema alone no problem. Sometimes I prefer it.

Me too, plus no one can see me weeping in the darkness. AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

cazzer22

Voodoomelon wrote: »

What about when you are middle-aged, or maybe you all ready are. Would you rather sit at home for two weeks, waiting for a group scenario to come around? I'm not attacking, just wondering.

HAHA! I'm in my early twenties and no, that's not the case. I do stuff on my own like shopping/coffee, that kinda thing. When I'm middle aged (a while to go yet) I'd like to hope I'll be married and have friends to do stuff with. I'm actually living on my own for a few weeks at the moment (huge step)

Shakespeare's Sister

cazzer22 wrote: »

Yeah I get you. It's not really a place where you can talk. I could never go for a random drink on my own, I'd feel really weird doing it and really self-conscious. Would you go for a drink on your own?

Yeh I would in my local, but that's all. Certainly wouldn't go to a bar in town on my own.
I'd, like you, have a coffee alone. I'd maybe have a quick lunch alone.
I wouldn't go travelling alone though, or for dinner alone.
There was a time I wouldn't have lived alone, but I do now and I love it.

I wouldn't care about being early and waiting for someone in a restaurant, bar etc though - I don't understand why that would be something to be concerned about?

Bongalongherb

I'm a single male 45 years young and it never crossed my mind about doing things on my own while out and about. I don't even think of it, never had reason to

Voodoomelon

cazzer22 wrote: »

HAHA! I'm in my early twenties and no, that's not the case. I do stuff on my own like shopping/coffee, that kinda thing. When I'm middle aged (a while to go yet) I'd like to hope I'll be married and have friends to do stuff with. I'm actually living on my own for a few weeks at the moment (huge step)

I've a while to go yet myself and am hoping if I were to be single at that stage that i'd be willing to still go out by myself. But as a man, I do feel it would be less of an effort than for a middle aged woman. I just have a sad image of many women sitting at home alone at that age. You could argue it's just as sad sitting at a bar, but at least it's social.

Magaggie

Magaggie wrote: »

Yeh I would in my local, but that's all. Certainly wouldn't go to a bar in town on my own.
I'd, like you, have a coffee alone. I'd maybe have a quick lunch alone.
I wouldn't go travelling alone though, or for dinner alone.
There was a time I wouldn't have lived alone, but I do now and I love it.

I wouldn't care about being early and waiting for someone in a restaurant, bar etc though - I don't understand why that would be something to be concerned about?

Well how long is a "quick lunch"? If you were waiting 10 minutes in a bar for someone with a drink in front of you is that not "as bad"?

Shakespeare's Sister

Deleted User wrote: »

Well how long is a "quick lunch"? If you were waiting 10 minutes in a bar for someone with a drink in front of you is that not "as bad"?

Did you maybe misread my post? I said I wouldn't care about being on my own waiting for someone.

By "quick lunch" I just mean e.g. a sandwich, rather than a two or three course dinner at lunchtime.

Bongalongherb

I don't know why folk worry about it, single men and women should just do what they do and not think about what a bunch of strangers think IMO. Once you're happy who cares.

cazzer22

Magaggie wrote: »

Yeh I would in my local, but that's all. Certainly wouldn't go to a bar in town on my own.
I'd, like you, have a coffee alone. I'd maybe have a quick lunch alone.
I wouldn't go travelling alone though, or for dinner alone.
There was a time I wouldn't have lived alone, but I do now and I love it.

I wouldn't care about being early and waiting for someone in a restaurant, bar etc though - I don't understand why that would be something to be concerned about?

Yeah that's exactly the same as me. If it was a date, I definitely wouldn't be waiting around for them. I'd wait a few extra minutes. I can't explain why it's just something I do. If I was meeting a friend I'd have no problem waiting for them in a restaurant. I can't explain the reason behind it, I guess it's just out of habit and I feel more comfortable that way.

I could NEVER go travelling alone, it's a lot of pressure to put yourself under (in terms of making new friends etc). It's an adventure, but something I'd prefer to do with company.

Magaggie

Magaggie wrote: »

Did you maybe misread my post? I said I wouldn't care about being on my own waiting for someone.

By "quick lunch" I just mean e.g. a sandwich, rather than a two or three course dinner at lunchtime.

But would sitting on your own with a drink in front of you looking like a lush not be worse than settling down for a lovely lunch? :pac:

cazzer22

Voodoomelon wrote: »

I've a while to go yet myself and am hoping if I were to be single at that stage that i'd be willing to still go out by myself. But as a man, I do feel it would be less of an effort than for a middle aged woman. I just have a sad image of many women sitting at home alone at that age. You could argue it's just as sad sitting at a bar, but at least it's social.

Yeah I know what you mean. I'm sure there are lots of women, who enjoy sitting in at home with a glass of wine, alone, which is totally fine if they're happy with that.

You often see men sitting alone in bars, having a pint and it's normal but you never really see women doing it. I would put the reason down to being conscious of themselves out alone. I personally, feel more comfortable going out in a group or with another person.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Years ago I sat in a pub waiting for a friend echo was late. I had the newspaper and ordered a drink. A sad middle aged couple sat across from me staring. I felt very uncomfortable. Same scenario in Sydney, no one batted an eyelid. There's something about this country that people can't mind their own business. Maybe that's the reason.

krudler

cazzer22 wrote: »

Yeah that's exactly the same as me. If it was a date, I definitely wouldn't be waiting around for them. I'd wait a few extra minutes. I can't explain why it's just something I do. If I was meeting a friend I'd have no problem waiting for them in a restaurant. I can't explain the reason behind it, I guess it's just out of habit and I feel more comfortable that way.

I could NEVER go travelling alone, it's a lot of pressure to put yourself under (in terms of making new friends etc). It's an adventure, but something I'd prefer to do with company.

Everyone should travel alone at some stage, it's great not having anyone else to get into arguments with about where to go or what to do, all your time is your own. You're out of your comfort zone so chat to randomers in bars just for the sake of chatting.

cazzer22

krudler wrote: »

Everyone should travel alone at some stage, it's great not having anyone else to get into arguments with about where to go or what to do, all your time is your own. You're out of your comfort zone so chat to randomers in bars just for the sake of chatting.

I can see why people would love to go traveling alone, but I just don't know if I could do it. Where did you go travelling alone just out of interest?

krudler

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Years ago I sat in a pub waiting for a friend echo was late. I had the newspaper and ordered a drink. A sad middle aged couple sat across from me staring. I felt very uncomfortable. Same scenario in Sydney, no one batted an eyelid. There's something about this country that people can't mind their own business. Maybe that's the reason.

Its a very Irish thing alright. You see people sitting in bars or restaurants all the time over here and nobody cares, why would you care about what someone is doing on their own? it's utterly bizarre.

krudler

cazzer22 wrote: »

I can see why people would love to go traveling alone, but I just don't know if I could do it. Where did you go travelling alone just out of interest?

Bunch of places around America's west coast, and moved to Canada :pac:

I do know people who can't spend any time by themselves, including one grown man who won't walk into a pub on his own, someone has to go out and meet him. Apparently walking into a packed pub on a saturday by yourself to meet people already in there is "sad".

Czarcasm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Just some observations about older single men and women I've made over the years.

I see far more 40+ year old single men out eating by themselves in restaurants and drinking in bars, going to sporting events, cinema etc, than women. In fact you would rarely see women of that age ever doing the above.

Men drink in groups too, like when there's a match on the main screen or whatever. There are more women in their 30s and 40s in clubs, depending on what club you go to (not talking Coppers or Krystle, but actual decent night clubs), many more women in the Arts - theatre, art gallery exhibition opening nights, book recitals.

Do middle-aged single women stay out of the public eye more than men, or am I incorrectly assuming that men out by themselves in the above situations (maybe excluding sport) are single?

More than likely, but this post alone shows you've got form

I worked in a bar/restaurant for years and I remember just one regular middle-aged women coming in for dinner. One. Yet you'd get many men a week in for a meal for one. Do women prefer to eat/drink at home than to be seen in public alone?

One venue, one woman, and you extrapolated that out to make an assertion about women in society in general? If anyone needs to get out more...

No. Women aren't still tied to the kitchen sink, and enjoy as much an active social life, independence, and affluence as their male counterparts.

Or do more women end up married than men (probably a given)

How?

I'm sensing some old fashioned ideas in your "observations" tbh. You seem to completely ignore the possibility of couples in long term co-habiting relationships, and the myriad of other possible permutations.

Is it part of the same cycle that causes more men to become alcoholic, become homeless etc?

What "same cycle" are you talking about here? And by "more men" becoming alcoholic and homeless, do you mean more men than women, or just the men that you have observed going for dinner on their own?

Traveling alone would be great. I had a 4 day holiday on my own and ended up in a hostel and a Swedish girl came in and talked to me for hours. :pac: Also came across a limited edition whiskey in a pub that was being sold at regular prices that I probably wouldn't have copped on to if I'd be in a group because we would've been on rounds of pints. Went wandering alone, chatted to people, great fun. I flew to Canada alone to meet my friend over there. On the way over the old woman next to me got 2 drinks, which I never would've thought of. :P On the way back got talking to someone on the bus whose family was from Hull. Loads of little memories that are mine and mine only.

gugleguy

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Men enjoy their own company more.

That's right, me
to my own poison.

Czarcasm

Czarcasm wrote: »

There are more women in their 30s and 40s in clubs, depending on what club you go to (not talking Coppers or Krystle, but actual decent night clubs)

Where?

gugleguy

@ Aribiter of Good Taste: That IS one reason.

cazzer22

krudler wrote: »

Bunch of places around America's west coast, and moved to Canada :pac:

I do know people who can't spend any time by themselves, including one grown man who won't walk into a pub on his own, someone has to go out and meet him. Apparently walking into a packed pub on a saturday by yourself to meet people already in there is "sad".

Some people just prefer to walk in with someone I guess. I'd have no problem walking into a pub to meet someone, just wouldn't actually go for a drink on my own though. Canada and America sound pretty cool, too. I would love to go travelling eventually.

lulu1

Lapin wrote: »

How do you know all the men are single OP?

Maybe they just go out to eat beause they can't stand their wife's cooking.

I would say most men would eat the wife's cooking before they would spend the money on a meal.

northgirl

Deleted User wrote: »

I've had a few girls admit that the reason they were late for some meet-ups was because they would feel too weird if they had to sit in the pub on their own for a few minutes before I showed up. Bordering on sad tbh.

Why is that sad? Going on meet-ups can be nerve wracking.

ancapailldorcha

Unfortunately, I missed out on the travelling thing but I have been on a few group holidays which were definitely worth it.

krudler

cazzer22 wrote: »

Some people just prefer to walk in with someone I guess. I'd have no problem walking into a pub to meet someone, just wouldn't actually go for a drink on my own though. Canada and America sound pretty cool, too. I would love to go travelling eventually.

Try it, early evening/daytime. Quiet pub, just sit there and read or people watch if there's a window looking onto a street. It's really nice.

Shakespeare's Sister

northgirl wrote: »

Why is that sad? Going on meet-ups can be nerve wracking.

But their issue is with being seen alone, even though just for a few minutes. That is sad. Very needy and insecure.

It boils down to "Omg, a bunch of strangers might think I'm a loner!"

ancapailldorcha

krudler wrote: »

Try it, early evening/daytime. Quiet pub, just sit there and read or people watch if there's a window looking onto a street. It's really nice.

I've only just started doing that and I agree. It took me ages to get to the stage where I could go to the pub alone. Cinemas, walks, gigs all fine but pubs and restaurants I just feel uneasy in if I am alone.

northgirl

northgirl wrote: »

Why is that sad? Going on meet-ups can be nerve wracking.

1) The people I'm referring to were very good friends of mine
2) Aside from that, what has the meet-up bit have to do with the sitting in a pub for a few minutes? Surely it'd be better to be waiting than to take the chance of catching the guy's eye and walking towards him and tripping? :P

cazzer22

krudler wrote: »

Try it, early evening/daytime. Quiet pub, just sit there and read or people watch if there's a window looking onto a street. It's really nice.

I'm actually kind of intrigued now to try something outside the box. Cheers

Witchie

I am 40 and eat out, go for coffee, go to gigs etc on my own all the time. Maybe you don't notice coz I don't look 40.

krudler

cazzer22 wrote: »

I'm actually kind of intrigued now to try something outside the box. Cheers

Do it, you'll wonder what the fuss was about. People generally don't give a crap, and if they do, so? oh no a total stranger I'll never see again thinks I'm weird, big whoop.

northgirl

Deleted User wrote: »

1) The people I'm referring to were very good friends of mine
2) Aside from that, what has the meet-up bit have to do with the sitting in a pub for a few minutes? Surely it'd be better to be waiting than to take the chance of catching the guy's eye and walking towards him and tripping? :P

Fair enough. I suppose I'm just thinking that some people might find going to a venue alone nerve wracking on top of the whole "meet-up" nerves that's all