Jokes You Have Heard a 1000 Times That Still Get You

this little gem from season 4 of park and recs im laughing now its just so funny

amazing joke

Sulla Felix

Did you hear about the farmer who won a prize?
He was out standing in his field.

wotswattage

Have you heard about the crime in the multi story car park?




It was wrong on so many levels...

endacl

Sulla Felix wrote: »

Did you hear about the farmer who won a prize?
He was out standing in his field.

Did you hear about the magic farmer?

He walked down the lane and turned into a field.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He had to work it out with a pencil.

Sir Arthur Daley

Two aerials got married the wedding was a disaster but they had a great reception.

endacl

What's yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.

martyos121

Why do midgets make bad parents?





They struggle to put food on the table.

Turtwig

The IT crowd funeral advice.

Just say sorry for your loss and move on.

Chancer3001

What's red and in invisible?

No tomatoes

tastyt

Did you hear about the cabbages funeral??



There was a huge turnup at it.

endacl

What's white, and rhymes with 'dray'?

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

Why did the woman drive around with a box of Daz washing powder on her car roof. She had no aerial.

The Diabolical Monocle

Yo momma so fat her blood type gravy.

jill_valentine

Your momma's so fat she jumped up and got stuck.

ardle1

Your momma's so fat.........................................Eh no seriously, your momma's so fat:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

massdebater

Pretty much all of father ted. I've seen every episode about 20 times and I still laugh out loud watching them.

CaSCaDe711

What do you call a dog with no tongue?




Smelly balls.

Mr E

Funnier when my 6 year old niece says it, but...

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?

(+ at least 5 more)

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Orange
Orange you glad I didn't say apple!

rotun

endacl wrote: »

What's white, and rhymes with 'dray'?

In my best Ranier Wolfcastle accent,

Is that the joke?

CrazyRabbit

It was reported today that Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was killed in collision with a flock of geese and a Boeing 747 airliner over the Spanish capitol of Madrid. A spokesman said that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

Crooked Jack

What have Monaghan and a pregnant cow got in common?

They're both close to Cavan.

-=-=-=-=-=

What's the fastest bun in the world?

Scone. (Only makes sense if you arent one of those sc-own tossers)

Phoebas

endacl wrote: »

What's white, and rhymes with 'dray'?

rotun wrote: »

In my best Ranier Wolfcastle accent,

Is that the joke?

Eminem.

oldyouth

Mother duck leading her brood out of the River Lagan to the safety of their nesting area

Mother Duck; Quack, quack, quack

Duckling; Slow down Mammy, we're only 3 days old, we can't go any quacker

Grayson

Blond walks into a library a says "Can I have twenty marlboro and a box of matches"
Librarian looks at the blond and says "Err...This is a library"
Blond says "Oh Sorry. Can I have twenty marlboro and a box of matches"

Barely There

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho Cheese.

Sunnyisland

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents .

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time .

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms . He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour . He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex ..

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack .
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all .

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door .
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated .
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head . A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down .


10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy .
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious . '


The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist . '
__________________


No matter how many times I read this, I laugh, I laughing now.

Akrasia

Whats brown and sticky?











A stick

gramar

I made a car out of spagetti the other day.
My friend wouldn't believe me until I drove pasta.


What's the best present?
A broken drum.....

you can't beat it

The was a toilet stolen in Harcourt street Garda station last night.
Nothing left but a hole in the floor. The guards are looking into it.
At the moment they have nothing to go on.

Akrasia

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!


Pull yourself together man!!







Doctor Doctor, I've only got 59 seconds left to live!

I'll be with you in a minute




Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo hoo?
No need to cry, it's only me!

Akrasia

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput

Tarzana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axHe_BVY_9c

castletownman

Apparenty UAE don't allow the Flintstones to be aired because it doesn't understand it's humour.

But Abu Dhabi Do.

shebzie

Two blondes walk into a bar,
You think the first one would of seen it.

lucylu

What do you call a 3 legged Donkey

Wonky

GoodBridge

Why doesn't Elton John like iceberg lettuce?

He's more of a rocket man

Sam Kade

tajd wrote: »

this little gem from season 4 of park and recs im laughing now its just so funny

amazing joke

Did he say she gets cum on her back or she gets to come on her back? Either one not funny.

Ninjini

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and asks "does this taste funny to you?"

Crooked Jack

...and then the proctologist said "rectum? I damn near killed him."

byrneg28

Jokes about air conditioning? I'm not a fan

Banjo String

What's the difference in a fridge and a fanny?

a fridge doesn't fart when you put meat into it

keano_afc

Why does Mexico have such a poor Olympic team?

Coz anyone who can run, jump or swim is in America.

magicmushroom

Doctor, doctor I have a strawberry growing out of my head

Here, I have some cream for that

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

What's black and ryhmes with Snoop?


Dr Dre.

kwestfan08

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

Mariasofia

I wa driving down the road yesterday when I saw an AA van and the driver was crying his eyes out.
I reckon he was heading for a breakdown.......

snaphook

Yo momma so fat, she walked in front of the TV and we missed 5 german goals.

An american tourist calls into a pub in Cork.
"Hello, I was wondering what the fastest way to Blarney is?"
Oul fella looks around and says;
"Will you be driving or walking there?"
"Driving"
"That'll be the fastest way"

A Dub in Glasgo

Jokes You Have Heard a 1000 Times That Still Get You

Israel doesn't target civilians

ButtersSuki

What do you call a man with a shovel?
Doug.


What do you call a man without a shovel?
Douglas (Doug-less).

Aglomerado

What has a bottom at the top?

A leg!

razorblunt

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?

A headbanger.

Bruthal

What's the difference between PMT and BSE?

Ones mad cow disease. The other an agricultural problem.