Stories about your parents

Sadderday

I assume over the years one or both or your parents have caught you doing something you shouldn't have been doing, embarrassed you, kicked you out possibly, took you back in possibly, found something in your room, realised you were lying but went along with it to see how far you'd go, gave you a slap, gave all your friends sweets, gave your friends booze, gave you good advice, gave you bad advice........

What are your parents like?

Any funny stories?

Seedy Arling

Sadderday wrote: »

What are your parents like?

Sound.

Sadderday

Seedy Arling wrote: »

Sound.

Why though ?

Did ya not ever hide a join't in their hanging basket and get caught or anything ???????????????????????????????????????????

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

Sadderday wrote: »

Any funny stories?

Shortly before my Dad died, him and his mates where all coming back from a funeral and stopped at a chippers somewhere and they all got fish & chips. They were all sitting in the car eating away and saying how lovely the batter was. My Dad says: "Yeah, it's gorgeous. Pity they wouldn't put a bit of fish in it".

Seedy Arling

Sadderday wrote: »

Did ya not ever hide a join't in their hanging basket and get caught or anything ???????????????????????????????????????????

Is that some kind of kinky euphemism?

beakerjoe

Old and unintentionally racist. They mean no harm but always say things that are just un-PC.

"He looks like Bob Marley" (only because hes black)

"Im getting a chinky tonight" when ordering Chinese food

"a yellow fella skipped me in the post office queue today" in reference to an asian man.

also my dad loves pointing out whos gay on telly "hes a fairy.... hes a wooly woofter............hes a puff as well"

Sadderday

My aul lad is the same....

suspicious of every body, his advice is 'keep your arse to the wall' .... so you can't get kicked or f**ked

The Backwards Man

My Da is desperate for haggling and complaining that things are too dear. The shops hate to see him coming. And whatever you do don't ask him 'are you OK?', you'll never hear the end of it.

Sadderday

The Backwards Man wrote: »

My Da is desperate for haggling and complaining that things are too dear. The shops hate to see him coming. And whatever you do don't ask him 'are you OK?', you'll never hear the end of it.

Yeah my ma's like that, she looks for stuff with rips, tears or buttons missing to get a few quid off !!

beakerjoe

Sadderday wrote: »

My aul lad is the same....

suspicious of every body, his advice is 'keep your arse to the wall' .... so you can't get kicked or f**ked

My dad will also criticize people like Eddie Izzard and other cross dressing tv folk,

Yet he loves Les Dawson and Bennie Hill when they did it.... oooh Daddy:rolleyes:

The Backwards Man

Sadderday wrote: »

Yeah my ma's like that, she looks for stuff with rips, tears or buttons missing to get a few quid off !!

Any time I buy something the first question isn't how much was it, it's how much did you get off it?

ruthloss

My Grandad tied the carcass of the Christmas Turkey to the village Pump with red ribbon one New Year's Eve., some of the auld wans were convinced it was a Pisóg.:D

eisenberg1

ruthloss wrote: »

My Grandad tied the carcass of the Christmas Turkey to the village Pump with red ribbon one New Year's Eve., some of the auld wans were convinced it was a Pisóg.:D

I'd say the village pump was raging, was she?:D

vicwatson

Sadderday wrote: »

Why though ?

Did ya not ever hide a join't in their hanging basket and get caught or anything ???????????????????????????????????????????

Hanging Basket? Nah, they live in an apartment

Calibos

Friend was discussing hash in conversation with the parents one night. I'm gritting my teeth and hoping he'd STFU lest it lead to awkward questions or a grilling later. Next thing my mum explains how she used to keep her and dads stash in the pot porri jar................


YOU FCUKING WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

anncoates

My da gave my ma one in the 70s and here I am.

suicide_circus

anncoates wrote: »

My da gave my ma one in the 70s and here I am.

Ewwwwwwwwww!

beakerjoe

anncoates wrote: »

My da gave my ma one in the 70s and here I am.

GROSS :eek:

Adamantium

anncoates wrote: »

My da gave my ma one in the 70s and here I am.

Great story.......compelling and rich.

smoking_kills

My dad arranged to take hiss guard dog to a trainer in Cork, in the early 90's. He set off on the then 5 hour drive with the dog trailer. He arrived back 10 hours later, we were all in the kitchen, including the dog, in tears. We never let him forget it.

The Backwards Man

smoking_kills wrote: »

My dad arranged to take hiss guard dog to a trainer in Cork, in the early 90's. He set off on the then 5 hour drive with the dog trailer. He arrived back 10 hours later, we were all in the kitchen, including the dog, in tears. We never let him forget it.

Would have fitted yous better not to let him forget the dog.

Ditch

smoking_kills wrote: »

My dad arranged to take hiss guard dog to a trainer in Cork, in the early 90's. He set off on the then 5 hour drive with the dog trailer. He arrived back 10 hours later, we were all in the kitchen, including the dog, in tears. We never let him forget it.

This. I want to shower this post with Likes! I've just sat here and cried with laughter for fifteen minutes! Funniest thing I've ever read!

anncoates

suicide_circus wrote: »

Ewwwwwwwwww!

beakerjoe wrote: »

GROSS :eek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2fmpY_F6wc

anncoates

Adamantium wrote: »

Great story.......compelling and rich.

Is that like Cool Story Bro for students?

beakerjoe

My mam always mispronounces things ridiculously

Mr Kipling - Mr Kimpley

Vienetta - Vanessa

Fiber Optic - Fibre Optinickle

Sadderday

beakerjoe wrote: »

My mam always mispronounces things ridiculously

Mr Kipling - Mr Kimpley

Vienetta - Vanessa

Fiber Optic - Fibre Optinickle

yup....

fijitisies - fajitas

hahahaha

or when she see's me with the laptop...

'can you get googles up on that thing?'

SouthTippBass

beakerjoe wrote: »

My mam always mispronounces things ridiculously

Mr Kipling - Mr Kimpley

Vienetta - Vanessa

Fiber Optic - Fibre Optinickle

Slipknot - Skipknot

ruthloss

My Gran.

Gurnilla..............................Gorilla
Crown of thorns..................Game of Thrones?!!:D
Decreed..............................Degree

Gone Drinking

I remember when I was a nipper (mid primary school I'd say), we had learned about the pussy willow tree/bush/blossom (I dunno ffs, whatever it is) in school one week.

I was out for a walk with my Mam and Dad when I found said tree/whatever and pointed it out, telling my parents what it as etc. I remember to this day my dad saying and thinking I wouldn't understand "I hope its not the only pretty pussy willow around" and winking at my Mam.

Even to this day, just thinking about it, makes me ill. Thanks, Dad.

Other then that, great parents! Wait, what is this thread about again?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Sadderday wrote: »

Why though ?

Did ya not ever hide a join't in their hanging basket and get caught or anything ???????????????????????????????????????????

I visited my parents last week and my dad was on a huge cleaning spree, taking everything down from the shelves and dusting, moving furniture and hoovering under it, stuff like that.

I said to him "Jesus, fair play to you, you're doing a big clean, the place is going to look great, what brought this on?"

"Aye, well, I'm after losing a bag of grass somewhere in this feckin house...."

Adamantium

anncoates wrote: »

Is that like Cool Story Bro for students?

After hearing something inane and not profound at all (thought it was said with that intention)...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnvHGaHl04o

StormWarrior

I have no idea why, but for my entire childhood I was convinced that my mum's middle name was Lorry and my dad's middle name was Truck. In reality they had no such names.

Tail Docker

My old lad headed off in my uncles VW beetle, uncle driving, to collect a new window for our kitchen from down the country. He arrived back swathed in bandages and with no window. Turned out he was leaning against the door, on the way back, window on his lap, when they went around a roundabout - the door lock burst and he fell out and landed on the window, making shyte of the window and himself.

We laughed so hard I think I broke somthing. Who the fcuk falls out of a car??

Adyx

Tail Docker wrote: »

My old lad headed off in my uncles VW beetle, uncle driving, to collect a new window for our kitchen from down the country. He arrived back swathed in bandages and with no window. Turned out he was leaning against the door, on the way back, window on his lap, when they went around a roundabout - the door lock burst and he fell out and landed on the window, making shyte of the window and himself.

We laughed so hard I think I broke somthing. Who the fcuk falls out of a car??

O/

Well not so much fell out as rolled out on a folded up buggy. Think of the way the car in Knightrider reversed out of the truck and that's pretty much what happened. It was an estate car. My sister did actually fall out another time though. Luckily it was onto the footpath and she did the old tuck and roll. A family of stuntmen my parents raised...

wp_rathead

My Dad trying to tell me that Peaches Gelfdoff had died, couldn't think of her name and came out with this gem:
"That one, erm, Lemon Juice or something"

Novella

My dad has Alzheimer's so he gets easily confused. A few months ago, a DPD delivery man called to the house with something I'd bought online. I had just gotten out of the shower and I could hear my dad at the front door, "What is it? Do you have any pizza for me? Chicken balls? No? Any chips even? You must have chips in your van!".

The only thing he could ever remember being delivered to the house was food and he was a little upset that this guy only had shoes for me.

Hotfail.com

Do grandparents count?

My grandmother went around Merchant's Quay in Cork once singing a song she learned in school called something like "My Lovely N*gger doll" in a not-even-remotely quiet voice

--LOS--

My parents invited themselves over, i heard from my sister after they booked their flight. I live in a studio apartment, they are sleeping a couple feet away, my dad snoring and talking in his sleep. Considering theyre too cheap to make one phone call to me all year, I swear if I make it through the next 6 days, if its years by the time I see them next it'll be too soon

Sulla Felix

It came out last summer after we got the mother a bit tipsy, that pretty much for our entire teenage years, she thought my older brother was on heroin. Why? Because she used to find bits of tinfoil with burnt stuff on it. She'd never heard of a bucket bong etc, knew what joints were alright and used to go mad when she found them, but those little bits of tinfoil... :pac:

missierex

A couple of years ago I pottered upstairs to find my mam changing the curtains in the bathroom (they had tabbed tops which you slide down over the pole). She had the curtain pole between her knees and was furiously struggling to pull the curtains over it when she turned to me and said with a wry smile 'Oh, it's like putting on a French Letter'!

I died a little inside that day

Sadderday

My granda's name is Peter.

Peter got into the shower with his hearing aid so didnt like wearing because it would 'buzz'

His neighbour in this old folks complex was out watering her plants when she saw him.

'It's a lovely day, isn't it Fred' she said to him, obviously getting his name really wrong,

He went straight into my granny and said ........ 'yer woman, out there - wants me to get into her bed!!'

My granny said ..... 'Don't ask me, get yer own fec'kin bread'

Old people are gold.

ohohseven

My father lives in London , one weekend me, my partner and our little one went to see him Anyway when we got there the first thing I did was use his bathroom. He had ten tubes of toothpaste, he then procceded to tell us that he had an argument in costcutter with the owner about being over charged so he decided to make up the difference he would just take all the toothpaste they had in display. I have a lot of stories about my father but none of my mother as she died when I was young.