Mid 30's and never had a long term boyfriend

Daisy78

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

If you are having difficulty attracting men your own age or older, you must be doing something wrong.

So the first step is to stop repeating the same mistakes.

Can I assume you are making the most of your looks?

* Slim (portion control, you don't need the gym)
* Nice hair
* Clean skin
* Light makeup
* Nice clothes
* Clean teeth
* Good posture


Why do you assume that she needs to change her appearance? She didn't mention anything about being unattractive?!

Op as a 35 year old single woman who is (almost) in a similar position to you I can sympathize. Sometimes I read these threads and honestly feel like a leper, the amount of disdain directed at single women in this age bracket is astonishing. All I can say is that I know plenty of women in the same boat...attractive, intelligent, smart, funny, kind women who for whatever reason haven't had the luck that others had and now get labelled as being "odd" or left on the shelf. I honestly dont know what the solution is, all I can say is that you certainly arent the only one. I just think some people meet the right person at a later stage in life and until then you just got to make sure that your life is the best that it can be,with or without a man.

Btw my cousin met her first boyfriend at 36 after she had given up on ever having a relationship. Next year she will marry her boyfriend of three years and a happier woman you could not meet. So it can happen at any stage. ..

lazybones32

Daisy78 wrote: »

Op as a 35 year old single women .

Not writing this to insult you but (the infamous "but") any woman who is single and "looking for love" in her mid-thirties is often viewed as a woman with excess baggage: it is quite possible that she is carrying too much baggage from her last relationship and that will spill over into the next. I know men who avoid women over 30 for a serious relationship. Either that guy messed her up so much, that you will spend your days enduring it or she is fundamentally flawed.

Daisy78

lazybones32 wrote: »

Not writing this to insult you but (the infamous "but") any woman who is single and "looking for love" in her mid-thirties is often viewed as a woman with excess baggage: it is quite possible that she is carrying too much baggage from her last relationship and that will spill over into the next. I know men who avoid women over 30 for a serious relationship. Either that guy messed her up so much, that you will spend your days enduring it or she is fundamentally flawed.

Seriously?? A woman could have all the aforementioned traits but still be dismissed because of certain assumptions you make about her past? You find it difficult to beleive that a woman could be single in her thirties and not be flawed? Nobody is perfect, thats a given. Im not and im sure your not either. And we bloody well all have baggage, some of which has nothing at all to do with our previous romantic life. What matters is how you let things that happened in times past affect your life, how you manage that baggage so to speak. And surely you could apply your theory to men also? I just find that attitude so narrow minded to be honest.

Bafucin

Sorry but most of this is besides the point. OP you have not met a man who connected intimately with you and wanted a long term relationship. There is no little quirk of yours that is repelling them it is how you interact with men. You mention all the wonderful things you have accomplished and done in the end these mean little in connecting with someone they are for you. Make an effort to form deep relationships go all out for someone be steady not erratic. If you show commitment it will come to you. You give off one nightie vibes by living that lifestyle if you don't want them don't have them. Show the person you are interested in that they can depend on you in a relationship and that they are special to you. And of course receive all of that back.

Red Alert

To be honest, as a 30 year old man who has not had any relationship in excess of six months, I'd have no problem at all dating a woman in her thirties who hasn't been in a relationship before.

HiGlo

Ha! This thread is funny.....

I'm 35 years old and I've been single for over 11 years. My longest relationship is just 6 months. I have no baggage. I'm intelligent, confident, friendly/chatty, laid back, slim figure, pretty normal looking and I'd consider myself a good catch. I've had flings over the years and also met a couple of guys that I really genuinely liked - unfortunately, they weren't interested enough in me. I've also dated some guys that I wasn't interested enough in.

I hear people saying that line of "relax, don't go looking for love, it'll find you...." I've been happily relaxed living my life without seeking out a relationship for 11 years now and there's no sign of one.... In an attempt to try this online dating thing I joined a couple of sites and also tinder but apparently I'm a munter as no one ever messages me (I get the odd message but usually from a distinctly unattractive man).
I've pretty much concluded that it's quite likely that I will spend my life alone. I used to believe people always find a partner - whatever their age - but actually when I realistically looked at it, my mother has 2 very good friends who are in their late 50's or early 60's. They are both very attractive well groomed blonde ladies and they've both been single for as long as I've know them (which, going from the age I was old enough to be aware of their relationship status would be about 20 years), so it shows that it is possible to go through life and never meet someone.

To see these posts of women over 30 are "obviously damaged" is just humorous...!! Do any of these men actually spend time with the women to find this out? Or just dismiss them based purely on age category??

LegacyUser

HiGlo-I hear you!!!!

The thing is is that society has to label things. Literally everything. People feel to understand you, they have to label you, so you are labelled/judged as:
- There is something wrong with you
- Stubborn
- Or else a man eater, sex crazy
- Man stealer (hold on to your man, single lady entered the room)

It doesnt occur that maybe, yes, you truely like being own your own, or that maybe you just havent met the right person.

Nobody wants to see what might be wrong with them, so they reflect it back onto others.

When the tables are turned, so often, Ive seen people in horrid relationships, and bad situations. And for those in those types of relationship who judge me, well I feel sorry for them.

Ive been (and got out of) a bad relationship. And the amount of things Ive done and achieved on my own, just me, well, Im very proud of myself.

Those people who judge and dont know any better will never get to know themselves, what its like to truely be and live and depend on yourself. Mind yourself. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Be with the most important person on the planet to you, yourself.

I would like to think that, if I ever meet someone, Ill have learned all that. And so, the relationship would be better because of this. And Ill never forget myself, and my needs :-).

strobe

I dont think I've ever met anyone of either gender or any age in my life that didn't have emotional baggage and issues. If you're going to avoid dating someone cause you suspect they may have baggage then best just cloister yourself off in a nunery/monastery and be done with it tbh.

Surely that's a big part of a loving relationship no? Learning about the different ways each other are screwed up and bat**** crazy and helping each other deal with it.

Humans are ****ed up loopy creatures. That's what makes us so interesting. It's what makes people who they are.

Emme

OP, if you socialise most of the time in clubs and bars you are less likely to meet people who want a relationship. If the younger men are single and you enjoy talking to them what's the problem? Somebody said that the better men over 35 don't hang out in bars and that could well be the case. Many of the men over 35 who hang out in bars are attached and even married.

Try broadening your social horizon. Join meetup groups and if you're into fitness bootcamp has a great social side to it. Bars are not healthy if they're your only social outlet. Try online dating as well but it's best to go out and meet people face to face in an environment where they're relatively sober.