pocket money

lulu1

How much money do you think a 13 year old should get. I dont actually give her say 10e all at the one time but I seem to be constantly handing out. today for example she had a friend over and asked for 2e for the shop. That was ok. Later on she wanted to get some photos printed out of her phone so i gave her 3.50 for that (well really it was me who suggested that last week) Then this evening she asked for 1.80 for something when I said no she turned to the friend and said "didnt i tell you she wouldnt give it to me". The friend gave me a look you would have thought i had two heads. I was really hurt and angry to think that they were discussing me before asking for the money. So from now on I have told her I will give her 10/12e in one go and not a penny more. What do you think

Bafucin

lulu1 wrote: »

How much money do you think a 13 year old should get. I dont actually give her say 10e all at the one time but I seem to be constantly handing out. today for example she had a friend over and asked for 2e for the shop. That was ok. Later on she wanted to get some photos printed out of her phone so i gave her 3.50 for that (well really it was me who suggested that last week) Then this evening she asked for 1.80 for something when I said no she turned to the friend and said "didnt i tell you she wouldnt give it to me". The friend gave me a look you would have thought i had two heads. I was really hurt and angry to think that they were discussing me before asking for the money. So from now on I have told her I will give her 10/12e in one go and not a penny more. What do you think

I think she needs guidance on how to budget and save. Get her to plan etc. Help her out.Could she do things for any extra? Babysit or something?

I have no kids and I am crap with budgets myself so I could be talking BS sorry.

When I was her age, I got a tenner a week. If I spent less than 10, it meant I could save up for things like clothes/C.D.s (90's child :P ). If I spent the tenner on the day I got it, it meant I had no more money for the week.

My mum always gave me the tenner each week, until I started going to college and had a grant to live off. To this day I've only once in my life ever had to ask for anything more than what was given to me (I was desperate to get some wisdom teeth taken out, kind of an emergency). So I think it's definitely a strategy that works.

I think giving her the pocket money in one go for the week leaves it to her to take responsibility for her spending, and if she wants anything she can't afford, she only has herself to blame for not having the funds to get it.

The only problem is, if you do this, you HAVE to stick to your guns. Even if it's something special she's desperate for, or she needs money for a social event that she's 'dying' to go to, or she says she's willing to have it taken from her next week's money, you have to say no. Like you said, not a penny more than what's agreed.

lulu1

I dont really know what amount would be suitable for her because sometimes her and her friends will go for a burger and chips and that will be at least 5-6e gone in one go

deisemum

I think you'll save money if you give her pocket money and stick to it and if there are times when she needs more to cover things like going for a burger with her friends them get her to earn the money by doing extra chores.

I used to give my lads pocket money plus phone credit, still do but as my older lad has a summer job I'm not giving him money at the moment.

I think learning to budget is extremely important and when my lads were younger and we were out they'd sometimes ask for something expecting me to pay it but when I'd point out that they could buy it with their pocket money they'd often change their mind about wanting it.

lulu1

Bafucin wrote: »

I think she needs guidance on how to budget and save. Get her to plan etc. Help her out.Could she do things for any extra? Babysit or something?

I have no kids and I am crap with budgets myself so I could be talking BS sorry.

Hi No you are dead right she is really very good and asked me just the other day could she get a job so she thought maybe dog walking I just hate having to say no to her but I know myself it is getting a bit out of hand. I leave 250e out for the week for a family of four and try and make it do so I really cant be handing out 5 or 6 e a day to be spent on sweets

tenifan

if she's good, and helping around the home there's no reason you shouldn't give her €15-20 a week (if you can afford it) on the condition that she saves at €5-10 a week for holidays, presents, concerts etc.. You'll probably have ended up forking out cash on these things anyway. Make her deposit the savings herself every week (as opposed to deducting it at source!)

Saving is a good habit to get into and it's good for kids that age to see their savings grow.

The other aspect is budgeting. If she buys a burger and chips for €6, there might not be enough left over for the cinema. So it's up to her how she wants to spend the allowance.

I might be a bit out with amounts, but I think budgeting and saving is a big deal at any age & good to start young.

Lou.m

It is really up to what you can afford. And yes help her budget she is at an age where she can't do it herself.

Maybe you could give it to her in amounts?? If you give her 12 give her 4 euro three times. Or 5 euro three times or whatever.

Break her pocket money up into three times week to try and help her.

The_Conductor

lulu1 wrote: »

I dont really know what amount would be suitable for her because sometimes her and her friends will go for a burger and chips and that will be at least 5-6e gone in one go

Lulu- in all fairness- most adults in full time employment- don't do this on a regular basis anymore.

I don't want to sound mean- but you have to sit down and be realistic and have a meaningful talk with her.

When I was young we got a low amount of pocket money (I'm a lot older than you- I was born in the 70's). It was sufficient to buy the equivalent of about 2 bags of crisps. If we wanted other items- we actively sought out work around the house that our parents didn't have the time to do- some of it was regular housework- cleaning, dusting, hoovering etc- some of it ate into our free time- like undertaking to cook the dinner x number of times in the week- in exchange for extra pocket money. We weren't handed pocket money willy-nilly on demand- we had to put effort in to get it. And if we were serious enough- we became quite single minded- often offering to wash cars, outside windows and all manner of other things- notably lawn mowing and baby sitting- until we saved the money up.

In some cases we got regular gigs with some neighbours- one neighbour, used ask for us to baby sit at least once a week, the first Saturday of the month- another neighbour got their car washed etc etc

One of the problems here is your daughter doesn't appreciate that money is a finite resource, and effort has to be put in by someone to earn it. All those 2.80s for this, a fiver for that- add up, and sometimes in a startling manner. Were you to keep a little tab on her expenditure for a week- it might be a wakeup call.

You need to come up with something that works for both of you. Something that teaches your daughter the value of money- without you being 'mean' or bankrupting yourself in the process.

R.D. aka MR.D

When i was in primary school, i was taught not to ask for money and wasn't ever given any. If i wanted something then i usually had to spend months trying to save up the small amounts of money that my aunt/grandparents would give me as a treat.

When i started secondary school, my mum gave me 2e every day Mon-Fri. She would do the shopping every week and there would be food in the house to take lunch. I could either take lunch or spend the 2e. I soon realised that saving 2e a day added up to a lot!

I'm in my mid-twenties and still have friends who go to their parents with their hands out or even worse ask their friends for 'loans' that may or may not be paid back. I don't know how they can have any self respect but at the end of the day maybe their parents didn't teach them responsibility with money.

As another poster said, getting chips with her friends is a privilege. If she saves her money then she can go but if she doesn't she can't.

My parents started from a young age teaching us about responsibility and money and how hard it is to come by. How we can't always have what we want. So if you haven't been doing this already, then help her out a lot. Don't get annoyed if she spends all the money in one go the first time. Just explain that she isn't getting any more and why.


Edit: I just want to add that my parents were quite well off and put in this effort so that my brother and I would grow up to appreciate that 'money doesn't grow on trees'. They would treat themselves and say 'when you have your own money, you buy whatever you want'. And in fairness to them as soon as i got a job and started earning my own money they never once questioned anything even slane tickets, Cds, tattoos! I consider myself to be an incredibly independent woman and I can thank them for that.

Xterminator

i have a had a sit down chat with my kids, where I explained money is a finite resource. I explained to them that we have to prioritise certain things like food rent and bills, and that discretionary spending come from what is left.

Is your child an only child ? She sounds a little self centred, which a lot of kinds can be at that age.

X

username123

I think you should track her spending for a few weeks, look at what the money is being spent on, how much is being spent and agree a figure based on that.

She may be someone who spends whatever she has access to. If she is then you need to set a reasonable limit.

dafunk

I can't believe some people are suggesting 15-20 euro a week. What on earth does a thirteen year old need for that they need that kind of money? Maybe I'm totally out of touch but I would think 5 euro is sufficient. If she wants more you could help her get some work, as suggested babysitting or dog walking, chores for a neighbour, that sort of thing.

Magicmatilda

I heard a discussion about this on a radio show last year. There was a couple on promoting money sense in kids and they recommend that they get their age in Euro. In this case 13euro. However they get no more and nothing extra so any discrentionary needs cone out if that , coffees, magazines, photos it all comes out of the 13 and when they run out they run out. If they want more for a particular thing they can do EXTRA jobs around the house on top of the normal housework they should be doing anyway.

tenifan

dafunk wrote: »

Maybe I'm totally out of touch but I would think 5 euro is sufficient. If she wants more you could help her get some work, as suggested babysitting or dog walking, chores for a neighbour, that sort of thing.

If she had an income from "that sort of thing" she probably wouldn't need the crumby €5.

However, as I said if she does housework a living allowance is only fair. It really depends on the child's lifestyle and living expenses.

realistic expenses: town bus €2 return (when lifts not available). €5 weekly dance lessons. €6 burger and chips. €12 cinema. €20 an outfit. €20(?) a haircut. €10 mobile phone credit.

username123

tenifan wrote: »

If she had an income from "that sort of thing" she probably wouldn't need the crumby €5.

However, as I said if she does housework a living allowance is only fair. It really depends on the child's lifestyle and living expenses.

realistic expenses: town bus €2 return (when lifts not available). €5 weekly dance lessons. €6 burger and chips. €12 cinema. €20 an outfit. €20(?) a haircut. €10 mobile phone credit.

Surely 13 year olds are not paying for dance lessons and haircuts out of their own pocket?

IlmoNT4

You need to set boundaries about money and teach her that when you want something, you have to earn it by working or saving. By handing her money every time she asks you are not teaching her valuable budgeting and independent life skills. When she grows up, do you want an adult to believes that whatever she wants should be provided for by someone else.?

I got no pocket money until I was around 12. Anything I wanted, I had to save from money that my relatives might give me, or I had to wait until my Birthday/Xmas. When I was a teenager, I got 5 pounds a week, for which I had to do the washing up and clean the kitchen every night. I did baby sitting for a fiver a night for a few people on our street. When I was 16, I had two summer jobs, one during the day, the other at the weekend and I saved all of that so I'd have money for the winter, I wasnt allowed have a job during school)

If I wanted to do anything, or go any where I'd have to save my money for this. My folks didnt have a lot of cash. Once a year my mam would give me 30 pounds to buy clothes. My folks paid for anything I needed for school (uniforms, bus fare, books, brought my own lunch every day). But even any after school activities that I did like sport, I had to pay for that myself. I remember saving for about 4 months to buy my own glove and helmet for something I was doing, and I had to buy it second hand. I even had to save my money every week to contribute to the family telephone bill, because like all teenagers I was on it 24/7 (pre mobiles)..... I use to look at kids in my class who had lots of cash to do things etc at the time, I felt like I got a raw deal but you know what, as an adult I still save for anything I want, I budget my money and I don't stick my hand out, I've always had a job and feel very lucky to understand the true value of earning a wage and living an independent life.

lulu1

Xterminator wrote: »

i have a had a sit down chat with my kids, where I explained money is a finite resource. I explained to them that we have to prioritise certain things like food rent and bills, and that discretionary spending come from what is left.

Is your child an only child ? She sounds a little self centred, which a lot of kinds can be at that age.

X

Hi No there is another older boy who dosen't go through half the money she dose. I think the problem is she has loads of friends. This one will call in the morning and another will call in the afternoon and then someone else will call in the evening. But made a start today one of her friends was going shopping and she asked if she could go. I said one word no and that ended it. Make a few changes and in a few months I will be a millionaire

lulu1

username123 wrote: »

Surely 13 year olds are not paying for dance lessons and haircuts out of their own pocket?

No tbh I would not expect her to pay for her activities out of her pocket money or credit ( she would use very little anyway) and things like hairdressers and clothes I would have no problem with.

tenifan

username123 wrote: »

Surely 13 year olds are not paying for dance lessons and haircuts out of their own pocket?

OK maybe not the haircut, but the likes of a weekly hobby.. it's not really out of their own pocket - the money all comes from the one place.

It wouldn't be discretionary income, if they hobby stops the money for it stops too.

Conas

When I was 13, I didn't get pocked money that much from my parents. But I used to go out and pick strawberries during the summer months. I used to have a little bit of money to buy my own things then.

Pawwed Rig

lulu1 wrote: »

Hi No there is another older boy who dosen't go through half the money she dose. I think the problem is she has loads of friends. This one will call in the morning and another will call in the afternoon and then someone else will call in the evening. But made a start today one of her friends was going shopping and she asked if she could go. I said one word no and that ended it. Make a few changes and in a few months I will be a millionaire

I think it would be a terrible example to finance her to a greater extent than your son. It encourages irresponsibility

lulu1

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I think it would be a terrible example to finance her to a greater extent than your son. It encourages irresponsibility

No whatever figure I decide on he will get 5e more for beign that bit older.

Rubberchikken

A euro for each year of her age but have an agreement in place that if its spent before nxt payday, that that is it. No loans etc.
encourage her to save from this. Even 2 euro a week will add u.
Definitely good for them to learn to budget however small the amt they have.

You'll start to notice that she'll get very careful spending her money when she realises that she cant keep treating you like an atm.

m'lady

My daughter is 13, and I give her money as she needs it, though I have to say she very rarely asks me. I rather give small amounts as needed so I can keep an eye as to where exactly it's going, especially at this age.
She has just got a little job with a beautician friend of mine every second Saturday or thereabouts where she will earn about €25 for 2 hrs work in which I will also keep tabs on what's being bought etc. I'm very proud to say she wanted to pay for me to get my nails done with her first pay packet!

OP I think you need to decide on a set amount and either give it all together or split it during the week-otherwise you will be smashed!

iusedtoknow

growing up we had a "base" rate of pocket money that we could add on to for doing extra things around the house (not talking about dishes or general cleaning, that was expected) but more like washing the car, doing the windows etc.

Then there were "treats" like going to the cinema with friends etc - we only went once a month, so my parents would pay for that. Haircuts etc would all be paid for.

My pocket money was usually saved to buy cd's etc.

A friend of mine gives their kids $200 a quarter ($800 a year) on a prepaid debit card (they're 14 - it goes up to 250 once they get to 16). This means they can monitor what the money is being spent on, and talk about it with the kids. It's really taught them the value of money. If they want more, they have to "justify it" and it comes out of the next quarters payment. I know it is a bit different here in the US as there is such a card culture and you can get cash out on the card as well, but I think the principal of teaching money management is a great one. It made the kids aware that money comes from "somewhere" and no just their Mam's purse.

rainbowtrout

lulu1 wrote: »

Hi No there is another older boy who dosen't go through half the money she dose. I think the problem is she has loads of friends. This one will call in the morning and another will call in the afternoon and then someone else will call in the evening. But made a start today one of her friends was going shopping and she asked if she could go. I said one word no and that ended it. Make a few changes and in a few months I will be a millionaire

I'd echo what a few other people said here, give her a set amount and it's up to her how to budget it for the week. The first week she might blow the lot in one day and come back to try and get more out of you, and you have to stand your ground. Then she will learn how to budget when she realises there is no more money until the following week. She will also learn how to prioritise what she spends her money on.

She might also learn that activities with friends don't have to involve spending money. A lot of my teenage years was spent doing laps of my housing estate, hanging out in friends houses listening to music and watching tv and window shopping. I realise it's a bit different now, but I'm sure you don't get to treat yourself to take away meals every week, new clothes, cinema etc, so it would be no harm for your daughter to learn that these things are treats too and money doesn't grow on trees.

I used to get about £5 (mid 90s) as a 16 year old and I bought NME on a Saturday and maybe a CD single, or saved for a few weeks to buy an album, failing that, blank tapes to copy other peoples tapes. That was mainly where my money went and once it was gone, it was gone.

CIARAN_BOYLE

lulu1 wrote: »

I dont really know what amount would be suitable for her because sometimes her and her friends will go for a burger and chips and that will be at least 5-6e gone in one go

I'm a so its different but when I was in my early teens my self paid expenses for the week were a return bus journey, a soft drink or two and either half the cost of a dvd rental or a cinema ticket.

In todays money that around €16 a week some weeks and €13 a week other weeks. I would he gotten around around what I spent on the cinema weeks every week.

If I skipped dinner athome I usually got a bit extra since they didn't have to feede.

lulu1

I think I have decided on 15e for the summer months I dont really think I can give any less. It is just over 2e a day. I know myself she is going to find it very hard, but we will see what happens

Larry Wildman

I would have said €20 a week might be about right...

lulu1

Larry Wildman wrote: »

I would have said €20 a week might be about right...

Will probably go as far as 20 if she dose extra chores

rainbowtrout

I think she's doing well with €15. She will learn to budget on that and it will be more than some of her friends are getting, despite what she might say.

thefeatheredcat

lulu1 wrote: »

I think I have decided on 15e for the summer months I dont really think I can give any less. It is just over 2e a day. I know myself she is going to find it very hard, but we will see what happens

I've a nephew the same age as your daughter... the current "going rate" for birthday money presents amongst his friends is €15 (it was €20) and I think that is generous so I think €15 pocket money per week is fair.

I think she would learn quick that she'll have to make choices with how she spends her money and that if she spends it unwisely where she doesn't have enough money then say, for the cinema or something she actually does want, she won't make the same mistake twice. It might also help her away from the peer pressure herd mentality and buying crap on a whim because she is the one paying for it, rather than bank of mother. It would teach her to respect money and value what she buys, rather than having money on demand for stuff where she might not see what she spends it on or where it goes.
You mention that she has a lot of friends and different friends call over in mornings, afternoons and evenings.... that's fine because it's summer and people are around, but it does mean she needs to organise how she spends money around her friends and what activity she does with them and to make plans. Like if she's spent a lot of her money with friend A doing not much, but friend B wants her to go to the cinema she will have to plan her money and activities to accommodate how she spends her time with her friends to suit her budget.

lulu1

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

I've a nephew the same age as your daughter... the current "going rate" for birthday money presents amongst his friends is €15 (it was €20) and I think that is generous so I think €15 pocket money per week is fair.

I think she would learn quick that she'll have to make choices with how she spends her money and that if she spends it unwisely where she doesn't have enough money then say, for the cinema or something she actually does want, she won't make the same mistake twice. It might also help her away from the peer pressure herd mentality and buying crap on a whim because she is the one paying for it, rather than bank of mother. It would teach her to respect money and value what she buys, rather than having money on demand for stuff where she might not see what she spends it on or where it goes.
You mention that she has a lot of friends and different friends call over in mornings, afternoons and evenings.... that's fine because it's summer and people are around, but it does mean she needs to organise how she spends money around her friends and what activity she does with them and to make plans. Like if she's spent a lot of her money with friend A doing not much, but friend B wants her to go to the cinema she will have to plan her money and activities to accommodate how she spends her time with her friends to suit her budget.

I am laughing to myself she was out with friends this evening as there is a fun fair in town. So I let her choose if she wanted to take the 15 tonight or spread it out throughout the week. She took 5e and lo and behold she came home with 2.20. So she is learning fast

fussyonion

I used to get €10 a week pocket money from my Mam every week and I loved it. It gave me a sense of responsibility and it made me feel like I could do what I wanted with it.

Giving your daughter €10 a week and making her stick to it will probably save YOU money in the longrun cos you won't be handing out a Euro here and a Euro there.