Annoyed my kids aren't invited to my nephew's wedding.

Christian 121071

Hi ladies, change of subject. My favourite sister's 33yo son is getting married this month. I was v involved with him as a child and now my children and his children are fairly good buddies, go to sleepovers & parties. I keep all my really nice dresses for his middle child. Great excitement in my house about big day out. My 7 yo thought she might even have a chance of being a flowergirl. (In fairness that was never going to happen as they have 2 girls 11 & 5 themselves). Along comes 2 invites to my house. Grandad who lives with me all delighted rsvp & all that. Mine, not so good. Me, just my lonley name, no plus 1, no and fried, but worst of all, not 1 of my chikdren 13,11,9 & 7. My heart fell through the floor. My eldest had told all her friends & discussed what she might wear. Two boys not too interested but assumed they were going. Like I said my 7 yo had high expectations. I sent btb a txt asking what about my children. Basically it was a no. She only wanted her 3, thank jesus for that. Her 11 year olds friend or friendz, ill have to check that, my other sisters 16 yo and a few other teenagers. My kids are hurt hurt hurt, they want to know why, what did they do, they were always nice to their children. It hurt me to see them hurt, this turned to, well that tiger that rises in you when you see someone hurt your chikdren. Needles to say I couldnt leave it at my initial rsvp, which was a no obviously. Something like as follows, It never occured to me that my children would not be welcome at your wedding, especially as 16 yo (the only other cousin that exists on grooms side) would be talking to my 13yo (these 2 girls would be fairly close, but older girl can lord it over my girl a bit). But hey, Its your day so I have to respect your decision. Have a great day. On reading it back to one of my sisters I am so disappointed with my lack of viciousness. It does nit come close to how I feel. Myself & my 4 children live a different type of life, they nearly lost me in an accident 3 years ago. I would never wißh to go to a function without them as someone suggest I do. Considering how clise I cam to losing my life, why am I letting this affect me so much.

Ocean Blue

Christian 121071 wrote: »

Hi ladies, change of subject. My favourite sister's 33yo son is getting married this month. I was v involved with him as a child and now my children and his children are fairly good buddies, go to sleepovers & parties. I keep all my really nice dresses for his middle child. Great excitement in my house about big day out. My 7 yo thought she might even have a chance of being a flowergirl. (In fairness that was never going to happen as they have 2 girls 11 & 5 themselves). Along comes 2 invites to my house. Grandad who lives with me all delighted rsvp & all that. Mine, not so good. Me, just my lonley name, no plus 1, no and fried, but worst of all, not 1 of my chikdren 13,11,9 & 7. My heart fell through the floor. My eldest had told all her friends & discussed what she might wear. Two boys not too interested but assumed they were going. Like I said my 7 yo had high expectations. I sent btb a txt asking what about my children. Basically it was a no. She only wanted her 3, thank jesus for that. Her 11 year olds friend or friendz, ill have to check that, my other sisters 16 yo and a few other teenagers. My kids are hurt hurt hurt, they want to know why, what did they do, they were always nice to their children. It hurt me to see them hurt, this turned to, well that tiger that rises in you when you see someone hurt your chikdren. Needles to say I couldnt leave it at my initial rsvp, which was a no obviously. Something like as follows, It never occured to me that my children would not be welcome at your wedding, especially as 16 yo (the only other cousin that exists on grooms side) would be talking to my 13yo (these 2 girls would be fairly close, but older girl can lord it over my girl a bit). But hey, Its your day so I have to respect your decision. Have a great day. On reading it back to one of my sisters I am so disappointed with my lack of viciousness. It does nit come close to how I feel. Myself & my 4 children live a different type of life, they nearly lost me in an accident 3 years ago. I would never wißh to go to a function without them as someone suggest I do. Considering how clise I cam to losing my life, why am I letting this affect me so much.

This post just smacks of unreasonableness. It's your job to manage your children's expectations. You shouldn't have assumed anything and you shouldn't have let them expect or assume anything either. No wedding comes with a guarantee that kids will be included, especially as they aren't even nieces/nephews - they are just cousins. Maybe no cousins are invited, even adult ones?? So maybe it has nothing to do with them being kids. Though even if it was, the couple are perfectly entitled to that decision. I think you're way overreacting and you aren't doing your kids any favours by demonstrating this type of response.

lazygal

The hosts, not the guests, invite those they want to attend any event. You shouldn't have expected your children to be asked and telling them they're going was foolish. Lesson learned, until you get an invite don't assume you'll be going.
And please don't be those parents who give the rest of us a bad name by huffing about the kids not being asked and pressuring the couple into including yours.

Toots

Christian121071, I've given you your own thread. Please don't hijack someone else's thread by changing the subject.

January

Oh wow... I'm sure the bride is delighted you've contacted her about this... You should not have expected your nephew to invite your kids to his wedding, no matter how close you are. It is their decision who to invite.

Sam Kade

This sounds very contrived considering first post and all.

Wellyd

I love how people assume that their children are going to be invited to weddings. It's up to the bride and groom to invite guests. I think that you allowing your kids expectation of an invite to go that far is really irresponsible. It's not the couples fault that your kids are disappointed about not going now. Writing a note like that is ridiculous because at the end of the day the couple probably have so many other things going on that it was probably barely recognised. Also by writing that note, You are creating tension with your "favourite sister" for no reason other than to cause a bit of drama.

Elmo

I'd just have RSVPed with a NO let them ask why your not able to a tend no point being vicious.

Did the hosted decide on over 16s only? Save for there own kids?

The lack of a plus 1 is strange, they must have done this to all their single friends.

Sam Kade

Elmo wrote: »

I'd just have RSVPed with a NO let them ask why your not able to a tend no point being vicious.

Did the hosted decide on over 16s only? Save for there own kids?

The lack of a plus 1 is strange, they must have done this to all their single friends.

Talk about stirring the pot

Fagashlil

http://www.weddingsonline.ie/discussion/modern-wedding-invitation-etiquette-t407816.html?sid=d4cea829768accbac61993b632e27f05

I'm thinking maybe someone was a bit bored last night? It seems odd to register to a couple of sites and post the same thing over them all!

FairytaleGirl

Children can be annoying at weddings, simple as. They are perfectly within their rights to want their own children at the wedding, and no one else's.

Also, what does your near death experience have to do with anything? Maybe they thought you might like a day out minus the kids, like alot of other parents would?

It was really assuming of you to allow your kids to get exited about this - you realise that you plus your kids are 5 people? And you are only cousins - I would imagine inviting you all would have not only cost a fair bit but opened the flood gates for alllllll other cousins, for all you know the bride may have a large family.

I think you are being very childish, and have turned a lovely thing into a selfish negative. See this for the opportunity it is, a day out without the kids for you to let your hair down with the adult members of your family.

Toots

Your attitude is incredibly unreasonable! They're under no obligation to invite your 4 kids to the wedding. Weddings are already massively expensive, if they're trying to stick to a budget it could cost them an extra couple of hundred euro for your kids to be there. Regardless of whether they're on a budget or not, it's their right to invite who they want. Texting the bride to ask was really bad manners.

You mentioned that there's no other children going other than their own, so why would you expect them to change that just to accommodate your kids? I'd imagine there are other people whose kids aren't invited - it's not that unusual.

When I was a kid a fair few of my older cousins got married and my parents would always tell us not to expect that we'd be invited - we had to wait and see if an invitation came.

Christian 121071 wrote: »

Needles to say I couldnt leave it at my initial rsvp, which was a no obviously. Something like as follows, It never occured to me that my children would not be welcome at your wedding, especially as 16 yo (the only other cousin that exists on grooms side) would be talking to my 13yo (these 2 girls would be fairly close, but older girl can lord it over my girl a bit). But hey, Its your day so I have to respect your decision. Have a great day.

Oh my god! Did you actually write this on the RSVP??? What an absolutely horrible thing to send to them. If you're trying to make them feel guilty for not inviting the kids, I'd say it's had the complete opposite effect. I reckon they're glad you're not coming either.

On reading it back to one of my sisters I am so disappointed with my lack of viciousness. It does nit come close to how I feel.

Lack of viciousness?? Seriously? I'm actually speechless. You sent a really snotty RSVP back to the B&G, honestly if I were them I'd be seriously questioning my relationship with you and how much contact I'd have with you in the future.

Jellybaby1

Fagashlil wrote: »

http://www.weddingsonline.ie/discussion/modern-wedding-invitation-etiquette-t407816.html?sid=d4cea829768accbac61993b632e27f05

I'm thinking maybe someone was a bit bored last night? It seems odd to register to a couple of sites and post the same thing over them all!

Well done for finding that.

Sam Kade

The op is a troll.

Toots

Anyone who suspects the OP is a troll should use the report post button and let a moderator take a look, please don't drag the thread off topic.

Midnight Sundance

Honestly OP wait until your children are older and are getting married. I'll guarantee there will have to be a cut of point somewhere and someone will be put out.
Do you think it would be fair of them to send you a snotty note?
Think about how much 4 extra meals would cost on top of yours, not to mention the floodgate of other cousins that would have to be invited too!!!
Do you know how big her family is? Do you really believe your family is the only family with no children invited?
And lastly, have you been to a wedding full of kids? If I'm being honest they are s pain in the arse. I know done people love them but I personally find them noisy and annoying.
Please remember it's their big day, not yours!! You should be happy for your favourite nephew and think how much hurt you've probably caused your sister by putting her in the middle of all this.

Sebastian Dangerfield

I really dont understand this attitude. You have no right to a say on who is invited to someone elses wedding. If you are uncomfortable attending on your own, dont go.

Im planning my wedding at the moment and am encountering the same on my girlfriends side. Her uncle feels slighted that were not inviting his kids and had made his feelings known - im only sorry hes not my uncle so I can tell him where to go. We made a conscious decision not to invite kids on the basis of I) cost, were already at 200 people, young cousins would take us past 230 (an extra €2.5k) and ii) we dont want kids running around and complaining theyre bored.

From my experience, the ones who moan about this sort of stuff are usually the ones who dump the kids on an older cousin the minute they get there and get smashed themselves. The offense is caused by inconvenience of their own day being impacted rather than anything else.

Wellyd

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

From my experience, the ones who moan about this sort of stuff are usually the ones who dump the kids on an older cousin the minute they get there and get smashed themselves. The offense is caused by inconvenience of their own day being impacted rather than anything else.

Never a truer word spoken!

Midnight Sundance

I have to agree with nearly everything you said however I would agree with the OP regarding a plus 1

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

I really dont understand this attitude. You have no right to a say on who is invited to someone elses wedding. If you are uncomfortable attending on your own, dont go..

I have been given plus 1's and not felt the need to take anyone. I've also been given plus 1's and felt the need to take someone. I do think it's only respect to offer someone, especially an aunt or someone like that the opportunity to take someone with them. Chances are they won't bother taking anyone because they'll have family there, but I do think a little respect to the person attending might not go amiss and if they take someone they obviously don't feel comfortable going on their own .
I've been invited to 5 weddings this year and not felt the need to take anyone . I was invited to one where I knew no one and I didn't go because I'd no plus one and it was a long distance away in the middle of no where.
I did feel slighted because I wanted to attend but rather than cause a scene I just declined. I did feel it was rude because I knew no one bar the bride and groom.
In saying that, that's an entirely different debate and she will know others at it and the main problem the OP has is in relation to her children not being invited.

I hope the OP looks at this thread and realises that she may have over reacted .

bobskii

This exact thing happened me when I was getting married . one aunt kicked up a fuss cos her two kids weren't invited . I had my own 2 nieces and my husband nieces and nephew's invited and that was it.
straight after the dinner her two children ran up the steps of my venue so she decided to bring them in the evening and say nothing presuming it was okay.. Your being petty . It's not your day it's theirs and whatever decision they make you should just go along with.

Lambofdave

I know as a child and teenager I hated the thought of going to weddings it was always my parents who made a big deal about going, so I wouldn't be surprised if it was the OP that gave the children the expectation they were going.

As an adult I still don't like weddings too much fuss and money spent for a merger.

Sebastian Dangerfield

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

I do think it's only respect to offer someone, especially an aunt or someone like that the opportunity to take someone with them. Chances are they won't bother taking anyone because they'll have family there, but I do think a little respect to the person attending might not go amiss and if they take someone they obviously don't feel comfortable going on their own . .

Id personally disagree. There are only so many people you can fit in a room and every extra person has a cost. If you were to give every single guest a plus one youd be broke. In fact Id be more likely to give someone who wouldnt know anyone a plus one - an aunt will most likely know half the room already, and will be comfortable sat among family and friends.

All down to personal opinion I suppose but my venue holds 220 people (we're aiming for 200) and Ive set a budget i can't afford to pass. Giving everyone a +1 is not an option for me, and Id rather invite them on their own than not at all. If they dont feel comfortable going Id fully understand, and wouldnt take any offense whatsoever if they declined.

Elmo

Sam Kade wrote: »

Talk about stirring the pot

Really didn't need to :pac:

Christian 121071

Ts my first time using a chat forum, hijack seems a little harsh, I thought wedding rant was the most relevant topic. My mistake.

Christian 121071

I wasnt bored, I really wanted some advice and feedback, I didnt think it was any harm. I dont think the other forum was irish, thats why I tried two. I find these posts amazing.

Christian 121071

What does this mean, I dont get what you mean.

Christian 121071

Perhaps but like I said, I saw my children hurt & they will be hurt all over again when my older sister & her husban arrive from uk. They stay with us. Also Grandad will need to be sorted on the day. No matter if I replied as I did or not 5 people have been upset over what, money, by the looks of it. Everyone spoke to my chilren about this wedding, thir Aunts, their other cousin, it wasnt just myself & the kids. But thank you, your post is the closest so far to at least hint at understanding.

Christian 121071

I dont think I put pressure on the b2b to change her mind. I wouldnt attend even if she grew manners.

Wellyd

Christian 121071 wrote: »

I dont think I put pressure on the b2b to change her mind. I wouldnt attend even if she grew manners.

I'm sure after your little flair for the amateur dramatics they probably think the same of you.

I'm sorry op but you're just being ridiculous. What makes your children more important than anyone else? Your nephew and his partner decided to draw a line on invites and your children didn't make the cut.

What do you want us to say? The bottom line is the couple invites guests to their wedding, guests don't get to dictate who gets to attend the wedding especially when the coulple are the ones paying for it.

You've made your decision not to go so you really now just need to build a bridge.

Christian 121071

Mo, there are no more cousins, we are it, apart from my other sisters 16 year old. Your near death exp phrase makes me a little uncomfortable. My making it back to my kids after the accident changed everything in our lives. We are grateful to have each other, tgey dont care about the material things we thought were important b4. Myself & my sisters became closer after years of being a little indifferent to each other. Also, I no longer have time for pussyfooting around how I feel, my survival cannot be minimised in any way.

Christian 121071

Exactly, my children didnt make the cut..There are other children going. I dont know why they didnt make the cut. That makes it sound that there is a problem with them. They are great kids, a bit too reserved, but really well behaved when at other peoples houses, so im, told. I dont think it was worth causing a rift in the family over a hundred euros or so. Its not like there are any other cousins to open the flood gates.

Ocean Blue

Christian 121071 wrote: »

Exactly, my children didnt make the cut..There are other children going. I dont know why they didnt make the cut. That makes it sound that there is a problem with them. They are great kids, a bit too reserved, but really well behaved when at other peoples houses, so im, told. I dont think it was worth causing a rift in the family over a hundred euros or so. Its not like there are any other cousins to open the flood gates.

You are the only one responsible for causing a rift in your family.

Typer Monkey

You seem very dramatic OP tbh.

I didn't invite my cousins to my upcoming wedding and I've been to some of my cousins weddings. The only children attending are my daughter and my niece. We had a cut off of 140 and I prioritised friends over relations. Perhaps some noses will be out of joint but we had to draw the line somewhere and that's that.

If I received an RSVP like yours I'd be rolling my eyes and thinking a lot less of the invitee

Lambofdave

Christian 121071 wrote: »

I dont think it was worth causing a rift in the family over a hundred euros or so.

Its you thats causing the rift, who told your children they were going to the wedding? you or the bride and groom. Ever hear the saying "assumption is the mother of all f ups"

Also your accident has nothing to do with the wedding.

Christian 121071

I think I mentioned that there are other kids going, she listed it a bit vaguely. I rsvp by txt. First just a sorry I cannot attend, then, considering how angry I am with her I decided she should know. No point pretending. I cisider myself to be finished with her. She doesnt get a choice.

Ocean Blue

Christian 121071 wrote: »

I think I mentioned that there are other kids going, she listed it a bit vaguely. I rsvp by txt. First just a sorry I cannot attend, then, considering how angry I am with her I decided she should know. No point pretending. I cisider myself to be finished with her. She doesnt get a choice.

I doubt she will be too upset now that you have shown how little respect you have for the decisions of family members.

Wellyd

Christian 121071 wrote: »

Exactly, my children didnt make the cut..There are other children going. I dont know why they didnt make the cut. That makes it sound that there is a problem with them. They are great kids, a bit too reserved, but really well behaved when at other peoples houses, so im, told. I dont think it was worth causing a rift in the family over a hundred euros or so. Its not like there are any other cousins to open the flood gates.

Irregardless of whether there are only your children as cousins or a hundred others on your side of the family, it's not up to you to decide if they go or not. You can try to figure out why they weren't invited for years but it doesn't matter. I'm sure your children are lovely but they didn't get invited and that's it. At the end of the day your nephew and his partner more than likely won't look back in years to come and think the wedding was ruined because they didn't invite your children.

Personally if I was getting married I wouldn't invite any children unless I had to ie nieces or nephews if I had any. A wedding is an occassion for adults.

You have made your decision not to go so now you need to forget about it and get on with it.

Christian 121071

No, I never heard that. I never told my children that they woukd be going, the whole thing came up as something like xmas dinner when the family were all together. The whole table çhatted. Im the type of parent that lets the kids sit with us during a celebration dinner. Ill never be able to express how everything changes after something like what happened to us. The btb knows the situation, she has got to have had some idea that we would be hurt by this. Whats the point of a famiky wedding, if you dont invite your family. I am the grooms family. I had a wedding myself & yes I felt it was hijacked a bit by parents, but I did compromise a bit and invite my in law neighbours cis it wasnt worth upsetting them. I just dint get how she weighed it up as worth excluding us. I would have paid if that the problem, she knows that.

Christian 121071

Did you really say weddings are a place for adults. I am now thinking alot of the no kids brigade are fairly interested in getting smashed and worried about children seeing their behaviour. Am I getting close to the truth?

Christian 121071

Sam Kade wrote: »

The op is a troll.

I get that op is original post, but what the hell is a troll. Its been a while since I was in secondry school so im not up to date with these names. I would really like to know, im not trying to be smart.

Wellyd

Christian 121071 wrote: »

I just dint get how she weighed it up as worth excluding us. I would have paid if that the problem, she knows that.

But she didn't exclude you. You got an invitation. I'm actually shaking with frustration after reading your suggestion that you'd pay for your children. THEY DIDNT GET INVITED!! I'm trying to phrase things as nicely as possible but I can't anymore they didn't get invited. When push came to shove they werent wanted there so you need to get over it. If you had a choice between inviting 4 more friends or 4 pre-teen children 99% of people will pick their friends.

It's ridiculous to think you could bring them and pay for them yourself. If it were a case of guests paying for extra people they wanted invite then it wouldn't be about the couple getting married.

bee06

You seem to be completely blaming the bride. The groom does get a say as well you know and he chose not to invite his cousins. As everyone else has said, it's the bride and groom's choice who gets to go to their wedding and no one else should be dictating to them. I think using your accident as some kind of reasoning for your upset is OTT as well.

FairytaleGirl

If you think your 4 kids attending the wedding would cost 'about €100' you are seriously deluded.

I can't believe you are falling out with your nephew - the son of your closest sister- because the b&g made a diplomatic decision for their own wedding. You may be the only cousins but do you know anything about the brides family? There may be a pile of kids/cousins, all also not invited - why should you be an exception?? Because your kids were looking forward to it? Tough, take them out a day to compensate. Weddings are really no place for kids - they dont enjoy the church and with the drinking done at the reception it's no place.

You are making this into an issue - grow up - it's their wedding day, it's not about you.

Christian 121071

Ocean Blue wrote: »

You are the only one responsible for causing a rift in your family.

No, I dont think so, the rift began when my chikdren weren't invited. M two other sisters dont understand it & I havnt heard from the grooms mom. Thats not a good sign, but no more than me she can do as she pleases.

Wellyd

Christian 121071 wrote: »

Did you really say weddings are a place for adults. I am now thinking alot of the no kids brigade are fairly interested in getting smashed and worried about children seeing their behaviour. Am I getting close to the truth?

I'm 25 years old if I want to get "smashed" at a wedding it's my right to do so. I don't want to have to listen to children whining at 10 or 11 o'clock because they're bored or tired. That's why I don't like children at weddings.

Sebastian Dangerfield

Christian 121071 wrote: »

Did you really say weddings are a place for adults. I am now thinking alot of the no kids brigade are fairly interested in getting smashed and worried about children seeing their behaviour. Am I getting close to the truth?

Kids have no business in licensed premises late at night. Weddings are held in licensed premises.I dont think kids should be in pubs after 8pm, therefore I do not want kids at my wedding.

Wellyd

Christian 121071 wrote: »

No, I dont think so, the rift began when my chikdren weren't invited. M two other sisters dont understand it & I havnt heard from the grooms mom. Thats not a good sign, but no more than me she can do as she pleases.

You don't think you caused the rift?

Just read what you wrote.

FairytaleGirl

Christian 121071 wrote: »

No, I dont think so, the rift began when my chikdren weren't invited. M two other sisters dont understand it & I havnt heard from the grooms mom. Thats not a good sign, but no more than me she can do as she pleases.

I'm gonna take a hunch and say they didnt invite your kids to stop you from going. You sound like an absolute nightmare. The reason 'no one understands' is because you are being completely ridiculous.

eviltwin

As a parent I can understand where you are coming from. If I get an invite to a child free wedding I can't go and if its someone I care about that can be difficult but you know what, not their problem. Their wedding, their rules. Its up to me to sort out childcare or not go.

Maybe everyone involved has handled this badly implying the kids were going to be welcome and getting their hopes up and its regrettable they are upset but do you really think the bride and groom should accommodate and extra 4 people which they will have to pay for remember just so you can have a quiet life? I think you are going to have to get over yourself here. They haven't been invited so its up to you now to decide if you go solo or not at all but to fall out with family over this is crazy. I also think you should apologise to your nephew and his fiancee for your RSVP which was very unfair.

ShaShaBear

Tbh on re-reading the OP, I don't even get the impression that your nephew's kids and your kids are really all that close. Giving your nephew dresses and your kids getting invited to kids birthday parties doesn't make them bonded deeply for life or anything!

The fact that you think four kids would only cost about a hundred quid to sit at a wedding is absolutely preposterous.

The fact that you seem to think (and love to keep mentioning) that because you apparently almost died, your kids are entitled to go to this wedding is also laughable.

Other kids are going, but your kids are the only cousins? Then, obviously, the other kids going are more closely related to the bride and groom than yours are. Their manners or their importance to you matters not.

My gawd, if anyone even dared RSVP to my wedding next year like that because I didn't invite their kids, I'd completely cut them out of my life! Talk about shameful, bitter and despicable behaviour from a grown adult!

CarrickMcJoe

OP, just read the whole thread and all I can say is GROW UP!