Doritos are for disgusting humans

urabell

Decided in the heat of the moment last night to eat a packet of chili heatwave doritos watching the USA v Portugal match, anyone who has ever consumed a packet of this flavoured starch based snack will know that once you begin, the urge to continue eating will overcome the power of ordinary human resistance, managed through the force of my iron will to make in to the bin after half a packet. I felt ill, my stomach was bloated my mouth was dry but the worst part was the morning after. I woke up and my mouth tasted like 8 hour old doritos, my breath was spoiled with doritodour and my hands, my shapely piano playing hands reeked of the odious artificial spiciness that was taking over my life.

These issues are magnified when you take into account that I made a special effort to cleanse the night before. I immediately followed up the binge with a kale shake, consisting of kale, cucumber, ginger, pineapple and celery. I followed this up by chewing on some mint leaves then brushing my teeth thoroughly.

How do people eat these type of snacks on a daily basis? How can someone allow their lives to be overcome with spicy, starched based carbohydrates.

The One Who Knocks

BLASPHEMY!

...but if you eat these you should be shot, f*cking smell off them.

Birneybau

Yeah, turn your fecking hands neon. Vile things.

Lucifer MorningStar

I love chilli heatwave Doritos

Menas

Ur wrong!

Links234

urabell wrote: »

How do people eat these type of snacks on a daily basis?

You need to smoke a lot of weed

Ihatecuddles

Then I am f*cling vile

MacBizzle

I cover my hands in Doritos dust pre-masturbation.

gugleguy

Not any old AH poo thread, it a Dorito food thread. Real Mexican food.

The Dagda

Well the piano playing, football loving, kale juice supping, kidney bean eating clean freak, that is you, eats them.

So what hope is there for the rest of us normal folk?...

urabell

Links234 wrote: »

You need to smoke a lot of weed

Another habit that covers you in a disgusting odour.

Awkward Badger

Yeah sure they are unhealthy but you need to balance it out with some cool and nutritious sour cream and chive dip.

MacBizzle

The farts are gorgeous after a few packets though,

urabell

The Dagda wrote: »

Well the piano playing, football loving, kale juice supping, kidney bean eating, clean freak, that is you, eats them.

So what hope is there for the rest of us normal folk?...

Ate them, past tense, never again, and I don't play piano I just have the fingers for it.

CrinkElite

urabell wrote: »

Another habit that covers you in a disgusting odour.

Wrong again I'm afraid.

35cent

You should have had tangy cheese instead.

Rough Sleeper

3/10, the bit with the kale shake completely gave it away. Alright for AH I guess, where people tend not to spot even intentionally obvious attempts at satire or trolling.

stimpson

Are you making them properly?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKxhI4I5kq8

Davarus Walrus

Grown men who play computer games for hours every night, smoke weed and have appalling neckbeard style facial hair tend to love doritos. Most food actually.

urabell

CrinkElite wrote: »

Wrong again I'm afraid.

I'm not against smoking weed but it's always the daily users delusional about it's strong smell, seeps into the fibre of your clothes.

Also, wrong again? Where was I wrong the first time?

Lucifer MorningStar

MacBizzle wrote: »

The farts are gorgeous after a few packets though,

Awful ring sting though, but well worth it :pac:

Meangadh

urabell wrote: »

I immediately followed up the binge with a kale shake, consisting of kale, cucumber, ginger, pineapple and celery.

I don't even really like those Doritos but that concoction sounds unbelievably vomit-inducing. I'd rather go without food.

MacBizzle

urabell wrote: »

I'm not against smoking weed but it's always the daily users delusional about it's strong smell, seeps into the fibre of your clothes.

Also, wrong again? Where was I wrong the first time?

The OP's always wrong in AH, remember?

The Backwards Man

I woke up in a hotel bed one morning, and I was sure I must have spent the night with three oompa loompas with dandruff until I saw the empty Dorito packet.

The Dagda

urabell wrote: »

Ate them, past tense, never again, and I don't play piano I just have the fingers for it.

You're right.


People who eat Dorritos ARE disgusting...

urabell

Rough Sleeper wrote: »

3/10, the bit with the kale shake completely gave it away. Alright for AH I guess, where people tend not to spot even intentionally obvious attempts at satire or trolling.

No I actually drink kale shakes, that's a legit recipe too. I never really bought into the detox idea but I drink them for general health and was willing to use it to clean out my system last night. I have to laugh at the face that the idea of someone blending up a a healthy shake with 5 readily available ingredients set off your trolldar.

Badly Drunk Boy

You would have been fine if you hadn't had the kale shake. The cucumber, in particular, would have reacted badly with the Doritos. But then again, as everybody knows, cucumbers are evil.

urabell

Meangadh wrote: »

I don't even really like those Doritos but that concoction sounds unbelievably vomit-inducing. I'd rather go without food.

It's really not, the kale doesn't really have a taste and if you have a decent juicer/blender it will sort out the lumps, you don't add enough ginger to effect taste and it aids the digestion process, cucumbur and celery don't add much taste wise and they blend well. Pineapple helps with digestion and you need it if you're on a high protein diet, when you first make them add lots of pineapple but then wean yourself off as you lose the sweet tooth.

MacBizzle

What the hell is kale?

Awkward Badger

Maybe you should calm down a bit OP. I know you're young and enjoying yourself but a half a pack of doritos ? Kale shakes and rigorous cleansing routines are all well and good but they wont cover the cracks of your broken life.

The Backwards Man

MacBizzle wrote: »

What the hell is kale?

Cabbage

urabell

Pugsly wrote: »

Maybe you should calm down a bit OP. I know you're young and enjoying yourself but a half a pack of doritos ? Kale shakes and rigorous cleansing routines are all well and good but they wont cover the cracks of your broken life.

I'm so healthy you can tell I'm young by my forum posts. Doing something right.

anncoates

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Cabbage

....For people that call their corner shop an artisan grocer.

anncoates

Doritos are muck. All the horrible powdery crap on them. I actually like the plain Tesco ones best. Better for doing up with some cheese and jalapeño.

Tarzana

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

I love chilli heatwave Doritos

Me too, but only a small bag. Anything more than that is overkill.

--LOS--

Sweet Chilli Dorritos

/drool

urabell

anncoates wrote: »

....For people that call their corner shop an artisan grocer.

I buy my kale in Lidl

The Backwards Man

anncoates wrote: »

....For people that call their corner shop an artisan grocer.

All the ould lads here call lettuce kale

One fella was at a funeral dinner, first time in a hotel. Starter came round, egg mayonnaise, he ate it into him. Main course, the waitress comes to him, 'Turkey and ham or roast beef?' she asks. He says 'Naw thanks you're alright wee cuttie, sure amn't I just after a grand feed a kale'

--LOS--

kale is kale and cabbage is cabbage :P

You guys should try kale crisps, nom! Coat kale in some oil and seasoning and bang them in the oven.

Renegade Mechanic

Im a massive fan of cheese doritos:o

Renegade Mechanic

--LOS-- wrote: »

kale is kale and cabbage is cabbage :P

You guys should try kale crisps, nom! Coat kale in some oil and seasoning and bang them in the oven.

*Heavy Breathing*

urabell

--LOS-- wrote: »

kale is kale and cabbage is cabbage :P

You guys should try kale crisps, nom! Coat kale in some oil and seasoning and bang them in the oven.

Any bean based recipes? I'd like to know how to get the full amino acid profile from a bean based meal.

anncoates

The Backwards Man wrote: »

All the ould lads here call lettuce kale

One fella was at a funeral dinner, first time in a hotel. Starter came round, egg mayonnaise, he ate it into him. Main course, the waitress comes to him, 'Turkey and ham or roast beef?' she asks. He says 'Naw thanks you're alright wee cuttie, sure amn't I just after a grand feed a kale'

As a gay urban counterpoint to this, I should disclose that my wife makes lovely Kale pesto.

kowloon

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

Awful ring sting though, but well worth it :pac:

They're not suppositories!

shruikan2553

Well what he put into the microwave looks....interesting. I think Ill stick to doritos.

--LOS--

urabell wrote: »

Any bean based recipes? I'd like to know how to get the full amino acid profile from a bean based meal.

bit random :P

umm well quinoa is the best complete protein you can eat. But for meals, if we're still talking about tortilla chips...... some nice mexican food like burritos with refried beans or refried beans and tortilla chips. To make the refried beans more like a dip, I mix in tomato sauce when heating them up, either tinned tomatoes or some tomato puree from a carton. To make it extra tasty you can add in some nutritional yeast with that and it makes the sauce cheesey tasting.

But in general I don't get bogged down with that complete protein stuff, you really don't have to worry about making sure your meal is a complete protein, your body can regulate that stuff well enough already. All the proteins and amino acids you need are in plants, so some combination of kidney beans/chickpeas/black beans/whatever kind of beans with brown rice/quinoa/cous cous/lentils/whatever else you like and whatever veg you like and whatever sauce you like.

The Dagda

--LOS-- wrote: »

Sweet Chilli Dorritos

/drool

Are you sure you're not thinking about Sensations?!

urabell

--LOS-- wrote: »

bit random :P

umm well quinoa is the best complete protein you can eat. But for meals, if we're still talking about tortilla chips...... some nice mexican food like burritos with refried beans or refried beans and tortilla chips. To make the refried beans more like a dip, I mix in tomato sauce when heating them up, either tinned tomatoes or some tomato puree from a carton. To make it extra tasty you can add in some nutritional yeast with that and it makes the sauce cheesey tasting.

But in general I don't get bogged down with that complete protein stuff, you really don't have to worry about making sure your meal is a complete protein, your body can regulate that stuff well enough already. All the proteins and amino acids you need are in plants, so some combination of kidney beans/chickpeas/black beans/whatever kind of beans with brown rice/quinoa/cous cous/lentils/whatever else you like and whatever veg you like and whatever sauce you like.

It's not hugely important but if I can control it I like to know I'm getting the full spectrum. I usually mix quinoa with tuna and then just dice a random assortment of vegetables on top but now I'm going to learn what each vegetable/ingredient actually delivers so I don't double up.

Is there any high protein vegan meals you could recommend? I'm not vegan but it can't hurt to remove meat from a meal here and there. There's a lot of online resources but they tend to be US based and they have a range of sprays, sauces and spices we can only dream of.

--LOS--

The Dagda wrote: »

Are you sure you're not thing about Sensations?!

No way

Here they are, had a pic on my phone :P

http://i.imgur.com/dJmFlJe.jpg

The Dagda

--LOS-- wrote: »

No way

Here they are, had a pic on my phone :P

http://i.imgur.com/dJmFlJe.jpg

That better be Kale in the jar!?!...

Awkward Badger

The Dagda wrote: »

That better be Kale in the jar!?!...

I dont know a lot about kale, but I'm pretty sure its not supposed to be a brown coloured paste.