Need a critique please !

Fozzydog3

Hey all, well I've just finished the first draft of my first story, Like Kublai Khan I wrote the beginning of it in a drunken stupor (fortunately I had the ending already) but I'm worried the I lost the vision I had inbetween, anyways I've spent so long on it now that I can't see the wood for the trees with it and was wondering are there any glaring mistakes ? Is there any part that I as the writer took for granted and need to explain ?

Well here it is
Khyber pass

Write drunk, edit sober

It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
Edit it properly and I'll try again

Fozzydog3

bluewolf wrote: »

Write drunk, edit sober

It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
Edit it properly and I'll try again

How very dare you ! Mods please permaban bluewolf for harrasment

I kid I kid, did you get the "punchline"?and were there any parts of it that you liked ?

PartnerSeeds

bluewolf wrote: »

Write drunk, edit sober

hahaha great advice

Fozzydog3

bluewolf wrote: »

Write drunk, edit sober

It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
Edit it properly and I'll try again

And done Khyber pass

Judgement Day

Any more?

Fozzydog3

Judgement Day wrote: »

Any more?

Nope, first story.

Judgement Day

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

Nope, first story.

Get writing then, I enjoyed what I read but what would I know.

Fozzydog3

bump, if that's alright with everyone

The Scawgeen

Fozzydog3 wrote: »

bump, if that's alright with everyone

Link not working for me.

Fozzydog3

The Scawgeen wrote: »

Link not working for me.

Oh yeah it's the second link on this thread after I say "And done"