Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Need a critique please !

  • 21-06-2014 9:56am
    #1
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    Hey all, well I've just finished the first draft of my first story, Like Kublai Khan I wrote the beginning of it in a drunken stupor (fortunately I had the ending already) but I'm worried the I lost the vision I had inbetween, anyways I've spent so long on it now that I can't see the wood for the trees with it and was wondering are there any glaring mistakes ? Is there any part that I as the writer took for granted and need to explain ?

    Well here it is
    Khyber pass


Comments

  • #2
    Jason Important Lodge
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Jason Important Lodge


    Write drunk, edit sober

    It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
    Edit it properly and I'll try again


  • #3
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Write drunk, edit sober

    It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
    Edit it properly and I'll try again
    How very dare you ! Mods please permaban bluewolf for harrasment

    I kid I kid, did you get the "punchline"?and were there any parts of it that you liked ?


  • #4
    PartnerSeeds
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 67 ✭✭PartnerSeeds


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Write drunk, edit sober

    hahaha great advice


  • #5
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Write drunk, edit sober

    It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
    Edit it properly and I'll try again

    And done Khyber pass


  • #6
    Judgement Day
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,549 ✭✭✭✭Judgement Day


    Any more?


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    Judgement Day wrote: »
    Any more?
    Nope, first story.


  • #8
    Judgement Day
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,549 ✭✭✭✭Judgement Day


    Fozzydog3 wrote: »
    Nope, first story.

    Get writing then, I enjoyed what I read but what would I know. :D


  • #9
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    bump, if that's alright with everyone


  • #10
    The Scawgeen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 182 ✭✭The Scawgeen


    Fozzydog3 wrote: »
    bump, if that's alright with everyone

    Link not working for me.


  • #11
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    The Scawgeen wrote: »
    Link not working for me.

    Oh yeah it's the second link on this thread after I say "And done"


  • Advertisement
Advertisement