My girlfriend prefers a nicer car

Androidian

My girlfriend (since 4 months) whom I love very much, would like me to get a nicer car. I bought something crappy a year ago, mainly because I thought I'd rarely use it (maybe the odd surf weekend or a day of golf) and because I wasn't sure how long I'd stay in the country for. I still won't use it much, but I'm planning to stay in the country to be with her.

Personally I don't care much about a car that I use so little and I have no need to have a nice car as a status symbol.

Should this set off alarm bells since we put different values on material possessions and image or is this something you could reasonably expect from any girl?

I guess it's relevant to add that I can easily afford something better and that most of our social circle would drive something more decent.

Thanks for your opinion!

bee06

No, it's definitely not something you should expect from any girl (and I'm a woman). It's really up to you to decide if her opinion on material goods as status symbols is a deal breaker but personally I would find it very shallow.

LegacyUser

Androidian wrote: »

My girlfriend (since 4 months) whom I love very much, would like me to get a nicer car. I bought something crappy a year ago, mainly because I thought I'd rarely use it (maybe the odd surf weekend or a day of golf) and because I wasn't sure how long I'd stay in the country for. I still won't use it much, but I'm planning to stay in the country to be with her.

Personally I don't care much about a car that I use so little and I have no need to have a nice car as a status symbol.

Should this set off alarm bells since we put different values on material possessions and image or is this something you could reasonably expect from any girl?

I guess it's relevant to add that I can easily afford something better and that most of our social circle would drive something more decent.

Thanks for your opinion!

No, this really isn't on.

At four months you are already making a lot of sacrifices, to go out and buy a car when you aren't bothered about it yourself would be a bad idea.

I think a demand like that is ridiculous and would set the tone for the rest of the relationship.

LegacyUser

When you say your current care is "something crappy", you're sort of acknowledging yourself that it's below even your own standards.
Does she want you to buy a brand new BMW or Porsche, or just something more presentable?

Lou.m

Androidian wrote: »

My girlfriend (since 4 months) whom I love very much, would like me to get a nicer car. I bought something crappy a year ago, mainly because I thought I'd rarely use it (maybe the odd surf weekend or a day of golf) and because I wasn't sure how long I'd stay in the country for. I still won't use it much, but I'm planning to stay in the country to be with her.

Personally I don't care much about a car that I use so little and I have no need to have a nice car as a status symbol.

Should this set off alarm bells since we put different values on material possessions and image or is this something you could reasonably expect from any girl?

I guess it's relevant to add that I can easily afford something better and that most of our social circle would drive something more decent.

Thanks for your opinion!

Yes. Very loud piercing ones.

I can't believe she would a) care b) have the gall to say it to you c) Not think for a moment that there are people hungry in this world. She has found a nice man him having a nice car is not an issue.

It should be YOU she likes. Not your clothes not your hair.

Your status is your character the way you treat others and being respected.

I think it is absurd for her to have a say in what you drive and for her to bother you about it.

I can't think of any girl I know ( I am female too) who would suggest that. To be honest I don't think I would be friends with a girl like that.

Semele

How is she expressing this? If it's in a demanding way then yes, I'd be annoyed too, but if it's a bit of a piss-take she may just be joking with you and you're reading too much into it!

I have running jokes with certain friends about our mutual disdain for each other's taste in clothes, for example, but something I'd say in half-serious jest to one of them would go down like a lead balloon if I said it to someone who didn't understand it in the spirit it was meant and knew it didn't affect my affection for them at all!

How do you respond at these times? Have you asked her if she's serious?

Androidian

Semele wrote: »

How is she expressing this? If it's in a demanding way then yes, I'd be annoyed too, but if it's a bit of a piss-take she may just be joking with you and you're reading too much into it!

I have running jokes with certain friends about our mutual disdain for each other's taste in clothes, for example, but something I'd say in half-serious jest to one of them would go down like a lead balloon if I said it to someone who didn't understand it in the spirit it was meant and knew it didn't affect my affection for them at all!

How do you respond at these times? Have you asked her if she's serious?

Thanks Semele, fair point. She's definitely not demanding anything, but she's not joking either. We encourage each other to be very open about what we think or feel.

It's not a deal breaker for her and I'm happy she's honest about it (other people might think the same but don't express it). Fact still remains that we have different opinions on it. I guess no one sees it as a big deal if a girl tells her man to get a new pair of jeans or shoes, with a car it has a different feel to it though.

Alf. A. Male

If she drives, tell her to worry about her own car and to keep her opinions about yours to herself, or to earn the right to her opinion by putting up the money for the car she wants. If she doesn't drive tell her she's a neck commenting on your car when she has none. She's a cheek to open her mouth one way or another.

Androidian

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

If she drives, tell her to worry about her own car and to keep her opinions about yours to herself, or to earn the right to her opinion by putting up the money for the car she wants. If she doesn't drive tell her she's a neck commenting on your car when she has none. She's a cheek to open her mouth one way or another.

She drives herself, admittedly in a fairly nice car. She would just prefer me to get something which is maybe 5 instead of 15 years old. I've just never cared much about cars.

Thanks for your opinion.

shruikan2553

Do you want a new car? If you are fine with what you have just say you dont really care about the car so see no point in getting a new one yet. She should just drop it then unless she wants to be a pain in the ass.

Zen65

Androidian wrote: »

She would just prefer me to get something which is maybe 5 instead of 15 years old. I've just never cared much about cars.

Thanks for your opinion.

Perhaps your 15-year-old car is uncomfortable to travel in? Perhaps it looks shabby? Perhaps she thinks it's likely to be unsafe?

Expressing an opinion on it is as relevant as expressing an opinion about your choice of clothing, or after-shave. These things are not you, but they are an expression of your taste and could well give a bad impression about you without you realising. It seems that you already know that your car is 'something crappy', and so does she. If she's thinking of introducing you to her parents then perhaps she's conscious that your car may colour their opinion of you?

Personally I have little interest in cars - my own or anyone else's - but I do see why she might care about it. If it's not a demand then it's an honest opinion, and it's good to feel comfortable enough with somebody to be able to express those opinions. I'm sure if you wore bright pink trousers she'd have an opinion about that too. . . . and quite rightly

professore

Sounds to me like you're not compatible. In my experience many women have control freak tendencies - this sounds like one of them.

dannyc31

I guess no one sees it as a big deal if a girl tells her man to get a new pair of jeans or shoes, with a car it has a different feel to it though.

well i would have to disagree with this. nobody should be dressing their other half in a relationship. it actually amazes me how many men think this is ok especially in this day and age. i know 50 years ago it would be the norm for wives to almost dress their husbands but this is 2014. this works in reverse too. no man should be telling his girlfriend she should be wearing less revealing clothes or more revealing clothes etc. its all a form of controlling and is not healthy.

same goes for the car issue. if she's really image conscience and you are not, its gonna cause problems down the line.

on the other hand everyone likes to travel in a bit of comfort and if the car is really uncomfortable to travel in then i guess she's just being honest with you. the other thing is perhaps some of her friends boyfriends have a nice car that she has traveled in so she is just fond of the idea of you having a nice car to drive he around in. if alot girls were honest they would admit they enjoy traveling around in a nice car over a banger any day. once its not a deal breaker for her then i would'nt read too much into this. its actually a better sign that you are both being totally honest with each other.

Ineeddollars

I have a close friend. Lets call her Dee. She was going out with a guy who is not from Ireland. He also bought a crappy car because he thought he was not going to use it as much. Dee loved the guy and I'm sure she didn't care less if he couldn't afford a nice car but in fact he earned much more than her and he could easily buy a nice car but he didn't bother. It's just his style. She once talked to her boyfriend about his car in a joking way like most people would do but like you, her boyfriend used it against her, he thought, she is a bit material realistic. If she was, she would have been with a wealthy guy because she can but she is not that person. She has a more comfortable car and she was happy to drive them everywhere and not once I heard she complaint about her boyfriend's crappy car. He obviously didn't know much about her and he thought so little of her and she realised he didn't love her at all because he should have talked to her about that instead of all the false alarm bells in his head. My friend didn't want to be with someone who thought so little of her, not because his crappy car.

Back to you, firstly, if you can afford a nicer car, and you choose not too, then it's your choice. Secondly, if you are going to staying here longer and you are going to use it more but you still prefer driving around in your crappy car then it's your choice too.

If your girlfriend was just saying it in a light heart conversations or expressing her preferences or she was just sharing her thoughts with you then I don't call it shallow at all. If she demands you to buy a nicer car then you should just DUMP her! Who wants to be with a shallow soul. Ask yourself again if she said " I want you to buy a nicer car or she said it's more about you than a car/ I want a great partner, not a great car".

Good luck OP! There is plenty of girls out there who don't care about car.

strobe

professore wrote: »

Sounds to me like you're not compatible. In my experience many women have control freak tendencies - this sounds like one of them.

Yikes... :eek:

===========

Man just drive the car you want to drive. If you have a problem with her making comments about it tell her to knock it off.

I wouldn't read too deep into her comments in terms of "different values on material possessions and image" though... Sounds like she's probably just taking the piss, or she'd like you to drive a nicer car... but either way, not a big deal surely?

Just let her know you're happy with your current car. Of course if she takes issue with that then she may be a bit of a dope... So probably not for keeping.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Lou.m

Zen65 wrote: »

Perhaps your 15-year-old car is uncomfortable to travel in? Perhaps it looks shabby? Perhaps she thinks it's likely to be unsafe?

Expressing an opinion on it is as relevant as expressing an opinion about your choice of clothing, or after-shave. These things are not you, but they are an expression of your taste and could well give a bad impression about you without you realising. It seems that you already know that your car is 'something crappy', and so does she. If she's thinking of introducing you to her parents then perhaps she's conscious that your car may colour their opinion of you?

Personally I have little interest in cars - my own or anyone else's - but I do see why she might care about it. If it's not a demand then it's an honest opinion, and it's good to feel comfortable enough with somebody to be able to express those opinions. I'm sure if you wore bright pink trousers she'd have an opinion about that too. . . . and quite rightly

Then her parents are foolish.

Being a man is about knowing who you are and feeling comfortable in that. It is about being confident enough in your own values.

If he bought a car to please her or impress others he would be less of a man and a bit of knob.

Many people in Dublin are like this it's not unusual and maybe many are nice people. But you can see through them.

If her parents at there age care what kind of car he drives they are morons. They would be quite simply snobs. His taste is not up for judgement his character is. He loses respect if he bows to the shallow insecurities of others.

If I thought a boyfriend's parents were like that I would drive over in a Robin Reliant!

So if you couldn't afford a certain type of car OP or no car would she not be going out with you then?

Lou.m

Ineeddollars wrote: »

I have a close friend. Lets called her Dee. She was going out with a guy who is not from Ireland. He also bought a crappy car because he thought he was not going to use it as much. Dee loved the guy and I'm sure she didn't care less if he couldn't afford a nice car but in fact he earned much more than her and he could easily buy a nice car but he didn't bother. It's just his style. She once talked to her boyfriend about his car in a joking way like most people would do but like you, her boyfriend used it against her, he thought, she is a bit material realistic. If she was, she would have been with a wealthy guy because she can but she is not that person. She has a more comfortable car and she was happy to drive them everywhere and not once I heard she complaint about her boyfriend's crappy car. He obviously didn't know much about her and he thought so little of her and she realised he didn't love her at all because he should have talked to her about that instead of all the false alarm bells in his head. My friend didn't want to be with someone who thought so little of her, not because his crappy car.

Back to you, firstly, if you can afford a nicer car, and you choose not too, then it's your choice. Secondly, if you are going to staying here longer and you are going to use it more but you still prefer driving around in your crappy car then it's your choice too.

If your girlfriend was just saying it in a light heart conversations or expressing her preferences or she was just sharing her thoughts with you then I don't call it shallow at all. If she demands you to buy a nicer car then you should just DUMP her! Who wants to be with a shallow soul. Ask yourself again if she said " I want you to buy a nicer car or she said it's more about you than a car/ I want a great partner, not a great car".

Good luck OP! There is plenty of girls out there who don't care about car.

You two know each other?? :rolleyes:


I thought the thread was a bit suss to be serious.

beks101

How serious is she about it? Is she demanding you get a new car or she'll break up with you, or more half-joking about the state of your current one and suggesting it might be an idea to upgrade?

You know your girlfriend and none of us here do, so you're the one the make the judgement call on whether this speaks to a wider keeping-up-with-the-Joneses sense of materialism, or whether it's just a practical suggestion type thing.

Faith

When I met my OH, he was driving a 1992 car with no back windscreen (it had a black bag over it), the windows didn't work and the car was an absolute shítbox. I was mortified when he would pick me up in it, tbh. I never said anything to him at the time, but i slag him about it now because it was just the worst car. But in fairness, it was all he could afford and it got us from A to B. Judging by the opinions on this thread, that makes me shallow but I don't care.

I'm assuming your girlfriend has said something about the car in passing, rather than demanding you buy a brand new one? If that's the case, as long as your car isn't totally falling apart/missing important features/like sitting on a bag of vibrating marbles, just tell her firmly that you're happy with your car and that she needs to let it go. It's likely that you're the one who's blown this into a big deal, not her.

Barely There

Your GF is embarking on a long-term improvement project with your life.

Don't worry, this is quite normal

First it's the car, next it'll be the clothes you wear, your haircut, the company you keep, your career and your opinions.

After she finished moulding the ideal boyfriend from the 'clay' you've presented her with, she'll decide you're too boring and predicable and run off with that guy down the road with the crappy car.

You're welcome.

I don't see the problem in mentioning it if it's not a demand, but of course you can equally respond "no, I like this one" and expect that to be the end of it
If she wants a nicer one she can always get one herself

zoobizoo

I know someone whose parents wouldn't let her park her convertible in their driveway in case their neighbours thought that they were up themselves!

People can be funny about cars. I see them as tools to get from A to B.

OP, if it's the case that your GF is worried about other people's opinion of you (in a keeping up with the Jones' way) then I'd be wary.

If she is just mentioning that your car is the way that you know it is, a bit crappy, then don't worry about it.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, next time she mentions a better car, tell her you would prefer her to get breast enlargement surgery. See how she responds in kind.

sbsquarepants

Androidian wrote: »

She drives herself, admittedly in a fairly nice car. She would just prefer me to get something which is maybe 5 instead of 15 years old. I've just never cared much about cars.

Thanks for your opinion.

Does it bother her so much that she'll buy it for you?
If not then tell her what you spend your money on is your business. Cheeky!

nc19

What does she drive?

Androidian

Androidian wrote: »

Should this set off alarm bells since we put different values on material possessions and image or is this something you could reasonably expect from any girl?

Not all girls are the same and if she expect you to upgrade your car to meet her expectations, then I'd consider her to be too focussed on material things.

professore wrote: »

Sounds to me like you're not compatible. In my experience many women have control freak tendencies - this sounds like one of them.

She's a person, not a 'this'.

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Women are all different, believe it or not.

Barely There wrote: »

Your GF is embarking on a long-term improvement project with your life.

Don't worry, this is quite normal

First it's the car, next it'll be the clothes you wear, your haircut, the company you keep, your career and your opinions.

After she finished moulding the ideal boyfriend from the 'clay' you've presented her with, she'll decide you're too boring and predicable and run off with that guy down the road with the crappy car.

You're welcome.

Ask yourself why you attract women who feel they need to improve you, the common denominator.

Leave the rest of us out of it.



OP, only you know the context and the girl. I hope she was just making a casual remark but if she expects you to do as she says, there are more issues at play than just materialism. Entitlement is hard to live with.

Queen-Mise

Barely There wrote: »

Your GF is embarking on a long-term improvement project with your life.

Don't worry, this is quite normal

First it's the car, next it'll be the clothes you wear, your haircut, the company you keep, your career and your opinions.

After she finished moulding the ideal boyfriend from the 'clay' you've presented her with, she'll decide you're too boring and predicable and run off with that guy down the road with the crappy car.

You're welcome.

The worst part about this, in the very worst cynical sense, there is an element of truth. :rolleyes::eek:


As other said OP - it depends on the context and tone of what your GF meant.

It it was material reasons - then she can take a running jump.

Joking, safety, slagging, all the other reasons people said, then I'd take it with a pinch of salt.

LegacyUser

Op it depends on the context which your girlfriend said it to you.

If she was serious then you need to sit down and find talk to her, you need to find out is she saying it because your car old, she considers it dangerous, it's uncomfortable or she just like newer cars etc if its because she feels its dangerous or uncomfortable then she has a valid point, if she want's a newer car then you have to ask yourself do you want to have this woman in your life as first its a car, then its a house/apartment then its something else ...

If she was joking then don't take it to heart.

If it was me and my girl said something to me about my cars, if it was a joke i have a laught and slag of her car, if she was serious then you need to decide for yourself what you want to do.

Mr. Incognito

Keep the car, get rid of her.

The car has more mileage but she has more troubling gauges.

Louise Jordan

I once went out with a guy who drove a total banger, it was really old, uncomfortable and unreliable. So, whenever we were going anywhere I had to drive, he wouldn't drive my car because it was really girly (apparently). I actually begged him to buy something decent so we could share the driving duties and it sucked that I never got to have a drink with dinner etc. In terms of being materialistic I couldn't have cared less, it was just the practicalities of it. Of course, he never bothered changing it because it worked in his favour. It was never going to be a dealbreaker in our relationship.

Maybe she ends up driving all the time? It might not be because of how it looks.

FURET

Sounds like as a couple you have a completely different perspective on material things and probably finances. Personally I think that anyone who wants to buy "nice cars" for "status" is a) materialistic and b) a shallow thinker and c) financially illiterate. If two members of a couple are aligned on these viewpoints then fine; but if not, this will probably cause a huge strain on the relationship down the line.

threebagsfull

She sounds annoying. She's only going out with you for 4 months and she's trying to influence major decisions in your life (yes buying a car is a big deal).

Some women do this, they tell their OHs what to do and I have no idea why. I used to work with a guy that gradually became more and more whipped by his wife. He was always on the phone to her at work and she'd be telling him what to say in work and what not to put up with, etc. He became a useless moany b*llicks with no work ethic because his wife had told him that he should basically do less work and get more pay. Come to think of it, one of my friend's boyfriend does the same.

I dunno, maybe they want to live vicariously through their other halves instead of just go out with them and take them for who they are.

Toots

When you say 'crappy' is it just that it's been around the block a few times or is the thing a complete heap that's falling apart? If it's the latter would it be that she's concerned for your safety and that's why she wants you to get a new car? A couple of years ago the timing belt broke on my hubby's car and we had to get a new car quickly but had very little money. We got him a 'crappy' car until we could save up a bit, but he ended up really taking a liking to it. Once we had a bit of money I insisted that he get a better car. It was nothing to do with the appearance/niceness of the car, I just genuinely felt the other car wasn't safe to be driving around.

Zen65

Lou.m wrote: »

Then her parents are foolish.

. . . . .

If her parents at there age care what kind of car he drives they are morons. They would be quite simply snobs. His taste is not up for judgement his character is. He loses respect if he bows to the shallow insecurities of others.

Permit me to offer an opinion to the contrary:

If my daughter brought home a boyfriend who appeared to earn enough money to drive a reasonably decent car (I do not mean flashy, high-end car, but a decent, safe and reliable car) and instead he drove a very crappy banger of a car my thought process would be this:

• Why does this guy drive a car that is less comfortable / safe / reliable than he is able to comfortably afford?
• If he prioritises other things over his safety (and by implication the safety of my daughter) is he a suitable match?
• Is it possible that he has habits which take up his money, and which distract him from buying a better car?
• Am I likely to receive phone calls in the middle of the night to rescue them because his car has let him down?
• Is it possible he drives this wreck of a car because he is such a bad driver that he knows investing in a better car might be a complete waste? He's driving my daughter around, so if he's a careless or incompetent driver I'm not happy with that
• Perhaps he is mean with his money?
• Perhaps he is lying about having a good job? Is this guy really going to be able to care for my daughter, and possibly for my grandchildren?

These are not snobby values. They are quite practical. Perhaps you are not at the stage in life when you have to think about the day when somebody else will be the principal carer for the child you have spent 20+ years caring for? I am at that stage, and these types of questions cross my mind to some degree every time a new boyfriend / girlfriend shows up on the doorstep.

Of course, I am not in a position to act on my concerns now that my kids have become adults, but I do ask myself these questions and I expect my 'kids' know it.

FURET

Zen65 wrote: »

Permit me to offer an opinion to the contrary:

If my daughter brought home a boyfriend who appeared to earn enough money to drive a reasonably decent car (I do not mean flashy, high-end car, but a decent, safe and reliable car) and instead he drove a very crappy banger of a car my thought process would be this:

• Why does this guy drive a car that is less comfortable / safe / reliable than he is able to comfortably afford?
• If he prioritises other things over his safety (and by implication the safety of my daughter) is he a suitable match?
• Is it possible that he has habits which take up his money, and which distract him from buying a better car?
• Am I likely to receive phone calls in the middle of the night to rescue them because his car has let him down?
• Is it possible he drives this wreck of a car because he is such a bad driver that he knows investing in a better car might be a complete waste? He's driving my daughter around, so if he's a careless or incompetent driver I'm not happy with that
• Perhaps he is mean with his money?
• Perhaps he is lying about having a good job? Is this guy really going to be able to care for my daughter, and possibly for my grandchildren?

These are not snobby values. They are quite practical. Perhaps you are not at the stage in life when you have to think about the day when somebody else will be the principal carer for the child you have spent 20+ years caring for? I am at that stage, and these types of questions cross my mind to some degree every time a new boyfriend / girlfriend shows up on the doorstep.

Of course, I am not in a position to act on my concerns now that my kids have become adults, but I do ask myself these questions and I expect my 'kids' know it.

You might think that but in the end, but these prejudices say more about you than they probably say about the OP. You would in fact be jumping to wrong conclusions in this case.

It's very dense financially to assume that because one has a good job, one should therefore have a good car. Most people do indeed think this, because most people are financially dense. Did you know that the average American decamillionaire drives a car over 5 years old, generally buying basic models and keeping them for usually ten years?

Rather than being concerned that your daughter isn't being driven around in a car worthy of her eminence, you should be pleased that your daughter may have found a man who actually knows how to prioritize his finances sensibly.

meeeeh

FURET wrote: »

You might think that but in the end, but these prejudices say more about you than they probably say about the case.

It's very dense financially to assume that because one has a good job, one should therefore have a good car. Most people do indeed think this, because most people are financially dense. Did you know that the average American decamillionaire drives a car over 5 years old, generally buying basic models and keeping them for usually ten years?

Rather than being concerned that your daughter isn't being driven around in a car worthy of her eminence, you should beproperly ased that your daughter may have found a man who actually knows how to prioritize his finances sensibly.

There is a difference in driving an old car which was properly maintained or an old unsafe banger. I have no idea what is going on in this instance because op didn't give enough info. I know someone who came to an tyre place asking for set of used tyres. He was told there is nothing suitable but he found four the right size. After he was warned that those are there waiting to be collected for recycling because they don't have enough thread he replied: they will be grand , I have two small kids so I am always driving slowly anyway. Was he financially sound or an idiot? The same goes for a car. There is a difference between a car that costs more in maintenance and is smelly or uncomfortable and often dangerous and an properly serviced older car in top condition.

I think this is one of those threads that needs proper context and some snotty lectures on financial density don't help.

userod

Zen65 wrote: »

when somebody else will be the principal carer

This says it all really.

marie12

Androidian wrote: »

Thanks Semele, fair point. She's definitely not demanding anything, but she's not joking either. We encourage each other to be very open about what we think or feel.

It's not a deal breaker for her and I'm happy she's honest about it (other people might think the same but don't express it). Fact still remains that we have different opinions on it. I guess no one sees it as a big deal if a girl tells her man to get a new pair of jeans or shoes, with a car it has a different feel to it though.

a girl shouldn't tell a guy to buy new shoes or clothes imo. Or car. Buy a different car when you feel like it or she might buy you one, pay the tax, insurance, nct for you haha
seriously tho this annoys me when girls want to essentially change their guy.s image to her circles.

farmerjj

Androidian wrote: »

She drives herself, admittedly in a fairly nice car. She would just prefer me to get something which is maybe 5 instead of 15 years old. I've just never cared much about cars.

Thanks for your opinion.

4months together and shes telling you to change your car coz its to old!? Run my boy run

melon_collie

Zen65 wrote: »

Permit me to offer an opinion to the contrary:

If my daughter brought home a boyfriend who appeared to earn enough money to drive a reasonably decent car (I do not mean flashy, high-end car, but a decent, safe and reliable car) and instead he drove a very crappy banger of a car my thought process would be this:

• Why does this guy drive a car that is less comfortable / safe / reliable than he is able to comfortably afford?
• If he prioritises other things over his safety (and by implication the safety of my daughter) is he a suitable match?
• Is it possible that he has habits which take up his money, and which distract him from buying a better car?
• Am I likely to receive phone calls in the middle of the night to rescue them because his car has let him down?
• Is it possible he drives this wreck of a car because he is such a bad driver that he knows investing in a better car might be a complete waste? He's driving my daughter around, so if he's a careless or incompetent driver I'm not happy with that
• Perhaps he is mean with his money?
• Perhaps he is lying about having a good job? Is this guy really going to be able to care for my daughter, and possibly for my grandchildren?

These are not snobby values. They are quite practical. Perhaps you are not at the stage in life when you have to think about the day when somebody else will be the principal carer for the child you have spent 20+ years caring for? I am at that stage, and these types of questions cross my mind to some degree every time a new boyfriend / girlfriend shows up on the doorstep.

Of course, I am not in a position to act on my concerns now that my kids have become adults, but I do ask myself these questions and I expect my 'kids' know it.

Perhaps he's a practical fellow himself. Maybe he doesn't want to spend 10 - 20k or whatever amount of his hard earned money on a car that some careless idiot can write off in a spilt second. Perhaps he would prefer to save the money not spent on the car and put it into something a little more worthwhile such as a deposit for a house.

And as for the car being 'not safe'. Isn't that what we have NCT testing for? Cars over 10 years old are tested every year so as long as it has a valid NCT there shouldn't be a problem.

Sounds like this girl is high maintenance. If she doesn't like it let her walk.

irishguy1983

Zen65 wrote: »

Permit me to offer an opinion to the contrary:

If my daughter brought home a boyfriend who appeared to earn enough money to drive a reasonably decent car (I do not mean flashy, high-end car, but a decent, safe and reliable car) and instead he drove a very crappy banger of a car my thought process would be this:

• Why does this guy drive a car that is less comfortable / safe / reliable than he is able to comfortably afford?
• If he prioritises other things over his safety (and by implication the safety of my daughter) is he a suitable match?
• Is it possible that he has habits which take up his money, and which distract him from buying a better car?
• Am I likely to receive phone calls in the middle of the night to rescue them because his car has let him down?
• Is it possible he drives this wreck of a car because he is such a bad driver that he knows investing in a better car might be a complete waste? He's driving my daughter around, so if he's a careless or incompetent driver I'm not happy with that
• Perhaps he is mean with his money?
• Perhaps he is lying about having a good job? Is this guy really going to be able to care for my daughter, and possibly for my grandchildren?

These are not snobby values. They are quite practical. Perhaps you are not at the stage in life when you have to think about the day when somebody else will be the principal carer for the child you have spent 20+ years caring for? I am at that stage, and these types of questions cross my mind to some degree every time a new boyfriend / girlfriend shows up on the doorstep.

Of course, I am not in a position to act on my concerns now that my kids have become adults, but I do ask myself these questions and I expect my 'kids' know it.

I wouldn't like you as father in law!

LegacyUser

irishguy1983 wrote: »

I wouldn't like you as father in law!

So if you had a daughter, you wouldnt think about those kind of things?

irishguy1983

Hmmmm? wrote: »

So if you had a daughter, you wouldnt think about those kind of things?

Why is it everything around has to be uber serious?! It was just a flippant joke - that was all

farmerjj

Zen65 wrote: »

Permit me to offer an opinion to the contrary:

If my daughter brought home a boyfriend who appeared to earn enough money to drive a reasonably decent car (I do not mean flashy, high-end car, but a decent, safe and reliable car) and instead he drove a very crappy banger of a car my thought process would be this:

• Why does this guy drive a car that is less comfortable / safe / reliable than he is able to comfortably afford?
• If he prioritises other things over his safety (and by implication the safety of my daughter) is he a suitable match?
• Is it possible that he has habits which take up his money, and which distract him from buying a better car?
• Am I likely to receive phone calls in the middle of the night to rescue them because his car has let him down?
• Is it possible he drives this wreck of a car because he is such a bad driver that he knows investing in a better car might be a complete waste? He's driving my daughter around, so if he's a careless or incompetent driver I'm not happy with that
• Perhaps he is mean with his money?
• Perhaps he is lying about having a good job? Is this guy really going to be able to care for my daughter, and possibly for my grandchildren?

These are not snobby values. They are quite practical. Perhaps you are not at the stage in life when you have to think about the day when somebody else will be the principal carer for the child you have spent 20+ years caring for? I am at that stage, and these types of questions cross my mind to some degree every time a new boyfriend / girlfriend shows up on the doorstep.

Of course, I am not in a position to act on my concerns now that my kids have become adults, but I do ask myself these questions and I expect my 'kids' know it.

You think to much!!!!

RossFixxxed

Well tell her to go out and buy a decent car for herself... What's the problem? Drive whatever you like, and let her get her own Bugatti Veyron. This is ridiculous, judging someone by their car is one of the stupidist, most pathetic things you can do.

"He drives a nice car, so he must be great for my daughter/sister/friend." I guess nobody who ever drove a nice car has been a bad person, ever, so maybe I have no argument. Jesus wept.

Spudmonkey

Zen65 wrote: »

Permit me to offer an opinion to the contrary:

If my daughter brought home a boyfriend who appeared to earn enough money to drive a reasonably decent car (I do not mean flashy, high-end car, but a decent, safe and reliable car) and instead he drove a very crappy banger of a car my thought process would be this:

• Why does this guy drive a car that is less comfortable / safe / reliable than he is able to comfortably afford?
• If he prioritises other things over his safety (and by implication the safety of my daughter) is he a suitable match?
• Is it possible that he has habits which take up his money, and which distract him from buying a better car?
• Am I likely to receive phone calls in the middle of the night to rescue them because his car has let him down?
• Is it possible he drives this wreck of a car because he is such a bad driver that he knows investing in a better car might be a complete waste? He's driving my daughter around, so if he's a careless or incompetent driver I'm not happy with that
• Perhaps he is mean with his money?
• Perhaps he is lying about having a good job? Is this guy really going to be able to care for my daughter, and possibly for my grandchildren?

These are not snobby values. They are quite practical. Perhaps you are not at the stage in life when you have to think about the day when somebody else will be the principal carer for the child you have spent 20+ years caring for? I am at that stage, and these types of questions cross my mind to some degree every time a new boyfriend / girlfriend shows up on the doorstep.

Of course, I am not in a position to act on my concerns now that my kids have become adults, but I do ask myself these questions and I expect my 'kids' know it.

I drive a 19 year old car even though I'm in a well paying job, for none of the above reasons but because the car runs perfectly and I don't see the point in scraping it. You should maybe consider giving someone the benefit of the doubt to your thought process.

Androidian

Hi all, OP again here.

Thanks all for your opinion and sorry for the lack of detail / context.

If anyone is interested, it was a simple opinion, nothing more, nothing less. Missus has a preference for a somewhat decent car over a banger. Comfort and safety (potential kid transport) do play a role there. We're not talking Bugatti Veyron here, second hand decent will suffice.

Cheers!
OP

glic71rods46t0

Androidian wrote: »

Hi all, OP again here.

Thanks all for your opinion and sorry for the lack of detail / context.

If anyone is interested, it was a simple opinion, nothing more, nothing less. Missus has a preference for a somewhat decent car over a banger. Comfort and safety (potential kid transport) do play a role there. We're not talking Bugatti Veyron here, second hand decent will suffice.

Cheers!
OP

In your first post the lady is described as your girlfriend of 4 months. Now she is the "missus" and you are talking about potential child transport. Changes the goalposts completely as we now seem to be talking about a "family" car not your own batchelor car for picking her up for dates with. Either you have had a "road to Damascus" moment or your posts just don't add up.

Taltos

Fencer - if you cannot post inline with our charter please don't post. Due to the nature of the issues in PI/RI we take a dim view on all rule violations. If you believe someone is being untruthful then report them, calling someone out in a thread is never acceptable here.

Thanks
Taltos

Claire3

4 months is a really early stage for someone to be demanding that their significant other spend thousands on something they want for themselves. To be honest at any stage it's a bit wrong. If she cares so much about appearances then use her car and put yourself on the insurance so your banger doesn't have to be seen in public!
If a family is the issue, even then it's a bit early, it would be more reasonable for her to make a demand like this if the relationship was more advanced and either a) either of you have kids from previous relationships b) she is pregnant.

Until then enjoy the rust bucket :-) it's your life and your choice.