Partners exam one day after my friends wedding down the country

Mc Kenzie

Hi all,

Again im not sure if this is the appropriate place for this thread but im in a bit of a panick.

Both my partner and I have been invited to a good friends wedding, which we discussed and decided to go. I have told the bride (my friend) that we will be there and sent the acceptance invite and also booked a room in the hotel to stay(so they have bank details)

I was so happy to be invited as me and my friend had lost touch for a few years but have got back in touch and met up recently. Also she has not met my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is from outside europe and we had a not so easy past together doing LDR for a year.

He is now here and we live together so when ever weddings/ events happen I really value that we can go together, rather than in the past showing up myself and explaining I have a LDR and i get the frown or oh" expression":rolleyes:

This morning he realised he found out last week he has a college exam on the 19th next month the day after the wedding.

Of course i certainly understand his exams are very important and its not his fault.

Its the first wedding outside my family weddings we have been invited on my side, as a couple and it means alot that I can finally introduce him to friends a be a "normal couple"

Does any one know if you can reschedual exams? Its a one year part time course he is doing. And im wandering if this has ever come up before. Surely it has. And he only found out last week.

Any advise,,much appreciated


thank you

endacl

He has an exam. It's important. 'My partner has an important exam tomorrow' is a statement that nobody will have any problem with.

There'll be plenty if events in the future that you can attend as a couple.

Alf. A. Male

It may not be ideal timing, but how is the wedding actually stopping him from sitting the exam? Why can't he make his way back in time? And what's the relevance of the fact that someone has your bank details?

Addle

To reschedule an exam for any wedding would be ridiculous.
You'll have plenty of other opportunities to see your friends as a couple.
You enjoy the wedding, let your partner study in peace.

eviltwin

I'd go and leave him at home to study if he feels he needs to, everyone will understand. I appreciate its disappointing for you to not have him there if you were looking forward to your first outing as a couple but its only a wedding, his exams are far more important and rather than put pressure on him to reschedule I'd go it alone.

littlelulu

I don't think 'my girlfriends friend that I never met is getting married' is a good enough excuse to reschedule regardless of whether they would allow it or not. I actually strongly doubt they would allow it anyway. I know in our college that if you miss an exam due to a bereavment then you need to submit a death cert as proof. If you are sick then you need to submit a sick cert. Harsh I know, but they have to keep some order in the place or else everyone would take advantage.

Why doesn't he just go along to the ceremony and/or the meal and leave then. That way he has shown his face, everyone knows he really exists but he has another commitment too. I know its not easy for you but unfortunately thats life and things clash.

Mc Kenzie

As i said the wedding is in the country side and where in dublin where his exams are. It takes over two hours top get back

And weddings usually go on all day and i know he could not enjoy it.

Of course its not stopping him but it was something we were both looking forward to.

If i cancel the booking there will still be a charge on my card. So ill be charged even if we dont go.

Personally I would rather not go on my own. I dont see my friend to much as she lives in aother part of the country. So its rare to none that she will get to meet my partner

eviltwin

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

As i said the wedding is in the country side and where in dublin where his exams are. It takes over two hours top get back

And weddings usually go on all day and i know he could not enjoy it.

Of course its not stopping him but it was something we were both looking forward to.

If i cancel the booking there will still be a charge on my card. So ill be charged even if we dont go.

Personally I would rather not go on my own. I dont see my friend to much as she lives in aother part of the country. So its rare to none that she will get to meet my partner

Why would you not go just because he can't? Will you know other people there? If you decide not to go ring the hotel and see if they will do something for you, if not the charge is something you will just have to accept but if you can I'd still go, I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind in fact might even like having the total peace and quiet to study.

Shakespeare's Sister

Just go on your own, you'll obviously know people there.
This thing of "I have to let everyone at the wedding know I have a partner" is bizarre. People at the wedding have more important things to be focusing on, e.g. the two people whose wedding it is.

Mc Kenzie

Because as i said in my original post we had a year apart where i woud go to many events explaining it was long distance and and many never met him or didnt think he would come back. One person even referred him as my ex which he was not. So i dont want to go through all that again.

anyways I was looking for some advise about exams. And i got that.

Thanks for the advise and opinions.

Eh... he has an exam. Kinda takes priority.
He does his exam, you ring up a friend you know and say hey do you want to come to a wedding, problem solved

Mc Kenzie

Magaggie wrote: »

Just go on your own, you'll obviously know people there.
This thing of "I have to let everyone at the wedding know I have a partner" is bizarre. People at the wedding have more important things to be focusing on, e.g. the two people whose wedding it is.

Maybe if you ever had a long distance relationship you might understand

You're not in a LDR, you said he lives with you

Mc Kenzie

Thanks iv got all the advise i need now. See ya

Mc Kenzie

bluewolf wrote: »

You're not in a LDR, you said he lives with you

I was for over one year

Princess Peach

I was in a long distance relationship for two years, now we live together. I do stuff without him all the time. Next weekend I'm going to my brother's 30th alone, because my boyfriend is busy.

I'll have a good time because it will be fun, if people ask where he is I'll tell them... I don't see the big deal.

Exams are important and he should reschedule for a wedding of a couple he doesn't know, and you shouldn't decline the invite to a friend's wedding because of it either

Lia_lia

Let him decide, he's the one with an exam!

I'd a similar situation last year. I was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding. A few weeks beforehand my boyfriend got a new job and was in training when the wedding was on. Wedding was on a Friday and didn't want to ask for work off as it would leave a bad impression. He ended up arriving at the wedding at about 10 that night because he had to get to a different county... Was a bit of a pain but something like a new job/exam would take priority over a wedding!

Shakespeare's Sister

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Maybe if you ever had a long distance relationship you might understand

I have had one.
Still can't understand the need to let everyone know you're in a relationship at someone else's wedding. In this instance it seems to be more of a concern what others think rather than you being happy in your relationship in and of itself.

Miaireland

To answer your question it is very unlikely that any education institution would reschedule an exam for an girlfriends friend's wedding. Look at it from the college/schools point of view. If they allow your boyfriend to reschedule it will cost them money and time (1). They will have to set another paper in case your bf saw the first one (2) Someone will have to supervise your bf while taking the exam at a different time (3). Normally the results have to be submitted within a certain time frame, by your bf delaying the exam it could hold up the result submission etc (4) Your bf gets extra time to study that other students did not get.

I am sorry I do see where you come from but the exam is way more important than the wedding. Invite a friend to go with you. At the end of the day the fact that your bf is there or not is really going to have little impact with the Bride or the other people at the wedding. Sure it would be nice to introduce him but there will be other times.

Forget about your bf changing his exam day and let him concentrate on studying for the thing.

Mc Kenzie

Thanks for replies but Id rather not recieve any more as its quite upsetting. The way people are judging and picking out thing's. Thanks to the people who gave a fair opinioi was looking for advise not to be judged on my relationship.

eviltwin

No one is judging. Yes its upsetting he won't be there especially if you have let everyone know he will, its a bit embarrassing and upsetting when you were really looking forward to introducing him to everyone. I completely get that. But your not really thinking of him here, his exams have to come first and even if the college would oblige its unfair to expect him to rearrange things just so you can save face. People will understand and no one will be talking about you behind your back and gossiping, you won't look like a saddo for not being there with your other half. The last wedding I went to my partner stayed at home and I still had a ball, probably a better time if I'm being honest as I wasn't having to worry about him. So go, enjoy and celebrate your friends wedding.

fits

I missed a close aunt's funeral for an exam once. The wedding of my partners friend wouldnt even get a look in.

He could attend ceremony and skip meal perhaps?

m'lady

Could he not just attend the ceremony, meal and stay for an hour or so and head back to Dublin that night and get up for the exam the following morning.

Massively confused as to why the OP feels the need to explain where her boyfriend is, and that she's in a relationship?

username123

What's confusing? OP goes to events alone in the past, people say "Where's bf?", she says "we are in ldr", and she is sick of always explaining why she attends as singleton rather than coupledom.

Now opportunity has arisen to go to wedding as glorious coupledom, finally not have to say "he isn't here" and he has an exam. So she is disappointed, is that not understandable?

However, exam is more important than wedding, but that doesn't mean she can't go to wedding alone, but that puts her back in situation of "Where's bf?" which she was already sick of.

I still think you should go alone OP, you have other friends who will be there and it'll be fun.

shopaholic01

Will the guests be around the next day? Go to the wedding, your boyfriend can come down the next day after the exam. You can then introduce him to everyone and prove he exists.

Mc Kenzie

Princess Peach wrote: »

I was in a long distance relationship for two years, now we live together. I do stuff without him all the time. Next weekend I'm going to my brother's 30th alone, because my boyfriend is busy.

I'll have a good time because it will be fun, if people ask where he is I'll tell them... I don't see the big deal.

Exams are important and he should reschedule for a wedding of a couple he doesn't know, and you shouldn't decline the invite to a friend's wedding because of it either

Of course i do things with out him. Iv gone on hollidays abroad with friends without him, and i go for drinks with my work ect. Its not a massive deal to tell them he will be doing an exam. I would of liked him to be there" and i dont see how that is something hard to understand.!!

Of course his exam is important and im there to support him.

Id like to point out the reason for the post to begin with was to find out if its possible to re schedual exams. as i was not sure. I gave background info as others may have been in a similar situation.

And for anyone whos interested

Bare in mind, I asked a question...and i never asked my boyfriend to do anything.......

Shakespeare's Sister

username123 wrote: »

she is sick of always explaining why she attends as singleton rather than coupledom.

The shame of it.

Now opportunity has arisen to go to wedding as glorious coupledom

This really does seem to matter all right - the awe and reverence you get from being in a couple.
(People who are really concerned about other people's relationship status aren't worth bothering with, but anyway).

finally not have to say "he isn't here" and he has an exam. So she is disappointed, is that not understandable?

It is, but one of those "Meh, just have to get on with it" disappointments.

I still think you should go alone OP, you have other friends who will be there and it'll be fun.

Definitely.

ElleEm

It is the day after the wedding. Why can't he go to the ceremoney and meal, and leave at 8pm to drive home?

Have you actually asked him what he wants to do?

Mc Kenzie

I have decided to go regardless as i dont want to let my friend down on after asking us both to her wedding.

He wants to check i he can rearrange things and than its up to him.

The reason it was mainly upsetting as initially we were invitde a while ago and we discussed whether we would go and agreed we would. My boyfriend either had forgotten or didnt realise he had this exam. So I was looking forward to it already.

Probably if id of known this in the first place it wouldn't of been abit of let down.

thanks for the suggestions and opinions everyone,

And i also have an opinion of my own..

when leaving post and comments of course everyone has their own individual thoughts and opinions that we all are in titled to, but do remember that what may not matter to you, might mean a great deal to someone else and I think people should respect that.

And remember you are actaully voicing your opinion to another human being, and you do not know who/what they are, what background or circumstance that person might have.

It may be very easy to judge, joke type something without thinking of someones feelings, when your behind your computer screen...and it makes me think, would you say that to someone you didnt know, to their face, in real life....just a thought

endacl

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

It may be very easy to judge, joke type something without thinking of someones feelings, when your behind your computer screen...and it makes me think, would you say that to someone you didnt know, to their face, in real life....just a thought

I haven't got to boards all day. Where are those posts? Were they deleted?

Mc Kenzie

Just a thought...

Just a thought

m'lady

If you put a post on a forum and don't get the answers you want don't throw your toys out of the pram... Just a thought

People have the right to an opinion in fairness, this wasn't what would be considered a serious problem, and I don't see any jokes through this whole post.

Mc Kenzie

Sure and of course thats what i said. everyone entitled to an opinion.


Thanks for advise and help everyone.!!

dellas1979

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

And i also have an opinion of my own..

when leaving post and comments of course everyone has their own individual thoughts and opinions that we all are in titled to, but do remember that what may not matter to you, might mean a great deal to someone else and I think people should respect that.

And remember you are actaully voicing your opinion to another human being, and you do not know who/what they are, what background or circumstance that person might have.

It may be very easy to judge, joke type something without thinking of someones feelings, when your behind your computer screen...and it makes me think, would you say that to someone you didnt know, to their face, in real life....just a thought

I really think you need to take your own advice here too on your attitude!

Getting an examination center to reschedule an exam, because of a wedding and you are upset of having to go on your own.

To the masses here, it just sounds a bit silly. I dont think some people believed someone could think like that. I mean, I understand you'd feel a bit peeved off (you dont seem to know if he didnt know/didnt realise/or just didnt tell you) as it was something you were looking forward to, but if you really want him at some part of the wedding (and him able to sit his exam at the same time), there could be a compromise some where (i.e., go to the church or meal and then head home). There would just be an awful lot of driving for him that day.

Edit: Also, why are you the one looking after all this/asking the questions? Its his exam. Surely he has more scope to find out if he can resit/reschedule or not.

Chattastrophe!

The idea that someone might postpone or cancel an exam so that they could attend a partner's friend's wedding is a little bit ridiculous. I'm not sure what else you were expecting to hear? Did you really think it was a reasonable suggestion? I'm not sure of his circumstances but I assume this qualification will have some bearing on his future career, he's hardly going to not sit it so that he can attend a wedding for the sake of keeping up appearances. Ask a friend to go with you, or go alone, or don't go.

BonsaiKitten

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

And i also have an opinion of my own..

when leaving post and comments of course everyone has their own individual thoughts and opinions that we all are in titled to, but do remember that what may not matter to you, might mean a great deal to someone else and I think people should respect that.

And remember you are actaully voicing your opinion to another human being, and you do not know who/what they are, what background or circumstance that person might have.

It may be very easy to judge, joke type something without thinking of someones feelings, when your behind your computer screen...and it makes me think, would you say that to someone you didnt know, to their face, in real life....just a thought

Yes, and I suggest you take your own advice.

These are all real people who took the time to give you their opinions.

Did you like all the opinions? No.
Were you entitled to only get opinions you liked? No.

And fwiw, anything I've seen on this thread I'd have happily said to a friend if she asked me about this problem. And I'd hope she wouldn't throw her toys out of the pram if the answer she got wasn't the circlejerk type she really wanted.

Either way, I'm glad to hear you're sorting out your problem.

Lou.m

I think rescheduling etc would only add stress to the situation. And exams can be stressful enough.

As far as I know you cannot reschedule college exams generally.


No you cannot reschedule college exams like that. They could not because he would be able to get the paper questions from people who take it before him. And they would have to make him sit another paper and pay for people to observe the exam and pay for the hall etc.

I have never heard of anyone getting an exam rescheduled unless it was for dire reasons like illness. Even then it can be unlikely.

So in answer to your question he will not be able to.

I would be very surprised. Unless there already is a scheduled later exam.

I think it is unfair of you to ask him to. I would not go and be there for him. I think the wedding is an old friend and they might think it odd he cancelled an exam to go when they don't even know him.

I would not put that pressure on him. If he does badly in the exam you will not feel good about it and he will have to repeat. It might not be because of going to a wedding but you will feel that way.

What are the consequences of not going to the wedding and what are the consequences of adding stress to the exam?

If you think long term I don't think it is a good idea.

If he fails you will feel awful even if it has nothing to do with the wedding.

I think it is an unfair ask. And it is not in his best interests. It would be nice to go together I understand but I think the importance of this outweighs that personally.

I hope you take this in the spirit it is meant .

I hope it all works out for you in someway and best of luck for your BF in his exam anyway. It will be worth it when he gets a good mark :-)

tinkerbell

Oh for goodness sake OP. Sorry if this is harsh but you are being completely selfish here. Your boyfriend has an exam and you want to know if he can reschedule it to attend a wedding? You must have no idea of real priorities in life if you think a wedding takes priority over an exam. You should not even be suggesting it and you should be insisting on your boyfriend to take his exam - he would be laughed out of the exams office anyway with this stupid excuse of needing to go to his girlfriend's friends wedding. Big frickin deal if you don't see your friend often so she won't get an opportunity to meet him again any time soon, who the heck cares? If you don't even see her that often then it's not gonna make a difference anyway. Go to the wedding by yourself and leave him alone to study. Show the guy some respect (which you aren't by suggesting he reschedule his exam).

RacoonQueen

m'lady wrote: »

If you put a post on a forum and don't get the answers you want don't throw your toys out of the pram... Just a thought

In fairness, many responses in this thread have been completely OTT and a bit nasty. Just because it's not an important issue/concern etc to others it doesn't give them the right to bash its importance to the OP. Open forum or not.

Just my opinion.

skallywag

OP, I fully get your point re wanting to finally showcase your boyfriend, but I do not think that it is reasonable to ask him to postpone the exam, if indeed that is even possible.

RacoonQueen wrote: »

In fairness, many responses in this thread have been completely OTT and a bit nasty

Agreed, but isn't it pretty much par for the course on the PI forum in general? Plenty of good advice there though once one gets accustomed to sideswiping those with pontificating agendas.

Lucyfur

skallywag wrote: »

OP, I fully get your point re wanting to finally showcase your boyfriend, but I do not think that it is reasonable to ask him to postpone the exam, if indeed that is even possible.



Agreed, but isn't it pretty much par for the course on the PI forum in general? Plenty of good advice there though once one gets accustomed to sideswiping those with pontificating agendas.

MOD

This isn't PI. Please refrain from discussing other forums.

skallywag

Lucyfur wrote: »

MOD

This isn't PI. Please refrain from discussing other forums.

Opps, my mistake completely, my apologies!

Ballfro

Some of the replies have been a little unnecessarily harsh and slightly bitchy. OP said that her boyfriend was the one looking into rescheduling the exam not her, give the girl a break. She is not being selfish or forcing him in to anything.

OP if he can reschedule great, if not go on your own or with a friend and maybe arrange for your friend to meet your boyfriend another time. It will all work out. Best of luck.

qdawg86

RacoonQueen wrote: »

In fairness, many responses in this thread have been completely OTT and a bit nasty. Just because it's not an important issue/concern etc to others it doesn't give them the right to bash its importance to the OP. Open forum or not.

Just my opinion.

I've read through the entire thread and it was actually the OP that started the bashing when people gave opinions she didn't like.

Sauve

Old thread, gonna close it up.