Neighbours son

Jenneke87

Hi all,

I moved to a new place in December and everything is working out well, except for one thing. The noise caused by my neighbours three year old son, who lives directly above me.

The houses are all pretty small and you can hear alot. I can live with that most of the time, but that boy is driving me mental sometimes!

Now I know that children make noise, I know they have temper tantrums and cry and scream and run. But sometimes it starts as early as 05:30 in the morning, with the boy screaming and jumping on the floor so loudly it reverberates in my room, sometimes even causing stuff to shake in the kitchen and my bedroom. When I have people over, sometimes the screaming and running is so loud I cannot hear the other person.

He frequently has temper tantrums, which are so loud that if I'm playing music, I cannot hear it anymore, and this can go on for half an hour or longer with him running full speed through his house, jumping on the floor, throwing himself on the floor(or that's what it sounds like at least)

Sometimes I would love to tell her to control her child a bit better, then again I understand that little kids can be a handful and will not listen to anything but I feel it's getting out of hand noise wise and it's happening every day. Should I say something and how to best bring it up? Thanks!

Rubberchikken

God i cringe when i remember living with my oh and son. We had neighbours above and below us and my son woke at 5 am every day.
And at 7 every night, and i mean every night, he would start crying for up to two hours due to colic.
While neither of the neighbours mentions anything i'll bet they were very glad when the colic stopped at 5 months.
Sorry, off topic i know. My kid stopped but i guess the 3 yo is going to be making noise for a while more.

Could you move?

bumper234

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Hi all,

I moved to a new place in December and everything is working out well, except for one thing. The noise caused by my neighbours three year old son, who lives directly above me.

The houses are all pretty small and you can hear alot. I can live with that most of the time, but that boy is driving me mental sometimes!

Now I know that children make noise, I know they have temper tantrums and cry and scream and run. But sometimes it starts as early as 05:30 in the morning, with the boy screaming and jumping on the floor so loudly it reverberates in my room, sometimes even causing stuff to shake in the kitchen and my bedroom. When I have people over, sometimes the screaming and running is so loud I cannot hear the other person.

He frequently has temper tantrums, which are so loud that if I'm playing music, I cannot hear it anymore, and this can go on for half an hour or longer with him running full speed through his house, jumping on the floor, throwing himself on the floor(or that's what it sounds like at least)

Sometimes I would love to tell her to control her child a bit better, then again I understand that little kids can be a handful and will not listen to anything but I feel it's getting out of hand noise wise and it's happening every day. Should I say something and how to best bring it up? Thanks!

So what do you suggest?

Gag him?
Tie him up?
Take him for a 5AM jog?

Sorry for being sarcastic but at 3 years old he has no concept of time and does not understand that this time is early for adults. I was up at 5:30 with my 2 and a half year old son today, he was running around as if he was in the olympics, nothing you can do really other than move or accept that this may go on for a while longer.

Jenneke87

bumper234 wrote: »

So what do you suggest?

Gag him?
Tie him up?
Take him for a 5AM jog?

Sorry for being sarcastic but at 3 years old he has no concept of time and does not understand that this time is early for adults. I was up at 5:30 with my 2 and a half year old son today, he was running around as if he was in the olympics, nothing you can do really other than move or accept that this may go on for a while longer.

Sounds like a plan to me personally :P....I know little children have no concept of time and are full of energy at every hour of the day, and like I said, I'm not saying he should never ever do it, I know little kids can scream and shout and jump, but sometimes it looks like the mother is doing nothing to stop it at all and just let's him go on. Not the kids fault, I know, but it's so incredibly loud sometimes that it either wakes me up in the morning or prevents me from falling asleep in the evening if he decides to have a go late in the evening.

December2012

Other than talk to landlord about insulating I don't know what else you can do.

You could see if they have carpet or wooden floors - lots of apartment buildings require carpets to muffle sound. Does your building have House Rules?

By the way, if you can hear him having a tantrum I'm sure they can hear your music and friends over?

bumper234

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Sounds like a plan to me personally :P....I know little children have no concept of time and are full of energy at every hour of the day, and like I said, I'm not saying he should never ever do it, I know little kids can scream and shout and jump, but sometimes it looks like the mother is doing nothing to stop it at all and just let's him go on. Not the kids fault, I know, but it's so incredibly loud sometimes that it either wakes me up in the morning or prevents me from falling asleep in the evening if he decides to have a go late in the evening.

Again i sympathise with you but seriously at that age there is not much the parent can do. You will get good days and you will get bad days and he will grow.out of it but apart from moving there isn't much else you can do about it.

Eeden

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Sounds like a plan to me personally :P....I know little children have no concept of time and are full of energy at every hour of the day, and like I said, I'm not saying he should never ever do it, I know little kids can scream and shout and jump, but sometimes it looks like the mother is doing nothing to stop it at all and just let's him go on. Not the kids fault, I know, but it's so incredibly loud sometimes that it either wakes me up in the morning or prevents me from falling asleep in the evening if he decides to have a go late in the evening.

Someone I know lives next door to a family who have a child with a learning disability, who makes very distressing and very loud noises at inappropriate times. What I'm saying is, you don't know the situation here and so blaming the parents for not controlling the lad may not be fair.

Earplugs?

The_Conductor

Unfortunately- its part of living in a shared communal space.
Retrofitting soundproofing/insulation- is a complete non-runner, aside from anything else, it would further impinge on living space- plus, it would be very very difficult to insulate both the floor and ceiling.

Kids do go through a phase of terrible temper tantrums- when they're 2-3 years old, its part of growing up- its your child showing frustration at not being able to communicate properly with you- and not understanding the world around them. Its entirely normal- its just part of developing as a child.

If the people above and below complain- unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do. Your child will grow out of it- but even at older ages, it will happen on occasion, thats life.

Most people are considerate and understanding- while it is annoying not getting peace and quiet all the time- they understand that you have a child. Often the people who are grumpiest- will be those who take a secret delight in when the child is happy and at peace. I've had the grumpiest old woman on earth who I was convinced hated my guts- come up to my little guy, pat him on the head when he was outside playing, and make him smile and laugh. Sometimes- you do really live for the little things.

Cuddlesworth

The_Conductor wrote: »

Unfortunately- its part of living in a shared communal space.
Retrofitting soundproofing/insulation- is a complete non-runner, aside from anything else, it would further impinge on living space- plus, it would be very very difficult to insulate both the floor and ceiling.

Kids do go through a phase of terrible temper tantrums- when they're 2-3 years old, its part of growing up- its your child showing frustration at not being able to communicate properly with you- and not understanding the world around them. Its entirely normal- its just part of developing as a child.

If the people above and below complain- unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do. Your child will grow out of it- but even at older ages, it will happen on occasion, thats life.

Most people are considerate and understanding- while it is annoying not getting peace and quiet all the time- they understand that you have a child. Often the people who are grumpiest- will be those who take a secret delight in when the child is happy and at peace. I've had the grumpiest old woman on earth who I was convinced hated my guts- come up to my little guy, pat him on the head when he was outside playing, and make him smile and laugh. Sometimes- you do really live for the little things.

I get the post but as another person pointed out, apartment blocks almost all have a rule saying carpets only. Thick underlay and decent thick carpet provide a immense amount of sound insulation to apartments underneath. And yet in every apartment. I have ever lived in there has been wooden flooring. It seems to be a very specific thing to this country.

kbell

Pop up to the neighbour for a chat, tell them that you can hear "everything" that goes on above you, not specifically but including the child, mention conversations, bedroom activity and toilet visits.

clandestine72

Jenneke I sympathise with you completely. I am sandwiched between a family with 2 boys aged 10 and 12 upstairs, and 2 kids aged about 6 and 2 below. I have had ongoing problems over the years because the letting agents in the top flat are too tight to put down thick carpets. It is a stipulation on our flats that landlords must put down adequate carpeting with a backing, but I have been up to ones upstairs and their living room carpet is not even tacked down. I have tried negotiating with the family concerned, but their two energetic and growing boys still insist on jumping on my ceiling, and I suspect they are doing wrestling moves! The mother kept on insisting it was not her boys, she works a lot in the eves so they are often unattended or with a dad who seems to encourage them, so I have now resorted to putting my music on full blast to cover up the banging. Last night they were still banging at quarter to ten, and I had to blast out the music, and only then did they stop. With the downstairs people the mother is incapable of talking at a normal level and can only shout, her toddler seems to be following suit and screams for up to an hour on end. I understand what people say about not knowing if a child has special needs, and also that kids need to expend their energy, but that doesn't really make it easier when you are just trying to live a quiet life. I have had this for years and it has eaten away at my nerves so I am going to move out in the summer. I suggest that you either get used to it, or consider moving out because ultimately there is only so much control people have or want to have over their children. Good luck.

Chattastrophe!

You do realise that the kid's parents probably enjoy the 5am starts and tantrums etc just about as much as you do? If you were to say anything to them, how do you think they'll respond - "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realise it bothered you - here, hang on a minute and I'll press his OFF switch. There, sorted!"

You were just unlucky to end up with them as neighbours, but unfortunately all you can really do is move, if it bothers you that much. Or, as has been suggested, earplugs may help. Or if you left relaxing music playing at a low volume all night, maybe it would help you sleep through the early morning noise?

uck51js9zml2yt

bumper234 wrote: »

So what do you suggest?

Gag him?
Tie him up?
Take him for a 5AM jog?

Sorry for being sarcastic but at 3 years old he has no concept of time and does not understand that this time is early for adults. I was up at 5:30 with my 2 and a half year old son today, he was running around as if he was in the olympics, nothing you can do really other than move or accept that this may go on for a while longer.

I like your thinking
As the father of a 3 1/2 yo and 6 month old there isn't much you can do to stop them getting up at unearthly hours of the morning and jumping on your head with all the joys of spring.

Is there opportunity for you to get to know the family and maybe find out their situation.

LegacyUser

Whether the neighbours have kids / have noisy toddlers is not the OP's problem. The problem is that there is excessive noise at anti-social hours, in a building where sound carries. It's not fair to excuse excessive anti-social hours noise because of a toddler - would people be so forgiving of noise up to midnight if the OP had friends around? Neither is excuse able, if it bothers neighbours that much.

I think you should move out tbh. You'd have a hard time with your landlord if you were having friends over / watching TV late - but (unfairly) you aren't going to get much sympathy re an incredibly noisy child.

If apartments were better built in Ireland, it wouldn't be an issue, but I think you'll get no sympathy re the excessive antisocial noise of this child, and you might as well accept this and move out.

ShowMeTheCash

Move.

Next issue...

Bafucin

Give him a Drum.

Kidding.

Does she have carpet?

If not you could ask her to put a rug down it might make the kicking quieter.

I would say it nicely to her. 'You know sometimes I can't concentrate with your son's noise level I understand it is tough to control kids, but could you try?'

Xterminator

kbell wrote: »

Pop up to the neighbour for a chat, tell them that you can hear "everything" that goes on above you, not specifically but including the child, mention conversations, bedroom activity and toilet visits.

and that would help how?

Seriously, it is normal behaviour for a kid of this age. the parent(s) can not gag their child, retrain him to his bed, or define when the child uses the toilet.

Its inconvenient sure, but how would dropping up and pointing it out help exactly ? If someone dropped up to me when my kids were at that age, to point out their behaviours; id form the opinion they were complete d*cks.

It would sure as hell not help because as stated, the child will have tantrums, get up early, refuse to go to bed, not eat their vegetables and many other things. Its not anti social behaviour, but it is a limitation of the place you live. which the parents of the toddler are not responsible for.

It doesn't last forever, so just cope as best you can. ear plugs anyone?

username123

I think the OP is as entitled to enjoy reasonable peace and quiet in the home as anyone. If it was someone playing drums the attitude would be different here.

OP, complain as you would about any excessive noise, the fact it's a child making the noise is irrelevant.

They may not be able to shut the child up but surely noise softening measures such as carpeting, soundproofing etc could be taken?

It is not OP who is disturbing someone else's enjoyment of their own home, if anything the family should move to more suitable accommodation.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

I think the OP is as entitled to enjoy reasonable peace and quiet in the home as anyone. If it was someone playing drums the attitude would be different here.

OP, complain as you would about any excessive noise, the fact it's a child making the noise is irrelevant.

They may not be able to shut the child up but surely noise softening measures such as carpeting, soundproofing etc could be taken?

It is not OP who is disturbing someone else's enjoyment of their own home, if anything the family should move to more suitable accommodation.

I'm going to guess you don't have kids.

If it were an adult playing drums or an adult having friends round then yes, you could sit them down and explain that this behaviour is not acceptable, and make them understand why. The fact that it is a child making the noise is the EXACT relevant thing about this whole situation, I can't believe people can't get their heads around that.

OP depending on your relationship with the parents and what kind of people they are you might be able to tactfully bring up the issue of carpeting if they don't have any. But honestly, it's a small child: things will improve as they get older but it's likely to remain quite loud for quite some time, especially if it's a little boy. If it really is getting to you -and I can understand how it would, I briefly had my sister and five year old nephew living me last year and holy bejesus the noise, I was fit to cry by the end of it - your best option probably is to move.

Teyla Emmagan

That sounds horrific OP. Perhaps the woman doesn't realise how loud her son is (like many parents, she may have become used to it). Or perhaps she doesn't think it's a problem because you haven't said anything about it! And also of course, she may not care.

I would be going up and speaking to her about it anyway. And asking for carpets to be put in!! At the least she could stop him running and jumping in the meantime.

lazygal

Noise is noise, whether it's adults who party every day or a screaming child. Op apart from moving I'm not sure what you can do. We deliberately have our children in bedrooms where they can't disturb the neighbours because when they're disruptive no one else should have tosuffer.

daveohdave

bumper234 wrote: »

So what do you suggest?

Gag him?
Tie him up?
Take him for a 5AM jog?

Sorry for being sarcastic but at 3 years old he has no concept of time and does not understand that this time is early for adults. I was up at 5:30 with my 2 and a half year old son today, he was running around as if he was in the olympics, nothing you can do really other than move or accept that this may go on for a while longer.

You could put him back in bed and tell him to go to sleep? At that age, they're perfectly capable of understanding that it's too early to get up, when told. Of course there will always be exceptional days, but that doesn't seem to be the case with the op. If a child of three is acting the maggot like that every day, they either have ADHD, or crap parents.

There's usually eff all you can do when it comes to kids in these circumstances though. If you say a bad word about their little angels, you'll never hear the end of it. The simplest solution is, sadly, to move.

Modern parents are arseholes. I am of course the exception that proves the rule.

Flippyfloppy

daveohdave wrote: »

You could put him back in bed and tell him to go to sleep? At that age, they're perfectly capable of understanding that it's too early to get up, when told. Of course there will always be exceptional days, but that doesn't seem to be the case with the op. If a child of three is acting the maggot like that every day, they either have ADHD, or crap parents.

There's usually eff all you can do when it comes to kids in these circumstances though. If you say a bad word about their little angels, you'll never hear the end of it. The simplest solution is, sadly, to move.

Modern parents are arseholes. I am of course the exception that proves the time.

We have a diagnosis! Hurrah!

Taltos

Flippyfloppy - you have been here a little while so you know that we don't have much tolerance for off topic posts. Remember if you have no constructive advice please don't post.

daveohdave, similarly be a bit more careful with your posts, diagnoses are not on here, yes it could be ADHD but it could be a variety of other things too.

Thanks
Taltos

Neyite

It's really an issue for the landlords, though I doubt they'd care. In a decently constructed house you should not be able to hear what your neighbours are using the toilet for.:eek:

We met our downstairs neighbour in the supermarket yesterday. He has never heard our toddler and some of the tantrums are epic. But because the floors are concrete slab and the building well insulated usually it would take an awful lot to disturb the neighbours.

Do you share a landlord? is it possible that you and your neighbour approach them together and ask for a solution to be implemented? Other than that, I can only suggest that you move. Parents have limited results when it comes to keeping kids quiet in an apartment for long periods.

Tiddlypeeps

It doesn't matter what the source of the noise is, it is still noise pollution.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/environment/environmental_protection/noise_regulations.html

Just because the source of the noise is likely difficult to reason with does not excuse the noise or mean that the OP should have to just shut up and deal with it. If it was a barking dog we were discussing every bodies opinions would be very different. Dog's bark, it's very difficult to stop them, but it still against the law to have a dog bark continuously at unsocial hours where it can be heard by other residents. A child screaming is no different.

From the above link

How to apply

Approach the person or business responsible for the noise and try to reach a mutually acceptable solution. You may find that they were not aware of the nuisance and in most cases, this will resolve the problem.

If you have tried to resolve the problem amicably and this has not worked, you may then refer your complaint to your local authority, or you can take your complaint directly to your local District Court or the Environmental Protection Authority.

If you know who the landlord is then it might be worth approaching them before you take it further, assuming talking directly with the neighbour is unsuccessful.

SusieBlue

daveohdave wrote: »

You could put him back in bed and tell him to go to sleep? At that age, they're perfectly capable of understanding that it's too early to get up, when told. Of course there will always be exceptional days, but that doesn't seem to be the case with the op. If a child of three is acting the maggot like that every day, they either have ADHD, or crap parents.

There's usually eff all you can do when it comes to kids in these circumstances though. If you say a bad word about their little angels, you'll never hear the end of it. The simplest solution is, sadly, to move.

Modern parents are arseholes. I am of course the exception that proves the rule.

Great advice. Tell the 3 year old, that according to expectations for his age, he should go quietly back to bed in case he disturbs the neighbour. I'm sure he has the capacity to be empathetic and understanding at 3 years old :rolleyes: You have clearly can't have much experience around children!

OP, I'm sorry you are in such a sucky situation. The good news is that it won't last forever. At 3, he is at an age where he is testing boundaries and everything is new and exciting. I'm sure he'll settle down within the next year or so.

Definitely make the parents aware that you can hear - maybe they don't realise that the walls are so thin. Talk to your landlord about soundproofing. If nothing changes and you can't bear it, maybe look into moving. Good luck.

daveohdave

WhiteRoses wrote: »

Great advice. Tell the 3 year old, that according to expectations for his age, he should go quietly back to bed in case he disturbs the neighbour. I'm sure he has the capacity to be empathetic and understanding at 3 years old :rolleyes: You have clearly can't have much experience around children!

I have 4. When I tell them to go back to bed, they go back to bed, unless they need something of course. I'm not sure you understand what a 3 year old should be capable of.

It doesn't happen every night though, as the OP is suggesting. If it did, I would assume there was something wrong with the child or my parenting, or both. Like I said.

LegacyUser

I had this issue in a previous apartment. The cause of the issue was eventually diagnosed (in our case) by the next door neighbour of the family in question. She had two kids herself and was sick and tired of them being woken morning and night by the screaming and huge tantrums. We complained to the mother, who gave us the usual rubbish about not being able to reason with kids, etc but her neighbour was sharper than the rest of us and started asking her when she took her child outside the apartment. As it turns out, he was never taken out to play, he was taken for drives but never actually went and expended any energy outside those four walls, which is why we heard so much of him.

The neighbour used to take her kids out for walks every evening and played on the green with then (it was enclosed and safe) so she started to call for her neighbour. Tired child = early night and a decent amount of sleep for everyone. It may be as simple as the child just not getting tired during the day or stimulated, etc.

ronjo

daveohdave wrote: »

I have 4. When I tell them to go back to bed, they go back to bed, unless they need something of course. I'm not sure you understand what a 3 year old should be capable of.

It doesn't happen every night though, as the OP is suggesting. If it did, I would assume there was something wrong with the child or my parenting, or both. Like I said.

I have a 3.5 year old and she is the same.
She either goes back to bed or plays quietly by herself.
You can certainly talk to them at that age.

daveohdave

Stimulated?? wrote: »

I had this issue in a previous apartment. The cause of the issue was eventually diagnosed (in our case) by the next door neighbour of the family in question. She had two kids herself and was sick and tired of them being woken morning and night by the screaming and huge tantrums. We complained to the mother, who gave us the usual rubbish about not being able to reason with kids, etc but her neighbour was sharper than the rest of us and started asking her when she took her child outside the apartment. As it turns out, he was never taken out to play, he was taken for drives but never actually went and expended any energy outside those four walls, which is why we heard so much of him.

The neighbour used to take her kids out for walks every evening and played on the green with then (it was enclosed and safe) so she started to call for her neighbour. Tired child = early night and a decent amount of sleep for everyone. It may be as simple as the child just not getting tired during the day or stimulated, etc.

That's the ticket, run the legs off them. They have buckets of energy and their brains are running at 90 constantly, they need to be run and challenged.

"How many times can you run around the square?"

Chattastrophe!

Yeah but really, would you be arsed exercising your neighbour's kid? I'd honestly rather just move.

daveohdave

If I was renting, I wouldn't go next to near them, I'd be gone. Not a good time for it in some parts of the country though, and some people think moving is the end of the world. Never understood it meself, I moved six times in six years when I was renting, it was always a bit of an adventure.

clandestine72

Chattostrophe,

The noise made by the 2 boys upstairs is so bad that I have offered to take them out to play football as they are often doing it on my roof because the mum and dad do shift work. They never took me up on the offer, but I am now working in the class of the younger one so I get him all day and then at night!!!! And I am in the playground supervising so I also have to tell him off when he is out of line!!!!! So much for neighbourliness!!!

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

I think the OP is as entitled to enjoy reasonable peace and quiet in the home as anyone. If it was someone playing drums the attitude would be different here.

OP, complain as you would about any excessive noise, the fact it's a child making the noise is irrelevant.

They may not be able to shut the child up but surely noise softening measures such as carpeting, soundproofing etc could be taken?

It is not OP who is disturbing someone else's enjoyment of their own home, if anything the family should move to more suitable accommodation.

Can't say how much I agree! Just because someone's little darling decides to go manic at 530am does not mean that it is remotely acceptable. It is still noise at anti-social hours, and whether the source of that is a party or an undisciplined child, it is still unacceptable disturbance for neighbours. A child is not a get out of jail clause - and as Lazygal pointed out, there are ways of living close to neighbours and being considerate re noisy children.