Different reactions to domestic violence

pablomakaveli

So i watched this video yesterday:

For anyone who cant watch it for whatever reason it basically shows two actors playing a couple having an argument in a public place in front of hidden cameras to capture the reaction of the unsuspecting public.

In the first part the male actor acts in an abusive manner towards the female actor and members of the public immediatly step in to help.

However in the second part with the roles reversed with the female abusing the male the public just stand and laugh.

I did think to see the two reactions compared directly like this that it makes the reaction to the second scenario seem quite shocking and probably reflects poorly on ourselves as a society.

Ideally we should view both male on female and female on male abuse as unnacceptable but evidently we don't.

So whats everyone elses opinion?

AnonoBoy

People are d*cks is my opinion.

Covers this and many other scenarios.

Arthur Beesley

AnonoBoy wrote: »

People are d*cks is my opinion.

Sexist.

Why can't they be c**ts?

Oranage2

As a species we discriminate, it's a natural instinct, we try to protect what we think is weak, men and women being equal is a sense of morality that is for ever changing and not a natural instinct.

pundy

this thread is going to be 20 pages long by tomorrow. i bet.

OP is this not just another way of asking the exact same question as countless other "sexism" threads?

Mr. CooL ICE

pundy wrote: »

this thread is going to be 20 pages long by tomorrow. i bet.

The only thread longer than this could only be the shoddy Thurles tarmac thread

pundy

LordChessington wrote: »

The only thread longer than this could only be the shoddy Thurles tarmac thread

haha damn, looks like i jinxed it, and it will go no further.

ScumLord

The problem for men is that for the most part we see them as bigger and stronger, the worry is never that a woman is beating a man, it's what will happen when the man snaps and hits back.

There's really no good way to deal with an arguing couple. If you get involved they invariably turn on you. The only time you can step in is when one of them turns to an all out assault and knocks the other out so they can't team up on you anymore.

Hotale.com

Worst part about that video is that the way the woman "abusing" the man was actually worse than the way the man "abused" the woman.

beyondbelief67

My father never sought help for this reason that people would laugh and think he was joking, he was 6'1 and my mother 5'3 yet it didn't stop her giving him black eyes and other bruises over the years and never once did he snap but I wish there had been support groups like amen when he was alive that he could of got help from.

Links234

pablomakaveli wrote: »

So whats everyone elses opinion?

That public attitudes about domestic violence needs to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century. That it's nowhere near as clear cut as women being the victim and men being the villain, many people in same sex relationships can suffer from domestic violence as well. And as I understand, there are also problems where if a man is the victim of domestic abuse they will often times feel like they have nobody to talk to because they will be judged about it or feel weak, or are more afraid to speak out because of this.

dundalkfc10

beyondbelief67 wrote: »

My father never sought help for this reason that people would laugh and think he was joking, he was 6'1 and my mother 5'3 yet it didn't stop her giving him black eyes and other bruises over the years and never once did he snap but I wish there had been support groups like amen when he was alive that he could of got help from.

Or he could have just left her!

so when the guy was been abused they all laughed holy **** that's not right

pablomakaveli

dundalkfc10 wrote: »

Or he could have just left her!

It's not always as easy as that though. Especially with kids involved.

beyondbelief67

dundalkfc10 wrote: »

Or he could have just left her!

The same as many say in that situation men and women both they want to stay for the kids and also what reason would he of given for leaving her ? That she was violent and abusive ? No matter what reason he had given he would of looked the bad one an her the badly done too victim as she was a casualty sister so an angel to her patients and anyone who knew her till she was behind closed doors so she would of made sure he was destroyed if he ever tried to go.

H3llR4iser

pablomakaveli wrote: »

It's not always as easy as that though. Especially with kids involved.

Exactly - for the kids and, as crazy as it sounds, possibly ever for the wife herself.

In a divorce, the man almost invariably pays the price - more so if he is the one "leaving": other than being stuck financially, he'll always be the "selfish man" that "left his family", no matter the reason.

beyondbelief67

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Exactly - for the kids and, as crazy as it sounds, possibly ever for the wife herself.

In a divorce, the man almost invariably pays the price - more so if he is the one "leaving": other than being stuck financially, he'll always be the "selfish man" that "left his family", no matter the reason.

yes that's exactly why he never left as he knew he'd be always thought of badly and not get to see us if he did.and same with other men I've spoken to in similar situations since then.

Chattastrophe!

There's a thing called (I think) the bystander effect, basically if no one else is doing anything, people are more likely to keep their heads down and walk on by whatever's happening.

So in the first incident, people were more comfortable to step in once that one person had. In the second incident, maybe if one person had intervened, others would have too, but it just happened that no one did.

Having said that, maybe there's something to it. I mean, if I saw a man much bigger and taller than me (I'm female by the way, and not very tall!) being treated that way, I have to admit I'd be reluctant to intervene - it would nearly feel like I was demeaning him even more, somehow, by having me try to come to his rescue?

In all honestly, I have to admit I'm not entirely sure what I'd do as a bystander in that situation, whether it was a man abusing a woman, or a woman abusing a man, or a same-sex couple involved. Obviously if was there was serious violence involved, I'd ring the Gardai. And I don't think I'd be able to just casually walk on by and ignore it, no matter what. But it's hard to know exactly how to intervene? And whether you might end up making matters worse for the victim afterwards?

Links234

Another thing to keep in mind with the "Why don't they just leave?" argument, older generations have very funny attitudes towards married couples splitting up, and by "funny" I mean horrible. Ireland was a very catholic country where divorce wasn't a reality until quite recently, and 'till death do you part was really the only way to leave a marriage.

My father used to beat the **** out of both my mum and me when I was a kid. Long story short, he moved out after a certain incident, and although they didn't get divorced, we had neighbors who didn't speak to us any more because of it. Didn't matter if he was the kind of bastard who sent a kid to hospital with broken ribs, "for better or worse" meant that, no matter how much worse. I'll never understand the mentality of these neighbors, but after my dad moved out, my mum got the stink eye from them constantly and they'd never spoken to her since. I just can't wrap my head around it, but to some people in this country, leaving a marriage is anathema. That's probably got something to do with why people just don't leave.

Amirani

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

Having said that, maybe there's something to it. I mean, if I saw a man much bigger and taller than me (I'm female by the way, and not very tall!) being treated that way, I have to admit I'd be reluctant to intervene - it would nearly feel like I was demeaning him even more, somehow, by having me try to come to his rescue?

In all honestly, I have to admit I'm not entirely sure what I'd do as a bystander in that situation, whether it was a man abusing a woman, or a woman abusing a man, or a same-sex couple involved. Obviously if was there was serious violence involved, I'd ring the Gardai. And I don't think I'd be able to just casually walk on by and ignore it, no matter what. But it's hard to know exactly how to intervene? And whether you might end up making matters worse for the victim afterwards?

That's fair enough, and I think most people would have similar hesitations. A big question is though; would you laugh at the abuse like many of the people in the video? I think that's the difference.

BrianBoru00

Anyone else think that the witnesses just thought "crazy irish bitch" ?

Chattastrophe!

Diego Simeone wrote: »

That's fair enough, and I think most people would have similar hesitations. A big questions is though; would you laugh at the abuse like many of the people in the video? I think that's the difference.

It's very heavily edited, so I'm not sure how much I'd trust the footage ...

However in answer to your question, no, of course not. But I have seen people laughing in similar situations, usually when I used to get the LUAS from Abbey St. There'd be junkies having rows, and people waiting for the LUAS would be sniggering away at them. I really didn't find it amusing. I will admit I never intervened in the rows in any way, but I certainly didn't laugh. I was just thankful for the life I'm lucky enough to have, it must be an awful way to live.

thomas anderson.

Would have knocked her out

BAM

Czarcasm

Of course there are different reactions to domestic violence based on the gender of the perpetrator, and the gender of the victim. This is why all that 'egalitarian equality' I've been reading about in the feminism thread falls flat on it's arse, because there's no such bloody thing as equality for both genders in society beyond internet and academic discussions.

Society has been aware of male on female violence since, well, since time began really, but the issue of female on male violence is still a fairly new concept, and it's an odd one for us to get our heads around, and because it's such a foreign concept to us, it's one of those things where you know you're not meant to laugh, you shouldn't laugh, but that's freaky shìt that your brain is having trouble coming to terms with.

It's not "right", of course it's not right, and it isn't acceptable, but people's natural reaction is to laugh at things that aren't happening to them, or make jokes about issues that don't affect them, hell, some people even deal with their issues by making jokes about them, but the thing is, you're never going to live in a society where everyone gives a shìt about each other and everyone thinks the same way.

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's not "right", of course it's not right, and it isn't acceptable, but people's natural reaction is to laugh at things that aren't happening to them, or make jokes about issues that don't affect them, hell, some people even deal with their issues by making jokes about them, but the thing is, you're never going to live in a society where everyone gives a shìt about each other and everyone thinks the same way.

It's only a natural reaction because society have been brainwashed to see men one way and women another. Same reason that egalitarianism falls 'flat on it's arse', as we are taught that equality is just an issue for women to strive for and not something men.

All rubbish of course.

It should be a major goal of our education system to teach children egalitarianism. Then maybe one day, should they see someone (or some family member) getting mentally and physcially abused, thier brain won't see it as some 'freaky shit' and so just laugh at it instead of trying to help and who knows, maybe one day also, if the essence of egalitarianism is instilled into our children at a young age and they are brought up to see all humans as being equal in fundamental worth and social status, they might even be just as disgusted to see a man getting abused, as they would be to see a woman. One can only hope.

Pumpkinseeds

I watched the video yesterday, without the sound so I don't know what's being said. But I found it shocking that so many people found it amusing to see a guy being visibly assaulted by a woman. Knowing whether or not to interfere in another couples argument is a tricky thing. Recently we saw a young couple having a domestic and did nothing because, well to be honest I was worried that he'd beat the crap out of her when they got home as a result of us getting involved.

But laughing at someone, anyone, getting assaulted would not be something I could ever imagine myself doing.

Galwayguy35

People will jump in if they think a woman is in trouble, not so much if it is a man.

I was in a nightclub years ago and this girl grabs one of the drinks I have just bought and makes off with it, I followed her and never left a hand on her but just took the bottle out of her hand and next thing I know 4 lads have surrounded me fully prepared to lay me out.

It would have been a totally different scenario if it was a man who took the drink, no knight in shining armour would have stepped in.

ALiasEX

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

I watched the video yesterday, without the sound so I don't know what's being said. But I found it shocking that so many people found it amusing to see a guy being visibly assaulted by a woman. Knowing whether or not to interfere in another couples argument is a tricky thing. Recently we saw a young couple having a domestic and did nothing because, well to be honest I was worried that he'd beat the crap out of her when they got home as a result of us getting involved.

But laughing at someone, anyone, getting assaulted would not be something I could ever imagine myself doing.

No worries, it would have been him that got the beating.

How Soon Is Now

Its one of the many examples that proves when it comes to gender there is never gonna be such thing as equal.

People see men and women as two different beings and always will.

When it come s to being abused its men who tend to be the ones who are labeled. There either the scumbag who's dishing it out or the one whos weak for accepting it .

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller

Slicedgerkin wrote: »

How is female on male a "fairly new concept"? It's been happening for millenia.

Indeed, and it has been known for millenia that both sexes are as equally culpable.

Erin Pizzey, who set up the world's first women's shelter back in 1971 in the UK, was helping home more battered women than any other perspn before her. To the degree that she was mentioned in the British parliment and hailed for the work she was doing. Then she made a mistake. she started interviewing the women and finding out about their lives and also took part in the following research: ""Comparative Study Of Battered Women And Violence-Prone Women" with a doctor at a local hospital. The results of the study were not what her fellow feminists wanted to hear (that women were just as violent as their male counterparts) and they began to hijack her work at the shelter and push her out.

These feminists were the same notorious ones that had a bombing campaign throught the UK during the early 70s and when Erin heard them planning one of these bombings, she told them she would go to the police. In response, they threatened her life and even poisoned her dog. Unsurprisingly, she left the country shortly afterwards but she realeased a few books on domestic violence, one of which was pioneering in that it was one of the first books in the world to cover the taboo subject.

Strange how a woman like Erin Pizzey, who set up one of the world's first shelters for battered women and who penned one of the first books which drew attention to domestic violence, is not heralded by Feminists. Surely she should be one of the first women discussed in women's study courses but no, guess they would much rather give accolades to women like Andrea Dworkin.

tritium

pundy wrote: »

this thread is going to be 20 pages long by tomorrow. i bet.

OP is this not just another way of asking the exact same question as countless other "sexism" threads?

Don't you know that's what we do in AH? We're trapped in endless reruns of the same sexism/rape culture/ abortion/ dole bashing/ anti whatever threads

Welcome to our own little part of hell!