What options do we have?

larrlin24

Hi there. I'm hoping someone can help me. My Mum was diagnosed with early onset Dementia (FTD) four years ago. My Dad, sister and I are her full time carers. It's gotten to the stage where we can't cope any more. We have no support from anyone (friends, family, government etc) and we're really at our wits end now. My Mum's disease has taken over our whole lives. My sister and I had to leave school and my Dad now has to work from home because of it. We know about the Fair Deal Scheme but my Dad is hesitant about it because he doesn't want my sister and I to be left with the bill. What options do we have if we can't afford a nursing home? Is the FDS the only way to go? If we do go down that route, does that mean my sister and I will eventually have to pay for it all? Thanks in advance for any replies!

lilydonoghue

I couldn't read that and not respond. I am sorry I have no advice but just wanted you to know I read it and my heart goes out to you all. there must be other options. I think you need to go to your local health centre and speak to the community nurse

lazeedaisy

Hi,

First things first, get her assessed by public health nurse. The nurse calls out, sees the situation and you tell her everything. She assesses it and let's you know what your options are and where to go,

You have to ask for help, you will be given home help hours if it's needed and start from there. Get gp behind you and make sure as a family you are all together and want the same thing.

larrlin24

Thanks for the replies so far! We've already been with the public health nurse. She hasn't really done much to be honest. She did manage to get us three weeks of emergency respite which was a life saver but other than that we're pretty much on our own. Not sure where to go from here! I feel like I'm losing my mind.

corner of hells

I've a parent in care under the fair deal scheme and for my family and myself its been good.There's are failsafes to protect you, your sis and dad .Try and get a copy of the application forms and someone who's used it or is very familiar with it to explain it to you.

As it stands from what I can remember no child has to pay anything toward the parents care , the cost is met by your mums income , so say she has a pension she pays 80 % towards her care it , nothing of your income or your dads is used .

You didn't mention about a property but if your parents own a house , 5% of its value for three
Years is taken to pay for her care , when and only when your dad has passed away . You have no bill yourself as such.

Ask away if you have any questions.

larrlin24

corner of hells wrote: »

I've a parent in care under the fair deal scheme and for my family and myself its been good.There's are failsafes to protect you, your sis and dad .Try and get a copy of the application forms and someone who's used it or is very familiar with it to explain it to you.

As it stands from what I can remember no child has to pay anything toward the parents care , the cost is met by your mums income , so say she has a pension she pays 80 % towards her care it , nothing of your income or your dads is used .

You didn't mention about a property but if your parents own a house , 5% of its value for three
Years is taken to pay for her care , when and only when your dad has passed away . You have no bill yourself as such.

Ask away if you have any questions.

Thanks for the information! My Mum unfortunately doesn't have a pension as she was self employed and when the property crash came she lost everything. Does that mean we're not eligible for the Fair Deal?

We recently sold our family home of 14 years and moved to a new one. My Dad is just afraid that if he were ever to die, that my sister and I would be left to pay for everything and that we'd have to sell the family home to do so.

corner of hells

larrlin24 wrote: »

Thanks for the information! My Mum unfortunately doesn't have a pension as she was self employed and when the property crash came she lost everything. Does that mean we're not eligible for the Fair Deal?

We recently sold our family home of 14 years and moved to a new one. My Dad is just afraid that if he were ever to die, that my sister and I would be left to pay for everything and that we'd have to sell the family home to do so.

I kina get the impression you and your folks are quite young.
The way it works is that under the FDS scheme if a person qualifies , 80 % of their income pays for their care and the state pays the rest.If your mum owns the house with your dad , when both pass away 5 % of its value for three years is taken from its value to pay for her care .

That's why I'm kinda wondering are you quite young , and are you and your dad worrying about something a good few years down the road.

I have one sister and my mum is still alive but none of our income is used for dads care , in theory I could be a millionaire and still pay nothing because my income etc has nothing to do my dads.
You said your mum has no pension , but does she have any of her own assests or savings ?

When my dad to I'll he was assessed in hospital , he was long stay there , he was given asocial worker and approved for FDS.

My heart goes out to you and I hope Im of some help,

larrlin24

corner of hells wrote: »

I kina get the impression you and your folks are quite young.
The way it works is that under the FDS scheme if a person qualifies , 80 % of their income pays for their care and the state pays the rest.If your mum owns the house with your dad , when both pass away 5 % of its value for three years is taken from its value to pay for her care .

That's why I'm kinda wondering are you quite young , and are you and your dad worrying about something a good few years down the road.

I have one sister and my mum is still alive but none of our income is used for dads care , in theory I could be a millionaire and still pay nothing because my income etc has nothing to do my dads.
You said your mum has no pension , but does she have any of her own assests or savings ?

When my dad to I'll he was assessed in hospital , he was long stay there , he was given asocial worker and approved for FDS.

My heart goes out to you and I hope Im of some help,

I'm only 22. My sister is 18. My parents are in their fifties. My Dad is the only one with an income at the moment because my sister and I had to give up our education to look after our Mum unfortunately. She had no savings. The only asset she owns is half of the family house! Thank you for the kind words. I'm sorry about your Dad! I know it's not easy!

corner of hells

larrlin24 wrote: »

I'm only 22. My sister is 18. My parents are in their fifties. My Dad is the only one with an income at the moment because my sister and I had to give up our education to look after our Mum unfortunately. She had no savings. The only asset she owns is half of the family house! Thank you for the kind words. I'm sorry about your Dad! I know it's not easy!

Have a look in the HSE websites , there is lot more detail in it than I can remember .I even think there are other options available around payment.

As well as your mum , you ,your sister and your dad need support.A doctor or your GP has made a diagnosis so its possible they may advocate for your mum.
My dad was appointed a social worker in hospital , she was just OK nothing great .

I wonder would your local primary health care be of help to you around options .