Wifes weight gain

CD-R 80

Very tough issue to bring up with the wife, who has given birth to our baby 11 months ago.

Anyway, she is a super mother, I love her, works full time (as do I) but has put on I’d say, well over 2 stone since baby came along. She has no energy and little & isn’t showing much desire to drop a few lbs.

The above has lead to minimal sex/intimacy. I basically haven’t been arsed to, as I’m not really attracted to her at present. We briefly had a month of doing exercise classes but that fell by the wayside.

Help!

Rossin

you could say you are going to exercise at home and ask her does she want to join in. Use a dvd like the insanity workout, do it 3 days a week and you'll both be in great shape!

Linka

CD-R 80 wrote: »

Very tough issue to bring up with the wife, who has given birth to our baby 11 months ago.

Your post has selfish undertones to it, you need to cut the poor woman some slack. She hasn't chosen to put on this weight, it comes part and parcel of hosting your baby for 9 months, followed by a very demanding baby since. Ensure you're doing all you can with the baby allowing her free time. If she gets the rest she needs she will feel ready for anything again.

Baby weight can come off naturally, but it takes time and you need to be more supportive and motivating for her. Do you honestly think that she isn't aware of the weight gain? Do you think she isn't aware your interest in her has dwindled? Her confidence is effected by these things too you know. With the weather (hopefully) improving, you should get out with your wife and child and walk, walk, walk. It's good for all of you.

Pippy1976

If you read the OP it says she's put on the 2 stone AFTER the baby was born.

Yes, I agree with you about her knowing she's put it on, sensing his disinterest in her physically etc. but honestly this woman needs to take herself in hand.

Motherhood is a physically demanding role and you need to be fit AND healthy in order to do it [and let's be clear here, I don't mean you have to be a size 8!]. By adding 2 stone to your physique you're making a difficult role even more difficult.

If I was in this position I would sit my partner down and discuss my concerns for their health with them. Granted she's probably struggling so this scenario may make her feel comfortable talking about it and therefore help her make the right moves to getting fitter and healthier.. they can do it together.

No-one's on their own here but I would worry for her health that it's gone up by such a degree and good on the OP for wanting to take steps to help her loose it.

Try swimming - low impact, high weightloss apparently.

Linka wrote: »

Your post has selfish undertones to it, you need to cut the poor woman some slack. She hasn't chosen to put on this weight, it comes part and parcel of hosting your baby for 9 months, followed by a very demanding baby since. Ensure you're doing all you can with the baby allowing her free time. If she gets the rest she needs she will feel ready for anything again.

Baby weight can come off naturally, but it takes time and you need to be more supportive and motivating for her. Do you honestly think that she isn't aware of the weight gain? Do you think she isn't aware your interest in her has dwindled? Her confidence is effected by these things too you know. With the weather (hopefully) improving, you should get out with your wife and child and walk, walk, walk. It's good for all of you.

No Pants

I would suggest getting out and going for walks together, but with a baby it would not be possible.

Merkin

No Pants wrote: »

I would suggest getting out and going for walks together, but with a baby it would not be possible.

Of course it would. The baby is a year old so would be quite sturdy at this stage. Plonk the bubba in a buggy (you push) and the three of you could go for power walks.

Pippy1976

Absolutely agree with this. It's all too easy to come up with excuses NOT to exercise. I do it myself!

However, you just need to get out there, be proactive and get moving. With the long evenings no-one has any excuse, other than laziness of course!

Merkin wrote: »

Of course it would. The baby is a year old so would be quite sturdy at this stage. Plonk the bubba in a buggy (you push) and the three of you could go for power walks.

skallywag

Similar situation here OP re post baby weight gain, my primary concern would be for the health of my child's mother. It's a very difficult topic to broach of course, and no matter what way you try to work it you can end up in the bad books, or feel quite mean about it. At the end of the day your wife just needs to want to do it for herself, i.e. where something flicks on inside her head and he gets the motivation required. Good Luck.

Maphisto

I liked the swimming idea above. Aren't there mother and baby swimming clubs? Maybe you could get her to join? Maybe when its safe (I know nothing about babies) you could all go swimming as a family, Sunday morning.

Try and do a bit of exercise as a family every other day, a walk one day, a swim next.

Good Luck

ncmc

Why has she put on weight OP? Is it lack of exercise? Poor food choices? Is she comfort eating? How is her mood and attitude other than the weight gain?

I would tread very carefully OP, I think it's understandable that you are concerned, but the months after giving birth are such an emotional roller coaster, you would need to be very careful how you broach the subject. I would worry that the weight gain is indicative of some other issue, maybe she is finding it difficult to cope and is comfort eating and feeling lethargic as a result.

Hopefully I'm over analysing and it's more a case of bad diet and lack of time to exercise. Could you maybe take over making dinner and a packed lunch for her and make healthy choices? It's so easy when you're tired to reach for sugary snacks to get a quick buzz, so make sure there's healthy snacks in the house. I agree suggesting a walk in the evening is a great way not only to lose weight, but spend some quality time together.

If she's resistant to the above then you may have to say it gently to her. That won't be easy, but better now than a year down the road when she could have even more of a weight battle on her hands.

LegacyUser

your both working full time and looking after baby or is the split of baby looking after time not even and she's finding it hard going working and being a mum? Or maybe she wishes she wasn't working and was looking after baby full time and is comfort eating or maybe she isn't ready to get back to your sexual relationship per baby and thinks keeping weight on will keep you away. There simply hundreds of reasons and your not going to know unless you talk. Your married and had a baby together, FFS you should be able to talk. Ask her if shes upset/depressed/stressed making it clear you there for support not judgement and if she insists there isn't then start taking baby out for activities and give her time to find herself again and if that doesn't work then you'll just have to be blunt.

marizpan

I was in a similar position to the OP's wife. I put weight on after the baby and reason being was the follow: bad diet!

I was so tired all the time so I craved sugar and caffeine. Coffee & biscuit x times a day is not good.

Every day was so so busy and I always put myself last. I would cook for the family etc and forget that I hadn't eaten at all myself and then would have more coffee and biscuits on the go.

I had to get selfish and break the cycle. That involved doing less around the house and kids, so I wasn't so exhausted.
Getting out more in the evenings to visit friends etc, again breaking the cycle of work& housework.
Making more I ate three proper meals a day.
When I wasn't so tired and started to eat proper. I had no need for coffee and biscuits etc. I quickly lost the weight.

I knew I was over weight and I hated it but I was too exhausted to do anything about it.
Kids usually get easier at about a year with sleep etc. I think your wife needs help and support, her weight is probably the side effect of exhaustion.

No amount of excercise will out burn a bad diet. I ate a cream doughnut the last evening, I checked the calories, 800 each! I would need to do 2 hrs of serious excercise to burn that off. Easier to just not eat it!

LegacyUser

ncmc wrote: »

Could you maybe take over making dinner and a packed lunch for her and make healthy choices? It's so easy when you're tired to reach for sugary snacks to get a quick buzz, so make sure there's healthy snacks in the house.

I would be wary of doing this without some thought or effort on your part to ensure that she doesn't have a medical condition. I think that you should gently suggest that because she has no energy she should go to the doctor and make sure her iron levels, etc are ok. You can also take over more of the household chores such as cooking, shopping, etc.

Years ago, I put on weight. At the time, I had absolutely no energy, I couldn't shop or cook let alone exercise. My boyfriend thought he was being extremely helpful by making my lunch. I opened my lunch box one day and found half and apple and two grapes. No doubt he thought he was being helpful but I could have cried. I didn't have the energy to go to get something substantial for lunch so I ended up eating biscuits to fill me up. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with two relative minor conditions (minor now that I am on top of them). At the time, it was such a huge thing. I felt fat and awful.

I told the idiot to leave my lunch alone and I gradually adjusted to the conditions and the medications (temporary). I gained energy and the weight fell off. I had the energy to shop, cook, think about food as something more than another chore. I had enough energy to walk to the shop, which made me happy to be outside, resulting in more walks.

Now my OH is after putting on loads of weight (I went away with work for a several weeks and he must have gained almost two stone), but instead of telling him that he is fat, I am just making better choices for his meals. I make a good balanced meal in the evening and send him off with a decent but healthy lunch. We go to the beach in the evening so that we can chat (while walking) and the weight is slowly but surely falling off him. I know that he feels down about it, so I have made a huge effort to tell him that he is attractive and that I love him. Low self confidence is just going to lead to comfort eating. I never tell him that he has gained weight, I am with a very intelligent man who is well aware of it.

Be supportive, take over more work at home and suggest a trip to the doctor because she is lacking energy.

CD-R 80

Thanks for the replies guys

December2012

An occasional walk won't shift two stone.

You both work full time and are probably tired with the baby.

How is your wife's post natal health - is she physically recovered from pregnancy and labour enough to exercise? Did / does she have any post natal depression issues?

If not, then she might get better results by hiring a personal trainer to give her a personalised workout that she could do at home. A half hour workout 3 times a week would achieve great results. I'm
Suggesting at home because I presume getting out to a gym or pool might be too much of a time commitment right now?

You could help by making sure you both get lots of sleep, help with the baby and the housework and work on your relationship.

Now I found from experience that there's no good way to bring this up with a spouse.

But what you could do is be ready with suggestions if your wife brings it up. "In sorry you feel x, I think you're beautiful and an amazing woman, but you have been through a lot physically this year. Maybe working out and watching what we eat would help us all be healthier?"

No Pants

Merkin wrote: »

Of course it would. The baby is a year old so would be quite sturdy at this stage. Plonk the bubba in a buggy (you push) and the three of you could go for power walks.

Sorry, I have no idea why I thought the baby would be housebound. :o

dipdip

I find it really sad that you don't love your wife's body even more now that she's borne your child.

Her body is an object to you.

You need reminding that your lovely wife is a person and not an ornament.

Queen-Mise

Pippy1976 wrote: »

If you read the OP it says she's put on the 2 stone AFTER the baby was born.

Yes, I agree with you about her knowing she's put it on, sensing his disinterest in her physically etc. but honestly this woman needs to take herself in hand.

Motherhood is a physically demanding role and you need to be fit AND healthy in order to do it [and let's be clear here, I don't mean you have to be a size 8!]. By adding 2 stone to your physique you're making a difficult role even more difficult.

If I was in this position I would sit my partner down and discuss my concerns for their health with them. Granted she's probably struggling so this scenario may make her feel comfortable talking about it and therefore help her make the right moves to getting fitter and healthier.. they can do it together.

CD-R 80 wrote: »

Very tough issue to bring up with the wife, who has given birth to our baby 11 months ago.

Anyway, she is a super mother, I love her, works full time (as do I) but has put on I’d say, well over 2 stone since baby came along. She has no energy and little & isn’t showing much desire to drop a few lbs.

The above has lead to minimal sex/intimacy. I basically haven’t been arsed to, as I’m not really attracted to her at present. We briefly had a month of doing exercise classes but that fell by the wayside.

Help!

Oh my good lord what vile, vile, horrible posts.

I think if my husband ever sat me down and 'explained' how he was worried about my health and didn't find me sexually attractive anymore because of my weight. He would have gotten the quickest kick out the front door <mod snip>. It is condescending, judgemental, selfish tripe.

Like your wife/partner I put up more weight after the baby was born than during the pregnancy. Weird but true - it was probably the night feeds, squalling baby, tons of housework, general exhaustion, so therefore not having energy to look after myself properly. Just looking after baby.

OP - I think I would get banned from this forum, if I said what I really thought of your post. I think you need to have a long, hard, at yourself, that the only part of your wife you find sexually attractive is her physique. Not her mind, emotionally, spiritually, her friendship, her laughter, her interests, play-acting - no the only thing that affects your sexual attraction, is her physique. That and that only. Maybe a doll might be more suited for you than a real human being.

Connvexity

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Oh my good lord what vile, vile, horrible posts.

I think if my husband ever sat me down and 'explained' how he was worried about my health and didn't find me sexually attractive anymore because of my weight. He would have gotten the quickest kick out the front door<mod snip>. It is condescending, judgemental, selfish tripe.

Like your wife/partner I put up more weight after the baby was born than during the pregnancy. Weird but true - it was probably the night feeds, squalling baby, tons of housework, general exhaustion, so therefore not having energy to look after myself properly. Just looking after baby.

OP - I think I would get banned from this forum, if I said what I really thought of your post. I think you need to have a long, hard, at yourself, that the only part of your wife you find sexually attractive is her physique. Not her mind, emotionally, spiritually, her friendship, her laughter, her interests, play-acting - no the only thing that affects your sexual attraction, is her physique. That and that only. Maybe a doll might be more suited for you than a real human being.

People don't choose what they find attractive, being judgemental about that is futile and violence against a partner is certainly not the answer.

OP you need to let her know that she needs to lose weight for her health and your relationship.

Typer Monkey

I think you're being a little bit OTT there Queen Mise. He's just being honest. He doesn't find an overweight person attractive. Now having had a baby myself a year & a half ago I know that it changes your body. I have stretch marks that I'll have forever. However I'm in better shape now than before I got pregnant. I put on almost 5 stone while pregnant and felt horrible and unattractive carrying all that extra weight so I lost it by controlling what I ate and, when I was able, exercising. Being a mother doesn't and shouldn't automatically mean that you are overweight.

OP you owe it to your wife to tell her that you're not attracted to her due to her weight gain. She can decide then what to do. She won't walk off a substantial weight gain. She needs to eat a calorie deficit to loose weight. There's a very helpful Health and Fitness forum and a Nutrition subforum here on boards which could offer some guidance.

Good luck

December2012

I don't think he should come right out and say it though - I wish that technique worked but usually it just makes the person feel worse about themselves and crap about the person who says it.

Then the self defensiveness kicks in and the justification for weight gain reassures the overweight person that they are fine and the other person is being shallow.

I think a softly softly approach works better.

Maybe send your wife for a treat that makes her think about her appearance without making her feel bad about it.

Eg, a voucher for a massage or a hair cut and colour - she will look and feel good after, and hopefully will realise that she can make more of herself.

Have a few dates - yes do the walking as a family date, or bring the baby to the pool.

Talk about your own health and fitness.

And see what she says.

I do wish it was something that you could come right out and say tactfully and honestly, but in my experience that does not work and makes the person put on more weight / resistant even more to lose it because they feel bad.

And I think bringing the relationship into the conversation adds too much pressure, so leave that out for now.

No Pants

December2012 wrote: »

I don't think he should come right out and say it though - I wish that technique worked but usually it just makes the person feel worse about themselves and crap about the person who says it.

Agreed. I would be very surprised if she wasn't already aware and feeling bad about it.

Pippy1976

My post is vile because I raise concerns about a persons health because they've gained 2 stone?

I'm not sure what's vile about that. I'm not the OP so I'm not sure why your anger is directed towards me as I don't know this woman... all I was doing was trying to put another slant on it and rather than the OP focusing on how he doesn't find his wife sexually attractive anymore that he should focus on her health and wellbeing. She may be in a bad place because of the weight gain and he needs to be supportive of her and encourage her to know she can loose it.

Being fit and healthy isn't a vile thing to suggest to anyone. Grossly misunderstood my post there Queen-Mise.

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Oh my good lord what vile, vile, horrible posts.

I think if my husband ever sat me down and 'explained' how he was worried about my health and didn't find me sexually attractive anymore because of my weight. He would have gotten the quickest kick out the front door <mod snip>. It is condescending, judgemental, selfish tripe.

Like your wife/partner I put up more weight after the baby was born than during the pregnancy. Weird but true - it was probably the night feeds, squalling baby, tons of housework, general exhaustion, so therefore not having energy to look after myself properly. Just looking after baby.

OP - I think I would get banned from this forum, if I said what I really thought of your post. I think you need to have a long, hard, at yourself, that the only part of your wife you find sexually attractive is her physique. Not her mind, emotionally, spiritually, her friendship, her laughter, her interests, play-acting - no the only thing that affects your sexual attraction, is her physique. That and that only. Maybe a doll might be more suited for you than a real human being.

MagicMarker

Pippy1976 wrote: »

My post is vile because I raise concerns about a persons health because they're 2 stone overweight?

I'm not sure what's vile about that. I'm not the OP so I'm not sure why your anger is directed towards me as I don't know this woman... all I was doing was trying to put another slant on it and rather than the OP focusing on how he doesn't find his wife sexually attractive anymore that he should focus on her health and wellbeing. She may be in a bad place because of the weight gain and he needs to be supportive of her and encourage her to know she can loose it.

Being fit and healthy isn't a vile thing to suggest to anyone. Grossly misunderstood my post there Queen-Mise.

Where does it say she's two stone overweight? All we know is she gained two stone, maybe she was underweight before and is now closer to a more healthy weight?

skallywag

Leaving the sexual attraction to one side (though fair play to the OP for being honest enough to bring it up), putting on 2 Stone is going to, very likely, have serious health implications, assuming that the starting point was not underweight. I am quite sure that if the the OP had come on and said that his wife is now less attractive to him and he is concerned for her health as she has taken up smoking, then the reaction may have been quite different.

Pippy1976

MagicMarker wrote: »

Where does it say she's two stone overweight? All we know is she gained two stone, maybe she was underweight before and is now closer to a more healthy weight?

Maybe. I'd need to the OP to clarify.

Apologies for causing such a stir about suggesting someone be fit and healthy, for their own benefit and no-one elses. I didn't realise it would be such an issue. Sorry about that.

Pippy1976

Agreed.

Hope you don't come in for the same criticism I have for being honest. 2 stone is alot to put on whether you were underweight or overweight to begin with, especially in such a short space of time (11 months).

skallywag wrote: »

Leaving the sexual attraction to one side (though fair play to the OP for being honest enough to bring it up), putting on 2 Stone is going to, very likely, have serious health implications, assuming that the starting point was not underweight. I am quite sure that if the the OP had come on and said that his wife is now less attractive to him and he is concerned for her health as she has taken up smoking, then the reaction may have been quite different.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation as you OP, 14 month's after the baby was born and my other half has gone from being a size 8 to a size 14. I tried encouraging diet and exercise but it didn't seem to help , she took everything I said in a bad way or didn't want to hear it.

It kind of puts you in between a rock and a hard place , you want to help and encourage her but she rejects it then complains that you don't do it. Comfort eating and bad died it not helping and trying to explain that 30 minutes of exercise every two days will not shift the chinese/chippers/cakes over them two days seems impossible, has to start with diet. I thought if I could even get her to see some benefit it might kick her on to keep going with it but the routine falls away very quickly.

Keep your head up , encourage and stick with it but she has to want to do this for herself. I know it's not easy for either party, my sex life is also severely suffering from it.

dipdip

Health schmealth. Most overweight people have no health issues that are as a result of their weight.

This is about appearance. In 99.99% of cases it is about appearance.

skallywag

dipdip wrote: »

Health schmealth. Most overweight people have no health issues that are as a result of their weight.

This statement is wildly inaccurate. Diabetes & Heart Disease being just two cases which there is overwhelming evidence that there is a direct connection.

Pippy1976

This is a very throwaway comment.

I wouldn't dismiss rapid weight gain as not worth worrying about. You can't really take that risk.

dipdip wrote: »

Health schmealth. Most overweight people have no health issues that are as a result of their weight.

This is about appearance. In 99.99% of cases it is about appearance.

reprazant

I'd say that the OP is onto a loser here. We can see how defensive people are about another persons weight even though they do not know that person.

So if random people are so hyper sensitive about how you feel about your wifes weight gain, I'd fear how she would react.

First rule of your partners weight gain is under no circumstances mention said weight gain. Just pretend everything is great.

desultory

Some of the responses to this are insane.

It's perfectly natural to be worried about your wife's weight gain and it's perfectly natural to no longer be as attracted to her when she doesn't look as she did before.
Attraction is not a one way street on personality and bond once they've born your child.

Hopefully mutual exercise like the walks will help, as they can be done with the baby. That said there are some great home workout videos now aswell.

dipdip wrote: »

Health schmealth. Most overweight people have no health issues that are as a result of their weight.

This is about appearance. In 99.99% of cases it is about appearance.

So what if it was? Should people just initially be sexually attracted to their partners but after a while forget about it? Especially if they've had a kid, feel free to gain weight as you please then?

Merkin

Actually, another great activity that you could partake in as a family is swimming. It's great cardio exercise and would improve her fitness levels and you could also really enjoy bringing bubba to the pool as well - I find those little swimming togs for toddlers just adorable btw

KirkDouglas

Hey OP,

Great to see you are concerned about your wife's weight gain and be worried for her. I'm sure its quite stressful for you too. Not finding your wife sexually attractive anymore must be hard and it can put a strain on a marriage, you will both lose out in the long run if its not corrected.

I think primarily she has to look at her diet first and secondly her exercise levels. She will get immediate results if her diet is corrected and adhered to. Exercise can be fun for both of you to engage in.

It is a sensitive issue but if approached the correct way, she will understand that she needs to look after her health for herself and want to do it. It should be about quality of life too.
Don't listen to anyone saying that you are selfish or wrong in this. You are 100% right to want her to improve her health and shape. It is also very important that a man finds his wife sexually attractive, I mean why get together in the first place?

I see so many women that have let themselves go and I honestly see it as a poor diet and lifestyle choice. There is so much information out there nowadays about diet and what the human body requires for nutrition but people just don't bother with what is good for them. Men and women have got so lazy, it has become the norm now for obesity, I mean the nation as a whole is going down that road following suit behind the States and Great Britain.

If she needs help with this, encourage her and exercise with her. Take control of diet and lead by example. Hoepfully she will lose the weight and you will be both winners in the end.

December2012

No Pants wrote: »

Agreed. I would be very surprised if she wasn't already aware and feeling bad about it.

Yep. She knows she has put on weight and is exhausted and has no sex life.

And I find it surprising that some people think that a partner should ignore these indicators of a lifestyle that needs a kick start.

Barely There

Queen-Mise wrote: »

I think if my husband ever sat me down and 'explained' how he was worried about my health and didn't find me sexually attractive anymore because of my weight. He would have gotten the quickest kick out the front door <mod snip>. It is condescending, judgemental, selfish tripe.

Nope - it's just being honest.
Lots of men don't find over-weight women attractive and there's no shame in the OP admitting he's one of them. Whether you would resort to violence if your husband admitted this to you doesn't really change the fact of the matter

OP, I would suggest that you agree an exercise/healthier eating regime with your wife that you both take part in together.

KirkDouglas

I too am amazed why some women think that being overweight to the point of it being detrimental to their health is ok and should be acceptable.

Having a baby does not excuse bad lifestyle choices. Having a baby should encourage good lifestyle choices so you can be healthy and lead by example to your child and also maintain a healthy marriage/partnership.

irishguy1983

Great to see him being honest. Sure of course you wouldn't as attracted to someone if they put on 2 stone - that is a lot of fat.

People here will discuss attraction of minds, spirituality,etc. but I think people living in the real world understand 2 stone is a lot of weight.

However when you marry someone you kinda marry them in sickness and in health, etc.?

Tramps Like Us

This is a hard one OP but you have to bite the bullet and bring it up otherwise your relationship will suffer more with the lack of intimacy

dipdip

skallywag wrote: »

This statement is wildly inaccurate. Diabetes & Heart Disease being just two cases which there is overwhelming evidence that there is a direct connection.

I think you'll find most overweight people do not have heart disease or diabetes. And most women who gain a couple of stone after a baby don't develop diabetes or heart disease. Correlation is not causation. There's no need for conniption fits over a bit of excess adipose. It's just a sign that your body is doing what it was designed for.

Let's just stop pretending everyone is upset about her health. You can have health at almost any size.

A simple thought exercise for someone who is 'just not attracted to overweight people' - would you rather date a thin smoker or a fat non-smoker? If you'd rather the former then just be honest. It's about appearance, not health. You rarely see people throwing a hissy fit because their partner smokes.

Fat shaming is so boring. OP you have a lovely wife who bore you a lovely child. Just enjoy her. Get some exercise together. Cook some nutritious meals. Enjoy being young and in love.

Or do you only love her body? In which case you're screwed because the only way for someone to lose weight is for them to decide to do so.

Ye can say it's about health all you like. But it isn't.

Neyite

Its clear even from the responses here, OP, that this is an emotive issue, and one that should be approached sensitively.

Now would be the perfect time with a 14 month old to introduce healthy eating habits for the whole family to set a good example - if that means you cooking more healthy homecooked meals, would you be prepared to do that? It is very hard to avoid eating on the go with a baby in the house, you dont get the time (or the energy) to make a healthy snack so its easy to reach for the chocolate bar or something equally unhealthy. But, by making the effort to have a house thats junk free (for the child's benefit) and healthy snacking alternatives to hand, little changes can be made.

Also as a 14 month old gets more mobile, activities like swimming, exploring the beach, going to the park to play chase, going for a woodland walk and a picnic can all be healthy activities that the whole family can make memories out of as well as getting a bit of fresh air. I brought my toddler out puddle jumping, in our wellies and it was great fun.

Then suggest an evening a week that she goes to do her own thing. I go for walks with a friend once a week, Yoga is good too, or the gym, running or swimming. You could approach it from the point of view of giving her some 'me' time.

Having said that, she may not get back to a size 8 from a 14, and if she is happy and has no resultant health issues, then you may have to tell her that its affecting your relationship, and deal with the fallout from that.

Look at what you do around the house /childcare. Could you help more? Finally did you know that one of the best calorie burning activities is sex?

Tramps Like Us

Its not his fault that he finds fat people unattractive - he shouldnt feel guilty for this reality. I'd be the same.

Left to her own devices she doesn't seem to be bothered about getting back into shape so the OP has to say something otherwise serious damage will done to the relationship.

Pippy1976

dipdip wrote: »

conniption fits over a bit of excess adipose.

Get some exercise together. Cook some nutritious meals.

2 Points:

1. 2 stone does not equate to 'a bit of excess adipose'.

2. Almost all the posts on this, bar a few, are suggesting the OP and his wife get some exercise together and begin a healthy diet full of nutritious meals.

Not sure why you think your post is different to what others have said already.

Chips Lovell

I know it's an emotive topic, but I think it's poor advice to suggest that there's no connection between obesity and ill-health. Study after study has shown that there is a clear link between obesity and diabetes and obesity and cardiovascular disease.

Pointing out that there are obese people who haven't suffered either is analogous to saying there's plenty of smokers who haven't gotten cancer yet. Indeed, there's lots of smokers who live to be a ripe old age but that doesn't change the fact that it significantly increases your chance of dying from cancer or suffering other health problems.

Connvexity

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

This is a hard one OP but you have to bite the bullet and bring it up otherwise your relationship will suffer more with the lack of intimacy

Well I don't think he said he was going to break up with her, so he's not breaching his vows.

Tramps Like Us

Connvexity wrote: »

Well I don't think he said he was going to break up with her, so he's not breaching his vows.

I mean that without intimacy people in a relationship tend to drift apart, certainly its not good for the relationship. I wasnt suggesting that he was or should break up

Wabbit Ears

Women put on weight after they have kids and for most folk I know sex drops a few rungs on the priority list as having kids is a shock to the system.

OP comes across as a d1ck TBH. She knows shes put on weight and him being so open with his opjection to it is a horrible selfish and mean thing to do. Of couse its not healthy, of course its not attractive, but this is the sh1t grownups deal with in grown up ways if you want your marriage to last through this blip.


11 months FFS... a blink of an eye after the childbirth in reality

Ande1975

I think if the OP had just mentioned that he was concerned for his partner's health because of the 2 stone weight gain and had not mentioned the lack of attraction and intimacy, then the responses may have been less emotive.

OP, is this the first time your partner has put on this amount of weight? I know I put on 2 stone the first half of this year and I was very concious of it. I was going through a stressful time and for the first time in years, I ate all round me. I'm back on the horse again so to speak. So your partner may be well aware.

Could you take the baby in the evenings and offer to do the house work etc (all the excuses she might throw at you to not get exercise) to give her the time to start exercising? You can't expect her to get back into shape without you helping her make the time.

Typer Monkey

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Women put on weight after they have kids and for most folk I know sex drops a few rungs on the priority list as having kids is a shock to the system.

You are majorly generalising here. 'Women' don't put on weight, SOME women put on weight after having a baby but not all and it's not inevitable. In the absence of PND or similar, it's usually as a result of poor food choices and inactivity.

And speak for yourself re the intimacy

I think a lot of people are taking offence on behalf of the OPs wife here and transferring their own issues with weight tbh

December2012

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Women put on weight after they have kids and for most folk I know sex drops a few rungs on the priority list as having kids is a shock to the system.

OP comes across as a d1ck TBH. She knows shes put on weight and him being so open with his opjection to it is a horrible selfish and mean thing to do. Of couse its not healthy, of course its not attractive, but this is the sh1t grownups deal with in grown up ways if you want your marriage to last through this blip.


11 months FFS... a blink of an eye after the childbirth in reality

Actually you're wrong in your first point - most women put on weight when they are pregnant, as is natural. It's not usual to put it on after baby is born.

It's really important that post natal mothers do appropriate exercise to recover from pregnancy, birth and to help with their posture etc - carrying around babies and battling with pushchairs etc is tough on your back, shoulders and arms. The muscles in the abdomen need to be brought back together to support the recovering womb.

It's very important for recovering Mams to get time to themselves to help reconnect with their bodies and get their health back, particularly if the pregnancy or the delivery was tough.

Sleepless nights, hormone highs and lows and adaptation of a new role in life needs a nourished body and a healthy mind.

No exercise and a bad diet are not helpful to anybody.

And I think parents have an extra responsibility to get their health in balance (mental, physical, nutritional and yes sexual!) so that they can be the best parents they can.