Daily Dilemmas

B_Rabbit

So you're getting on the bus, and tragically, there are no double seats free, so you're going to have to sit beside someone. Disaster. You put a brave face on and sit beside some offensively smelly, profusely sweating middle aged man, keeping as far away on the seat as possible.

Halfway through your journey, an opportunity presents itself. The two green bananas who were yabbering away for what seems like the last ten yearsm get off the bus, leaving a double seat free.

So you're left with a dilemma. Do you;

a) Move seat, insulting the man you were sitting beside.

b) Stay where you are, not wanting to shatter the relationship you've built up in the past 15 minutes, even at the risk of passing out from the smell.


Anyone else got dilemmas like this that happen on a regular basis?

dmc17

You need to become the smelly man and you won't have to face this dilemma quite as often as people will avoid you and you'll have the seat to yourself.

Valetta

How's Jessica?

foggy_lad

Move seats for sure but offer the smelly man the ride before you move.

Donkey Oaty

Say to the smelly man: "Just going to move over there to give us both a bit more room. I know you'll understand - you're my best buddy!"

Slicemeister

How do know which m to put first in dilemma?





Seriously like?

Pinch Flat

A good fart generally cancels the smell of anything else around me....

Gongoozler

The problem I have in this situation is often I'll be getting up in one or two stops so I won't be arsed moving for that time, so I'm conscious that the person sitting beside me is silently cursing me for not moving.

MugMugs

B_Rabbit wrote: »

Anyone else got dilemmas like this that happen on a regular basis?

I had one not just five minutes ago.

Wipe back to front OR front to back !

I could'nt for the life of me decide !

fullaljackeen

Get a car.

Nemeses

MugMugs wrote: »

I had one not just five minutes ago.

Wipe back to front OR front to back !

I could'nt for the life of me decide !

Both directions usually work.

Also, if you use more than three sheets, you should probably take a shower..

Boombastic

toast or cornflakes, toast or cornflakes, toast or cornflakes, toast or cornflakes?



toast and cornflakes

newbie11

Just move

gandalf

First world problem alert!

I know exactly how you feel OP.

Like, today. I had to decide whether to take the Merc or the BMW to work. The Merc is older you see, and not as nice as the BMW. But the BMW is manual so, like, effort

So do I put a bit more work into getting where I'm going so that I look better getting there, or do I take the easier option and deal with looking like a povo in my 10 year old Merc?

People always move to a free double seat if they're sitting beside someone
I don't see it as an insult

Boombastic

bluewolf wrote: »

People always move to a free double seat if they're sitting beside someone
I don't see it as an insult

hunds rule, innit

Satriale

Deleted User wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel OP.

Like, today. I had to decide whether to take the Merc or the BMW to work. The Merc is older you see, and not as nice as the BMW. But the BMW is manual so, like, effort

So do I put a bit more work into getting where I'm going so that I look better getting there, or do I take the easier option and deal with looking like a povo in my 10 year old Merc?

i've a 10 yo merc, please dont tell me i look like a povo.

Boombastic

Boombastic wrote: »

hunds rule, innit

Wha?

Satriale

Satriale wrote: »

i've a 10 yo merc, please dont tell me i look like a povo.

As long as you're happy don't worry about what I think

Boombastic

bluewolf wrote: »

Wha?

HUNDS RULE

the bus seat rule, chemistry, innit

anncoates

I thought I was the only one that felt guilty if I immediately vacated a shared seat if a better seat (for me it would be a window seat) becomes available.

I almost want to apologize to the person and tell them that they're not smelly or weird.

jimgoose

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as you're happy don't worry about what I think

You don't look like a provo in a ten-year-old Merc. It's more complicated than that. Here, watch:

10-year-old S-Class: I am bowel-evacuatingly rich. Fuck off.
30-year-old S-Class: I am Idi Amin.
10-year-old E-Class: I am an antique dealer and possibly a part-time farmer.
30-year-old E-Class: I am a somewhat down-at-heel aristocrat. Bonus points are awarded for estate models.
10-year-old C-Class: I am a blithering idiot.
30-year-old C-Class: I live on top of a mountain in Mayo. I haven't had a bath since 1987 and recently married one of my goats.

Boombastic

jimgoose wrote: »

You don't look like a provo in a ten-year-old Merc. It's more complicated than that. Here, watch:

10-year-old S-Class: I am bowel-evacuatingly rich. Fuck off.
30-year-old S-Class: I am Idi Amin.
10-year-old E-Class: I am an antique dealer and possibly a part-time farmer.
30-year-old E-Class: I am a somewhat down-at-heel aristocrat. Bonus points are awarded for estate models.
10-year-old C-Class: I am a blithering idiot.
30-year-old C-Class: I live on top of a mountain in Mayo. I haven't had a bath since 1987 and recently married one of my goats.

or just put on a balaclava

Turtyturd

It's even worse when you are on the bus first and the fat smelly bloke traps you on the inside. But I find trying to lick your ear as they walk towards you puts them off.

jimgoose

Boombastic wrote: »

or just put on a balaclava

It was a lot easier in the old days. All you needed was a purple Mk. III Cortina with a vinyl roof and spot-lamps.

turnikett1

I always move seats. I'm sure the person I'm sitting beside whom I've built such a deep connection with will surely understand it's more comofortable and preferrable to sit by yourself.

travis1976

Deleted User wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel OP.

Like, today. I had to decide whether to take the Merc or the BMW to work. The Merc is older you see, and not as nice as the BMW. But the BMW is manual so, like, effort

So do I put a bit more work into getting where I'm going so that I look better getting there, or do I take the easier option and deal with looking like a povo in my 10 year old Merc?

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: Jesus, I thought I had problems...

Turtyturd

Although I have to admit I get a nice laugh when someone moves seat and at the next stop someone gets on and sits beside them, leaving the first person they were originally sitting beside with a free seat.

Boombastic

jimgoose wrote: »

It was a lot easier in the old days. All you needed was a purple Mk. III Cortina with a vinyl roof and spot-lamps.

the provos aren't what they used to be, no vinyl roofs anymore, now it's all bullet proof vests

B_Rabbit

I think she meant povo, as in a poor person.

The Diabolical Monocle

Boombastic wrote: »

toast or cornflakes, toast or cornflakes, toast or cornflakes, toast or cornflakes?



toast and cornflakes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co5GTmDU4oY

seamus

I think someone asked this before, and I don't understand why you wouldn't move?

It's basic etiquette that if you are sitting beside someone and a double seat becomes free, the person on the outside moves into the double seat so now you both have a seat to yourselves.

Rather than think, "Why did he move, I must smell", someone will think, "Why the feck hasn't this gombeen moved into that free seat yet? Doesn't he know the rules?!"

Ficheall

Nemeses wrote: »

Also, if you use more than three sheets, you should probably take a shower..

Ain't nobody got time for that... ****...


Seriously, though - three sheets?

Satriale

B_Rabbit wrote: »

I think she meant povo, as in a poor person.

I wasn't sure what a povo was. my eyes have been opened to my misfortune...