Wise ditties handed down from oul wans

The Backwards Man

Old people are great. They've done everything we have, and some things we have yet to do, and their advice is always worth listening to.

One that always stands out for me

'Courting a lady is a lot like breaking in a horse, feed her a few carrots, stroke her forehead, give her plenty of encouraging words, but don't try jumping on too soon or she'll put you clean through the hedge'

What's the best advice an elderly person has given you?

Ihatecuddles

Don't sit on a cold step or you'll get piles.

MJ23

Never rub another mans rhubarb.

The Diabolical Monocle

When you piss yourself blame the dog.

Amirani

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Old people are great. They've done everything we have, and some things we have yet to do, and their advice is always worth listening to.

Have they?

fleet_admiral

dont eat yellow snow

dxhound2005

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Old people are great. They've done everything we have, and some things we have yet to do, and their advice is always worth listening to.

One that always stands out for me

'Courting a lady is a lot like breaking in a horse, feed her a few carrots, stroke her forehead, give her plenty of encouraging words, but don't try jumping on too soon or she'll put you clean through the hedge'

What's the best advice an elderly person has given you?

Are you sure that wasn't Swiss Tony?

Timmyctc

Ditties are Tits

The Backwards Man

Diego Simeone wrote: »

Have they?

They sure have.

Sunnyisland

Don't go outside with your hair wet as you will die of pneumonia.

darkpagandeath

If the Wind changes your face will stick like that

pockets3d

Better off looking at it than for it.

Ihatecuddles

If it smells bad, don't put it in your mouth.

I think she was talking about food...

Sunnyisland

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Cienciano

I call bullshít OP. Has anyone actually got warts from a bicycle pump?

Sir Arthur Daley

If it dont fit do not force it.

darkpagandeath

Cienciano wrote: »

I call bullshít OP. Has anyone actually got warts from a bicycle pump?

No but I got rid of a wart by rubbing it with raw beacon and burying it in the garden during a full moon.

castletownman

I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me just before he kicked the bucket.

"Grandson. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

fleet_admiral

if you fall off that wall and break your legs, dont come running to me

Hotale.com

I miss my nana...

420

you came into the world in a nappie and you'll leave the world in a nappie . wise words from the old sister in a caring home.

Hotale.com

Being thrown out of God's pocket was always a frightening image...

Mech1

you'll have someones eye out with that, (acid semen)

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=90241107&postcount=155

Ihatecuddles

Did anyone ever hear of coke filling you full of 'clocks'?

Or stew warming the cockles of your heart?

Always wondered if it was just my mam that said certain things!

Sir Arthur Daley

420 wrote: »

you came into the world in a nappie and you'll leave the world in a nappie . wise words from the old sister in a caring home.

Alot of adults choose to wear nappies and indulge in diaperism.

fleet_admiral

dont swallow chewing gum cause it will kill you

dee_mc

mauzo! wrote: »

Did anyone ever hear of coke filling you full of 'clocks'?

Or stew warming the cockles of your heart?

Always wondered if it was just my mam that said certain things!

Stew is definitely known for its cockle warming properties, not just your mam in that case anyway!

dxhound2005

Don't be staying up all night on that oul internet thing. You won't be able to get up in the morning.

420

fleet_admiral wrote: »

dont swallow chewing gum cause it will kill you

oh yeah it sticks to your ribs

Senna

Never refuse a payment from the furry purse.

Sir Arthur Daley

Senna wrote: »

Never refuse a payment from the furry purse.

Is that euphemism?

Tail Docker

"If you forget me gas cylinder again tomorrow, you're nothing but a bollix".

macfran

Diego Simeone wrote: »

Have they?

Yes we have. We were free from financial pressures and strangely enough most of us own our houses now even though we had regular nights out with great sessions and a few pints.

macfran

Diego Simeone wrote: »

Have they?

Timmyctc wrote: »

Ditties are Tits

In Dublin we called them diddies.

orangesoda

Never trust a Dub
or a free-stater but we'll not get into that one

I've heard this quote a few times in the past 'there's never been a daycent dub yet'

NipNip

Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe.

macfran

Dont eat Kennedys bread it sticks in your belly like lead
your mother wouldnt wonder you fart like thunder
so dont eat Kennedys bread.

Adamantium

On children:

"From the moment they open their eyes, to the last moment you close yours, there are nothing but trouble"

Jesus Wept

Timmyctc wrote: »

Ditties are Tits

No, that's diddies.

Push Pop

As me oul nan said, after a while they all taste the same.

darkpagandeath

You don’t look at the mantelpiece when your poking the fire...

Jagdtiger

-Where ever you be let the wind go free

-I hope there's no Emergency tomorrow, you lot won't manage!

-Cover your knees, you're over seven

-some drunk was singing at the bar once and an auld shouts from the far end "If she was hung for being a singer, she'd die innocent"

-great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ

-leaving the pub in the wee hours of the morning "there's a fair auld stretch on the evenings now"

-Hard work's not easy

WilyCoyote

"A whistling woman and a crowing hen are neither fit for God nor men",

I think it alludes to adrogyny or bullish women.

Duck Soup

When poverty comes in the door, love goes out the window.

Also: "When you have nothing, they give you everything."

The second one was a favourite of an aunt of mine. What she meant was that if you're in low paid work or scraping a bob or two, you get feck all help. However, declare yourself no longer working, and you get medical card (free GP and A&E visits, free dental work, free eye tests and money towards spectacles), assistance in paying mortgage etc., etc. It may not have the folksy charms of some of the other sayings, but from personal experience, she was bang on the money.

deseil

"God be with the days when men were men and pansies were flowers"

danniemcq

"What butter and whiskey won't cure, there is no cure for."

MonsterCookie

"Zip up your m1ckey"...

NipNip

danniemcq wrote: »

"What butter and whiskey won't cure, there is no cure for."

Lol - I think my consultant would disagree!

caustic 1

If you lay with the dog you will get up with fleas.

You made your bed, now lay in it.

If you burn your arse you will have to sit on the blister.

NipNip

Never a lender nor a borrower be. (Could have done with heeding that advice!)

You'll follow the crows for it yet! (Said whenever my Granny saw us wasting food)

danniemcq

NipNip wrote: »

Lol - I think my consultant would disagree!

And sure what would he know with his bits of paper and fancy smancy writings