She rejected me twice, yet she still stares / glances at me and tries to make eye con

LegacyUser

Well, it's all in the title.

A girl that I had been involved with, a few years ago, lead me on and rejected me for another guy in quite cruel and unfair circumstances. I was very badly hurt and I found it really hard to trust people, from that point onwards.

A couple of years later, our paths crossed, again: we were both single (she had just gotten out of a relationship) and, despite being hurt before, I still felt something between us and I just know that she felt something, too. Naturally, I asked her out, again; she rejected me, again.

I had since tried contacting her, but she never returned any of my calls, texts or emails. I have since learned that she's now seeing someone else.
Despite the fact that she never replied to my attempts to contact her and that she never made an attempt to contact me; despite the fact that she's now going out with someone else, whenever we see each other in public- on the street, in bars / cafés / restaurants / shops / venues in town- her reaction is always the same: she stares / glances at me and she makes quite an effort to make eye contact with me. I've also seen her blushing and giving me a flirty, finger- wiggling wave, while flashing a flirty smile at me. Talk about getting mixed signals.

I have talked to friends about her reactions to seeing me and the only conclusions that I can draw are the following:

i) She feels some degree of regret in rejecting me, twice;
ii) She feels guilty about rejecting me, twice, and having lead me on, twice;
iii) She likes the attention that I'm giving her;
iv) She doesn't know what she wants.

It's confusing and frustrating, to say the least, and I don't know what to do. I really like her, but contacting her, again, is out of the question; she's already seeing someone else and, besides, I've made every effort to contact her and she hasn't made any effort, whatsoever, to contact me.

What should I do?

tinkerbell

What should you do? Stop contacting her. She has told you repeatedly that she is not interested so leave her alone. She knows you like her yet most likely glances your way because she knows it'll give her an ego boost, but she does not want to actually be with you. Move on. And she's not giving you mixed signals - she has TOLD you on numerous occasions that she's not interested.

rovoagho

She's either looking to see if you're still gawking at her, and you're misinterpreting it; or if she really is flirting, then she's just a dick. Either way, there's absolutely nothing to be gained in thinking about it. Drop it. Focus your attention on something more constructive.

Penny Tration

Yeah mate, there's no mixed signals. She's said no to you more than once.

I have to ask, maybe she's staring because she catches you staring and is freaked out? The depth in which you describe her 'looks' makes me think that you're convincing yourself that she's doing these things, when she isn't.

If she genuinely is doing these things, she likes the ego boost
Everyone loves an ego boost.

Ultimately, she's been honest and told you that she's not interested, so for your sake, stop messaging her and just leave her be. Keep messaging and staring and you'll end up with a reputation as a creep.

Boombastic

I don't think she's interested

have you considered her reaction to seeing you might be her not wanting to run in to you but being caught on the hop and panicking a little when she sees you?

if you get what I'm saying?

YumCha

OP - everything you say about this girl comes off as creepy... "knowing" that she felt something too, reading into all her body language...

Have you considered that there might be a totally different explanation for her reaction? That she might feel really uncomfortable because you keep pursuing her in spite of her telling you repeatedly that she's not interested - but she doesn't feel she can tell you that? Generally speaking, women are much more socialised to "play nice" and keep the peace even when there's someone we'd much rather not interact with.

There might be a million explanations for her interactions with you - but you don't have any kind of special powers to work them out. Respect her wishes and leave her alone.

Meauldsegosha

[quote="WhyIsSheGivingMixedSignals?;90118511"
I have talked to friends about her reactions to seeing me and the only conclusions that I can draw are the following:

i) She feels some degree of regret in rejecting me, twice;
ii) She feels guilty about rejecting me, twice, and having lead me on, twice;
iii) She likes the attention that I'm giving her;
iv) She doesn't know what she wants.

What should I do?[/quote]

And you completely ignored the most obvious conclusion.

v) you are misinterpreting the signs to suit yourself.

OP be really honest with yourself and look at the facts, she rejected your advances twice, she doesn't return your calls/texts. She is not interested in you. You need to move on and leave this woman alone.

Czarcasm

Years OP?

Christ, move on already.

LegacyUser

Wow OP your post sounds creepy as hell. I can't even begin to imagine how freaked out the poor girl must be after a guy she turned down twice bombards her with calls emails etc and stares at her every time he sees her out. She's a braver woman than me, I'd be on to the guards ages ago. What you've described is harrasment.

You remind me of a creepy older man who used to leer at me when I was younger OP. Seriously you do. I worked part time while in college. I hated him coming in he'd smile at me, and try and flirt with me. One day I told him I had a boyfriend and he looked like I'd shattered his world, he'd still come in and flirt with me though, looking me up and down, I should note I never ever reciprocated this flirting he repulsed me, i was pleasant to him because i had to be because quite franklyi was afraid of him, the whole situation was just menacing. One day he happened to catch me completely alone in my workplace as my colleague had gone home sick. I'll never forget the moment he leaned up against the wall and said with the most leery, creepy grin on his face, I fancy you, you're gorgeous and I know you fancy me too, I've seen you staring at me, I know you want me. Thank god a customer walked in just then or who knows what would have happened.

My point? People see what they want to see when they are besotted/ obsessed with someone. You sound exactly like the man in my story OP, im sure he thought i was "leading him on" or was "loving the attention", I wasnt, the reality was, i was terrified. You're just ignoring all the signs and just seeing what you want when the girl in question is probably more than a little scared of your intensity. Leave her the hell alone, she's turned you down twice. She is not interested. No matter what body language cues you think you see, they are not there, she has told told you not once but twice. Twice. that she's not interested. She cannot be clearer. Stop now OP before she reports you to the guards for stalking and harrasment.

missjm

You need to leave this girl alone and stop inventing interest where there is none. NO means no. You are bordering on harassment and if she glances at you when she is out she could actually be looking to see what you're at as she feels threatened. If she's not answering your calls or replying to your texts, she's not interested. Move on, leave her alone.

MagicMarker

She's not giving you mixed signals OP, her signals are so clear that they may as well be flashing in neon.

How does one make "quite an effort" to make eye contact. Either they make eye contact or they don't, you must be staring at her for long periods at a time to have come to the conclusion that she's trying to make eye contact with you. She's probably blushing out of sheer embarrassment because that creepy guy who can't take a hint is over the other side of the room again.

retro:electro

OP she does not regret rejecting you and I do not know where or how you came up with that conclusion? I mean of all of the things to extricate from the situation you interpret her actions as being regretful?!? OP you sound deluded.
I sincerely hope these cafés and restaurants you see her in aren't you following her there or hanging around because you know she will be there. Your post comes off so creepy I actually feel bad for the girl. Her waving and blushing is probably out of awkwardness/mortification. Get over it OP, it's been years and she most certainly is NOT interested.

Defiler Of The Coffin

WhyIsSheGivingMixedSignals? wrote: »

What should I do?

Leave her alone and forget about her, she's not interested.

dipdip

I had since tried contacting her, but she never returned any of my calls, texts or emails.

You did this, after she rejected you twice?

You sound unhealthily obsessed. I am female and if I was her I would be nervous of you. You need to back off and never do this again.

FairytaleGirl

She could think youre absolutely cracked.

And by acknowledging you when she sees you it's to try and embarrass you into NOT staring at her.
OR she's laughing at you. She treated you awfully by your own admission and you STILL basically stalk her?Her red face is likely due to her holding in her laugh.

On another note op, have some self respect, why would you become fixated with someone who wants nothing to do with you /'messes you around' She treated you like crap before!why let her do it again?

Bafucin

WhyIsSheGivingMixedSignals? wrote: »

Well, it's all in the title.

A girl that I had been involved with, a few years ago, lead me on and rejected me for another guy in quite cruel and unfair circumstances. I was very badly hurt and I found it really hard to trust people, from that point onwards.

A couple of years later, our paths crossed, again: we were both single (she had just gotten out of a relationship) and, despite being hurt before, I still felt something between us and I just know that she felt something, too. Naturally, I asked her out, again; she rejected me, again.

I had since tried contacting her, but she never returned any of my calls, texts or emails. I have since learned that she's now seeing someone else.
Despite the fact that she never replied to my attempts to contact her and that she never made an attempt to contact me; despite the fact that she's now going out with someone else, whenever we see each other in public- on the street, in bars / cafés / restaurants / shops / venues in town- her reaction is always the same: she stares / glances at me and she makes quite an effort to make eye contact with me. I've also seen her blushing and giving me a flirty, finger- wiggling wave, while flashing a flirty smile at me. Talk about getting mixed signals.

I have talked to friends about her reactions to seeing me and the only conclusions that I can draw are the following:

i) She feels some degree of regret in rejecting me, twice;
ii) She feels guilty about rejecting me, twice, and having lead me on, twice;
iii) She likes the attention that I'm giving her;
iv) She doesn't know what she wants.

It's confusing and frustrating, to say the least, and I don't know what to do. I really like her, but contacting her, again, is out of the question; she's already seeing someone else and, besides, I've made every effort to contact her and she hasn't made any effort, whatsoever, to contact me.

What should I do?

OP I think you sound almost angry with this person.

She is just smiling and waving etc it does not sound like either likes you or dislikes you.Maybe she is just nice. I don't think women wave at men who scare them though either.

Lighten up.

You emailed AND texted AND called and there was no reply from this person?

It doesn't sound like either of you did anything terribly wrong.

If you examine your feelings maybe it is just you lost a little bit of control and it bugged you.

Ave Sodalis

OP, you sounds like a guy I knew and had to threaten with a restraining order before he finally got the message. It started out friendly enough, a few minutes chat at a party, waiting on my friends. I wasn't interested but happy enough to chat for five or ten minutes while my friends got their things together. It was a party after all. Then he added me on Skype. Bit strange but I accepted his friend request and then things got weird. 7 skype accounts later (of his, as I had to keep blocking him), I was quite scared of him. Then, alone one night, walking home from a night out, I met him on the street. I gave him my number in panic to try and get away (which was a mistake and in hindsight, only encouragement but I wasn't comfortable with the situation and wasn't thinking). So, 7 Skype accounts, three texts, comments on a blog I had forgot about and lost, facebook messages and a lot of staring later, I was trying my hardest to stay well away from him. Made all the more difficult by the fact that he started going to a pub I frequent, on a regular basis (yeah, it was a student bar but he was no longer a student). I did stare at him, and he did catch me staring but my stares were not trying to make eye contact or anything. It was making sure he was on the other side of the room to me at all times.

My point? Well, it's that you have to see it from her side. Harassing her, with your "calls, texts or emails" is not going to help. She is going out with someone. She is not going to leave him for you, she's made that very clear. Of course she hasn't tried to contact you. She is probably creeped out by your behaviour and your insistence for contact. Try and draw similarities between my story and yours. You have misunderstood her signals if you think she is staring at you (after you sending her multiple call and texts and emails without a reply) because she is interested. She, like me, is probably making sure you're not close.

Bafucin

WhyIsSheGivingMixedSignals? wrote: »

Well, it's all in the title.

A girl that I had been involved with, a few years ago, lead me on and rejected me for another guy in quite cruel and unfair circumstances. I was very badly hurt and I found it really hard to trust people, from that point onwards.

A couple of years later, our paths crossed, again: we were both single (she had just gotten out of a relationship) and, despite being hurt before, I still felt something between us and I just know that she felt something, too. Naturally, I asked her out, again; she rejected me, again.

I had since tried contacting her, but she never returned any of my calls, texts or emails. I have since learned that she's now seeing someone else.
Despite the fact that she never replied to my attempts to contact her and that she never made an attempt to contact me; despite the fact that she's now going out with someone else, whenever we see each other in public- on the street, in bars / cafés / restaurants / shops / venues in town- her reaction is always the same: she stares / glances at me and she makes quite an effort to make eye contact with me. I've also seen her blushing and giving me a flirty, finger- wiggling wave, while flashing a flirty smile at me. Talk about getting mixed signals.

I have talked to friends about her reactions to seeing me and the only conclusions that I can draw are the following:

i) She feels some degree of regret in rejecting me, twice;
ii) She feels guilty about rejecting me, twice, and having lead me on, twice;
iii) She likes the attention that I'm giving her;
iv) She doesn't know what she wants.

It's confusing and frustrating, to say the least, and I don't know what to do. I really like her, but contacting her, again, is out of the question; she's already seeing someone else and, besides, I've made every effort to contact her and she hasn't made any effort, whatsoever, to contact me.

What should I do?

Your post it seems to me that you are trying to portray yourself as the victim.

You seem to think she lead you on. But then you think waving and smiling is flirting. It is likely she didn't if you think of that as flirting. Well if it is then she is leading the whole world on and flirting with everyone.

It is as if you are trying to get her to accept some type of mea culpa when actually she did nothing.

LegacyUser

Honestly OP, you need to talk to someone and get it together before you land yourself with legal ramifications for your troubles.

She can't make it any clearer for you really. Please, please move on, you're wasting your life over-thinking about this girl, when there is someone else out there who will reciprocate your feelings.

Good luck!