Weeding Gift Amount

A_Sober_Paddy

So the brother is getting married and was wondering what kind of money should I be giving himself and the misses as a wedding gift?

fussyonion

Depends on how much you can afford.
I'd give €200 if I was feeling flush.

A_Sober_Paddy

fussyonion wrote: »

Depends on how much you can afford.
I'd give €200 if I was feeling flush.

The amount I was told by a colleague was much higher...

Like i've planned on getting him a nice bottle of whiskey and cigars for the stag...to the tune of 150...

fussyonion

Oh well I didn't realise there was a going rate.
If you can afford more, give more. I thought €200 was decent. Maybe not.
I've never actually been to a wedding.

Sulla Felix

There's no set value. There couldn't be. Someone on a 6 figure salary will be giving more than someone on sub30k, it's just the way of things.
Give whatever you're comfortable with.

tayto lover

From reading the thread title i would have suggested some gardening gloves and a hoe.

A_Sober_Paddy

tayto lover wrote: »

From reading the thread title i would have suggested some gardening gloves and a hoe.

Ha ha sutpid dyslexia:D

BabysCoffee

My sisters and I all gave each other a token gift for our weddings. I wouldn't take money from my family.

littlelulu

The average guest gives €100- €200 so since its a sibling and if you can afford it then i'd push the boat a little more than that.

Apart from that offering to help with little jobs the week before the wedding will be greatly appreciated and no matter how much you give, if you show enthusiasm to help etc then you will be onto a winner..... Unless they are hungry for money

A_Sober_Paddy

littlelulu wrote: »

The average guest gives €100- €200 so since its a sibling and if you can afford it then i'd push the boat a little more than that.

Apart from that offering to help with little jobs the week before the wedding will be greatly appreciated and no matter how much you give, if you show enthusiasm to help etc then you will be onto a winner..... Unless they are hungry for money

They are pretty much set with regards to money i think, both have very good jobs

Andiewoo

My fiance's sister got married and we gave €250 as it's all we could afford at the time..

murphyebass

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

The amount I was told by a colleague was much higher...

Like i've planned on getting him a nice bottle of whiskey and cigars for the stag...to the tune of 150...

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

wuffly

Not everyone wants money to be fair, we saved for the wedding we could afford. We did get money from my brothers, 500e each, i used it to get them thank you gifts as they wouldn't take no for an answer. They were really helpful with the wedding wouldn't have come off so well without their help, which was more than enough of a gift. They were both in the process of furnishing houses so got them stuff i know they needed/wanted. You'll have an idea what they want or expect, mine did so much to help us out i nearly keeled over when they gave us money as well. Neither are loaded but they work hard and we've always looked out for one another. Give what you can, help is the best gift, to me anyway.

stargazer 68

My sis got married a couple of weeks ago and I bought her some stuff that they wanted for the house - could only get it in the states so had to search for it. I also did a lot of work helping them organise the wedding. The pair of them told me off for buying them anything at all - all the work I had done was more than enough. Everyone is different!

beertons

I saw the thread title abd thought of 5L of Roundup for €50. Can't go wrong there.

Give what you can afford. He won't think bad if you, if you give nothing at all. Weddings are expensive, and stressful. Have you to get a room and stay over, or can you get a taxi hone after? If you can't afford anything now, just stick a note in a card explaining that things are a bit tight, but you'll sort him out with something soon.

mickman

gave my sister 400 but that was because my partner was a good friend of hers for years

Getting married myself soon, will i get the same back :-)

kkcatlou

The OP has never said things are tight though. Are you trying to justify giving less? if so, just give less. It all depends on what you can afford and how generous you feel like being. People usually would be a bit more generous with a sibling, even though they do loads of other jobs as well, not cos society expects you to be, but because it's your brother or sister and you'd like to be, cos you care more for them than you would for any old couple who invited you to their wedding. If you don't want to be extra generous, then don't!

I gave my sister €1,000 but cos I wanted to, not cos anyone expected me to. My siblings are all younger than me, so I won't expect to get cash from them as I know they can't afford it! I have them all doing lots of jobs though, so that's more than enough payment!

A_Sober_Paddy

kkcatlou wrote: »

The OP has never said things are tight though. Are you trying to justify giving less? if so, just give less. It all depends on what you can afford and how generous you feel like being. People usually would be a bit more generous with a sibling, even though they do loads of other jobs as well, not cos society expects you to be, but because it's your brother or sister and you'd like to be, cos you care more for them than you would for any old couple who invited you to their wedding. If you don't want to be extra generous, then don't!

I gave my sister €1,000 but cos I wanted to, not cos anyone expected me to. My siblings are all younger than me, so I won't expect to get cash from them as I know they can't afford it! I have them all doing lots of jobs though, so that's more than enough payment!

No things aren't tight, I opened the thread to gauge an idea of what would be expected

beertons

For friends, I would give 200 as a couple. If my sister gets married, I will give her double, as that's what she gave me. The way I see it, cover the cost of the meal. The rest is up to you.

Dietsquirt

Got married last year, average per couple was €150. We were delighted.

Gatica

We got around 500 I think from one sibling and partner. They both helped lots with little jobs around the wedding as well as organising and putting money towards making the stag/hen amazing.
We gave them a few years ago between 400 and 500 I think, it wasn't in cash, we paid towards something for their honeymoon, as they had that as their wedding registry. We got set of glasses from another sibling, and the third was still in school so was included in the "parents' gift".
It all depends on your situation. I think 400-500 is great if you can afford it. If not, then a sentimental gift they can keep as a reminder of you and their wedding.

Dortilolma

Just give what you can afford - there is no set or agreed amount.
The last few weddings me and OH have been to we'd either spend about €250-€300 on gifts or give about €250-€300 in cash. If any of my friends had got married when I was still in college I think all I'd have been able to afford was a book voucher.

robinph

Dortilolma wrote: »

Just give what you can afford - there is no set or agreed amount.

Can it not be setup so that boards automagically posts this response whenever any "How much should...?" type thread pops up? Would save everyone a lot of bother.

Ann Landers

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

Wow. Just wow. :eek:

baby and crumble

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

Answers like this wind me up.

You're hardly going to refuse to go to a family wedding because you can't afford to give a gift of over €200! My brother is getting married in a few months and I can't afford to buy or give them anything. So I won't be, not until I can afford it. But I'm not going to miss his wedding because of it. And I would be incredibly disappointed in him if he thought I should.

The way I look at all this is that you're inviting people as a guest to your wedding. If you were to invite people around to your house for a dinner party would you be charging an entrance fee? If someone brought a bottle of wine as a gift would you ask for the cash they spent on it instead? No, because it's rude. Am I expecting people to give me any money for my wedding? No. That's why I have a budget of what we can afford out of savings and we stick to it.

If you decide to get married, fair play. But don't invite me and expect me to pay for myself in cold hard cash. It's not my problem if you decide to go into debt because you just HAD to have organza chair covers instead of regular, or because you decided you wanted a string quartet, and a church singer, and a band and a DJ. If you can't afford to cover the whole wedding yourself then get a marriage license for €150 and get chips on the way home. You wake up the next day exactly equal to all the other married couples and you won't have lost friends because of your selfish attitude.

murphyebass

baby and crumble wrote: »

Answers like this wind me up.

You're hardly going to refuse to go to a family wedding because you can't afford to give a gift of over €200! My brother is getting married in a few months and I can't afford to buy or give them anything. So I won't be, not until I can afford it. But I'm not going to miss his wedding because of it. And I would be incredibly disappointed in him if he thought I should.

The way I look at all this is that you're inviting people as a guest to your wedding. If you were to invite people around to your house for a dinner party would you be charging an entrance fee? If someone brought a bottle of wine as a gift would you ask for the cash they spent on it instead? No, because it's rude. Am I expecting people to give me any money for my wedding? No. That's why I have a budget of what we can afford out of savings and we stick to it.

If you decide to get married, fair play. But don't invite me and expect me to pay for myself in cold hard cash. It's not my problem if you decide to go into debt because you just HAD to have organza chair covers instead of regular, or because you decided you wanted a string quartet, and a church singer, and a band and a DJ. If you can't afford to cover the whole wedding yourself then get a marriage license for €150 and get chips on the way home. You wake up the next day exactly equal to all the other married couples and you won't have lost friends because of your selfish attitude.

Not selfish attitude at all. More the reality of weddings and the costs involved.

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding to give to a friend or family member as a gift so be it. Most weddings are well in advance. A friend of mine recently got engaged but the wedding date was set 2 and a bit years away!
In this case it's for a family member so by all means go and explain to said member you have no money if you really can't save for it.

I'm just goin on experience. These things cost money and gettin the likes of plates or something else equally pointless is just that when you are trying to make sure you pay off every last thing. And it's all well and good saying to cut back on this that and the other but that enevitably doesn't happen. Not because you want to spend a fortune but they do cost money. Not plates or whiskey or - insert pointless gift here - they cost in real life money.

BizzyC

murphyebass wrote: »

Not selfish attitude at all. More the reality of weddings and the costs involved.

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding to give to a friend or family member as a gift so be it. Most weddings are well in advance. A friend of mine recently got engaged but the wedding date was set 2 and a bit years away!
In this case it's for a family member so by all means go and explain to said member you have no money if you really can't save for it.

I'm just goin on experience. These things cost money and gettin the likes of plates or something else equally pointless is just that when you are trying to make sure you pay off every last thing. And it's all well and good saying to cut back on this that and the other but that enevitably doesn't happen. Not because you want to spend a fortune but they do cost money. Not plates or whiskey or - insert pointless gift here - they cost in real life money.

It's an extremely selfish attitude.

Weddings aren't an enterprise whereby the couple make out better off for having it.
You should be willing to throw your wedding at your own expense, without expecting a penny from guests. If you can't afford to pay for it yourself, you can't afford it.
These things are gifts, not cover charges.

It costs people a lot of money to go to a wedding, especially ones that require an overnight stay. To put such a high minimum on a gift on top of that is ludicrous.

You invite people to your wedding, not their wallets.

whomitconcerns

BizzyC wrote: »

It's an extremely selfish attitude.

Weddings aren't an enterprise whereby the couple make out better off for having it.
You should be willing to throw your wedding at your own expense, without expecting a penny from guests. If you can't afford to pay for it yourself, you can't afford it.
These things are gifts, not cover charges.

It costs people a lot of money to go to a wedding, especially ones that require an overnight stay. To put such a high minimum on a gift on top of that is ludicrous.

You invite people to your wedding, not their wallets.

Will you have money to pay for drink on the night? Give them that money.

murphyebass

BizzyC wrote: »

It's an extremely selfish attitude.

Weddings aren't an enterprise whereby the couple make out better off for having it.
You should be willing to throw your wedding at your own expense, without expecting a penny from guests. If you can't afford to pay for it yourself, you can't afford it.
These things are gifts, not cover charges.

It costs people a lot of money to go to a wedding, especially ones that require an overnight stay. To put such a high minimum on a gift on top of that is ludicrous.

You invite people to your wedding, not their wallets.

While I can see where you're coming from I don't see it as reality. The cost of overnight stay isn't always the case either. The last number of weddings I've been at I could have chosen to not drink and drive home or get a cheaper b&b near the hotel.

Anyway whether you like it pr not people plan weddings on the expectation that the money they receive in gifts will pay for most or at least a good chunk of the wedding.

Personally I did save and had my wedding pretty much paid for prior to getting gifts so for us it was all gravy essentially but I hasten to reiterate that I know talking to lots of couples that gifts are very much integral to how they pay off the wedding bills.

Again I'm not selfish I'm just putting across the other side of the coin. All too often I hear just give what you can. It's the "pc" answer, I expect it and that's fine but its really not reality. And as I said before if someone genuinely can't afford it and is genuinely smashed broke and there are certain people with financial difficulties, mortgage arrears etc..then so be it but the vast majority of people will give €200+ and imo rightly so.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

Not selfish attitude at all. More the reality of weddings and the costs involved.

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding to give to a friend or family member as a gift so be it. Most weddings are well in advance. A friend of mine recently got engaged but the wedding date was set 2 and a bit years away!
In this case it's for a family member so by all means go and explain to said member you have no money if you really can't save for it.

I'm just goin on experience. These things cost money and gettin the likes of plates or something else equally pointless is just that when you are trying to make sure you pay off every last thing. And it's all well and good saying to cut back on this that and the other but that enevitably doesn't happen. Not because you want to spend a fortune but they do cost money. Not plates or whiskey or - insert pointless gift here - they cost in real life money.

It is selfish to be expecting anything from your guests other than they turn up and have a good time.

Your party, your expense, your problem.

Just be grateful if someone is flush enough to be able to give you some cash as a gift. There is absolutely zero requirement for people to be having to hand over X amount per person for them turning up to your party. If you are expecting money from people then it is an entry fee and not a gift, and nobody's wedding is that good that you'd be wanting to pay for an entry fee.

murphyebass

robinph wrote: »

It is selfish to be expecting anything from your guests other than they turn up and have a good time.

Your party, your expense, your problem.

Just be grateful if someone is flush enough to be able to give you some cash as a gift. There is absolutely zero requirement for people to be having to hand over X amount per person for them turning up to your party. If you are expecting money from people then it is an entry fee and not a gift, and nobody's wedding is that good that you'd be wanting to pay for an entry fee.

I agree its not a requirement but it is an expectation. If it wasn't an expectation we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Fries-With-That

This is a good thread.

Anyone I have spoken to recently have said €100 per person is a perfectly reasonable wedding present for those couples that want money as opposed to a toaster etc.

How much does a wedding cost nowadays ?

200 guests giving €100 each would surely make a large hole if not completely pay for a wedding.

I am of the opinion that, you are invited as a guest, whatever gift you give is, exactly that, a gift, not something that the couple will de-construct later and take issue with its cost.

If you buy an expensive gift that is your choice, its not as if the couple handed you your invitation with a list of items from which you could choose their gift.

Gatica

murphyebass wrote: »

Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving.

That's all very well if you have only all married or all single friends and just 1 getting married, but you might have a dozen friends from school, college, work as well as family. and what if you have 9 weddings to go to that year? You start saving for one, then the next, at some point you're saving 9*20=180 Euro a month, and a total of 1800 over 19 months. Some people can't afford that.
It's fathomable to say that about your one sibling maybe, or one child - you'll do whatever you need to to be at their wedding or give them a gift, but certainly not when its extended family or friends.

robinph wrote: »

nobody's wedding is that good that you'd be wanting to pay for an entry fee.

+1!

BizzyC

whomitconcerns wrote: »

Will you have money to pay for drink on the night? Give them that money.

I'd prefer to have my guests enjoy themselves at my wedding rather than push themselves to give me a gift....

Again, you're inviting the people to take part in the day, not a wad of cash...

BabysCoffee

murphyebass wrote: »

Not selfish attitude at all. More the reality of weddings and the costs involved.

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding to give to a friend or family member as a gift so be it. Most weddings are well in advance. A friend of mine recently got engaged but the wedding date was set 2 and a bit years away!
In this case it's for a family member so by all means go and explain to said member you have no money if you really can't save for it.

I'm just goin on experience. These things cost money and gettin the likes of plates or something else equally pointless is just that when you are trying to make sure you pay off every last thing. And it's all well and good saying to cut back on this that and the other but that enevitably doesn't happen. Not because you want to spend a fortune but they do cost money. Not plates or whiskey or - insert pointless gift here - they cost in real life money.

If you can't afford to get married without relying on your guests gifts to pay for it maybe you should consider putting it off for a year or two.

guests should be invited to enjoy your wedding not pay pay for it. It's the Bride and Grooms responsibility to pay for it.

murphyebass

BabysCoffee wrote: »

If you can't afford to get married without relying on your guests gifts to pay for it maybe you should consider putting it off for a year or two.

guests should be invited to enjoy your wedding not pay pay for it. It's the Bride and Grooms responsibility to pay for it.

Yet again I agree with this BUT its not the reality of the situation whether you like it or not.

The bride and groom rightly or wrongly will 99% of the time be counting on getting x amount in gifts to pay for this that and the other.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

Yet again I agree with this BUT its not the reality of the situation whether you like it or not.

The bride and groom rightly or wrongly will 99% of the time be counting on getting x amount in gifts to pay for this that and the other.

The answer is wrongly.

murphyebass

Gatica wrote: »

That's all very well if you have only all married or all single friends and just 1 getting married, but you might have a dozen friends from school, college, work as well as family. and what if you have 9 weddings to go to that year? You start saving for one, then the next, at some point you're saving 9*20=180 Euro a month, and a total of 1800 over 19 months. Some people can't afford that.
It's fathomable to say that about your one sibling maybe, or one child - you'll do whatever you need to to be at their wedding or give them a gift, but certainly not when its extended family or friends.

Yeah I went through that few years ago. Not ideal alright.

That said its never ideal. I have a wedding to go to in a few months that with young child, creche, bills etc at the moment I'd far rather not go to it. I'll be scrimping on other things so as to give them a decent monetary gift. The hotel will go on my credit card which isnt ideal but life isnt ideal I suppose.

robinph wrote: »

The answer is wrongly.

In your opinion.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

In your opinion.

Nope, it is definitely wrong for the couple to be planning their wedding based on how much cash they think they will be getting from their guests. There is absolutely no way that is the correct way of going about planning a wedding, or more importantly to be treating your guests as your own personal interest free loan source.

geeksauce

€200 would be more than enough for a direct family member, imo. Or if you can't afford that much just give them what you can afford.

murphyebass

robinph wrote: »

Nope, it is definitely wrong for the couple to be planning their wedding based on how much cash they think they will be getting from their guests. There is absolutely no way that is the correct way of going about planning a wedding, or more importantly to be treating your guests as your own personal interest free loan source.

Its the reality of the situation though. People are and will continue to plan for their weddings in this way.

Personally not the way i did it but its the rule rather than exception like it or not.

robinph

murphyebass wrote: »

Its the reality of the situation though. People are and will continue to plan for their weddings in this way.

Personally not the way i did it but its the rule rather than exception like it or not.

Probably better to use different words for that statement. There are no rules at all about how much someone should be paying for attending a wedding.

There may be things that are commonly done, but they are not rules and they should not be expectations upon anyone.



From your first post in the thread you seem to be suggesting that things have to be done in a particular way, with strong suggestions that people have to pay a minimum cover charge, don't be my friend unless your loaded with cash, put yourself out of pocket for months so that you can turn up to my party and aren't I wonderful for letting you give me money type sentiment.

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

That is just so wrong on so many levels.



To get back to the OP's question though, the answer is whatever you can afford and are comfortable with giving as a gift. Don't feel pressured into giving any thing you don't want to.

Tordelback

robinph wrote: »

To get back to the OP's question though, the answer is whatever you can afford and are comfortable with giving as a gift. Don't feel pressured into giving any thing you don't want to.

Absolutely. As a sibling, I'd suggest an actual present of something you know they might like - monetary value irrelevant. You must know your brother well enough to know the kind of things he likes doing - tickets to sporting events, festivals, craft beers, books, whatever - obviously better if you can think of something they can do/enjoy together. It should be a token acknowledging a major event in their lives and your family's, not a subscription to the wedding fund.

However. And this will sound petty and selfish, but hey...

My wife's only sibling and partner (reasonably well off) gave us nothing at all, and while we had a very small cheap wedding and certainly weren't looking for cash, it does slightly rankle to get nothing. Especially when we had to shell out for their wedding a few years later. So give them something.

sopretty

Since it's your brother, I'd go with a gift rather than money. Especially since they're comfortable financially. They'll have it for years to come. Now, I don't mean a toaster. A piece of art maybe? Would you be familiar with his & her tastes?

murphyebass

robinph wrote: »

Probably better to use different words for that statement. There are no rules at all about how much someone should be paying for attending a wedding.

There may be things that are commonly done, but they are not rules and they should not be expectations upon anyone.

From your first post in the thread you seem to be suggesting that things have to be done in a particular way, with strong suggestions that people have to pay a minimum cover charge, don't be my friend unless your loaded with cash, put yourself out of pocket for months so that you can turn up to my party and aren't I wonderful for letting you give me money type sentiment.

The statement is a figure of speech. Rule in this case refers to what happens 9 out of 10 times not specifically inferring that it has to be done, just that it generally is done.

Anyway we digress. I'm not saying people have to pay a cover charge. What I am saying is that its the expectation that people do. You can bet your bottom dollar the bride and groom look at each card and inspect who gave what. You may not like that but its the way it is.

In an ideal world everyone would pay for their own wedding and not feel obliged to gift a couple of hundred quid to each wedding they attend. But we dont live in an ideal world. In this country it is the norm, yes the norm, or the done thing or whatever way you want to put it that if you attend a wedding you "gift" a couple of hundred quid to the couple. Its also the norm that if you then get married yourself the couple will "gift" you back the same amount you gifted them.

The expectaion whether you like it or not is a couple of hundred quid per couple and if you decide to gift plates, etc.. know that in most scenarios it will be not be appreciated. Of course theres exceptions to that with some people getting gifts they can use/actually want but many people end up having to sell said items which is a bigger pain, or like me giving them away as they were of no use to us and couldnt be bothered selling them.
Ive had friends who were gifted crazy designer items worth stupid amounts of money. Seriously why?! Just put the few quid in an envelope so the person can use it for whatever they want, be it pay off the wedding or spend or save or whatever.

I remember when giving a €100 was the norm. Wish that was still the case!

kkcatlou

murphyebass wrote: »

The statement is a figure of speech. Rule in this case refers to what happens 9 out of 10 times not specifically inferring that it has to be done, just that it generally is done.

Anyway we digress. I'm not saying people have to pay a cover charge. What I am saying is that its the expectation that people do. You can bet your bottom dollar the bride and groom look at each card and inspect who gave what. You may not like that but its the way it is.

In an ideal world everyone would pay for their own wedding and not feel obliged to gift a couple of hundred quid to each wedding they attend. But we dont live in an ideal world. In this country it is the norm, yes the norm, or the done thing or whatever way you want to put it that if you attend a wedding you "gift" a couple of hundred quid to the couple. Its also the norm that if you then get married yourself the couple will "gift" you back the same amount you gifted them.

The expectaion whether you like it or not is a couple of hundred quid per couple and if you decide to gift plates, etc.. know that in most scenarios it will be not be appreciated. Of course theres exceptions to that with some people getting gifts they can use/actually want but many people end up having to sell said items which is a bigger pain, or like me giving them away as they were of no use to us and couldnt be bothered selling them.
Ive had friends who were gifted crazy designer items worth stupid amounts of money. Seriously why?! Just put the few quid in an envelope so the person can use it for whatever they want, be it pay off the wedding or spend or save or whatever.

I remember when giving a €100 was the norm. Wish that was still the case!

Same old argument gets bandied about here every second week. You speak sense and you get shouted down by people happy to go against the norm. I totally agree - you are not saying it's right or the rule that you give a couple €200 when they get married, but it has become the accepted norm in this country, and whether people like it or not, if you are someone who can afford to give a gift, and don't, you do look like a tight arse!

Nobody anywhere has said that there should be an entrance fee paid to a wedding, yet as soon as somebody states the fact that cash gifts of €150-€200 are the norm in this country, a few people get on their high horse pointing out the ridiculousness of it. Fine! It's ridiculous! But it is the done thing! Accept it or get over it!

robinph

kkcatlou wrote: »

Same old argument gets bandied about here every second week. You speak sense and you get shouted down by people happy to go against the norm. I totally agree - you are not saying it's right or the rule that you give a couple €200 when they get married, but it has become the accepted norm in this country, and whether people like it or not, if you are someone who can afford to give a gift, and don't, you do look like a tight arse!

Nobody anywhere has said that there should be an entrance fee paid to a wedding, yet as soon as somebody states the fact that cash gifts of €150-€200 are the norm in this country, a few people get on their high horse pointing out the ridiculousness of it. Fine! It's ridiculous! But it is the done thing! Accept it or get over it!

This looks very much like a statement of rules and how much people should be paying as an entrance fee if they want to consider going to a wedding:

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

It is ridiculous, and what a lot of people do and seem to consider acceptable. But that doesn't mean that it's right and should be encouraged.

What should be encouraged is that people go and celebrate a special day with their friends and family, but nobody should be made to feel as if they are doing something wrong because they cannot stump up the "At least €200" as murphyebass stated.

murphyebass

@Robinph.. You're saying what everyone wants to hear. Its the politically correct thing to say and thats fine. Enjoy your special day, blah, blah, blah... of course thats correct. Its stating the obvious.

The issue is people seem to have a problem with paying/gifting €200+ for a wedding.

My opinion and I know I'm not the only one with this opinion (whether others will say it or not) is that €200+ is the norm. Whether you like that or not is neither here nor there. People arent encouraged to do it but do it because its the norm. Its the expectation, its the done thing and again like it or not if you dont do it you are looked down upon.

Now as I've already stated if you cannot afford this as you are in financial difficulty yourself then dont pay it. Part of me wonders though if you are in financial difficulty should you be going to a wedding at all as there will inevitably be other costs like travel, accomodation, clothing, etc..

I'm not flush by any stretch of the imagination and with a wedding for a wifes friend coming up I'm not exactly happy about handing €200 out of my wages to them but I'm not about to be labelled the one who didnt do it and I take the hit as its the thing to do, its the norm, its the expecation.

kkcatlou

robinph wrote: »

It is ridiculous, and what a lot of people do and seem to consider acceptable. But that doesn't mean that it's right and should be encouraged.

So by stating a widely accepted cultural norm here, we are encouraging what you feel is unacceptable behaviour, despite the fact that the OP asked for an opinion on what was the norm? What's the point in them asking the question at all then, if all they get back are PC, but not factually correct answers? :rolleyes:

wuffly

Sorry but who are these people that expect everyone else to pay for their weddings? Apparently we all know someone, but no one so far has said they themselves actually expect 100e per head etc...? I've been to upwards of 20 Irish weddings and never come across a couple doing this 'numbers' game. I've been to weddings with receptions in community centers up to 5 star hotels and never felt like i was invited to cover a cost or that i had to pay anything. I've always known what to give be it a personal gift and some cash or just cash. We kept a record of everything we got for our wedding, but purely so we could thank everyone properly not with generic thank you cards. I'm sure some people didn't give gifts/cash and I genuinely don't remember who nor do I care, they were invited because we wanted them there.

robinph

kkcatlou wrote: »

So by stating a widely accepted cultural norm here, we are encouraging what you feel is unacceptable behaviour, despite the fact that the OP asked for an opinion on what was the norm? What's the point in them asking the question at all then, if all they get back are PC, but not factually correct answers? :rolleyes:

Have no problem at all with people giving a gift of whatever cash or material gift they want.

I do have a problem with statements along the lines of at least X or don't bother turning up being given as an answer to someone who is not sure about what to give. It's not helpful and is more likely to be adding to the pressure that the person asking the question is already feeling about if they are giving something appropriate. Telling someone they are not going to be welcome unless they give X cash is wrong.

If they subsequently decide to give X + Y as the gift that is fine, but for society to be telling them that they have to is not fine.



A factual response to the OP would be:
"I gave X to my brother" or "the average amount that I received from guests was Y".

It is not a factually correct response to say "you must give Z or you will become a social outcast".