Paying Rent At Home

bob135

I have a stepson living with us at home. We recently, for the first time, suggested that he pay a contribution to the household now that he is working. We only asked for a small about of €60 per month. He was shocked that we should even ask.

How much do you think a young person with a job should be contributing to the household while they continue to live with their parents?

Gillo

You'll need to ask a mod to move your thread to a more appropriate forum.
It really depends on how much he is earning, but 10-20% would be a good start possibly more.

bumper234

bob135 wrote: »

I have a stepson living with us at home. We recently, for the first time, suggested that he pay a contribution to the household now that he is working. We only asked for a small about of €60 per month. He was shocked that we should even ask.

How much do you think a young person with a job should be contributing to the household while they continue to live with their parents?

Tell him he is more than welcome to leave if he feels he can get his own place, food, utilities, tv etc for €60 a month

rosser44

60 pm is really really low, I'd think that per week if the house is in a city sounds much more like it. Its still way less than what he would be paying if he was sharing a house/apt.

And he was shocked? Youth of today rabble rabble etc....:pac:

Vision of Disorder

How old is he? Not that €60 a month is too much in any case but, for me, while that would be a good figure to charge a 16 year old with a part time job if he's an adult and/or working full-time you could justifiably look for quite a lot more.

bob135

He is 22. A good lad and a hard worker. But maybe has had a free ride for too long.

Gatling

€50 pw and ask him if he can find cheaper he's welcome to find else where then ,

byronbay2

bob135 wrote: »

I have a stepson living with us at home. We recently, for the first time, suggested that he pay a contribution to the household now that he is working. We only asked for a small about of €60 per month. He was shocked that we should even ask.

How much do you think a young person with a job should be contributing to the household while they continue to live with their parents?

Ha Ha - he was shocked to be asked to pay €60 P/M!! I have an image in my mind of Kevin from The Harry Enfield Show! In reality, assuming he's taking home over €300 per week i.e working full-time, I don't think asking him to contribute €350 p/m is unreasonable.

dudara

I'll move this thread to the Parenting forum - hopefully you'll get good advice there.

(@Parenting mods, apologies if not the right forum).

dudara

Rhys Essien

Gatling wrote: »

€50 pw and ask him if he can find cheaper he's welcome to find else where then ,

+1.

OP,to give you an idea,the average house share around Cork would be €300 per month and I imagine Dublin is a lot more,so €50 a week seems about right.

Its what I handed up.

Murt10

Take it from the parenting forum and send it to After Hours. The nice folk there will be only too glad to give you some constructive advice.

E60 pm. I'd be charging him that for a week if he was unemployed, and receiving E100 pw, never mind working f/t.

He's a bloody Freeloader and he's taking you and your partner for fools. Get him out into the real world to stand on his own two feet. Nobody owes him anything.

It will also make him appreciate how easy he had it, living with you.

ncmc

22 and he's griping at paying €60 per month? He needs a dose of reality ASAP. I think €60 per week is much more like it and I'd be expecting him to contribute in other ways ie purchasing some groceries, helping out with chores and cleaning etc. he'd get his eyes opened if he tried to rent a room, pay utilities and feed himself for €60 per week! You're not doing him any favours by molly coddling him, he's a grown man, he needs to learn about money and responsibilities.

Pawwed Rig

I agree with the above. €50 per week and a share of all the bills would seem appropriate along with a rota of household tasks.


The poor lad will be horrified:D

sammyjo90

Op i had to move home when i was 22 after uni, i was unemployed and paid my dad 50 quid p/w untill i moved out again.
Im sure he uses up more than €2 a day!

Sadderday

ah here he's 22. I'm 24, when I was a teenager working after school I gave up money to my parents.

Granted - I was none the wiser the money I thought I was giving towards groceries was actually put in a savings account for me...

Just saying, I'm now fully independent and grateful that I was thought how valuable money is and how to understand that parting with your hard earned cash is part of life.

I can't believe parents that will wait until their child is 22 before teaching such an important lesson.

You need to law down the law, if you don't he will never manage in the real world.

clint_silver

Fella I worked with had 10 kids. Great bloke, I asked him how he handled the money with them once.

"Once they leave school, if they want to go to college and get a part time job I wont take a penny off them.
If they want to serve a trade I wont take a penny of them while theyre doing their time.
If they're working or on the dole its 50% of take home or move out.
"

Told me he drilled this into them from age 14-15. All of them over 18 were in college or tradesmen or emigrated.

Best plan I ever heard and I'll be using it on my 4.

Agent Smith

bob135 wrote: »

I have a stepson living with us at home. We recently, for the first time, suggested that he pay a contribution to the household now that he is working. We only asked for a small about of €60 per month. He was shocked that we should even ask.

How much do you think a young person with a job should be contributing to the household while they continue to live with their parents?

60 euro a month? or 2 euro a night?



Can i move in?

Rubberchikken

Imo it would depend on how much he's earning.
Is he paying for transport to said job, lunches, clothes savings etc.

Get him to budget weekly/monthly expenditure and then sit down and talk with him

Sadderday

with all due respect - if you don't exactly need the money - €60 will do to ease him into reality... you could up that amount later and save it but if you are struggling to pay your bills or find that you have nothing to spare for yourself...

it's because you have an adult freeloading in your gaff

if he paid his own way you could be on holiday now.... but it's not all his fault - he's just taking advantage of the situation he's in.

GarIT

Normally I'd always be in support of the child but this is different. If the child is in any form of education I wouldn't take a penny even if they are working. Once the child has left education they can pay their share of all expenses e.g. A third(depending on the number of people in the house) of the electricity, heating, groceries, bins, internet, phone, tv and any other household costs. They should also be expected to cook a couple of days a week and clean the house too. Or they can GTFO.

Sadderday

GarIT wrote: »

Normally I'd always be in support of the child but this is different. If the child is in any form of education I wouldn't take a penny even if they are working. Once the child has left education they can pay their share of all expenses e.g. A third(depending on the number of people in the house) of the electricity, heating, groceries, bins, internet, phone, tv and any other household costs. Or they can GTFO.

I agree but I was working full time when I was 19 and paying thousands to myself through college at night. I still gave my mother €400 a month but it took the sting outta things... cos when I moved out a few months later... I was so used to paying out that much that it wasn't an ordeal

GarIT

Sadderday wrote: »

I still gave my mother €400 a month but it took the sting outta things... cos when I moved out a few months later... I was so used to paying out that much that it wasn't an ordeal

I don't think you need to take money to teach them about money, you can do that in other ways. Personally I would see someone in education as having somewhat more of a protected status.

Tzardine

Holy Moly. €15 a week .

Sounds like he needs a reality check.

Penny Tration

Jesus. I paid more than that at 15!

The rule in our house is 25% of take home wage. When I was 15, I worked 24 hours pw at 8.90 ph, so came out with a little over 200 (worked weekends, and thurs/fri evenings while in school), and gave the mother 50 pw. Now, my hours vary, so I give 25% of my earnings per week, along with a chunk of my commission.

60 a month is nothing. I earn between 220-340 pw and tbh i wouldn't even notice 60 per month disappearing from my wages.

I'd be asking him for more, and allocating chores. I'm 25, so not much older than him, and tbh I think it's a joke that he baulks at paying so little of a contribution.

January

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Imo it would depend on how much he's earning.
Is he paying for transport to said job, lunches, clothes savings etc.

Get him to budget weekly/monthly expenditure and then sit down and talk with him

If he was living out of home he'd have to pay rent so he'd have to budget anyway.

OP I was paying 50 euro a week when I was 18.

NormalBob Ubiquitypants

If you expect him to pay, no matter how nominal an amount then the relationship between you has to change as well. It becomes less family and more landlord tenant in my opinion. I didn't pay rent to family but I always did things at home including buying things that were needed around the house.
I think you ought to consider how this looks from his perspective- I noticed you said you were the step parent. I am not aware of the dynamic between you as a family, but it could be seen as give us money or get out.

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period. That's what landlords, bankers and employers are for. It's your family and there is an issue of loyalty in my opinion. If you are concerned that he is not progressing enough with getting his own place etc then start encouraging out the door but never force someone out.

Money between families changes things no matter how small an amount.

Good luck.

xxINeedHelpxx

When I was living at home with my mother I paid 50 euro for myself weekly. When I had my son I then gave another 25 euro each week. I was earning about 250 euro.

I thought my deal was pretty sweet even more so when I moved into my own home There was always food in the fridge and I didn't have to worry about other bills.

I would be over the moon to be only paying 60 euro weekly never mind monthly

nc19

bob135 wrote: »

I have a stepson living with us at home. We recently, for the first time, suggested that he pay a contribution to the household now that he is working. We only asked for a small about of €60 per month. He was shocked that we should even ask.

How much do you think a young person with a job should be contributing to the household while they continue to live with their parents?

i paid my mother from the first day i started working til i moved out

i started as an apprentice on 75punts and had to hand up 25punts each week. I got a roof over my head, food on the table and all bills paid.
By the time i moved out i was paying about 1/4 of my wage to my mother.

fairs fair imo

feck him out on his hole if he doesnt like it

KERSPLAT!

When I was on decent money, €600 p/w it was €80-100 p/w. Was let go but got a job at €400p/w and paid €50-60 p/w. Seems fair enough to me

LenaClaire

My mother charged 300 per month, from university graduation until I found my own place. Seemed very fair to me as that was including food, internet, etc.

Scar Tissue

When I was on the dole after college until last month (~5 months) I paid €20 a week from my €100, while it wasn't much and wouldn't even pay for the food I go through in a week it's still some fair ratio of contribution. I'm on a full time wage now and happy to pay around €70 a week to my parents, they put me through college so it's the very least I can do.

Your son has it easy, it should be at least 3x what he's already complaining about imo.

Moonbeam

Is he is full time education or working full time?
Does he help around the house?
If he is working full time I think the 60 euro is more then fair but would also expect him to pull his weight around the house.

byronbay2

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

If you expect him to pay, no matter how nominal an amount then the relationship between you has to change as well. It becomes less family and more landlord tenant in my opinion. I didn't pay rent to family but I always did things at home including buying things that were needed around the house.
I think you ought to consider how this looks from his perspective- I noticed you said you were the step parent. I am not aware of the dynamic between you as a family, but it could be seen as give us money or get out.

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period. That's what landlords, bankers and employers are for. It's your family and there is an issue of loyalty in my opinion. If you are concerned that he is not progressing enough with getting his own place etc then start encouraging out the door but never force someone out.

Money between families changes things no matter how small an amount.

Good luck.

Crikey, what a load of rubbish! Children need to be taught that they can't continue to just keep taking all their lives - there comes a time when they have to start contributing to the family/society etc. Far from causing a rift, the moment they start paying their way (in however minor a way) is usually a cause of intense pride to both the young person and their parents.

As an aside, a well-raised child should not need to be told that they are required to contribute towards the family expenses once they are earning and living at home.

Kimbot

Depending on my wage etc at the time I was paying €60 a week to my mam and not one bit of complaint from me. So 60 a month is very very good.

OldNotWIse

What???? I pay 100 per week when I am home, plus 30 for petrol as my Dad ferries me up and down to luas for work. Brother the same, minus the 30 as he runs his own car. I have yet to find a LL willing to accept 100 per week for:
-rent
-heat
-utilities
-breakfast, packed lunch, dinner
-laundry
-doggy day care
-taxi service

A good deal I reckon

OldNotWIse

byronbay2 wrote: »

Crikey, what a load of rubbish! Children need to be taught that they can't continue to just keep taking all their lives - there comes a time when they have to start contributing to the family/society etc. Far from causing a rift, the moment they start paying their way (in however minor a way) is usually a cause of intense pride to both the young person and their parents.

As an aside, a well-raised child should not need to be told that they are required to contribute towards the family expenses once they are earning and living at home.

Can I thank twice?

Big Bag of Chips

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period.

Things need to be paid for! Supermarkets still charge for groceries. Electricity, heating, internet, etc need to be paid for.

By suggesting that family should never take money from each other you are suggesting that 1 person in the family should be responsible for ALL expenses while every other adult member of the family swans around without having to contribute??

Did you mean €60 per week? 60 per month is very low. I can understand his reaction to it if he's never had to pay anything in his life. I lived with my aunt for a while in my early 20s and paid a weekly rent. She eventually asked my cousin (her daughter) for a contribution too and my cousin, even though working full time was horrified that she should have to pay rent to live in the house that had been provided free for her, her entire life!! She got over that soon enough though

€50 a week would probably be the average of what people pay up at home. And even at that it's a bargain. Tell him to budget who much rent, food, utilities etc would cost him in his own place.

I'm all for helping and supporting our children. But once they start moving into adulthood, the help and support changes from providing everything free of charge and without question, to teaching them the basics of living as an adult. Starting with paying their way!

clint_silver

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Things need to be paid for! Supermarkets still charge for groceries. Electricity, heating, internet, etc need to be paid for.

By suggesting that family should never take money from each other you are suggesting that 1 person in the family should be responsible for ALL expenses while every other adult member of the family swans around without having to contribute??

Did you mean €60 per week? 60 per month is very low. I can understand his reaction to it if he's never had to pay anything in his life. I lived with my aunt for a while in my early 20s and paid a weekly rent. She eventually asked my cousin (her daughter) for a contribution too and my cousin, even though working full time was horrified that she should have to pay rent to live in the house that had been provided free for her, her entire life!! She got over that soon enough though

€50 a week would probably be the average of what people pay up at home. And even at that it's a bargain. Tell him to budget who much rent, food, utilities etc would cost him in his own place.

I'm all for helping and supporting our children. But once they start moving into adulthood, the help and support changes from providing everything free of charge and without question, to teaching them the basics of living as an adult. Starting with paying their way!

Im with this. you pay your way/contribute if you're earning. full stop.

your folks set the rate. They still do any of the following and more wash your clothes, cook your meals, clean the house, give you advice, cover for you, wake you up, give you lifts, AND will give you money if youre stuck if they have it.

but if you're earning, then you contribute and you dont have a say in the amount. If the parents are respected then the child will pay whatever is asked.

NormalBob Ubiquitypants

I think people need to read the opinion I originally put up. At no point do I say he should not be contributing to the household at all. My point is that family should not charge each other money. Period. There are other ways to contribute.

I am sure anyone, raised with any sort of moral standard, would contribute to the household as I previously stated. Again, as previously stated, I contributed to the house by purchasing food, and doing things around the house in general. It is fair to say that if you live there then you contribute. I have worked from a young age on a family farm and I am perfectly aware of what needs to be done in a household.

In the future could you please try and have more respect and deal with issues appropriately instead of dismissing with ignorant statements such as "Crikey, what a load of rubbish!".

Teyla Emmagan

I will probably be stoned to death for this, but my parents never asked me for anything. I was home on and off until I was 25 (nearly always in college, but not all the time). I asked my Dad once if he wanted anything and he told me to save it instead.

SnitchingBubs

Im 24 and live away from home, but if it was me I would insist on handing up some every week. 60 a month is nothing, its only 15 a week. Whats that really to anyone, its only the price of 3-4 pints.

OldNotWIse

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

I think people need to read the opinion I originally put up. At no point do I say he should not be contributing to the household at all. My point is that family should not charge each other money. Period. There are other ways to contribute.

I am sure anyone, raised with any sort of moral standard, would contribute to the household as I previously stated. Again, as previously stated, I contributed to the house by purchasing food, and doing things around the house in general. It is fair to say that if you live there then you contribute. I have worked from a young age on a family farm and I am perfectly aware of what needs to be done in a household.

In the future could you please try and have more respect and deal with issues appropriately instead of dismissing with ignorant statements such as "Crikey, what a load of rubbish!".

But you dont mind them costing each other money?

Also, if my mum goes out and spends what her kids hand up on a weekly shop, how is that any different to us doing the shopping instead? Thats just semantics. Dont give money but buy stuff instead. I think the person organising the meals has the best idea of what to buy, rather than us all running around buying groceries ourselves, because we dont like the idea of being "charged".

OldNotWIse

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I will probably be stoned to death for this, but my parents never asked me for anything. I was home on and off until I was 25 (nearly always in college, but not all the time). I asked my Dad once if he wanted anything and he told me to save it instead.

They obviously didnt need it. I'd love if my parents were in that situation but everyone is different. I think the fact that you offered says a lot about you though

Ginny

He's bloody lucky. I'm 35 now and started working in a fast food place at 15, worked part time through school, college and postgrad degree handed up 1/3 of anything I made. €60 a month is nothing, he's 22 not a child.

ScumLord

I too thought my mammy had abandoned her baby when she asked me for €50 a week. I thought this was highway robbery and moved out certain I'd make better use of my €50. Of course I was wrong, so much wrong and should have taken the €50 deal.

We expect to much from our mammys, he needs to pay his way sooner rather than later. He can either pay a weekly contribution or spend twice as much supporting himself somewhere else.

Dietsquirt

If he's 18 OP, he probably has a job paid per week. You should charge him rent per week as it'll be easier for him to adjust.

€15 per week, bargain.

Sadderday

NormalBob Ubiquitypants wrote: »

If you expect him to pay, no matter how nominal an amount then the relationship between you has to change as well. It becomes less family and more landlord tenant in my opinion. I didn't pay rent to family but I always did things at home including buying things that were needed around the house.
I think you ought to consider how this looks from his perspective- I noticed you said you were the step parent. I am not aware of the dynamic between you as a family, but it could be seen as give us money or get out.

I don't think families should charge or take money from each other period. That's what landlords, bankers and employers are for. It's your family and there is an issue of loyalty in my opinion. If you are concerned that he is not progressing enough with getting his own place etc then start encouraging out the door but never force someone out.

Money between families changes things no matter how small an amount.

Good luck.

He'll be there until he's 55 so, no rent happy dayz, probably have a GF move in too!!!!!

Once you hit 18, your an adult. You need to pay your way. Not all teenages will offer up part of their wages or course... they may need to be asked but everyone should be paying their own way.

Some families are in a better position, dont need the money and can afford to keep their children while they study. I've even heard of people returning to their family homes for a year while they save their as'ses of for a deposit for a house and their parents declining to take anything as they want to help.

But this is it - if you have anyone over 18 living in your home that can afford new runners or a few drinks but doesnt give you a penny you have every right to ask for money towards bills and sometimes relationships between parents and their children need to change.
Your parents raise you and pay your way for years the least you do when you can is contribute.

GarIT

I think two things people have suggested here are just morally wrong really. The amount should not be dependant on income and the amount should never exceed the cost of the child living there. The first part isn't as bad if it is in the child's favour but asking a child for 330 per week because the child is earning 1000 per week is wrong, the child should pay their share of every household cost but not a penny more. The other idea of taking extra money to prepare kids for adult life is just wrong IMO, if you were a good parent you wouldn't have to take money to teach them a lesson.

There is no doubt that the child should be paying all their own expenses, the child shouldn't be costing the parents anything but I have read of a few cases where the parents were profiting off the kids and that's just wrong.

OldNotWIse

GarIT wrote: »

I think two things people have suggested here are just morally wrong really. The amount should not be dependant on income and the amount should never exceed the cost of the child living there. The first part isn't as bad if it is in the child's favour but asking a child for 330 per week because the child is earning 1000 per week is wrong, the child should pay their share of every household cost but not a penny more. The other idea of taking extra money to prepare kids for adult life is just wrong IMO, if you were a good parent you wouldn't have to take money to teach them a lesson.

There is no doubt that the child should be paying all their own expenses, the child shouldn't be costing the parents anything but I have read of a few cases where the parents were profiting off the kids and that's just wrong.

Excuse you, my parents took money off us, that does not make them bad parents.

TimeToShine

LOL at everyone referring to a 22 year old as "the child".

He is a freeloader. I understand it may be a bit awkward for you as his stepdad to insist on money but there comes a point when it has to be insisted on. His shocked reaction to being asked to pay 60e per month says a lot about him, that's an absolute pittance. As far as I'm concerned, you couldn't be more in the right. At that price, you're basically looking for the gesture moreso than the financial contribution, and if a 22 year old has the cheek to act shocked then he needs to be out on his arse ASAP.

GarIT

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Excuse you, my parents took money off us, that does not make them bad parents.

Good as in skilled not good as in morally. It is very easy to teach a child about money without having to take money from them to do so.

You can very easily go through a household budget with a child so show them what life as an adult is like, showing them bills, household costs, how much is left at the end of the week or even how much they themselves cost. Saying "give me half your money, you need to know what it feels like to have little money" isn't very effective parenting and doesn't really serve much purpose or teach anything.