Are you good at complaining?

RoisinDove

I'm absolutely crap at it. I think it's because I see things from the other person's point of view and try to empathise with them and be reasonable, but all that does is make them think I don't have a point and that they're right.

Example. Ex-flatmate left dishes in the sink constantly, which was obviously quite selfish and annoying for the rest of us - we used to end up washing dishes before we could eat because there were no clean ones left. Instead of going on the attack which I thought would just get her back up and make her hate us, I said something like 'I understand why you do it, as you come home from work really late and obviously you probably don't want to wake us all up clanking the dishes around, but it's a bit annoying to have to wash up every time you want to cook something." But it didn't work, as she couldn't understand our point of view or what was so bad about having to wash her dishes!

I hate confrontation so try to avoid it and I think it makes my life quite hard. When I do need to confront people, I try to be nice about it and reasonable, but then I just seem really flaky and look like I'm moaning about nothing. What do you do?

Mince Pie

Tell the lazy bitch to wash her own dishes or just wash them and leave a nice mess for her when she wants to cook.

Femme_Fatale

Only if the person's (being) a c*nt.
If they're nice but just doing something annoying without meaning harm, I find it very hard to confront them as it makes me feel bad.

I think she was being pretty fecking out of line and selfish, but it's hard too when others are there and it could damage the dynamic... right and all as you'd be to confront her.

Sir Arthur Daley

The best solution to a flatmate who dont wash the dishes is not to flush the toilet after using it, works every time.

jane82

If you arnt annoyed enough to complain properly you arnt annoyed enough to complain.
Are you just complaining because you feel you should?

The Backwards Man

Mince Pie wrote: »

Tell the lazy bitch to wash her own dishes or just wash them and leave a nice mess for her when she wants to cook.

I think what Mince Pie is trying to say is that they are really good at complaining.:pac:

Just be assertive, no need to be nasty, some of my most accomplished rants have been made without raising my voice a single rant.

Say to her nicely 'this isn't on hi, you'll have to start pulling your weight like the rest of us or ship out, no harm to ye.'

Mince Pie

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I think what Mince Pie is trying to say is that they are really good at complaining.:pac:

Just be assertive, no need to be nasty, some of my most accomplished rants have been made without raising my voice a single rant.

Say to her nicely 'this isn't on hi, you'll have to start pulling your weight like the rest of us or ship out, no harm to ye.'

I am the queen of complaining! Flat mates and restaurants, Eircom and muppets! They all feel my wrath!

jane82

Im guessing the backwards man is from monaghan hi.

The Backwards Man

jane82 wrote: »

Im guessing the backwards man is from monaghan hi.

You'd be guessing wrong bucko.:)

Mince Pie

Or go the passive aggressive route and gift wrap some Fairy washing liquid. Sure pop a nice big bow on it as well for good measure and to be nice.

marozz

I find that the older I get, the better I get at complaining.

MS.ing

its easy really, just tell them youll burn their cats/dogs/children in a metal bin if they dont listen and obey

sopretty

Your OP reminds me of 'this one time' when I lived in London. Various nationalities. Myself and an Italian flatmate had cooked up a storm in the kitchen and were relaxing before facing into washing up after ourselves. We had a Chinese flatmate who hated everyone in the house (don't ask me why). She never used to speak to any of us. She'd just sort of scowl at us. Anyway, we must have really pissed her off this particular evening, because she came downstairs and literally started screaming 'TOO MANY POT, TOO MANY POT, TOO MANY POT' while clanging every saucepan up and down in temper. After we got over the shock, we creased ourselves laughing. (We did wash up promptly though...... Scary crazy screaming lady!!! :eek:)


Maybe you should try her tactic?

rwg

WikiHow wrote: »

The best solution to a flatmate who dont wash the dishes is not to flush the toilet after using it, works every time.

and how the fcuk are they supposed to link the fact that your a smelly fcuker and that they didnt wash the dishes?

Sir Arthur Daley

rwg wrote: »

and how the fcuk are they supposed to link the fact that your a smelly fcuker and that they didnt wash the dishes?

They will start complaining to you pretty fast saying "oh why dont you flush the toilet you inconsiderate rude person" to which you reply "well i am only sympathising with you on the impeding water charges, does me not flushing the toilet cause you distress?"

Knex*

What type of fucking thread do you call this, OP? :mad:

fleet_admiral

i am when im 100% sure im right

Knex*

My proper answer.. I stand up for myself, but I wouldn't really complain. (My current house mate is a really heavy breather and a ridiculously loud eater, but I would never say it to him)

But if they were taking the piss in that the tidying up/cleaning/etc was always left to me, I'd certainly be making a point of it. Don't allow yourself to be put out by others. Within reason of course.

Mint Aero

Im a good judge of character so I know a c*nt when I see one. It's a basic skill everyone should develop by age 23. I get some sort of orgasmic release from confronting a c*nt.

MS.ing

Knex. wrote: »

What type of fucking thread do you call this, OP? :mad:

a very bad one, theres no sex ANYWHERE to be seen, can I sue dublin council for this :mad:

false advertisement at its finest :mad:

rwg

WikiHow wrote: »

They will start complaining to you pretty fast saying "oh why dont you flush the toilet you inconsiderate rude person" to which you reply "well i am only sympathising with you on the impeding water charges, does me not flushing the toilet cause you distress?"

why not just ask them to wash the dishes?

Sir Arthur Daley

rwg wrote: »

why not just ask them to wash the dishes?

I dont have that problem, i am giving a quick simple solution to anyone who is renting who cannot tell their fellow tenant to wash the dishes.

DesperateDan

Come to think of it I don't think I have ever complained to anyone in my whole life. Either that makes me quite lucky or I tolerate much more than I should.

I work for a popular pizza franchise that rhymes with shmominos and get to see how a lot of people go about complaining over the years: There's the polite "I'm really sorry, I wouldn't normally complain but...", the passive aggressive "I just thought you should know and I won't be using you again", the aggressive "This is simply not good enough, I want this that and this immediately", the crazy " For ____ sake what the ____ do you think you're playing at you _______ _______!!!".

I'm shocked at how good some people are at complaining, and how well some people can screw the system.

Femme_Fatale

I don't think being aggressive/abusive is ever a good way of complaining - it's pretty socially inept and just makes the complainer look worse, even if they have valid grounds for complaining, especially if the target is not directly responsible... unless the abuser is fighting abuse with abuse, but that's highly unlikely.

But you should complain if you experience crap service. There's a way of putting across your dissatisfaction clearly without resorting to being a twat.

Penny Tration

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

I don't think being aggressive/abusive is ever a good way of complaining - it's pretty socially inept and just makes the complainer look worse, even if they have valid grounds for complaining, especially if the target is not directly responsible... unless the abuser is fighting abuse with abuse, but that's highly unlikely.

But you should complain if you experience crap service. There's a way of putting across your dissatisfaction clearly without resorting to being a twat.

I quite like when someone is abusive while complaining to me. I immediately call security and have them removed. It's entertaining to see them kick up murder with the security guards. :pac:

The Backwards Man

DesperateDan wrote: »

Come to think of it I don't think I have ever complained to anyone in my whole life. Either that makes me quite lucky or I tolerate much more than I should.

I work for a popular pizza franchise that rhymes with shmominos and get to see how a lot of people go about complaining over the years: There's the polite "I'm really sorry, I wouldn't normally complain but...", the passive aggressive "I just thought you should know and I won't be using you again", the aggressive "This is simply not good enough, I want this that and this immediately", the crazy " For ____ sake what the ____ do you think you're playing at you _______ _______!!!".

I'm shocked at how good some people are at complaining, and how well some people can screw the system.

Shmominos?

Whirlie

There is a difference between a complaint and a chat establishing a standard of living. The person abandoning wash-up could be used to a fairly grotty student house where that was the norm. Fine, although grim, then, not fine now. I would think a fairly upfront chat about how long dishes can stay in the sink, definitely not over a weekend. It is not rude to be clear. "I will definitely never leave a messy kitchen for you, and I EXPECT, you to never leave one for me". Just be clear and polite. That is not even complaining.

Whirlie

And, when I put expect in caps, clearly I didn't mean yell that word ;-)

RobbingBandit

Go into their room while they sleep put a bag over their head and make a lot of noise, let them know they're vulnerable.

Adamantium

I find that using a cynical, silly, sarcastic rant can turn the gravity on and shock the person. Too many people are full of their own ****.

Some people are just not very good at solving their fundamental problems and create their own little stress bubbles and welcome their first world problems in, and it never stops like a dog trying to eat its tail. They're soft. Yeah Non PC of me.

It reminds me of the Wolf of Wall Street: PARAPHRASING

Leo: Oh noooo dear, you'll have to use your hands and arms to pick up ALL the cash and become a wine conissnouer

FullblownRose

I'm about average. Sometimes I don't want to have to deal with the problem at all and having to complain feels more stressful than it should. I was with a friend in a restaurant and the food which was usually very good, was way below their usual standards..there was a strange taste and smell to it. I mentioned it to friend who said theirs wasn't great either. As we were both a bit low on money at the time it was really disappointing and it stressed my friend out, they decided to complain but didnt think it through, turned around to where the restaurant owner was quietly talking with a man in a suit at a corner table and called out that the food was basically horrible Restaurant owner was horrified and jumped up, apologising, and rushed off to srt the problem out...Since then learned the restaurant was in financial trouble around that time and my riend making that complain so openly might not have helped things. My friend isn't good at complaining and just didn't think before blurting it out

Pici

Yes highly proficient.

Wulfie

I tend not to complain. I keep it all in until I explode in a confident rage. Sometimes i skip the keeping it in part.

homemadecider

Had a housemate like that once. We asked him several times to wash up after himself but he didn't. In the end we stopped washing up anything he had used, and when things started getting smelly and mouldy we dumped the whole lot in his bed. Felt great.

Plazaman

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Shmominos?

Duh! Four Star Pizza obviously.

Having visited and worked in the States and seeing the amount of complaining they do over there over the smallest thing, I've become immune to complaining. I think if someone cut my foot off, I'd probably apologise to them and offer my arm.

Love the complaints on THIS site.

Legs.Eleven

This is a common enough problem in house shares and I think a simple and direct, "Listen, can we talk? You need to clean your dishes after you use them because we want to use them too. Not cleaning them means we have to clean your dishes as well, which is not fair. It's the normal and mannerly thing to do when you're living with other people and not doing it is completely inconsiderate., so clean your dishes after you use them. Thanks."



If she doesn't do it, time for plan b......(which I will tell you about later! And I also have to invent!).

kfallon

I am an absolute master at complaining/moaning, christ nothing I like better than a good ould moan about something!

Not mad on confrontation but if someone pushes me too far they'll get it alright!

FullblownRose

Some people react really defensively and go on the attack no matter how politely and calmly you put your point across.

Tasden

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

This is a common enough problem in house shares and I think a simple and direct, "Listen, can we talk? You need to clean your dishes after you use them because we want to use them too. Not cleaning them means we have to clean your dishes as well, which is not fair. It's the normal and mannerly thing to do when you're living with other people and not doing it is completely inconsiderate., so clean your dishes after you use them. Thanks."



If she doesn't do it, time for plan b......(which I will tell you about later! And I also have to invent!).

Yeah I agree with this approach, if you have to tell someone to wash up after themselves then I wouldn't consider it complaining, more a life lesson long overdue tbh, if they continue to not clean up then I'd say it straight out that they're being inconsiderate.

If its my home too then I wouldn't feel bad saying something, in shops or restaurants its a different story.

I think the way you complained was absolutely perfect OP. That's how people should try to sort their grievances and it would work with most reasonable people. She sounds like she's just completely unreasonable. Unfortunately it's time to be less nice to her, but still polite.

I'm great at complaining, but I only do it when I abdolutely have to. I complain the way you've described. Understand the other person's viewpoint, but make your point and stand your ground.

If I'm dealing with a business, I would never raise my voice, I would never give the person who answered the phone a bollocking because they're usually the bottom of the line getting paid pennies to answer some FAQs just the way they're told to, they rarely have any responsibility for your grievances.

I'm nice, polite, but extremely assertive. I'm not one for being a pushover.

kiffer

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think the way you complained was absolutely perfect OP. That's how people should try to sort their grievances and it would work with most reasonable people. She sounds like she's just completely unreasonable. Unfortunately it's time to be less nice to her, but still polite.

I'm great at complaining, but I only do it when I abdolutely have to. I complain the way you've described. Understand the other person's viewpoint, but make your point and stand your ground.

If I'm dealing with a business, I would never raise my voice, I would never give the person who answered the phone a bollocking because they're usually the bottom of the line getting paid pennies to answer some FAQs just the way they're told to, they rarely have any responsibility for your grievances.

I'm nice, polite, but extremely assertive. I'm not one for being a pushover.

Overly reasonableness kind of annoys me... if I did something wrong or annoying don't lead with too much "I can see it your way" stuff...

Example:
Once I was in a hurry to go out to meet a lady, I was all ready running late and had to trim my beard, I did a poor job of cleaning up the resulting mess. House mates had every reason to complain. Which they of course did. And in a timely fashion, it's best to get these things early before they become habits. So I got home and go to the bathroom, plan was to clean up before anyone else was inconvenienced, but all was cleaned up... so off to bed mentally rehearsing apology.
Next morning, first thing I stumble out of my room and am stopped in the hall, "hey, look it's ok if you shave in the bathroom but [you left a mess and I had to clean it up and I'm not happy about it]..." all in a fairly calm and assertive... but you know what?
I went straight from hangdog embarrassed to pissed off in seconds.
Why?
Because of course I can fücking shave in the bathroom... everything after the start was coloured by my annoyance at the opening.
Reasonable? Not really, seconds earlier I was planning on saying "hey, I left a big mess in the bathroom, sorry it won't happen again" but now what I wanted to say was "of course I can shave in the bathroom, you didn't have to clean it up you could have left it for me"...

The more fluffy reasonable I can see your point of view preamble I get the more ticked off I get... maybe it gives me time to get wound up for what ever they are going to say, maybe I knoe where it's going and I'm embarrassed and get defensive... either way I would have preferred the same tone of voice and "hey, you left quite a mess in the bathroom, I left it for you to clean up."
No messing about with "look I understand that blah blah blah, but blah blah blah and so I think that it would be better if blah blah blah, don't do xyz if you can avoid it ok..."

anncoates

I'm prone to being very rude if the other person is rude to me but otherwise I'm usually reasonable.

I don't like it at all when people, for example, are cunts to call centre or other service staff or anybody else that is left to catch public flak for low pay.

Green Giant

I'm useless at it!

I'd be one of those who, if I complained to a waiter/bar staff about food/drink, for example, I'd feel as if I'm causing a scene.

People have told me I'm too tolerant towards others who screw me over but, as someone who responds badly to criticism, I wouldn't readily dish it out to others.

Adamantium

Secretaries in doctor's offices (by and large) often feel act like their the first diplomatic envoy between us and extraterrestrial intelligence.

No, you're a doorman with telephone.

Agricola

Not really, Im easy going to the point of comatose usually and someone would really have to be taking the piss before Id kick off about it. I don't get a thrill out of confrontation. Have a cousin who is the exact opposite. She absolutely revels in battling for consumer rights, mostly for the thrill of it more than actually getting a real complaint resolved. If the soup isnt the perfect temperature or the mashed potatoes are lumpy, straight back they go, all the while secretly hoping for an argument with a snotty waiter/waitress. Life is too short imo.

czechlin

I certainly can have a rant when with friends, which is more venting rather than anything else.
But when it comes to actual complaining and confrontation I think I'm fairly reasonable. I find it a bit hard to confront friends-flatmates and thankfully I don't really have to as we set a sort of an agreement on how we want things in the house to be done and that we just "call a meeting" if there's any issue.

As for complaining as a customer, well I've experienced both sides of the barricade and I'm fairly tolerant. I complain rarely but when I do I choose the polite approach and it usually works out well. Unless the other person is rude, then I have to brace myself and let the bitch side of my personality do the job. I don't cause a scene, I'd just be very assertive and make sure that the message of me not being impressed with their behaviour is delivered. And no tip, if the service is really bad.

czechlin

Agricola wrote: »

Not really, Im easy going to the point of comatose usually and someone would really have to be taking the piss before Id kick off about it. I don't get a thrill out of confrontation. Have a cousin who is the exact opposite. She absolutely revels in battling for consumer rights, mostly for the thrill of it more than actually getting a real complaint resolved. If the soup isnt the perfect temperature or the mashed potatoes are lumpy, straight back they go, all the while secretly hoping for an argument with a snotty waiter/waitress. Life is too short imo.

Oh god, I really don't like people like that and would avoid dining with them at all costs! :pac:

Muise...

Adamantium wrote: »

Secretaries in doctor's offices (by and large) often feel act like their the first diplomatic envoy between us and extraterrestrial intelligence.

No, you're a doorman with telephone.

You sound like a model patient. Bet they love seeing you come in the door.

harry Bailey esq

im not usually one to complain,but meteor gave me 20quid free credit today after i gave them an earful of sh&t because they kept changing my price plan without notifying me first.Result!! i don't mean to be sexist in any way,but women are much better at delivering complaints,anytime i have to ring a place and complain the task usually falls into the lap of my dear ma,simply put,women are just better and more persistent at it and get results.haggling on the other hand is where i come into my own.I could put a Turkish rug salesman to shame,such is my proficiency for haggling

Legs.Eleven

When it comes to bad service or whatever, I don't do anything. I can't remember the last time I complained about anything tbh. Even if there's a hair in my food, I eat around it (I personally don't think it's that big a deal anyway - **** happens and it doesn't mean the place is dirty). I just don't return to that place again.


Housemate situations are tricky because there's nothing worse than not getting on with the person you live with. I've shared with hundreds of people and even did the "7 people from all around the world squashed into one flat with no sitting room in London" thing. I tend to be fairly tolerant of stuff many people wouldn't be tolerant of having grown up in a big family with an extremely untidy brother. This issue with the dishes would piss me off though because it directly affects me everyday and i'd have to say something and would. I don't think I've ever had tension with a housemate but I've lived in flats where a few of them don't get on and it's almost as unbearable. I'd rather move out tbh.

Mince Pie

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

When it comes to bad service or whatever, I don't do anything. I can't remember the last time I complained about anything tbh. Even if there's a hair in my food, I eat around it (I personally don't think it's that big a deal anyway - **** happens and it doesn't mean the place is dirty). I just don't return to that place again.


.

See, that's exactly why you "should" complain. I worked in restaurants for years and would much prefer a customer would let me rectify the problem than leave dissatisfied.