This gets up my goat .....

GT_TDI_150

Firstly, i hope by sharing this I havent hightened your awareness to this 'issue' and that it starts to bother you too ...

We had our first 4yrs ago and are pregnant with our second one.when pregnant with the first my OH started watching all the Maternity Hospital tv shows, which is when i first became aware of this issue ...

Why do consultants, registrars, midwives and nurses omit "the" when talking about your baby?!

"Baby is healthy",
"baby is very active",
"would you like to hold baby?",
"lets have a look/listen for baby"
"Will you be breast feeding baby?"
.....

Is it that strenious to say "the baby"?

Really irks me!

CaraMay

Well they are giving the baby an identity and not just treat it as an object I assume.

lollsangel

I always assumed it was to make it more personal . Like theyre calling the baby baby in lieu of Michael or mary

ElleEm

As above. They refer to you as "mum" behind your back too. It's nicer than "the patient"!

kandr10

I agree with op on this! The baby , your baby, all acceptable options for me :-)

PCX

I remember that they also refered to me in the third person when I was visiting even when talking directly to me.

Things like 'Would daddy like to hold baby now'? Instead of just saying 'would you like to hold her now'? Which would have been a more normal way to ask the same question.

I found it a bit strange but it didn't annoy me. I think I was so happy about being a new dad that it washed right over me!

Roesy

Ha, we did laugh at the whole 'baby is sleeping', 'how's mum?', 'would dad like to change baby?' thing but what really got on our goats was all the paediatricians(in CUMH anyway) introduced themselves as 'I'm dr......, I'm one of the baby doctors'. What's wrong with the word paediatrician?!?

kandr10

Haha the baby doctor! I always thought that was funny. Midwives would always say it at appointments "have you to see the baby doctor today?"

lazygal

I hated being called mum/mammy in hospital. It felt like suddenly all I was was a mammy. I have a name! What do they call patients in other hospital settings, do they use their names?

GT_TDI_150

lazygal wrote: »

I hated being called mum/mammy in hospital. It felt like suddenly all I was was a mammy. I have a name! What do they call patients in other hospital settings, do they use their names?

Following the logic of all of a sudden calling you mum would indicate there is patients called "leg fracture", "stroke", "gastro", "transplant", ... strewn all over the hospitals

lazygal

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Following the logic of all of a sudden calling you mum would indicate there is patients called "leg fracture", "stroke", "gastro", "transplant", ... strewn all over the hospitals

Or c section, episiotomy or whatever!

CaraMay

kandr10 wrote: »

Haha the baby doctor!

I would say they get a lot of people through the door who wouldn't know what a paediatrician is. As a society we are definitely dumbing down.

Wasn't a paediatrician attacked in the uk and driven from her home as the vigilantes didn't know the difference between a paedophile and a paediatrician.

I didn't mind them calling me mum as I was do happy to be a mum.

nikpmup

lol, when I was in after having my son, a Dr came into my cubicle to check on me after my section. My son was upstairs in NICU, I asked the doctor if he knew how he was. His reply was, ''Sorry, I'm just a Mammy doctor!''

CarrickMcJoe

It's not as bad as couples who tell everyone that, We are pregnant...

We aren't. The wife/partner is.

Sligo1

CaraMay wrote: »

I would say they get a lot of people through the door who wouldn't know what a paediatrician is. As a society we are definitely dumbing down.

Wasn't a paediatrician attacked in the uk and driven from her home as the vigilantes didn't know the difference between a paedophile and a paediatrician.

I didn't mind them calling me mum as I was do happy to be a mum.

Correct. Health professionals are taught to use the most simple language avaliable to ensure patients understand what they are saying. Although many of us know what a paediatrician is, it is wrong to assume every person out there knows what a paediatrician is.

Lol... And yes apparently a paediatrians house in the UK got vandalised as a thug mistook his title for Peadophile! Imagine!

highflyer30

Sligo1 wrote: »

Correct. Health professionals are taught to use the most simple language avaliable to ensure patients understand what they are saying. Although many of us know what a paediatrician is, it is wrong to assume every person out there knows what a paediatrician is.

Lol... And yes apparently a paediatrians house in the UK got vandalised as a thug mistook his title for Peadophile! Imagine!

Paediatricians look after kids and speak to kids a lot so get used to speaking so everyone understands easily. No harm done.

dublinlady

Haha I totally agree with this post! It always annoyed me - baby this baby is feeding well, daddy can help wash baby etc
I appreciate they are keeping language simple and accessible but actually here they are just trying to be personal but don't know the babies name - so just don't try and be that personal when clearly it is not appropriate... You don't know my child's name, either look at her file or call her the baby! I don't mind!! I call her the baby all the time

Chattastrophe!

OK while it's annoying, it's not something I'd get annoyed about, if that makes sense.

They call the baby "baby". If they call him "the baby" it's impersonal. If they call him *name*, it's a bit crappy if the parents end up changing the name (as often happens.) Our baby's name was decided very early on, and never changed, but I know that if we'd changed our minds while in hospital, it would've been weird to look at notes with a different name on them.

They also refer to the mother as "mum", tbh I found it weird looking at notes on my file "3am - mum is sleeping" - but it's all good that they were looking out for us.

Victor

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

They call the baby "baby". If they call him "the baby" it's impersonal.

Agreed. Referring to "the baby" reduces your hope and joy to being a thing.

"Baby" is a title. In a formal setting, you refer to people by their title "doctor", "nurse", "manager", "director", "councillor", "mayor", etc.

GT_TDI_150

Victor wrote: »

Agreed. Referring to "the baby" reduces your hope and joy to being a thing.

"Baby" is a title. In a formal setting, you refer to people by their title "doctor", "nurse", "manager", "director", "councillor", "mayor", etc.

But you dont say :

When is doctor coming on his rounds?
Manager has decided to take us to lunch.
Etc

xzanti

CaraMay wrote: »

Well they are giving the baby an identity and not just treat it as an object I assume.

Yes, I find it endearing..

CaraMay wrote: »

I didn't mind them calling me mum as I was do happy to be a mum.

Same here, I loved hearing them calling me 'Mum'

CaraMay

Have to say I find the parent police (of which there are a few members on the parenting forum) the most annoying.

Penny Dreadful

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

It's not as bad as couples who tell everyone that, We are pregnant...

We aren't. The wife/partner is.

This really annoys me all right. "We're pregnant!!"......feck right off, unless you're going to take a turn with the nausea, stretching ligaments and body parts, sensitive breasts and killer nipples, waking up to pee a half dozen times each night, "we" are not pregnant.
I have absolutely no issue with "we're going to have a baby" but only one of us is pregnant.

Also, in the same vein is "we're due" or "Richard/Tom/Sean/whoever is due on date xxx". Again, they are not due - the wife/girlfriend of these people has a due date, the baby has a due date but Richard/Tom/Sean/whoever is not going to go into labour and deliver a baby so they aren't due to deliver anything.

Penny Dreadful

Victor wrote: »

Agreed. Referring to "the baby" reduces your hope and joy to being a thing.

"Baby" is a title. In a formal setting, you refer to people by their title "doctor", "nurse", "manager", "director", "councillor", "mayor", etc.

But when its born the baby has a name just as the patient has a name. It takes two seconds to take the time to acquaint yourself with this before talking to the patient.
Doctors and nurses generally introduce themselves with their first names now anyway and I'd never in a million years refer to them as anything other than this when speaking directly to them.

CaraMay

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

But when its born the baby has a name just as the patient has a name. It takes two seconds to take the time to acquaint yourself with this before talking to the patient.
Doctors and nurses generally introduce themselves with their first names now anyway and I'd never in a million years refer to them as anything other than this when speaking directly to them.

Mine didn't have a name til we left hospital.... Plus all the doctors I encountered introduced themselves as Dr X / Y so I would call them doctor

nikpmup

Swift action of the doctors & midwives saved my baby's life twice in the space of three hours. I couldn't give a flying sh1te if they referred to him as Monkey Boy! It might be a bit impersonal, but the staff in the maternity hospitals are overstretched; saying ''baby'' and ''mum'' gets the point across without sounding too clinical, as in ''the patient in bed 5 and her child''.

kandr10

Ah in fairness, in defence of those of us on the side of op, I think generally it's not an annoyance but more so that it sounds a bit funny! I too was thoroughly impressed with the level of care given all round and don't mean it as a criticism of how they do their job! I just think it sounds weird!

GT_TDI_150

Just look at it this way ...

When's the last time you asked /were asked ....

Hows car running?

Where did you get handbag?

How much was jumper/dress?

...

December2012

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

It's not as bad as couples who tell everyone that, We are pregnant...

We aren't. The wife/partner is.

I disagree for my situation.

His life, if not his body, changed as soon as we got that positive result that we had tried to get bad long hoped for.

So "we" were pregnant.

dublinlady

Exactly it's just funny!! In the same way I find it funny that my two year old will only refer to herself in the third person - just sounds daft but not offensive.... Gosh everything can spiral into an arguement!

kandr10

dublinlady wrote: »

Exactly it's just funny!! In the same way I find it funny that my two year old will only refer to herself in the third person - just sounds daft but not offensive.... Gosh everything can spiral into an arguement!

Lol :-) daft is the perfect word :-)

How Strange

Whatever about the hospital staff using baby and mum it used to mildly irritate me when the phn said it such as 'so how's mum doing?'.

I'm standing in front of you, you're in my home and you've got my file in your hand. No need to refer to me in the 3rd person.

PCX

December2012 wrote: »

I disagree for my situation.

His life, if not his body, changed as soon as we got that positive result that we had tried to get bad long hoped for.

So "we" were pregnant.

Getting a positive result is a hugely exciting time especially if its something that you've been hoping for for a long time. However when passing on the news if you tell people "We are expecting a baby!" or "We are going to be parents!" it carries no less meaning or excitement and has the benefit of being true!

When I hear people say "we are pregnant" I secretly cringe for them (Sorry:( ). When the baby is born you wouldn't say "we've become a mother". Its okay for the two parents to have different roles in the pregnancy and birth (it's just a biological fact).

Victor

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

But when its born the baby

Not always.

It takes two seconds to take the time to acquaint yourself with this before talking to the patient.

And if you get it wrong mid-conversation? There might be 50 newborns in a hospital at a time, never mind all the pre-natal appointments. Remembering that many names can be difficult.

Doctors and nurses generally introduce themselves with their first names now anyway and I'd never in a million years refer to them as anything other than this when speaking directly to them.

If you have a problem, do you shout "Mary!" (several other Marys in the ward) or "Nurse!"

lazygal

Nurse or doctor is a professional title. Mum is not.

Penny Dreadful

Victor wrote: »

Not always.

And if you get it wrong mid-conversation? There might be 50 newborns in a hospital at a time, never mind all the pre-natal appointments. Remembering that many names can be difficult.

If you have a problem, do you shout "Mary!" (several other Marys in the ward) or "Nurse!"

Thats different, its not part of a routine conversation.

Also with regard to remembering names- the chart is at the end of the bed for each and every patient. I would rather the nurse or doctor looked at the name when they were reviewing the chart (which they do) and then referred to me by my name rather than "Mum".
When you're a patient for any other reason the staff don't refer to you as "woman/man" or "hip/knee/renal transplant". They call you by your name. I don't see why its different when you're a patient because you've had a baby.

December2012

No but "we" are parents.

He saved his money with me, he came to hospital with me, he took care of me, he minded me and helped make the pregnancy easier.

We were having the baby, we were worried, we did it together.

Either turn of phrase "we" or "I'm" is fine by me for that situation.

Penny Dreadful

December2012 wrote: »

I disagree for my situation.

His life, if not his body, changed as soon as we got that positive result that we had tried to get bad long hoped for.

So "we" were pregnant.

My husband too was delighted when I told him about the positive pregnancy test. We'd been TTC for over a year and so we were both truly delighted.
That said, I'm the one with the nausea, early onset SPD, sleepless nights, etc, etc. I am pregnant- he can't share the burden of pregnancy and I know that if he could he would (or so he likes to think:P) - and we are going to have a baby, we are going to be parents.
I would be really irritated if I heard him tell people that "we" are pregnant. It makes little of what women go through when they are pregnant IMHO.
Each person and couple are entitled to their own feelings on this matter though.

December2012

I can see your point. For me it made me feel closer.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Penny Dreadful

December2012 wrote: »

I can see your point. For me it made me feel closer.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Thank you. We are both delighted and very excited. First scan is this day next week and I can hardly wait.

Its been lovely for both of us to be in this together and I have to say that my husband has been so lovely and so sweet to me all through my "bleurgh I feel - sick/ tired/ sore"- all of which are repeated at what feels like regular intervals:o. This is certainly a very special and exciting time for us and I love it.
Maybe if I didn't feel so yuck so much of the time I'd feel more lenient towards "us" being pregnant.

December2012

Ah it's each to their own. I'm not saying my husband did more than he should have or more than other men. I just liked the phrasing.

Things that get my goat - people at either end of the spectrum of expectations of toddlers behaviour - either giving out over ridiculous things like noise and playing, or simply excusing every bad behaviour by saying "oh he's so mischievous/funny etc" when their kid is wild.

Penny Dreadful

December2012 wrote: »

Ah it's each to their own. I'm not saying my husband did more than he should have or more than other men. I just liked the phrasing.

Things that get my goat - people at either end of the spectrum of expectations of toddlers behaviour - either giving out over ridiculous things like noise and playing, or simply excusing every bad behaviour by saying "oh he's so mischievous/funny etc" when their kid is wild.

That drives me nuts too. Its so unfair to everyone involved - the kids themselves because by having their behaviour indulged and excused they'll never learn how to behave appropriately in certain social situations and it makes them unlikeable. As they are the kids its not their fault- thats what parents are there for - to teach them how to socialise and behave properly.

Sarah Bear

You know what drives me crazy! The phrase "it's all ahead of you"
Little boy about three years old, takes a bread roll from the shelves in the supermarket and kicks it up and down the aisle like a football.
Mammy looks at my bump and says "it's all ahead of you"
Friends daughter aged four, takes a jar of sudocreme and spreads it all over the wall in her sitting room, (she's done it a few times now!) "it's all ahead of you"
No it's not all ahead of me! Your kids are just feckin bold! :P

Penny Dreadful

Sarah Bear wrote: »

You know what drives me crazy! The phrase "it's all ahead of you"
Little boy about three years old, takes a bread roll from the shelves in the supermarket and kicks it up and down the aisle like a football.
Mammy looks at my bump and says "it's all ahead of you"
Friends daughter aged four, takes a jar of sudocreme and spreads it all over the wall in her sitting room, (she's done it a few times now!) "it's all ahead of you"
No it's not all ahead of me! Your kids are just feckin bold! :P

Yes! Wouldn't you just love to say "actually its not ahead of me. I intend to raise my child to behave properly when they're out. Why did you choose differently?"

Sligo1

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Thats different, its not part of a routine conversation.

Also with regard to remembering names- the chart is at the end of the bed for each and every patient. I would rather the nurse or doctor looked at the name when they were reviewing the chart (which they do) and then referred to me by my name rather than "Mum".
When you're a patient for any other reason the staff don't refer to you as "woman/man" or "hip/knee/renal transplant". They call you by your name. I don't see why its different when you're a patient because you've had a baby.

Lol... Good point. Imagine if you are a nurse/doctor etc. and you were reviewing an elderly patient. You go to the end of his/her bed and say... "How are you feeling today grandma/pops". Lol

Sarah Bear

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Yes! Wouldn't you just love to say "actually its not ahead of me. I intend to raise my child to behave properly when they're out. Why did you choose differently?"

I did say this.. Well kind of, haha, and it was met with oh you say that now but wait till you see, it's all ahead of you! Grrrrrrrr

Neyite

I especially love when you visit relatives, they stuff your kid with lots of sweets, cakes and juice, despite your protests that a rice cake and cheese is a treat, then when they are bouncing off the walls with a sugar rush and a pain in the arse, YOU get the cats-arse face and undertone mutterings about how not teaching them to behave must be some new fangled way of parenting. :rolleyes:

nikpmup

The ''it's all ahead of you'' brigade drive me insane!! It's smugness of the worst variety - even if said pregnant woman is clueless, naive, or just optimistic! I got it so often during my pregnancy, and still get it now toting a six-month old around.

The ONLY reason I'd tell a pregnant woman, ''it's all ahead of you'' is if she saw me cuddling my son, playing with him, or feeding him and he was all snuggled up and adorable. That is ahead of you - and it's amazing

Penny Dreadful

Neyite wrote: »

I especially love when you visit relatives, they stuff your kid with lots of sweets, cakes and juice, despite your protests that a rice cake and cheese is a treat, then when they are bouncing off the walls with a sugar rush and a pain in the arse, YOU get the cats-arse face and undertone mutterings about how not teaching them to behave must be some new fangled way of parenting. :rolleyes:

yes, along with the "you must be one of those by the book parents. In my day we didn't have books just common sense. Shame thats gone by the road now......."

Neyite

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

yes, along with the "you must be one of those by the book parents. In my day we didn't have books just common sense. Shame thats gone by the road now......."

Up there with all this "modern breastfeeding" nonsense. "Shure I was putting rice in bottles from 6 weeks! Didnt do him any harm". Well yes, apart from the chronic childhood asthma he suffered with several attacks requiring hospital stays, and the various things he is allergic to, and childhood obesity that thankfully he managed to kick when he grew up, nope, no harm at all. :eek:

Penny Dreadful

nikpmup wrote: »

The ''it's all ahead of you'' brigade drive me insane!! It's smugness of the worst variety - even if said pregnant woman is clueless, naive, or just optimistic! I got it so often during my pregnancy, and still get it now toting a six-month old around.

The ONLY reason I'd tell a pregnant woman, ''it's all ahead of you'' is if she saw me cuddling my son, playing with him, or feeding him and he was all snuggled up and adorable. That is ahead of you - and it's amazing

I haven't told anyone at work (actually anyone at all) that I'm pregnant yet. I'm looking forward to telling my family as they'll be delighted and I can discuss various pregnancy related things with my mum and my sisters.
However, I am not looking forward to telling work people nearly as much. While I know my work friends will be happy for me, some of them (thinking they're funny) will come out with "well you can say goodbye to that figure/those holidays/high heels/ nights out/etc/etc". I know that my life is going to change and I'm fine with that - but why people have to do the "isn't it well for you" type of thing is beyond me.
Then there will be the parent police and the comments of "you're huge/tiny" " are you really going to eat that/ do that, I wouldn't if I was you"......well feck right off cause you're not me.