friends... with benefits, how do I ask him?

alrightso

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend? I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend or even having any boyfriend at the moment, ive too much going on, but the physical attraction is great and I think itd be fun
The problem is he thinks all girls are out to try and drag him down the aisle, told me this himself and im worried ill scare him off if I dont say it the right way

Hootanany

Pm him

hjkl

Grab his crotch and go from there.
Actions speak louder than words.

rovoagho

Whip them out and wave them at him. No room for error there.

Chem Lord

What's your score on flappy bird?

Hande hoche!

alrightso wrote: »

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend? I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend or even having any boyfriend at the moment, ive too much going on, but the physical attraction is great and I think itd be fun
The problem is he thinks all girls are out to try and drag him down the aisle, told me this himself and im worried ill scare him off if I dont say it the right way

Get nekkid and mount him.

Holsten

"Let's ****."

And then you'll eventually want him as a boyfriend and he'll laugh at you.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Yeah it'll never work, he's too nervous.

Pm me, I'll see what I can do.

Sir Arthur Daley

He might be abstaining from riding for lent.

.Henry Sellers.

When he walks into a room you're already in, be bent over a chair with your pants down and arse cheeks spread and just keep saying"ah go on, go on" with a little cheeky flick of the head too kind of like a farmer saying hello. Works like a charm.

ygolometsipe

alrightso wrote: »

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend? I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend or even having any boyfriend at the moment, ive too much going on, but the physical attraction is great and I think itd be fun
The problem is he thinks all girls are out to try and drag him down the aisle, told me this himself and im worried ill scare him off if I dont say it the right way

We definitely need to see your picture to be of any help.

TeddyTedson

Just keep trying to grab his massive cock next time you see him.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Just keep trying to grab his massive cock next time you see him.

How dya know it's massive? He could be hung like a squirrel.

Sir Arthur Daley

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Just keep trying to grab his massive cock next time you see him.

You seem to know the OPs friend very well?

ygolometsipe

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

How dya know it's massive? He could be hung like a squirrel.

thats insulting to squirrel's

WellThen?

Mail him that exact thing....he might say yeah grand. Or tell him when your drunk. Be weird over coffee. But don't be one of the million girls who start off like this and then 'gather feelings' after spending time with him and end your friendship....usually what happens imo.

alrightso

Hope hes not a member on here or the jig is up!! He fancies himself that much he'd automatically know...

Mariasofia

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

How dya know it's massive? He could be hung like a squirrel.

Like....hello fwb are always hung like donkeys.....no point otherwise! :-D

orangesoda

If it was me all you would have to do is say the word and your underwear would be on my bedroom floor quicker than you could say 'randy wee heure'

The Pheasant2

If you're certain there's mutual attraction just literally lay it out there and you'll have a happy man.

Ihatecuddles

You should keep mentioning that you'd love a f*ck buddy. You don't have time for a relationship and would just need it for sexual release! Why is it so difficult to find? guys think you'll delevop feelings, which is complete bull etc. He might get the obvious hint.

WoollyRedHat

Ask your GP or pastor.

They used to be good at this sort of thing. Failing that, ask the local tesco checkout girl, ideally all three.

alrightso

Im almost sure its mutual. No chance of developing "feelings", can only listen to him in small doses, personality clash!
Why does the girl always get pegged for wading in with "the feelings"?

Holsten

alrightso wrote: »

Im almost sure its mutual. No chance of developing "feelings", can only listen to him in small doses, personality clash!
Why does the girl always get pegged for wading in with "the feelings"?

Hahahah, it will happen, it nearly always does.

It's chemistry.

You'll get burned as most women do.

alrightso

Holsten wrote: »

Hahahah, it will happen, it nearly always does.

It's chemistry.

You'll get burned as most women do.

Most women Holsten... I am not most women.

jobeenfitz

alrightso wrote: »

Most women Holsten... I am not most women.

Thats what most women say.

TeddyTedson

WikiHow wrote: »

You seem to know the OPs friend very well?

I'm a boards veteran

dxhound2005

ygolometsipe wrote: »

thats insulting to squirrel's

Don't be afraid to finish the sentence, even if it's something rude.

Insulting to squirrel's........

A_Sober_Paddy

jobeenfitz wrote: »

Thats what most women say.

Would have to agree with you there, I had a similar arrangement, was heading out of the country(to oz) a few years back, meet a girl we spend 3 weekends in row together had fun and a whole lot of "private time" and as i was boarding the bus to the Airport get a call with her crying down the phone i felt so so so bad it wasn't even funny...But we both own the situation...She then turns up in oz the week after i left, I told nobody i was leaving, she also turned up in the same city as me too...Pretty odd...When 2 people spend time together, in such an intimate setting feelings will develop from one party

sligoface

I'd say you may as well just get straight to the point, say 'Hey I'd like you to come over and @#$% me.' Or something similarly cut and dry. Or just say nothing and jump on him!

But if I can digress into the subject of FWB beyond how to bring it up, can I please just advise you to consider that you could develop stronger feelings for him after you have had all thr sex.

I have to say that the stupid film with Timberlake and Mila Kunis was right, someone usually gets hurt. I've found that a lot of the time, women who deny they want something more will nonetheless develop an emotional attachment to someone they have sex with. It's natural, and basic biology dictates this to a degree. But then they are in a position were what they told the guy is no longer true and they don't know what to do about it. They have to either continue with a relationship that isn't as serious as they want, or risk telling him how they feel and scare him away. Or possibly get their heart broken when their casual f-buddy starts casually f-in someone else.

I think as much as we may deny it, friends with benefits IS a form of a relationship. Man or woman, if you're attracted to someone and they are attracted to you and you have sex more than once, I think most of the time you will form some kind of bond whether you intended to or not. You're naked together (more vulnerable), one person has part of their body inside the other, and together you experience what is pretty much the most pleasant feeling the human body can feel. Kind of hard to just forget all about it afterwards IMO.

But I do hope it goes well for you. If you just want sex, that's all you need to say to him. Maybe meet for a drink and get up some dutch courage.

cruais

Get drunk and pounce.... be a tiger and bend like a pretzel

Baze

alrightso wrote: »

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend? I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend or even having any boyfriend at the moment, ive too much going on, but the physical attraction is great and I think itd be fun
The problem is he thinks all girls are out to try and drag him down the aisle, told me this himself and im worried ill scare him off if I dont say it the right way

Whereas you want him up the aisle.

itsirishfarmer

hes probably gay

Katgurl

alrightso wrote: »

Most women Holsten... I am not most women.

Hmmm. I thought I was not most women either.

I was wrong.

Sir Arthur Daley

Once you wont be a star fish in the cot you will be grand.

StickyIcky

Can I chime in here with some actual advice. If you do it you gotta have some rules or boundaries in mind to show him that you're serious. Say for example no sleeping over. If for any reason sleep is involved you're out the door first thing in the morning. Trick is to do the business and leave its the hanging around after that muddies the waters. Also first time you do it esp for me anyway worked best no talking just down to business, do it, then leave. Arrange business time by text. Another good tip have a second friend with benefit lined up so if and when he let's you down no big deal just call up the other one. You're welcome.

Sir Arthur Daley

StickyIcky wrote: »

Arrange business time by text.

Would email be ok if one was out of credit?

StickyIcky

WikiHow wrote: »

Would email be ok if one was out of credit?

No has to be by text, not pm or email or snail mail or voice mail or whatsapp clever boy. Point is keep it as impersonal and casual as possible. I know the call it booty call but I think calling is not the best.

Sir Arthur Daley

StickyIcky wrote: »

No has to be by text, not pm or email or snail mail or voice mail or whatsapp clever boy. Point is keep it as impersonal and casual as possible. I know the call it booty call but I think calling is not the best.

Not even snap chat? an inviting pic to get the processor booting?

Invincible

Tell him that you have a vacancy that needs filling

MS.ing

alrightso wrote: »

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend? I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend or even having any boyfriend at the moment, ive too much going on, but the physical attraction is great and I think itd be fun
The problem is he thinks all girls are out to try and drag him down the aisle, told me this himself and im worried ill scare him off if I dont say it the right way

cardinal sin 1 and 2 there, dont ever say that. simply start trying to **** him one day

"what are you doing ?"
he might say (suspiciians of batting for the other team should come in at this point)

"Im horny, lets fuk!"

"what but were mates I dont want anything serious or to **** that up!"

"yeah neither do I, fuc it, its just fun!"

"ok Then"

later during fag...

*that was fun init "

"yeah"

now someones gotta say...

"were just fukin around yeah? just sex whenever it works? no more?"

this is crucial bit, if the answers differ then knock it on the head before things get messed up

repeat when ever horny and in fuking distance of him

sorted....

you need to both think of it like youre prostituting each other. no feelings in that situation

alrightso

alrightso wrote: »

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend?

In many relationships - but often more so in complicated or out of the ordinary ones - success if often tied to good communication. In a relationship like the one you are suggesting communication is important. Both to initiate it - and to discuss boundries and scenarios and ideas.

So that you are having trouble initiating communication on the subject now - does set off some warning bells in my mind - that giving this a miss - or at least proceeding with caution - is advisable.

If you are intending to go ahead with it then the best I could suggest is simply to come right out with it - be open and communicative. Ice has to be broken in a scenario like this - so why not be the one to do it. Establish frank and open communication from the outset. It will stand to you both as it progresses.

And as another user has already suggested - what often helps people keep emotions out of a situation like this is to hang around as little as possible after each - event. Do the business and leave each others company straight after.

Mr. Incognito

mauzo! wrote: »

You should keep mentioning that you'd love a f*ck buddy. You don't have time for a relationship and would just need it for sexual release! Why is it so difficult to find? guys think you'll delevop feelings, which is complete bull etc. He might get the obvious hint.

Men don't get hints. If a female friend told me this I'd think.she wanted me to find one for her.

No hints. Ask him bluntly. Text is the way to go

Dravokivich

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

Men don't get hints. If a female friend told me this I'd think.she wanted me to find one for her.

No hints. Ask him bluntly. Text is the way to go

To be honest, if I got something like this as a text, I'd assume someone else got a hold of the phone and was pricking about.

The Pheasant2

Dravokivich wrote: »

To be honest, if I got something like this as a text, I'd assume someone else got a hold of the phone and was pricking about.

Yeah true, he's right about the other stuff though - she can't expect him to take a hint...she just has to give a signal that can't be misinterpreted. (Grabbing his package while looking suggestively into his eyes for example).

bogwalrus

Years ago when I was in college a friend from class who I got along with asked if we could be fwb. She was not attractive to me so I said no. Make sure you know he thinks your attractive and will agree. If not you will never see him again and make an arse of yourself.

Mr. Incognito

Dravokivich wrote: »

To be honest, if I got something like this as a text, I'd assume someone else got a hold of the phone and was pricking about.

Then you could send a response to that effect and she can confirm it is real.

Text gives him a non pressure space to consider whether he would be willing to give it a go or not.

--Kaiser--

alrightso wrote: »

How do I suggest to an absolute commitment phobe that I'd like to be his friend... with benefits but not his girlfriend? I have zero interest in him as a boyfriend or even having any boyfriend at the moment, ive too much going on, but the physical attraction is great and I think itd be fun
The problem is he thinks all girls are out to try and drag him down the aisle, told me this himself and im worried ill scare him off if I dont say it the right way

You should prepare for the scenario that he may have no attraction to you whatsoever. In my experience, some women think I'm missing their (usually quite obvious) hints and assume that I'm clueless or shy while in reality I have no interest in them

smileyj1987

If you want a friend with benefits then you need to just get to business and as soon as your done leave . Don't be friends that talk a lot and it will work .

alrightso

Hi OP here, well im fairly sure about the attraction, you see we wouldnt be mates exactly, we just know each other and its happened twice already, both times initiated by him as I didnt really have any interest initially.
So not being mates there is no friendsiip to ruin as such

BraziliaNZ

There are plenty of women out there capable of humping someone a few times until they no longer get a kick out of it, and discarding the male, just as there are men who can do the same.
I'd imagine the less attractive person of the two is the one who'll develop feelings for the other, and there's always one munter in these situations, else there'd probably be more to it. It's usually a case of the other party not being good enough for them, but they'll still try to enjoy the physical part a few times, until eventually the other party makes them feel physically ill at the thought of touching them.