When your fellow single best friend finds love

LegacyUser

Had to go anon for this...just in case.

Title says it all really. Best friend has been in my life for years, she's been single for past 5 years, me for almost as long. Yeah there have been dates on and off but nothing serious. And so we've done girly nights in and out, trips away..the usual stuff.

So I found out at the weekend she has met someone special. I knew she'd been on a few dates, didn't realise they were with the same person. I can understand her keeping it quiet until it got serious, she's been hurt before.

I'm thrilled for her of course, but it feels kinda weird too. Like someone's taking her away from me. Anyone got any hints for how to adjust to no longer being the sidekick?

Dutchess

The someone special got any special friends? Bring on the double dates!

And hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Even the best of people when they fall in love may sideline their mates, at least for a bit. An easy thing to judge but try to avoid that.

Any other friends around to get in touch with?

LegacyUser

Thanks. Lack of friends isn't a problem, I won't be hiding myself away or anything. I guess it's like a relationship ending..you miss someone who's always been there.

I'm just trying to find the balance between leaving her space to enjoy the new relationship and still wanting to be close. The difference between us is that she's very focussed in a relationship whereas I'm independent. I'm not keen on sacrificing much of my own life in a relationship, she's an all in kind of girl. I'm scared that he'll take over her life and she won't have time for me.

Sinister Kid

I know exactly how you feel, my sidekick met a someone about 6 months ago and although I am delighted she is getting her happily ever after, it left me a little lost at first...

fits

My sidekick moved down under five years ago. In a way its been good as I maybe relied too much on her and put myself out there a lot more now. But I still miss her like hell ��

simonsays1

Same as you FITS
my sidekick left the country 2 years ago and I miss her so much sometimes........well what we had -but I think I relied on her too much.

In hindsight, we needed to go our own ways as we were inseparable for 3 years or so. I miss her still..........nobody comes close

Simone

Mc Kenzie

Hi Op,


I understand where your coming from. I used to have a group of friends and we would all go out together from my late teens up untill i was 23.

each began to "slip away" as they were meeting guys or boyfriends. I never seemed to meet anyone nice, only eejits.lol. I tried my best to go out with other friedns or new friends id come to know along the way. but each began to fade away. It really irritated me when they would always come to me when they wanted to go out to see a guy they liked, but left me in the lurch when i had no one to go out with as they were all coupled up.

Eventually you get over it and meet new people.:)
In the end, when i was 23 i decided to stop waiting on everyone else to do things with and decided to move to London on my own.

After that i met boyfriend and the rest is history ...:)

Sinister Kid

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

I never seemed to meet anyone nice, only eejits.lol.

Story of my life haha

LegacyUser

Hi ladies, just looking for views or experiences on the following situation I find myself in. I'm 27 and over the past 6 months all of my friends have become coupled up with boyfriends and I'm the only one single. I had been seeing someone before Christmas but it didn't work out. I guess the whole thing took me by surprise as for so long, there was always someone to go to the cinema with, go for dinner or just chill with a movie. Now I find myself seeing an awful lot less of my friends and we have had 1 night out with each group since Christmas.
Is it a natural outcome that you see much less of your friends once they settle down?
Are the girly holidays/city breaks cut down?
Just genuinely wondering as I haven't been in this situation before. Truth be told, I am a little put out by it but maybe I'm being selfish and when my time comes to settle down I'll be the same.
I guess it's hard to deal with being "up there" in terms of importance in someones life and then sometimes going months without seeing certain friends. Has it ever caused a row or rift in your circle of friends if you're the single one and you feel people stop making an effort?
Have peoples friendships completely changed as a result of friends settling down or being in serious relationships?

Lucyfur

MOD

Hi Ali14,

I've merged your thread with an existing thread on the same topic.

All the best,

Lucy

baby and crumble

In my experience, two things happen.

One, people mature and get older, and regardless of couple status their interests change. I'm in my early 30's now and even if I was single I doubt I'd be parying anything like I did when I was younger. I just can't be arsed!

Second, once you get into a relationship it does change the dynamic of a friendship- and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's only natural to sideline friends and all that when a new thing is happening- it happens with new relationships, jobs, kids... And it's weird when it all starts happening in your social circle. Most of my friends are married, with kids. So my social life with my best friend (for example) involves meeting for lunch once a week, and going over to him and his wife for board games every few weeks. They can't be getting babysitters for everything, so it's give and take.

It doesn't mean your friendship is cooling, it just means it's changing. Try and carve out time that you can still hang out together- have friend dates! Pick a night and say "that's our night, every week (or most weeks)" and stick to it. You don't have to see your friends every day or talk to them all the time for the friendship to be deep.

TommieBoy

Am in a new city and the only friend I have recently found love... so I've been "friend-zoned" - now our current role is, he only visits to ask for relationship advice... things change i guess.

lazygal

I had the opposite happen. A good friend dropped me when I met my now husband. She moved onto hanging out with another single friend. I don't know if she saw me as the fun single friend to have the mad nights out with or what, but from what I know of her (we've limited contact these days) all her 'going out' friends are single, and younger mainly than 'our gang'.
Things do change when you get older and people start settling down or buying houses or having children, or all three. I prefer dinner with friends or brunches (a few of us have children now) or good chats over tea than a mad night every weekend. Even if I wasn't married my priorities would have changed as I moved into my 30s.
I find you really have to work on your friendships that bit more as you get older, because I don't see them as much as I did pre husband and children. I just don't have the time I used to, but I try to keep up contact because I see how isolated some people become from not maintaining friendships. I also think it gets that bit harder to make newer friends as you get older, not impossible though.

cactuspaw

has anyone here had friends disappear? just vanished off the radar completely, not a text, no Facebook, havent been seen at all.

friend of mine is just gone.
She got a man and within 2 months moved in and now she's just disappeared. She was my wing woman, but looking back now, i kinda wonder if she was happy to drop me so quick for a man, was she really that good at all.