Partner going on holidays without me.

LegacyUser

Hi I’m looking for some perspective on this issue.

My boyfriend has just announced that he is going on a trip with his friend and his friend's partner during Easter to pursue a hobby. I had planned to visit home during Easter as I live abroad. We are also taking a family member of his on a long journey over three days to see their friend (this is not a holiday for us more of a favour). My boyfriend had been invited to my home but we decided mutually that it’d be best for him to get on with his work and for me to spend quality time with my family. I haven't yet booked the flights. Then he arranges this trip all of a sudden! Now if this were my boyfriend’s only overseas trip then I wouldn’t have an issue.

My boyfriend has extensively travelled and during our dating was going on a mini-trip at least every six weeks (without me). He is a lot older than me and due to my lack of funds (repaying college fees, high cost of living abroad) I have not travelled much in comparison. He did take me on a week’s holiday to visit his friends which was nice but we were staying with his friends. We moved in together and before doing so I sought assurance that his trips would be reduced (we live in a remote place where I don’t know many people). He has cut down on his trips a lot however in 5 months living together. he has been on 2 trips abroad with a 3rd planned. In this time he has also been away overnight without me to visit friends including a planned weekend meeting friends this weekend. He’s also planning taking his relative on a holiday later in the year (again this is a favour due to relative’s circumstances and needs). I have been on a night away recently (locally with friends) but this and some trips to see family have been my only holidays.

Admittedly I am jealous of this. If I had the means I would be also plan trips abroad with friends too. We’ve talked about going on a trip in the summer but he’s been almost everywhere in Europe at this stage and some of which with ex-girlfriends. So most places he’s not keen on going whereas I am itching to see the major capitals. I feel down about all this. I don’t mind him going places but feel somewhat left behind in my circumstances (I have a very good permanent job but debts to repay). He does a lot for me and I know he cares deeply for me but we’ve had a massive disagreement. He won’t curtail his travelling and says that we will also travel together. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for time apart without each other but the need to do so often is disconcerting.

Am I unreasonable as he is making me out to be? I just find his need to travel without me so often quite hurtful. How can I control my feelings on this?

CaraMay

I don't see why he wouldn't go less often and pay for you to go with him. There is no one I would rather travel with than my oh.

Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship?

Xaniaj

To be honest, I do think you're being a bit unfair, I wouldn't find his travelling excessive by any means. I think it is a bit much for you expect him not to travel as you cannot afford it. Obviously there is the option of him paying for you but I'm not sure if this is something you have discussed.

You mention that you will be going home around that time which means it's an ideal time for him to go away (without the 'guilt' of leaving you alone).

I do think that you should discuss the places you want to visit, I visited cities with my ex that I would happily revisit with my girlfriend as I'd love to share the city and experience with her.

Flippyfloppy

Is he constantly going away to engage in his hobby that you mentioned? Is it a seasonal type hobby like skiing? Or a tradition with friends? Is he a teacher or something with awesome holidays? Or is he just always going away for the hell of it?

LegacyUser

I have to say that I do think you are being quite unreasonable. The difference in your age/financial circumstances isn't his fault, he shouldn't have to suffer for it, and to me it does not sound like he is doing an unreasonable amount of trips.

I'm not criticising you, but I do think this difference of opinion is down to you being a bit peeved. It would not be at all fair of you to try to curtail his trips, just because you can't match them. To be honest, I would have thought twice about moving in with you if I were him, with reduced trips being a 'condition'. That just sounds far too controlling for me.

It also doesn't sound like he's leaving you out - he brought you (paid?) for a week away. And it sounds like he'd like to visit new places with you. It seems that he is the one making an effort, but you aren't prepared to compromise your views on what he shouldn't do.

Do you want him to not travel without you? And to only go to the places you want to go? It is coming across a bit that way.

Addle

Xaniaj wrote: »

To be honest, I do think you're being a bit unfair...
You mention that you will be going home around that time which means it's an ideal time for him to go away (without the 'guilt' of leaving you alone).

My thought to.

tinkerbell

OP, I think you are being unreasonable here. You had planned to go home during Easter by yourself and now he has decided to also go away for Easter. Is it that you expect him to sit at home by himself during Easter? Or that he should only be allowed go on holidays if he pays for you? Because that's what your post reads like. He's your boyfriend, not your ATM to fund holidays for you. It's not his fault that you have a load of debts to repay so can't afford to go anywhere.

Hannibal Smith

You both decided you wanted to spend quality time with your family? He hasn't imposed on your plans. ..just made some of his own. If he was leaving you at home by yourself that would be different but he's not. I think you are being unfair.

ash23

I think you're being unfair OP. I earn more than my boyfriend and I often treat him to meals out etc and the occasional weekend away but I would resent having to do so all the time and it would cause problems if it was expected.
As a result I go away with my friends, family or by myself on occasion. I am planning a summer holiday with my daughter and I won't be bringing him and if were to kick up about it I wouldn't be impressed at all.

He has the means to travel and the desire. It's not his fault that you don't and he shouldn't be expected to lose out because of your debt.

If I had the means I would be also plan trips abroad with friends too

You admit yourself that you would do the same as him if you had the money so that should show you that he isn't being unreasonable. You are just being a green eyed monster in my opinion.

Merkin

I really don't see the problem.

You have been living together five months and in that time he has gone away on two trips, with a third in the pipeline. He has also paid for you and him to go on holiday. Where is the issue?

You sound a. like you're trying to control him. You knew he enjoyed his jaunts away when you were dating, don't turn into that woman who insists everything is done on her terms the moment the relationship becomes serious. If you do the relationship won't last, nobody likes to feel controlled.

Another issue is b. jealousy: you acknowledge this is an issue. Only you can work on this. I don't see how it is even slightly relevant that he has been to some European capitals with ex girlfriends....haven't most people? Why is this a problem?

In answer to your question, you are being completely unreasonable, yes.

Emme

zia1294 wrote: »

Hi I’m looking for some perspective on this issue.

My boyfriend has just announced that he is going on a trip with his friend and his friend's partner during Easter to pursue a hobby. I had planned to visit home during Easter as I live abroad. We are also taking a family member of his on a long journey over three days to see their friend (this is not a holiday for us more of a favour). My boyfriend had been invited to my home but we decided mutually that it’d be best for him to get on with his work and for me to spend quality time with my family. I haven't yet booked the flights. Then he arranges this trip all of a sudden! Now if this were my boyfriend’s only overseas trip then I wouldn’t have an issue.

My boyfriend has extensively travelled and during our dating was going on a mini-trip at least every six weeks (without me). He is a lot older than me and due to my lack of funds (repaying college fees, high cost of living abroad) I have not travelled much in comparison. He did take me on a week’s holiday to visit his friends which was nice but we were staying with his friends. We moved in together and before doing so I sought assurance that his trips would be reduced (we live in a remote place where I don’t know many people). He has cut down on his trips a lot however in 5 months living together. he has been on 2 trips abroad with a 3rd planned. In this time he has also been away overnight without me to visit friends including a planned weekend meeting friends this weekend. He’s also planning taking his relative on a holiday later in the year (again this is a favour due to relative’s circumstances and needs). I have been on a night away recently (locally with friends) but this and some trips to see family have been my only holidays.

Admittedly I am jealous of this. If I had the means I would be also plan trips abroad with friends too. We’ve talked about going on a trip in the summer but he’s been almost everywhere in Europe at this stage and some of which with ex-girlfriends. So most places he’s not keen on going whereas I am itching to see the major capitals. I feel down about all this. I don’t mind him going places but feel somewhat left behind in my circumstances (I have a very good permanent job but debts to repay). He does a lot for me and I know he cares deeply for me but we’ve had a massive disagreement. He won’t curtail his travelling and says that we will also travel together. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for time apart without each other but the need to do so often is disconcerting.

Am I unreasonable as he is making me out to be? I just find his need to travel without me so often quite hurtful. How can I control my feelings on this?

You're being completely unreasonable.

Your boyfriend sounds like he is a very good kind person and is good to his family as well, i.e. taking his relative abroad. If he wants to travel it's his business, it's his money and he has every right to do it. He took you on a week's holiday which was very good of him.

You say you don't know very many people where you live. Why? Have you made any effort to get to know people?

If he is a lot older than you he is bound to have a past (i.e. going traveling with previous girlfriends).

Finally, in Ireland people in relationships still do their own thing. You boyfriend has every right to expect to go on his trips and meet his friends even if you are living together. You don't have to live in each other's pockets. When you are in a better financial position yourself you might be able to join him on more trips.

ladygirl

Emme wrote: »

You're being completely unreasonable.

Your boyfriend sounds like he is a very good kind person and is good to his family as well, i.e. taking his relative abroad. If he wants to travel it's his business, it's his money and he has every right to do it. He took you on a week's holiday which was very good of him.

You say you don't know very many people where you live. Why? Have you made any effort to get to know people?

If he is a lot older than you he is bound to have a past (i.e. going traveling with previous girlfriends).

Finally, in Ireland people in relationships still do their own thing. You boyfriend has every right to expect to go on his trips and meet his friends even if you are living together. You don't have to live in each other's pockets. When you are in a better financial position yourself you might be able to join him on more trips.

I Completely agree. You do realise that he had a life before he met you and that life dosen't end because you are not happy with it.

Also by trying to put a stop to his trips you are ultimately attempting to put a wedge in the relationship he has with his family and friends - which in my book is a HUGE MISTAKE!!!!

Work on your own financial position and in the future you may be able to travel some more. You may also be in a position to treat him for a weeks holiday like he has so kindly done for you - although you seem to begrudge the fact that you "only stayed in his friends house". (very ungrateful)

I also suggest you work on your own self confidence as you seem to be using your OH as some sort of an emotional crutch. You are an adult - please start acting like one. You don't know many people in your area - Get up and MAKE AN EFFORT to get to know them instead of trying to get your partner to stay at home to accompany you!!

Also you seem to have an issue with ex girlfriends because he traveled with them, this is none of your business as everyone has a past!!

I think you may be too immature to be in a relationship with this man.
From your post he seems to be a very caring, generous and independent man - and I for one would take how he treats his family with such kindness to be an absolutely fantastic quality in a person.

However you have came across as jealous, bitter and needy.

Are you being unreasonable - Yes - very much so.

The Corinthian

zia1294 wrote: »

Admittedly I am jealous of this. If I had the means I would be also plan trips abroad with friends too.

And there we have it - you've answered your own question.

stargazer 68

zia1294 wrote: »

My boyfriend had been invited to my home but we decided mutually that it’d be best for him to get on with his work and for me to spend quality time with my family. I haven't yet booked the flights. Then he arranges this trip all of a sudden!

Folks she invited him to go with her but was going to get on with work instead not go on a jolly with his mate!

ash23

Dovies wrote: »

Folks she invited him to go with her but was going to get on with work instead not go on a jolly with his mate!

Plans change. He decided not to go and to stay at home instead. Then his mates planned a trip away doing something he enjoys to do so he chose to go with them instead. It's not really that big a deal.

Merkin

Dovies wrote: »

Folks she invited him to go with her but was going to get on with work instead not go on a jolly with his mate!

And what if he changed his mind? It seems like it is preferable to her that he is at home alone and not doing anything remotely fun without her. She can't forbid him from having a bit of fun and going off with his mates!

stargazer 68

Merkin wrote: »

And what if he changed his mind? It seems like it is preferable to her that he is at home alone and not doing anything remotely fun without her. She can't forbid him from having a bit of fun and going off with his mates!

No she can't - you are absolutely right. However, why not change his mind and go with her? He is going with his mate and his mates partner not a gang of lads as far as I can see.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the comments. I do actually feel horrible about all of the above. I have been very unfair to him.

I was put out when he said he could do with the time working over Easter and use holidays later with me. As I live live in close quarters to his family (due to their needs) would be nice of him to see mine sometimes too. Then he uses said holidays to do his own thing:(.

A photo was lying carelessly on his work desk over the past few weeks of him on a holiday (to do his hobby) with an ex. I felt quite put out as he had shared these experiences with her and was now reliving them by looking at the photos( his right) and leaving them in my eye line( not very considerate). This may have exacerbated my feelings.

As we live with this relative who needs our support, I do feel a little constrained and under pressure at home some times. I'd just like to get away and be alone with him outside this environment. Usually when he goes away I have some care duties to be responsible for as well so I'm usually there for 4-5 days alone with this responsibility which makes me become frustrated. Although we both make some sacrifices for each other, I can find this burdensome. We also have his family over at weekends too so I don't get to do much with him alone.

A friend of mine is having her hen party in a place I'd wanted to visit abroad but due to timings of flights from our region I wouldn't have had much time in city. I was still going to go out of respect for friend and desire to see city but my OH dismissed this as a silly idea and inconsiderate of my friend and suggested I didn't go.
I took this as him stopping me from doing something is wanted to do rather than his concern for me.
Also not fair of me I know.

I know he's got his own money and a right to enjoy it. He is generous to me and eventually paid for my flight abroad last year when I said I wouldn't be able to go. We didn't have accomodation to pay for and I also paid for meals out etc. I'm not for one minute suggesting he pay for my holidays! I'm happy to pay half of a trip so long as I have notice and am able to save. I pay money into a joint account for bills etc so he doesn't fund my living at all.

I know I've been unfair, I've told him as much over the phone and will do so in person once I see him again. I will make it clear that I don't expect him to cancel his plans for me and just quench these feelings as best I can.

Thanks for insights.

ash23

Dovies wrote: »

No she can't - you are absolutely right. However, why not change his mind and go with her? He is going with his mate and his mates partner not a gang of lads as far as I can see.

I personally wouldn't want to spend my holidays with my inlaws to be honest. Most people would rather just the obligatory occasional visit to the in-laws rather than spending a long period away with them unless they get on famously.

Different country could possibly mean different language, different culture etc. Perhaps the OPs partner isn't comfortable with spending prolonged periods with her family.

It also doesn't seem to be the OPs issue, specifically that he isn't going home with her. It seems to be the amount of travelling he does without her, that she cannot afford to keep up with.

Flippyfloppy

ash23 wrote: »

I personally wouldn't want to spend my holidays with my inlaws to be honest. Most people would rather just the obligatory occasional visit to the in-laws rather than spending a long period away with them unless they get on famously.

Different country could possibly mean different language, different culture etc. Perhaps the OPs partner isn't comfortable with spending prolonged periods with her family.

It also doesn't seem to be the OPs issue, specifically that he isn't going home with her. It seems to be the amount of travelling he does without her, that she cannot afford to keep up with.

I see your point, but this lady lives & cares for her OH inlaws.

Neyite

zo2014 wrote: »

As we live with this relative who needs our support, I do feel a little constrained and under pressure at home some times. I'd just like to get away and be alone with him outside this environment. Usually when he goes away I have some care duties to be responsible for as well so I'm usually there for 4-5 days alone with this responsibility which makes me become frustrated. Although we both make some sacrifices for each other, I can find this burdensome. We also have his family over at weekends too so I don't get to do much with him alone.

....I'm not for one minute suggesting he pay for my holidays! I'm happy to pay half of a trip so long as I have notice and am able to save. I pay money into a joint account for bills etc so he doesn't fund my living at all.

This changes things somewhat - you are a part time unpaid carer for HIS relative, who he leaves with you to go off on jaunts several times a year. Then he puts pressure on you to cancel your own plans with the girls.

So either you are a family unit where everything is pooled - funds and responsibilities, or you are not.

At the moment, he has half the responsibilities of caring for HIS family, half the household outgoings, but all the perks of having more disposable income?? Well that's handy for him.

I have to say, if my partner was swanning off several times a year leaving me to look after his mother or father, I'd be making sure I had my fun too in exchange for my efforts - being a carer is hard work for the people we are related to and therefore adore. Much harder and more thankless if its not someone you are related to.

Plus you have his relatives over every single weekend (which personally would drive me cracked, lovely and all as they are) . Who cooks for them, and caters for them? Is it you too?

Merkin

zo2014 wrote: »

As we live with this relative who needs our support, I do feel a little constrained and under pressure at home some times. I'd just like to get away and be alone with him outside this environment. Usually when he goes away I have some care duties to be responsible for as well so I'm usually there for 4-5 days alone with this responsibility which makes me become frustrated. Although we both make some sacrifices for each other, I can find this burdensome. We also have his family over at weekends too so I don't get to do much with him alone

This really alters the complexion of things somewhat! I'd be pretty p1ssed off too. Are you the sole carer for his family member while he goes off on his joliers? Does he actually ask you or is that the assumption?

ash23

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I see your point, but this lady lives & cares for her OH inlaws.

That post wasn't there when I made mine.

Emme

zo2014 wrote: »

A friend of mine is having her hen party in a place I'd wanted to visit abroad but due to timings of flights from our region I wouldn't have had much time in city. I was still going to go out of respect for friend and desire to see city but my OH dismissed this as a silly idea and inconsiderate of my friend and suggested I didn't go.

I took this as him stopping me from doing something is wanted to do rather than his concern for me.

I didn't know you cared for his family members during the week and that you have his family to stay every weekend.

It wasn't fair of him to discourage you from seeing your friend or from going to a place you wanted to see. He gets to go away every few months without you to places he wants to see. In the meantime you stay at home caring for his family but you don't get to go where you want. Who cared for his family before you moved in with him?

Does he always discourage you from seeing your friends? Perhaps this is due to the age gap between you. Maybe he is afraid that you will get chatted up by younger men if you go out with friends your own age.

Do you work full-time yourself as well as caring for his family member?

If you are really unhappy with this arrangement can you see a long-term future with him? Could you support yourself in a similar manner if you moved out of his house and into a shared out with other people? This would probably mean the end of the relationship but more freedom for you. Would you be able to afford to go on holidays if you weren't living with him? Would you feel more free without him?

ladygirl

I agree with the above OP - your latest post shines a whole different light on your current situation.

dipdip

I know in advance that others will not agree with me, but I wouldn't be at all happy in your relationship.

I believe that in committed relationships couples should share everything, as far as is possible. This means sharing the care for each other's children or parents or whatever. This means sharing the money in one pot - regardless of who earns more. He brought some debts to the relationship but we paid them off together because that's how it works, as far as I am concerned.

Having said this, we have some separate interests and we both go away without each other from time to time. He is away right now.

But never would one of us zip off while the other was pining to be there too.

We all have a right to our independence to some degree in relationships but there are things at play in your relationship that I personally would not be willing to tolerate.

You are wishing he would invite you and pay for you if you wanted to go. I don't blame you. I would feel the same way. And if I was him, I would do just that.

Xaniaj

zo2014 wrote: »

Thank you for the comments. I do actually feel horrible about all of the above. I have been very unfair to him.

I was put out when he said he could do with the time working over Easter and use holidays later with me. As I live live in close quarters to his family (due to their needs) would be nice of him to see mine sometimes too. Then he uses said holidays to do his own thing:(.

A photo was lying carelessly on his work desk over the past few weeks of him on a holiday (to do his hobby) with an ex. I felt quite put out as he had shared these experiences with her and was now reliving them by looking at the photos( his right) and leaving them in my eye line( not very considerate). This may have exacerbated my feelings.

As we live with this relative who needs our support, I do feel a little constrained and under pressure at home some times. I'd just like to get away and be alone with him outside this environment. Usually when he goes away I have some care duties to be responsible for as well so I'm usually there for 4-5 days alone with this responsibility which makes me become frustrated. Although we both make some sacrifices for each other, I can find this burdensome. We also have his family over at weekends too so I don't get to do much with him alone.

A friend of mine is having her hen party in a place I'd wanted to visit abroad but due to timings of flights from our region I wouldn't have had much time in city. I was still going to go out of respect for friend and desire to see city but my OH dismissed this as a silly idea and inconsiderate of my friend and suggested I didn't go.
I took this as him stopping me from doing something is wanted to do rather than his concern for me.
Also not fair of me I know.

I know he's got his own money and a right to enjoy it. He is generous to me and eventually paid for my flight abroad last year when I said I wouldn't be able to go. We didn't have accomodation to pay for and I also paid for meals out etc. I'm not for one minute suggesting he pay for my holidays! I'm happy to pay half of a trip so long as I have notice and am able to save. I pay money into a joint account for bills etc so he doesn't fund my living at all.

I know I've been unfair, I've told him as much over the phone and will do so in person once I see him again. I will make it clear that I don't expect him to cancel his plans for me and just quench these feelings as best I can.

Thanks for insights.

Puts a completely different spin of things! I wouldn't be pleased to be left caring for his relative whilst he takes holidays away! Have you discussed this with him? Who will care for his relative during Easter?

seb65

I would have disagreed that the OP was acting unfairly even before her post about acting as a part-time carer for her OH's relative.

Even before we were married and just living together, I would never have traveled so much without my partner. Not least of all because out of all the people in the world he is the main one I want to spend time with. Also, if I had more disposable income than him, I would totally pay for his travel costs. No way would I leave him sitting at home while I went off abroad only because he couldn't afford his fare. What kind of partner does that? The OP and her OH live together, it's not some casual fling. Adding the burden he leaves on your shoulders to care for his relative, he seems particularly selfish to me.

My family is abroad too and I do go to visit them, but OH usually joins me after a few weeks. He loves visiting my country, so no bother.

Otherwise, I'd say we each go on one trip a year without the other. Last year I went on two, as the way things worked out and I tried to convince him to go do something just for himself, but he declined. I let him know if he changed his mind, I'd have no issue - and would pick up the financial slack from his trip (as he did for mine). To me, supporting one another is how relationships work.

Personally, OP, I think you have a right to be upset.

LegacyUser

Xaniaj wrote: »

Puts a completely different spin of things! I wouldn't be pleased to be left caring for his relative whilst he takes holidays away! Have you discussed this with him? Who will care for his relative during Easter?

Well I guess it depends on what the caring involves. If it is just looking in on someone, then that doesn't change anything really, and I'd think that the OP is being unreasonable. I got the impression from posts re bringing the relative on hols that they're not in a bad way physically, but open to correction there.

However, if caring for his relative involves physically assisting someone to the loo etc, then that's a whole different ball game.

The Corinthian

seb65 wrote: »

I would have disagreed that the OP was acting unfairly even before her post about acting as a part-time carer for her OH's relative.

No, that she's doing that makes a big difference.

Ultimately not every couple have the same values where it comes to things like money and so on and not all that claim to share really do.

You'll often here of couples who pool everything, or have a common pool for shared expenses but are otherwise financially independent of each other, or those who keep everything totally separate - personally I prefer the second option myself but the other half keep prefers everything totally separate. We also often take separate trips? Mortal sin?

Ultimately if it works, so what? Really there's no single approach for any couple that is 'right' (and all too often I've found that the biggest evangelists of the 'financial sharing' model are conveniently the one's with no money), only what works for each couple according to their talents and their personalities.

The other thing is that 'sharing' everything is not really true all the time; I've seen too many couples where one pays for everything, but still does half, or more, of the work at home - what kind of 'sharing' is that?

What's happening to the OP is exactly this, but from the other perspective - the other side of the coin, as it were. She's pulling her weight in the relationship, and he's not - like a couple who pay for everything 50-50, yet the guy still expects the gal to do most of the housework. She's sharing what she can and he's not. He's getting a free ride at her expense. And really, this is what she has to bring up with her other half; she has to ask him why is she doing this for him for free? And what is he doing in return for her?

Be blunt, OP, because if he can't answer, then that's when both of you need to consider if you have a healthy relationship, for both of you, not just one. Bit it may be just the jolt he needs to realize this imbalance and perhaps change the dynamic between you for the better.

Ultimately, what matters is that you do share as a couple, not specifically how.

seb65

The Corinthian wrote: »

You'll often here of couples who pool everything, or have a common pool for shared expenses but are otherwise financially independent of each other, or those who keep everything totally separate - personally I prefer the second option myself but the other half keep prefers everything totally separate. We also often take separate trips? Mortal sin?

Ultimately if it works, so what? Really there's no single approach for any couple that is 'right' (and all too often I've found that the biggest evangelists of the 'financial sharing' model are conveniently the one's with no money), only what works for each couple according to their talents and their personalities.

Mortal sin - no, but there's a world of difference between taking separate trips and leaving your partner at home while you go off simply because she cannot afford to pay her way. As is the case here.

Oddly, I've found access to financial means doesn't really weigh in on people who prefer to keep everything separate. My experience has been there's just a higher value on money by those people. Money is not really a concern to us in any form and we see it just as a means of doing things we want to do. I couldn't be with someone who didn't share these values. Some prefer it the other way. It's up to the OP to decide what she values in a relationship. If it's complete autonomy and individuality, then her current situation should work, bar some tweaking. If it's building a foundation together based on cooperation and mutuality - she should explain this to her partner and see if he's willing to work on it.

Emme

seb65 wrote: »

Mortal sin - no, but there's a world of difference between taking separate trips and leaving your partner at home while you go off simply because she cannot afford to pay her way. As is the case here.

Not only is he leaving her at home because she can't pay her way, he's also leaving her at home to care for members of his family.

Who would have cared for his family before the OP moved in with him? Would he have had to pay a professional caring service to do this? If so she is saving him money.

The Corinthian

seb65 wrote: »

Mortal sin - no, but there's a world of difference between taking separate trips and leaving your partner at home while you go off simply because she cannot afford to pay her way. As is the case here.

In your opinion. As I said, what works for some couples doesn't for others.

My experience has been there's just a higher value on money by those people.

Well, you tend to value something more when it's not just given to you.

Taltos

Quit the bickering folks. Per our charter - if you have no constructive advice to offer don't post, derailing threads in disagreements is not going to be tolerated.

Emme

Emme wrote: »

Not only is he leaving her at home because she can't pay her way, he's also leaving her at home to care for members of his family.

I'd also be concerned that he's going on holidays while she's absent. Is that because he doesn't want to be bothered caring for his relative alone?

I'd spend a lot of time considering the possibility that I was being used, and whether or not it was possible that I was valued more for my practical usefulness and cost effectiveness than for myself.