family home after split

Sin City

Not looking for legal advice per se but what happens to family home after split. My ex has started to see another guy I kmow and to be honest I dont want him in my house near my kids.


Can I stop paying mortgage or can I just get house sold
Anyone else been in this predicament that can give advise?

Ken.

Besides anything else selling the house won't stop your ex seeing someone. More than likely it'll make her bitter towards you and your kids resent you for trying to take their home away.

Now besides the above most times a Judge will allow the main guardian(usually the mother) the children to remain in the family home till the youngest child is 18 (or up to 23) if in full time education.

Sin City

Ok can I get her to buy me out.
im not doing this to make her stop seeing her I just want the home we built together not to be a drop in center for her fellas. I know I'm bitter I just dont want to keep paying mortgage for a place im not staying in. I also dont want bank ringing me for mortgage money

racso1975

But you have yo keep in mind that you are paying it for your kids to stay in.

Ken.

You can ask her to. Would she be able to afford it?. I can imagine the bank would be your biggest stumbling block in trying to get your name off the mortgage.

You really need to go to a solicitor about that.

Sin City

racso1975 wrote: »

But you have yo keep in mind that you are paying it for your kids to stay in.

I know that. The kids would never be homeless. Their well being will be taken care of

Sin City

ken wrote: »

You can ask her to. Would she be able to afford it?. I can imagine the bank would be your biggest stumbling block in trying to get your name off the mortgage.

You really need to go to a solicitor about that.

Yeah id say ill have to get legal advice alright about this
Still would like to hear from anyone in this situation.

I'm not going to be able to afford mortgage and paying for myself to stay somewhere too

Ken.

Are you on speaking terms at all with her? Is there anything to be said for mediation?. Just to get stuff like this sorted out.

Sin City

ken wrote: »

Are you on speaking terms at all with her? Is there anything to be said for mediation?. Just to get stuff like this sorted out.

I was on speaking terms with her. Not so sure now though.
Might try mediation if she agrees. But I'm just trying to prepare for the worst case scenario now

Rachiee

Maybe your kids don't want to leave their home. Its upsetting enough for them that you no longer live there without upending their lives completely and forcing them to move. It must be very frustrating to see your ex inviting guys over to the house that you are paying for but you can't control who she dates. Don't think about paying the mortgage as doing her a favour. You are doing it for your kids and its the right thing to do.

topcatcbr

Sin City wrote: »

Yeah id say ill have to get legal advice alright about this
Still would like to hear from anyone in this situation.

I'm not going to be able to afford mortgage and paying for myself to stay somewhere too

Every situation is different so legal advise is crucial. However I would try to come to some agreement through mediation or colaberative law than going into courts. It gets very expensive going into court.

You will be paying maintainance in some form or other.

I ended up staying in my home while my ex moved elsewhere (her choice). Even though we went through courts and it was agreed she would have no claim to the family home the banks still won't take her name from mortgage.

Sin City

Rachiee wrote: »

Maybe your kids don't want to leave their home. Its upsetting enough for them that you no longer live there without upending their lives completely and forcing them to move. It must be very frustrating to see your ex inviting guys over to the house that you are paying for but you can't control who she dates. Don't think about paying the mortgage as doing her a favour. You are doing it for your kids and its the right thing to do.

I kmow. I have thought about kids I never ever want to upset then. However her dad lives in area so if she had to move back the kids friends and school would still be close by. As I said im not going to be able to afford both mortgage and rent.
I'm not doing this to control who she dates. As much as it pains me to say it your right I have no say in that.
I do think that seeing as she ended it I should not have to fork out most of my wages for the mortgage and running cost of the house.

Dont get me wrong I will pay for kids alright but I cannot afford to do all this anymore
the upc creche mortgage my own place and day to day expenses.

Surely if she has ended the relationship she should have to shoulder most of financial burdens

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

Every situation is different so legal advise is crucial. However I would try to come to some agreement through mediation or colaberative law than going into courts. It gets very expensive going into court.

You will be paying maintainance in some form or other.

I ended up staying in my home while my ex moved elsewhere (her choice). Even though we went through courts and it was agreed she would have no claim to the family home the banks still won't take her name from mortgage.

Thanks for the advice. I fully expect and will pay maintenance. I have no problem with that. I will provide for my kids no questions and I will do my best so that they don't go without

What happened with your ex. She has no claim to family home but bank won't take her off the mortgage. Is she paying any of the mortgage at all?

moy83

I see this happening with a couple I know and it got messy on the kids . The huband was grand until the wife started seeing someone else and he started staying over . He stopped paying the mortgage and pulled other strokes aswell .
The house was actually sold this week and its backfired on him as she got 70% of the profit and is moving herself and kids into the boyfriend's house .

If I divorced my wife I think it would drive me mad to see someone else staying in the house with her and the kids but at the end of the day all you can do now is try and keep the best home you can for the kids given the circumstances , it might be a tough pill to swallow but thats life after divorce and kids have to come first whether you're happily married or bitterly divorced

Sin City

moy83 wrote: »

I see this happening with a couple I know and it got messy on the kids . The huband was grand until the wife started seeing someone else and he started staying over . He stopped paying the mortgage and pulled other strokes aswell .
The house was actually sold this week and its backfired on him as she got 70% of the profit and is moving herself and kids into the boyfriend's house .

If I divorced my wife I think it would drive me mad to see someone else staying in the house with her and the kids but at the end of the day all you can do now is try and keep the best home you can for the kids given the circumstances , it might be a tough pill to swallow but thats life after divorce and kids have to come first whether you're happily married or bitterly divorced

Thanks for the advice.
It is a bitter pill to swallow alright. I would be in a very similar situation with your friend. I know this could all backfire. Im in a no win situation really. Do nothing he could move into my home and my bed. Do what your friend did same thing except not in the house that they shared.

I know I'm comming accross as a bitter vengeful ex here which I'm not really. Just going though a tough time and finding it hard to deal with.

I cant run myself into the ground financially for her

moy83

Sin City wrote: »

Thanks for the advice.
It is a bitter pill to swallow alright. I would be in a very similar situation with your friend. I know this could all backfire. Im in a no win situation really. Do nothing he could move into my home and my bed. Do what your friend did same thing except not in the house that they shared.

I know I'm comming accross as a bitter vengeful ex here which I'm not really. Just going though a tough time and finding it hard to deal with.

I cant run myself into the ground financially for her

I know exactly what you feel , and for awhile I thought he was right about someone else staying over . But from watching it all happen , the wife still has someone else living with her no matter how much the hubby tried to put a spanner in the works , and the animosity just made things harder on the kids . The youngest is getting counselling and the oldest has dropped back alot in school .
Forget about the wife if you can and attribute any payments for the house or maintenance to the kids , they should be the main thing on your mind if possible at all . I know its tough going but hopefully it will get easier with time

Sin City

moy83 wrote: »

I know exactly what you feel , and for awhile I thought he was right about someone else staying over . But from watching it all happen , the wife still has someone else living with her no matter how much the hubby tried to put a spanner in the works , and the animosity just made things harder on the kids . The youngest is getting counselling and the oldest has dropped back alot in school .
Forget about the wife if you can and attribute any payments for the house or maintenance to the kids , they should be the main thing on your mind if possible at all . I know its tough going but hopefully it will get easier with time

I know someone was staying over. I commited the cardinal sin and read her phone and confronted her. She had me wrapped around her finger. Fixing her car and dropping everything and rushing over if she needed anything anytime of day or night. I know I have to get on with my life and forget her but at the moment with money I'm spending and the fact we still live in same area its easier said than done.

topcatcbr

Sin City wrote: »

What happened with your ex. She has no claim to family home but bank won't take her off the mortgage. Is she paying any of the mortgage at all?

No. But when the mortgage is fully paid I should then be in a position to take her off the deeds.

It's not all that fair but I can do nothing about it.

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

No. But when the mortgage is fully paid I should then be in a position to take her off the deeds.

It's not all that fair but I can do nothing about it.

Yeah, Id say im in for a lot of that. Unfairness alright. At least you got the house. Were there any kids involved? and if so did they stay with you in the house?

topcatcbr

If he moves into your house your entitled to get rent from him.

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

If he moves into your house your entitled to get rent from him.

Good point alright.
Its early in their relationship and I do think my ex has the brains not to move someone new in so soon after my kids father was kicked out of the family home. But who knows, maybe in the summer he will move in and I should ask for rent

topcatcbr

Sin City wrote: »

Were there any kids involved? and if so did they stay with you in the house?

Yea two. They live with their mother. Courts will rarely give residency to fathers over mothers.

In fairness she did not get everything her way in court. She insisted on going to court. As I made her a very generous offer to not go in I think she thought she would get far more in court. She actually got a little more than half what I offered.

However it was very stressful and cost lots in legal fees and I'd not recommend it. If at all possible agree outside of court but make sure it's done legally. As in its a legally binding agreement.

Sin City

Im a bit late to this but Im in the same situation as the OP
I havent started paying maintence yet as split was failry recent. My earnings are much like the OP . I have been paying creche fees mortgage and utilities, (UPC life assurence etc)

Ill be putting my kids on VHI too
But money is becomming tight really and I need my own place too which could cripple me but if I am to move on I do need my own place

If I am to pay maintence then surely the expenses that I am paying will have to stop or be limited

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

Yea two. They live with their mother. Courts will rarely give residency to fathers over mothers.

In fairness she did not get everything her way in court. She insisted on going to court. As I made her a very generous offer to not go in I think she thought she would get far more in court. She actually got a little more than half what I offered.

However it was very stressful and cost lots in legal fees and I'd not recommend it. If at all possible agree outside of court but make sure it's done legally. As in its a legally binding agreement.

Of course I would prefer an amicible agreement however my ex is financially driven. One of the reasons for the split was her carrying me when I was unemployed for a few years. Im just getting back on my feet financially although my income is very paltry , for now at least till I start and complete my masters and get a new job or a promotion

Yeah courts will always look favourably on the mothers.
She is a great mum in fairness to her. I would never want to seperate her from the kids and I think she would feel similar

However I still cant afford to pay for mortgage and other sundries, espcailly now that I wont be living there

topcatcbr

Sin City wrote: »

However I still cant afford to pay for mortgage and other sundries, espcailly now that I wont be living there

I fully understand this. I would have been in a similar position if my ex wanted to live in my home.

The children will always come first but.

You can only afford what you can afford. And you cannot get blood out of a stone.

This is the view taken in most courts these days. It is not good to see fathers destitute either. This is most often the view taken by a judge. As with people every judge will be a bit different and it can be a bit of a lotto.

Sin City

Another thought I had is how will this effect me getting a mortgage mysef if I already have one on their house. If the house isnt sold or if she doesnt buy me out I would end up renting for life

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

I fully understand this. I would have been in a similar position if my ex wanted to live in my home.

The children will always come first but.

You can only afford what you can afford. And you cannot get blood out of a stone.

This is the view taken in most courts these days. It is not good to see fathers destitute either. This is most often the view taken by a judge. As with people every judge will be a bit different and it can be a bit of a lotto.

I dont want to leave my kids without either. A rock and a hard place is where I see myself now.

I have to see whats a suitable maintence agreement.
Baring in mind im not on a high income at the moment either

topcatcbr

Sin City wrote: »

Another thought I had is how will this effect me getting a mortgage mysef if I already have one on their house. If the house isnt sold or if she doesnt buy me out I would end up renting for life

It will be next to immpossible through banks but I think the councils give mortgages to people in our position.

If you go to court and your ex cannot afford the mortgage on her own with whatever Maintainance she is awarded you may be required to sell the home.

It is often the only option.

topcatcbr

Sin City wrote: »

I dont want to leave my kids without either. A rock and a hard place is where I see myself now.

I have to see whats a suitable maintence agreement.
Baring in mind im not on a high income at the moment either

I know where you are coming from. It's important to stay strong.

You will go through some bad times. But you will come thro this. Get counciling if you need it or talk to close friend.

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

It will be next to immpossible through banks but I think the councils give mortgages to people in our position.

If you go to court and your ex cannot afford the mortgage on her own with whatever Maintainance she is awarded you may be required to sell the home.

It is often the only option.

This truly is a horrible situation to be in. On the upside kids will be fine and looked after. Now that I'm after finding out how difficult it will be for me to get a mortgage while I'm paying for her house its kind of scared me . I'm hearing conflicting results in the family home. Either the court will issue the sale or she gets it all while I pay for it

Sin City

topcatcbr wrote: »

I know where you are coming from. It's important to stay strong.

You will go through some bad times. But you will come thro this. Get counciling if you need it or talk to close friend.

Thanks for the advice. HHowever I lost contact with most of my close friends while I was with her