Had a child with a married woman overseas

Boardom

I'm not sure where to start with this story. Anyway here goes....

I met a 23 year old woman in a loveless relationship with her husband in a far away country. So, anyway one thing let to another and neither of us were as careful as we should have been.

When she got pregnant we were not sure who the biological father was. However, the baby was born last week in that same far away country and based on her blood type it has to be me. The husband of the girl in question is now highly suspicious of whether he is actually the father and is considering a paternity test. If he goes through with that and the result is what I think it will be, the cat will be out of the bag.

If that happens, I want to take responsibility for the child. However, my name is not on the birth certificate. How would I go about establishing I am the father of this baby and then getting her an Irish passport. I was born in Ireland btw. I know thats important for passport applications.

December2012

It may depend entirely on the country where she lives and where the baby was born.

Contact a lawyer in that country.

Boardom

I'm confused. why would it depend on the law in another country?

December2012

Because that's where the child is born.

Anybody here can give you advice on the Irish system. Other countries may have different ways to determine parentage.

PirateShampoo

The blood type of the child is completely irrelevant.

Only way to be sure is DNA, even then I'm still not sure how she can prove it's yours if she is half a world away from you.

I think if you want to know for sure you need to get on a plane and go do your own test with the child.

Boardom

I'm not back in Ireland. We are in the same country presently.

But I am looking for advice on how the Irish system works because I would want my child to have an Irish passport.

keeponhurling

If the child is yours then it can get an Irish passport.

One step at a time though , find out of its yours first

Boardom

What about the child's mother. Isn't there a rule at home now where a child's mother is not allowed stay in Ireland even if the child has an Irish passport?

iusedtoknow

you're really getting ahead of yourself here.

First, establish paternity. Then start looking at the passport issue.

AFAIK, the child will be an irish citizen, but the mother will not have right to abode in the country based on this. You'd need to check into this with the embassies etc

Boardom

Would paternity established in a foreign country be accepted in Ireland as proof of fatherhood?

Neyite

If you are her father in a foreign country, then you'll be her father here. But, according to the birth cert, you are not. And that is what gets submitted for a passport. Until you get the BC changed, there will be no Irish passport.

I'm pretty sure that in some countries, like Ireland for instance even if paternity is established, a married woman's husband is legally liable for that child, even if he is not the father - something to do with marriage laws I think.

So, OP that is why you need to look into the law in that country. The one that your child is born in. Because the child is a citizen of that country. Your daughter might be eligible for dual citizenship, but getting her a passport doesnt make her any less of a citizen of the country she was born in.

You need legal advice. You will need to establish legally, your paternity, and your guardianship if you can. You cant just rock up and get a passport for a child that you are not named on the birth certificate as a father of and is in law, is legally a stranger to you, for obvious trafficking reasons. You also need to talk to the local consulate or the Irish passport office to see what rules apply to a citizen from that particular country.

And realistically, there might be nothing you can do if the mother does not cooperate.

Neyite

Boardom wrote: »

Would paternity established in a foreign country be accepted in Ireland as proof of fatherhood?

Not if another man is named as the father on the birth cert.

Blood relationship means nothing in Law - consider adopted children, or children of donor egg/ sperm. All that matters is a legal claim to that child.

Neyite

Boardom wrote: »

What about the child's mother. Isn't there a rule at home now where a child's mother is not allowed stay in Ireland even if the child has an Irish passport?

Yes. It used to be automatic that if you had a child born here that got residency, but not anymore. Having a child born in Ireland has no bearing on an application.

But your child was not born here. You can get a passport all you like, but it is totally different from residency and citizenship.

Even if you married this woman, she may not automatically get permission to reside in this country as your wife.

Merkin

The child's blood type has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with paternity. Genes are dominant and recessive so even if they were both rhesus positive for example they could still have a rhesus negative baby. So the fact she is spinning you this line about blood type being a definitive proof of your paternity is in fact rubbish. Establish if the child is actually yours before getting involved, this can be done quite simply through a mouth swab and sent off for testing.

Tokyo

Boardom wrote: »

The husband of the girl in question is now highly suspicious of whether he is actually the father and is considering a paternity test. If he goes through with that and the result is what I think it will be, the cat will be out of the bag.

If that happens, I want to take responsibility for the child. However, my name is not on the birth certificate. How would I go about establishing I am the father of this baby and then getting her an Irish passport. I was born in Ireland btw. I know thats important for passport applications.

Maybe it's just the way it's worded, but I'm a bit confused by this. Are you saying that if the woman's husband doesn't do through with the paternity test, then you will just leave things as they are? And it's only if everything comes to the surface that you will admit paternity? Seems odd. You're either admitting that you are the father, or you aren't.

Blood types can really only be used to eliminate parentage in certain cases, it can't be definitively used to confirm it. The first thing you and the mother are going to have to do is take a paternity test yourselves. Only after the results of this come in, should you be looking into what to do next.

Regarding the birth certificate, it really does depend on the country in question, as paternity law can be vastly different across the world. Even with a conclusive paternity test, having the birth certificate changed may not be as simple as you think. In that case I'd really recommend that you contact a lawyer in the country in question for more information - I doubt that I or anybody else here can really give you and definitive advice in that area.

Regarding passport, according to the Citizens Information website, "If either of your parents was an Irish citizen at the time of your birth, then you are automatically an Irish citizen, irrespective of your place of birth." However, again I would recommend contacting Citizens Information directly, and explaining your situation the them to see what, if any, issues or requirements there would be with the child obtaining an Irish passport.

Big Bag of Chips

What is the position of their marriage at the moment? Does she want to stay with her husband, and raise the child with him? Like it or not she holds the cards. So even if paternity is proven, and you are the father, and obtain an Irish passport etc, if she wants to stay in her home country, with her husband then you will either have to stay there and support your child with weekend access possibly, or you'll have to come home and support her from afar.

In Ireland the husband is automatically assumed to be the father and put on the birthcert, sounds like the same happened in that country.

It is possible you are the father, but I'm afraid it would seem you have no control over what happens next. If she is in a loveless, unhappy marriage then the first thing she needs to do is get out of it. Although it would seem, if she is unsure of paternity, that she continued to sleep with him, at the time she was sleeping with you.

The situation is a mess. Sort out the legalities in the country you are in, and then make your plans on what happens in Ireland.

Enright

Slow down, are you sure the child is yours? could it be possible the whole thing was a scam?

Just saying, get a dna test

clairefontaine

What country are you talking about OP? It matters.

CaraMay

Their marriage can't be all that 'loveless' if he was sleeping with her the same time as you. Her story doesn't stack up. Make sure the baby is yours before you pay out anything.

homerjay2005

CaraMay wrote: »

Their marriage can't be all that 'loveless' if he was sleeping with her the same time as you. Her story doesn't stack up. .

you dont have to be in love with somebody to be sleeping with them.

CaraMay

homerjay2005 wrote: »

you dont have to be in love with somebody to be sleeping with them.

Indeed.

Who really sleeps with their husband if they don't love them while having sex with someone else?

Boardom

The problem is that the girl is also not from the country we are in. So, if she tells her husband that the baby is not his, he will probably divorce her and she will have to leave the country. Added to that, I am also on a sponsored work visa so there is no way I can sponsor her to stay longer.

So, I think if her husband does not reject the baby, they should stay together for now. The problem is that the husband is suspicious because he claims the baby doesn't look like him (personally I think all babies look like aliens until they are a couple of weeks old).

CaraMay

Have you had a paternity test?

Not sure you are ready to be a dad if you think they all look like aliens.

keeponhurling

Boardom wrote: »

The problem is that the husband is suspicious because he claims the baby doesn't look like him

That's not a normal reaction unless skin color is different or something.
Most babies look more like either mother or father

Boardom

keeponhurling wrote: »

That's not a normal reaction unless skin color is different or something.
Most babies look more like either mother or father

Yes, the woman, her husband and me are from three different and distinct ethnicities unfortunately.

Boardom

CaraMay wrote: »

Have you had a paternity test?

Not sure you are ready to be a dad if you think they all look like aliens.

No, the baby is just 7 days old at the moment.

I don't think I am the only person who thinks that newborns look like aliens.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_5-things-you-didnt-know-about-newborns_10357995.bc

Boardom

CaraMay wrote: »

Their marriage can't be all that 'loveless' if he was sleeping with her the same time as you. Her story doesn't stack up. Make sure the baby is yours before you pay out anything.

Good point but she is not demanding or asking for anything from me. However, I want to be ready in case her marriage ends because of this and it does turn out I am the father of the baby.

Chazz Michael Michaels

Is the mother from a poor country? Is your concern that if her husband rejects her, she and baby will have to go back there?

Boardom

Merkin wrote: »

The child's blood type has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with paternity. Genes are dominant and recessive so even if they were both rhesus positive for example they could still have a rhesus negative baby. So the fact she is spinning you this line about blood type being a definitive proof of your paternity is in fact rubbish. Establish if the child is actually yours before getting involved, this can be done quite simply through a mouth swab and sent off for testing.

She said her blood type is O and her husband's is B and the child is A and I am A too. I looked that up on the Internet and it seems there is a 0% chance of an O mother and a B father producing a baby with blood type A.

Boardom

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

Is the mother from a poor country? Is your concern that if her husband rejects her, she and baby will have to go back there?

She is from a poor-ish country by Western European standards but a relatively safe and stable one.

My main concern is that if this baby is mine, I want to take responsibility for it. This would preferably involve somehow bringing the woman and baby to Ireland. However, this appears to be complicated based on the birth certificate not having my name on it and having to establish paternity if necessary.

Big Bag of Chips

I think you are really jumping the gun here. The baby is 7 days old. Will you give the mother a chance to recover after the birth and figure out what is happening before you go talking of Irish passports and bringing them to Ireland.

The child is 7 days old... You have years ahead of you to be sorting things out. It's good that you are thinking for the future, but now is the time to let things settle. At least for a few weeks.

You seem to be all about what YOU want with very little mention of the woman or her marriage. It might be over. She might want to move to Ireland with you. Equally she might want to move home to her family support.

It's far too early for her to be making any decisions. And it's far too early for you, with no proof of paternity, to be making decisions either.

Go speak to a solicitor in the country you are in.

Boardom

Yes, I am getting a bit ahead of myself. Thats why I am here on boards instead of having this conversation with the woman herself.

Actually she is still in hospital. They have this post-natal care system here where women stay in hospital for a few weeks after giving birth. Its quite a good system actually. Puts our hospitals to shame.

FURET

Boardom wrote: »

The problem is that the girl is also not from the country we are in. So, if she tells her husband that the baby is not his, he will probably divorce her and she will have to leave the country. Added to that, I am also on a sponsored work visa so there is no way I can sponsor her to stay longer.

Be really careful. If you are in Saudi, Qatar, Kuwait, or the UAE and it's demonstrated that you had sex outside of marriage (for example, you're the father of a baby outside of marriage where the conception happened in that country) you have a very good chance of being sent to prison for a couple of months and then deported. So does the woman.

The Corinthian

Boardom wrote: »

If that happens, I want to take responsibility for the child. However, my name is not on the birth certificate. How would I go about establishing I am the father of this baby and then getting her an Irish passport.

Boardom wrote: »

The problem is that the girl is also not from the country we are in. So, if she tells her husband that the baby is not his, he will probably divorce her and she will have to leave the country. Added to that, I am also on a sponsored work visa so there is no way I can sponsor her to stay longer.

So, I think if her husband does not reject the baby, they should stay together for now.

Let me get this straight; You believe that it is highly likely that this is your child. You're Irish, her husband is a citizen of the country you're living in and she's from a third country. Her husband is suspicious and may seek a test. If it turns out he's been cuckolded, then he'd likely through her to the kerb, at which point, she'll get thrown out of the country.

You will keep quiet about what you believe to be your child, so as to avoid the divorce scenario and her being tossed out of the country, but will step in if it does come to that - yet don't know what you can do really, if it comes to that.

That all about right?

I was born in Ireland btw. I know thats important for passport applications.

It is actually; I wasn't actually born in Ireland and so it's more complicated for me to pass on Irish citizenship because of this, despite being Irish by blood.

Anyhow, your situation.

Firstly, inform yourself regarding your rights as a father, if any, in your resident country. As the mother is married, it's likely that her husband is legally presumed the father (as is the case even in Ireland), however this doesn't mean that a law to rectify this even exists where you are. And, as FURET correctly pointed out, if in an muslin, particularly conservative, country make sure you've not committed a crime in having an affair - remember, whatever about the mother getting divorced and deported, last thing you want is her husband pressing charges against you!

As to how you can keep her in the country if the shìt hits the fan, again it depends on local law. If she gets divorced you could in theory marry her and she would then be covered by your visa. Or she could get a 'job' - just has to be something on paper, not a real job. Some countries will also have partnership agreements, or even temporary dependency agreements that would facilitate this - so it's down to what you can do there.

As to her rights to living in Ireland, even if your child together has an Irish passport, this would not give her any rights or residency. Again, marriage or registered partnership would likely be your only option - a 'job' is unlikely to wash in Ireland, TBH.

Just to add, just because this child may not be her husband's does not automatically imply that it is yours. Be very careful about that and I would strongly advise that you get an unofficial DNA test, by mail, before committing to anything legal or financial.

CaraMay wrote: »

Who really sleeps with their husband if they don't love them while having sex with someone else?

Plenty of people. Especially those covering up for affair. Or who see sex as just sex.

clairefontaine

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I think you are really jumping the gun here. The baby is 7 days old. Will you give the mother a chance to recover after the birth and figure out what is happening before you go talking of Irish passports and bringing them to Ireland.

The child is 7 days old... You have years ahead of you to be sorting things out. It's good that you are thinking for the future, but now is the time to let things settle. At least for a few weeks.

You seem to be all about what YOU want with very little mention of the woman or her marriage. It might be over. She might want to move to Ireland with you. Equally she might want to move home to her family support.

It's far too early for her to be making any decisions. And it's far too early for you, with no proof of paternity, to be making decisions either.

Go speak to a solicitor in the country you are in.

Legally he doesn't have years ahead to sort things out, because the more time that passes, the less likely of being able to sort things out, especially if the child has formed a bond with his current legal, though not necessarily biological father. Depending on what country he is in, even if he does establish biological links and rights, the fact of the child's established residency will weaken this considerably and who the child has formed bonds with, also potentially compromises his status.

Also considering the precarious and time sensitive nature of foreign visas, time is also of the essence.

OP, blood types do not establish fatherhood. Forget about that. Ignore.

Secondly, you cannot get your child Irish citizenship until you establish paternity. And you cannot do that until you get a court order which challenges the presumption of her husband being the father of the child.

Thirdly as an immigrant yourself, you will have zero power to get her any legal residency rights via yourself. Certainly in my own country, I have seen umpteen times, SPOUSES, who are here via their husbands or wives who were supposedly getting sponsorhip through employers get screwed through a complicated bureaucracy leaving them unable to work. Furthermore, if the sponsoring individual has to demonstrate a minimum amount in their bank accounts, whether or not their spouse is employed or not employed.

You are in a fine mess of things alright.

Boardom

FURET wrote: »

Be really careful. If you are in Saudi, Qatar, Kuwait, or the UAE and it's demonstrated that you had sex outside of marriage (for example, you're the father of a baby outside of marriage where the conception happened in that country) you have a very good chance of being sent to prison for a couple of months and then deported. So does the woman.

Luckily, I am not in any of those countries.

keeponhurling

Boardom wrote: »

Luckily, I am not in any of those countries.

China ?

Boardom

The husband of the girl is also in a tricky situation. He got married a bit late (mid-40s) and he was under serious pressure from his family to produce a child as he had been married for 2 years and hadn't managed to conceive. Then, when his wife got preggers, his whole family were delighted for him. So, now he is faced with a serious dilemma.

1. Reject and divorce his wife, bringing huge shame to his family and himself.
2. Raise a daughter that he suspects is not his own and deal with the resentment he has for his wife.

My actions are entirely dependent on his decision. His wife will not leave him unless he forces her to go.

Boardom

keeponhurling wrote: »

China ?

I prefer not to say exactly where I am. I wanted to post this anon but boards.ie doesn't allow it for a lot of countries outside Ireland.

Tokyo

keeponhurling, please refrain from fishing for information from the OP as to where he is located. Mature and constructive advice however, is more than welcome, as per the forum charter.

Thanks,

Mike

unattendedbag

Plenty of useful advice given here. I don't tthink it's possible to give a definitive answer to your question as it would vary from country to country. Your first concern is ensuring that the birth cert is correct. So if you are indeed the father then try to get your name on the birth cert using DNA results. You may need a local lawyer to assist you in this. To have any hope in getting an Irish passport for the child then you will need a birth cert stating you as the father.

Even with DNA result this woman's husband could still challenge you legally depending on the legal system in the country. You really need to have a discussion with a solicitor/lawyer there and prepare for all scenarios.

keeponhurling

Ok, just thought it gives a better idea of what husband is likely to do, and the mindset.
I think I now know.

Anyways, regardless of what husband does you need to claim child if its yours

Boardom

I think if the husband does not reject his wife and the baby, I will not challenge him legally to establish paternity. I want this child to have the best opportunities she can have in life, and that may involve me not being in the picture in the current situation.

However, this whole thread is me thinking about what to do if he does disown the child and divorce his wife.

His wife is only 23 and I doubt she has any savings put away so I will definitely need to take care of her and the baby if he does divorce her.

dellas1979

Boardom wrote: »

I want this child to have the best opportunities she can have in life, and that may involve me not being in the picture in the current situation.

To me, anyways, that is a bit of an odd comment to make.

There is a child out there who is possibly yours.

Do you not think that they deserve to know who their father is? Rather than everyone live a possible charade? Maybe it is easier for you, but definitely not for them.

Boardom

dellas1979 wrote: »

To me, anyways, that is a bit of an odd comment to make.

There is a child out there who is possibly yours.

Do you not think that they deserve to know who their father is? Rather than everyone live a possible charade? Maybe it is easier for you, but definitely not for them.

I understand where you are coming from but its important to see the bigger picture. If I lay claim to this child now, this is what will happen.

1. Legal proceedings and paternity suits to prove I am the biological father.
2. A nasty divorce for the woman in question. This is a male dominated country so the husband would automatically get custody in a divorce regardless, so he could effectively hold the child hostage while this takes place and afterwards until he gets what he wants (and he would for $$ I'm sure).
3. Post-divorce, the woman's visa would be cancelled and she would be deported, possibly without her child, depending on what her ex decides to do.
4. I would have to stay here for the time being because my job is here.
5. So, I would have to then try and somehow get an Irish passport for the child and maybe a student visa for the child's mum and then either try to get back home myself or else set her up at home temporarily until I get a good job at home. As we know, thats not that easy at the moment in Ireland either.

Alternatively, if the husband doesn't demand a divorce or paternity tests, the child can be raised by her mum for now in her current home and we can make a plan about how to deal with this gradually. If her mum can do this she would be eligible to get a passport for this country in November 2014, giving us more options going forward.

Big Bag of Chips

What is the status of your relationship with the mother, right now? Is she still seeing you, or does she want to stay with her husband.

I know you are just thinking down the line, but all your choices seem to be choices you are making for her.. do you even know if she wants to come to Ireland in the event of her marriage breaking down?

Have you been to a solicitor yet? As has been pointed out now over many posts... Nobody here can actually give you any real advice. You are in a very complicated situation, in a country that nobody knows, or knows the family laws for.

You are in the country, and a lot of what you think is even speculation on your part.

Go speak to someone who knows the legalities. Even if it is just hypothetical questions like if I'm the father, if they decide to stay married, if he divorces her, etc...

Posting here is good to get things out of your head, but it is not giving you any real, practical advice.

Boardom

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

What is the status of your relationship with the mother, right now? Is she still seeing you, or does she want to stay with her husband.

I know you are just thinking down the line, but all your choices seem to be choices you are making for her.. do you even know if she wants to come to Ireland in the event of her marriage breaking down?

Have you been to a solicitor yet? As has been pointed out now over many posts... Nobody here can actually give you any real advice. You are in a very complicated situation, in a country that nobody knows, or knows the family laws for.

You are in the country, and a lot of what you think is even speculation on your part.

Go speak to someone who knows the legalities. Even if it is just hypothetical questions like if I'm the father, if they decide to stay married, if he divorces her, etc...

Posting here is good to get things out of your head, but it is not giving you any real, practical advice.

I am communicating with her with messages back and forth all day but its too dangerous for me to visit the hospital. We never really discussed the possibility of her leaving her husband to be with me because I cannot sponsor her visa here. So, its hard to define our relationship at the moment (not sure I should even be using that word tbh).

I'm not sure I want to visit a solicitor until I know more about what is going on. Bear in mind the baby is still less than two weeks old at the moment.

I am not making any choices for her. I am just trying to think of what our options are. I have not even mentioned the idea of moving to Ireland to her yet. I think she would like Ireland though (apart from the weather of course)

The Corinthian

Boardom wrote: »

I am not making any choices for her. I am just trying to think of what our options are. I have not even mentioned the idea of moving to Ireland to her yet. I think she would like Ireland though (apart from the weather of course)

Have you thought this through? I ask, because you're already thinking about it.

Realistically, the visa constraints in whatever country mean that the only likely way she could legally remain resident in her current or Ireland, at some future stage, country is through marriage to you.

Is that really a good idea? You had a fling, but is it anything more than that realistically? She married, presumably for a better life, to an older man and when this didn't work out the answer to her woes now is, oddly, marrying another older man - indeed, what age are you? I'd hazard a guess you're at least in your thirties. Recipe for disaster, TBH.

Bottom line; if you have any responsibility to anyone, it is not to her, it is to your child (confirmation of paternity pending). She had an affair and neither of you were as careful as you should have been - not just you, her too.

Neither do you want to carry out some dumb noble gesture to keep her in the country, or bring her to Ireland, if all it means is that you'll end up back at square one in a year because the two of you were never meant to be.

If you want options, then one is to look at your gaining custody of your child.

We don't know what country you're in, so I'll ascribe a few just to help illustrate my point; say you're in Singapore and she's originally from Cambodia. Now, if there's no other option other than marriage to keep her in Singapore or get her to Ireland, and this is not a realistic, or frankly sane, option, what then? Husband divorces her and she ends up, with your child, back in Cambodia. Alternatively, either with her agreement (or through the courts), you get custody and the child gains residency through you.

Now which option, western-middle-class-moral-outrage-at-taking-a-child-away-from-its-mother-that's-soon-to-follow-here aside, gives your child the best possibilities for the future?

clairefontaine

Boardom wrote: »

I am communicating with her with messages back and forth all day but its too dangerous for me to visit the hospital. We never really discussed the possibility of her leaving her husband to be with me because I cannot sponsor her visa here. So, its hard to define our relationship at the moment (not sure I should even be using that word tbh).

I'm not sure I want to visit a solicitor until I know more about what is going on. Bear in mind the baby is still less than two weeks old at the moment.

I am not making any choices for her. I am just trying to think of what our options are. I have not even mentioned the idea of moving to Ireland to her yet. I think she would like Ireland though (apart from the weather of course)

Since all of this rests on one basic question, which one of you is the father, then I think your initial best course of action is a discreet dna test that only the two of you are aware of.

Once you have that knowledge then you can decide how to proceed.

MrJones1973

I sympathize with the plight of the OP but this thread is going round and round in circles. Legal advice in the country you are resident in is important and crucial.. Establishing paternity might not be a good idea if it ends up separating child from mother. The big issue here is the child-its interests and sometimes that might not be best served by establishing who the father is.

However-it could be a ticking time bomb paternity. ie the husband might become suspicious again if the child looks like you.
Get the advice and then come back to us

Legal systems varies. Vastly.

Boardom

The Corinthian wrote: »

Have you thought this through? I ask, because you're already thinking about it.

Realistically, the visa constraints in whatever country mean that the only likely way she could legally remain resident in her current or Ireland, at some future stage, country is through marriage to you.

Is that really a good idea? You had a fling, but is it anything more than that realistically? She married, presumably for a better life, to an older man and when this didn't work out the answer to her woes now is, oddly, marrying another older man - indeed, what age are you? I'd hazard a guess you're at least in your thirties. Recipe for disaster, TBH.

Bottom line; if you have any responsibility to anyone, it is not to her, it is to your child (confirmation of paternity pending). She had an affair and neither of you were as careful as you should have been - not just you, her too.

Neither do you want to carry out some dumb noble gesture to keep her in the country, or bring her to Ireland, if all it means is that you'll end up back at square one in a year because the two of you were never meant to be.

If you want options, then one is to look at your gaining custody of your child.

We don't know what country you're in, so I'll ascribe a few just to help illustrate my point; say you're in Singapore and she's originally from Cambodia. Now, if there's no other option other than marriage to keep her in Singapore or get her to Ireland, and this is not a realistic, or frankly sane, option, what then? Husband divorces her and she ends up, with your child, back in Cambodia. Alternatively, either with her agreement (or through the courts), you get custody and the child gains residency through you.

Now which option, western-middle-class-moral-outrage-at-taking-a-child-away-from-its-mother-that's-soon-to-follow-here aside, gives your child the best possibilities for the future?

I think you made some good points. I agree that (paternity pending) my responsibility is the child but of course they come as a package. I am in no position to raise a daughter alone.