Anybody NEVER been on a weekend away?

LegacyUser

How many people here have never been away for the weekend with a partner, or even a group of friends?

I am in my late 30's and have never had a relationship, and never really had a group of girlie mates that I hung around with. This has left me lagging behind in the standard things that people do with friends and partners, like the aforementioned weekend breaks, holidays, dinners out etc. At this stage I really feel like I have missed out on a "rite of passage" or something. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have ever stayed in a hotel, mostly after weddings. I have only been on ONE foreign holiday, years ago, with a friend that I am no longer in contact with.

I won't go into how sad this makes me feel, but I would like to know...am I the ONLY one? Any other Loungers of a similar age in a similar situation? I guess I would just like to know that I'm not alone in wondering how my life ended up so....uninteresting.

lemon_sherbert

Not trying to be rude or anything, but would you think of going away by yourself? I have a group of friends who I used to go away with, but as lives and jobs change it doesn't suit this year, and I couldn't find anyone else who was free when I was, so I'm taking myself away for a holiday over easter. I'm not in a relationship, but I don't like to think that other people's lives should dictate how I live my own, so I just decided to go for it. You shouldn't feel like you're missing out just because you don't happen to have someone to share the experience with at this time.

Why not go on your own
I went to Germany and ny on my own and I'm certainly hoping to do a spa one alone soon

eviltwin

I've only been away once with friends and didn't really enjoy it. It's hard to suit everyone and there were things I would have liked to have done that I didn't get the chance to do. I would echo what the others say about going alone or maybe joining a group like Meetup to find likeminded people. They have a few weekend trips in the summer.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses. To be honest, going on holiday alone, even just for a weekend is not something that I'd really like to do, simply because as I'm alone so much, it would just be me, still alone, only in a different place with nobody familiar to talk to. I have been abroad, sometimes for longish periods of time, always travelling on my own, but not for a standard holiday, I've always been working or visiting family.

I guess it's just a little upsetting when you hear others chatting away about the different places they've stayed in with the other half, or their recent spa break with friends, holiday plans for the summer, etc. It's just so normal to them, I just want to run away before someone askes me a question about where I've been on holidays and I end up coming across as billy no mates who hasn't been anywhere.

Solving the problem is obvious I guess, just go out and make more friends, haha! (I've almost given up on finding a boyfriend). But I guess what I'm looking for in this thread is just some affirmation that I'm not the only one who has ended up like this. Are there many more like me out there, my age, who if they were put on the spot would have to admit to having virtually no experience of weekend breaks or holidays? It may seem trivial to some, but it's such a normal part of everyday life that it's like telling someone that you've never, ever read a book. People might believe you, but they'll probably think you're a bit odd!

sadie06

I know that the question you are really asking is if there is somebody else in exactly your position, and I'm afraid I am not she. However, on the point of travelling solo, have you considered group travel? I know others may have recommendations, but the company I have experience of is:
https://www.exploreworldwide.com


They organise fantastic trips (at a price) and in my experience, singles outweigh couples by about 60/40. You certainly wouldn't feel deprived if you had a nice trip on the horizon, and it's a great way to meet people too.

Dutchess

I cannot relate fully to this, as I do have a husband to go on trips and holidays with. But I do recognise it when it comes to doing stuff himself may not be interested in. I then notice that I generally have no one to ask and no one ever really asks me. I sometimes think it is cultural. When I still live in the Netherlands I had mates but in Ireland I cannot really seem to get close to anyone on a friendship level.

Is it the not going anywhere in itself that bothers you or is it just a symptom of the bigger issue of not having a lot of people in your life? Because if it just the travel, I most certainly would go alone or in organised groups. I have seen meetup groups organising anything from dinners to mid weeks away. If it's more the bigger picture, have you explored why you don't have many friends/relationships?

Ambersky

I know this has been mentioned before in this forum but have you ever tried going to one of these op, maybe you havent heard of it http://www.meetup.com/
I have met several women in the Running Amach group who have lead very isolated lives and it wouldnt surprise me if they had never gone away for a weekend with anyone. Meetup has changed the lives of quite a few people I know and if you want it to I would imagine it could change yours.
There are meetups to cater for all kinds of interests, you type in your area and up comes meetups for that area. They even usually have a meeter greeter arranged to help any newcomers feel part of the group so its much easier than trying to make friends in a pub. People have meetups around just wanting to socialise and not wanting to do it alone, or as singles, or as part of a group of people of a particular age, or a particular interest from the usual stuff to some quite bizarre interests, theres lots there. It has really created an opportunity for a lot of people to meetup that would have found it much harder before.
You dont have to be alone unless you want to there are people out there waiting to meet you all you have to do is get up the energy and courage to make it happen.

Semele

I'm increasingly starting to feel the same OP! I'm 29, single-ish (suits me fine ATM) but I do feel a bit stuck as far as holidays go, and as all my coupled-up friends are constantly off for weekends here or there. I know I can go on my own and I certainly have no problem doing things on my own usually, but it seems a bit pointless or something to go off and hang around on my own for a weekend.

I've been considering doing a group holiday next year. A male friend of mine goes on a big group trip on his own to a different part of the world every year, whether he's in a relationship or not, and he wouldn't have it any other way. You get the best of both- the freedom to do what you like but also the fun of meeting new people and having others there for the parts that are just nicer with company, such as dinners and nights out. He's made lasting friendships from these and now goes off to visit people he's met round the world too. I've been looking at a company called Intrepid Travel that seem v good and a bit more interesting than Contiki or any of the more 18-30 vibe organisations.

I went to Romania last summer with a voluntary organisation and had a great time- volunteering together and having some structure/purpose made it much less awkward than just being on holiday with strangers! We went out every night and had such a good time we've decided to do it again next year, and to take extra time at the end to travel around a bit together when the project is over. Have a look at voluntary organisations OP- there are ones for every interest and as long as you do your homework about how reputable/ethical they are it may be a good way to go. It's more common than not to be on your own for those- on the group I was in there was one couple and tbh it seemed as though they didn't enjoy it as much as everyone else, as they were very much their own separate unit.

Sorry for the waffle- you're not the only one and it's a perfectly ok way to feel, but there are loads of options if you don't want to go places alone!

LegacyUser

Semele wrote: »

I know I can go on my own and I certainly have no problem doing things on my own usually, but it seems a bit pointless or something to go off and hang around on my own for a weekend.

This is pretty much the crux of it for me - I have been to several places, lived abroad, done the J1 thing, but it's always been on my own. I genuinely don't have the heart any more to take off to say, Galway or Paris or somewhere like that alone. Been there, done that. Many times. I would just really like a boyfriend or couple of close girlie friends to have in my life to plan things like that with and be able to reminisce about it years later.

But at the moment I don't, and honestly, please don't feel sorry for me or anything It is what it is, as the man says, and of course I'm a rational person and know that I have to get out there and make an effort. I suppose the real issue is that, at this stage of my life, I HAVE to "make an effort" to find people to hang out with, that I don't just "have" good friends, or a boyfriend or husband to go places with.

I suppose when I posted originally, I was just feeling a bit sorry for myself, but as I say, I'm rational. I know that friends won't just fall into my lap, that I have to get out there more and MEET people - I also realise that of course there must be others like this out there, otherwise groups like Meetup and single travel groups wouldn't need to exist

As Dutchess said a few posts back: "Is it the not going anywhere in itself that bothers you or is it just a symptom of the bigger issue of not having a lot of people in your life?" ..well I guess one leads into the other. I would like to have more meaningful relationships, both friendships and with a partner. The opportunity for "going away" and spending time with others increases the more friends you have. So I guess the FEWER friends you have, the less likely it is that you would go away on trips, unless you go on your own. Which at the moment, I really do not feel like doing. Like I said in my previous posts, I spend a LOT of time alone as it is, it would be nice to have a good friend or boyfriend, someone I know and am comfortable with to share the experience with me, rather than a group of random strangers who happen to be on the same group holiday as me. (Not running down group hols at all, and at the end of the day, I probably will end up going away with a group like this, just so that I can actually have a holiday this year!)

Any other thoughts?

pwurple

Try a different type of trip or holiday I'd say OP. Some of my single friends have gone on solo holidays and the ones they seem to enjoy the most are the package/bus/cruise type ones where it is aimed specifically at solo's. Everyone mixes a bit more then instead of sticking to their little group or couple. Sounds like fun i think.

Btw, nothing wrong with not being interested in NOT going away on trips either. Travel isn't for everyone. I know I never saw any glamour in business travel, but a few of my collegues nearly boast about it. It's something I hate to do. Much prefer my home comforts to being stuck on a damn plane to somewhere I don't even want to go.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Well, this thread has had over 1400 views, and only 10 replies, including my own ones. So I guess I am pretty much on my own in this basket. Oh well, it was only pure curiosity that led me to ask, so I guess I got my answer Funny, again in work today I overheard a couple of girls discussing upcoming weekend breaks...maybe some day I'll be able to join in on the conversation!

Flaker

You know, I'd been in a similar situation to you a few years ago. I had been away on weekends and holidays plenty before as I have 3 sisters (they're great for stuff like that ) and had plenty of single friends at the time.

However, more and more, people were going away with partners or weren't going away at all cos they had children and I was left to my own devices pretty much.

In the mean time I had joined a couple of voluntary organisations and starting doing a sport I loved. Through one of the voluntary organisations, I met my now new bessie mate and we do TONS of stuff together. And through the sport I met my lovely boyfriend.

These things take time. I was in my class a year I'd say before anything happened between me and the fella. And I was proabably the same amount of time in the vol org before my friend joined. So these things can be slow burners. But do it, you'll learn new skills/get fit and meet loads of new people.

simonsays1

You're not alone

I'm F, early 30's and find myself alone when travelling also.
I volunteer which I find brilliant
Regarding Ireland, I highly recommend meetups- I've gone away with groups at weekends depending on the activity/interest.

I think if you make the effort initially, then you'll reap the rewards

Simone

FollatonWood

Just go on your own. You'll meet loads of interesting people who you might not have made an effort with if you went with friends.

dellas1979

Youve presently 2 options:
- Go alone to new places
or
- Put yourself out there and meet people/join groups.

I dont want to go down the whole "whats up with you" route, there is essentially im 1000% sure nothing wrong with you, but its something youre not happy with, in your life. But something you dont seem to have the gump to change either. Why would it make you happier to know that there are other people out there in similar circumstance in a situation you seem to want to change? Is it a comfort? Would that make it ok for you?

Just wondering really what is the fear stopping you putting yourself out there and doing all the lovely things you want to do?

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Why would it make you happier to know that there are other people out there in similar circumstance in a situation you seem to want to change? Is it a comfort? Would that make it ok for you?

Just wondering really what is the fear stopping you putting yourself out there and doing all the lovely things you want to do?

That's a good question actually. There's no real reason for me wanting to know, other than genuine curiosity - maybe morbid curiosity, haha! As regards it being a "comfort", well if I were to be truthful, perhaps there would be some small comfort in others posting and saying "OMG me too!!!" At least it would help to feel that I'm not the only person in this situation (of course, I know I'm not, but it's nice to hear other people actually admit to it, I guess. Nobody wants to feel like they're alone in a less-than-ideal situation that they would never have envisioned for themselves 20 years ago).

There is no real "fear" stopping me - once I shake myself out of this introspective funk I find myself in these past few weeks I'm sure I will get out there and do something - but I guess it's hard for others to understand what I mean, when I say that I really don't look forward to doing/planning stuff alone, yet again. I've had a lifetime of it. But I know I have to.

I will check out a few Meetup groups and see if anything takes my fancy. I'll also look into volunteering somewhere again, at least it will get me off the couch

lisasimpson

I know how you feel single 7 yrs most of my friends are settled. don't know what a romantic weekend away is. I will admit I do feel a but loney at times

I decided to travel in the last few years. now I know the thoughts of travelling with strangers is daunting but look at it this way. is there somewhere in the world you would love to see. start doing things for yourself
I know of one person who start doing the group travel and she made some really good friends from it . they live in the uk and have met loads since for weekends together, I will admit there are times id like to have that someone special to share the experience with

eviltwin

your not alone OP and you would be amazed at how many people feel that way. I've seen a huge shift the past few years with people settling down, having to move away or just not having the funds to meet or go anywhere. I've had to create a new social circle using sites like meetup but its been great for my confidence and has gotten me out of a rut. The people I've met are all ages, single or settled, from all walks of life. I think maybe trying one of the lunches or coffee get togethers they organise might be a good place to start. see how that goes and take it from there.

dellas1979

(most...not all but most) partners (bfs, gfs, husbands, wives) do actually use each other as a social crutch.

Want to go to cine?
Want to go for lunch?
Want to go for a mini-break?
Want to go for a day out?

Not a lot of effort is usually required to organise and put yourself out there. If anything, its constant companionship. And a lot of the time its taken for granted. Which is why single people do usually need to try that little bit more.

The companionship for a single person must also be fulfilling. Be it a friend, a family member, a pet. What ever floats a persons boat.

But, the reality is OP is that it takes putting yourself out there, all the time, every single time, organising things, making a bigger effort to sustain a social ring.

If you do want these things for yourself, you gotta put yourself in the race to have a good chance

foxy14

Hi

Would love a Sun hol this year, but my friends are either, broke or in relationships.....don't really fancy going on my own, anyone ever been in the same situation:o