New Relationship and dropping your mates !

finix

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

Mr Freeze

The ride, thats why.

Boombastic

if you do for him what this girl is doing to him,maybe he'll be your friend

finix

Boombastic wrote: »

if you do for him what this girl is doing to him,maybe he'll be your friend

Do I have to swallow ?

Alf Veedersane

Can you not go out and enjoy yourself without him?

finix

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Can you not go out and enjoy yourself without him?

Oh I do !

weldoninhio

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

Because they get wrapped up in a relationship. You'll do the exact same.

Nemeses

Ah the curse of the relationship...

Scalded.

Alf Veedersane

In the early days, a lot of blokes think that they have to spend every minute of free time with the new gf/bf. It's not that they necessarily want to drop the mates but the ramifications of not spending that time with the newbie.

Addle

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

In the early days, a lot of blokes think that they have to spend every minute of free time with the new gf/bf. It's not that they necessarily want to drop the mates but the ramifications of not spending that time with the newbie.

Not just blokes. Lots of women are fickle too.

antodeco

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore.

Im Ron Burgundy?

Alf Veedersane

Addle wrote: »

Not just blokes. Lots of women are fickle too.

I wasn't suggesting they aren't.

The OP was framed in the context of a bloke in a new relationship.

finix

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

I've a friend that does this too.

His first GF around 3rd/4th/LC he went out to her house every Friday.

Completely missed out on the joys of growing up, out with the gang on Friday having a few cans.
Days you only get to live once and ones I cherish massively.

Same with GF number 2 and onwards.

I have a GF myself and while you have to make time for her, I'd never cast aside all my friends to spend 24/7 with her.
That's not an insult to her, but I need to bond with male friends too, couldn't spend all my free time in a females company.

Don't think it's healthy and you're leaving yourself open to being lonely when things end taking such an approach.

uch

finix wrote: »

Why do people do this ?

Cause they're Kunts

MonstaMash

Tell him to fook off, disloyal bastid :mad:

leonidas83

Ever think of telling him to f**k off when he comes looking to go out on the lash again when he's single. That way he might learn a lesson, dont use your mates

Santa Cruz

leonidas83 wrote: »

Ever think of telling him to f**k off when he comes looking to go out on the lash again when he's single. That way he might learn a lesson, dont use your mates

or get him to bring her around for all the mates to engage in group masturbation over her.

B.A._Baracus

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

Most people do this. Although most people wont admit to doing it.

You served a purpose to your mate, op. But now that he has the girl he doesnt need you (or your other mates anymore) But if she broke up with him tomorrow he would be calling the gang again (as you said he has)

It's life and you cant blame people for doing so. Like, you should never ditch your genuine closest mates..... Your actual mates But who cares about these "mates" who are nothing more than acquaintances. Your girl comes first over them.

So thats my two cents :P But you know the chap in question, op. So he is either a very selfish man or your friendship isnt really a friendship.

Femme_Fatale

It's fair enough in the early days of a relationship and it's fair enough for a lot longer than that if the relationship is long distant and they only see each other at the weekends.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

It's fair enough in the early days of a relationship and it's fair enough for a lot longer than that if the relationship is long distant and they only see each other at the weekends.

It is in it's fcuk, bro's before ho's

castletownman

Having a girlfriend and spending more time with her than your friends is gay

biko

You should be happy for him. At least someone is gettting a ride.

orangesoda

I know all about it, a friend who i used to see at least every week i only see about once every 6 months now and when you try to start a conversation about porno he acts holier than thou now

Sir Arthur Daley

morning horn issues?

Pixie69

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

Stop being a needy shítehawk

Talib Fiasco

Pussy whipped...happens a lot of lads. One of my best friends is terrible for it...and he doesn't even realise it.

Mickey H

orangesoda wrote: »

I know all about it, a friend who i used to see at least every week i only see about once every 6 months now and when you try to start a conversation about porno he acts holier than thou now

Ease into it.

Legs.Eleven

If a friend dumps you for a girlfriend/boyfriend and you still don't see them beyond the honeymoon period, then I doubt you were very good friends to begin with.

Legs.Eleven

Talib Fiasco wrote: »

Pussy whipped...happens a lot of lads. One of my best friends is terrible for it...and he doesn't even realise it.

Happens to girls too though.

yawhat!

Have a friend who done this as well. Used to be good friends with him as well as the rest of my mates. Only time you see him is if you bump into him. He spends all his time with the girlfriend and brings her on holidays and out for dinner. She made him delete his Facebook and get rid of his phone. Also made him quit drinking. I went mad at him at one stage and he said that she will always come first! She doesn't want him hanging around with us.

It is really strange how someone can get that wipped! Your one isn't even hot at all!

Femme_Fatale

One of my closest friends isn't around at the weekends because she is in a new relationship with a guy who lives a few hours away. I don't see a problem with it; it's the only time she gets to see him. She still texts and phones and heads out with us occasionally.
She hasn't dropped us, she just wants to see her new boyfriend as much as possible, which is completely natural.

yawhat!

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

One of my closest friends isn't around at the weekends because she is in a new relationship with a guy who lives a few hours away. I don't see a problem with it; it's the only time she gets to see him. She still texts and phones and heads out with us occasionally.
She hasn't dropped us, she just wants to see her new boyfriend as much as possible, which is completely natural.

That's grand but some people cut ties with all friends alltogether!

JerCotter7

yawhat! wrote: »

Have a friend who done this as well. Used to be good friends with him as well as the rest of my mates. Only time you see him is if you bump into him. He spends all his time with the girlfriend and brings her on holidays and out for dinner. She made him delete his Facebook and get rid of his phone. Also made him quit drinking. I went mad at him at one stage and he said that she will always come first! She doesn't want him hanging around with us.

It is really strange how someone can get that wipped! Your one isn't even hot at all!

Haha holy **** what a nutjob.

Noo

I had a great friend who would drop everyobe whenever she got a boyfriend(one of those girls who was rarely single since she was 13). After the honeymoon period we would get invites to parties and stuff with the boyfriends mates, bascially she'd want some girlfriends for these things. Anyway she got with a much older guy when she was 18 and that was it. Off the radar. We would bump into her old school friends and they would ask us have we heard from her and we would ask the same. At least when she got us to hang out with her fellas mates we saw her but because this guy was older we just never saw her again.

They moved to a different part of the country, bought a house, got married, had two kids. Shes 26. All the while the rest of us went off to college, travelled, many have emigrated, basically just experienced being young. She went from 18 to 40 overnight. Im sure shes very happy with her life but her only friends now are her family, everyone else got on with their lives without her. Just hope she has no regrets about her youth.

orangesoda

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

If a friend dumps you for a girlfriend/boyfriend and you still don't see them beyond the honeymoon period, then I doubt you were very good friends to begin with.

In my situation we were friends since we were pubeless 4 year olds so why would they wait 17-18 years to reduce the friendship level

beks101

I think this is common enough among young people who are navigating their first relationship and lacking the foresight / maturity to acknowledge the importance of having a life outside that relationship. If for nothing else, to have a life to fall back on when the sh1t hits the fan.

I think when it happens among older people, it's more to do with emotional immaturity / co-dependency tbh. Friends are so important. Independence and all that comes with that - personal hobbies, interests, friends etc - is all fundamental to being a well-rounded human being. And all contributes to keeping a relationship healthy and interesting.

I'm in a pretty new relationship at the stage where we both think the other is fecken deadly, and both have mad busy lives outside of that, but I'm still doing the weekly friend drinks / dinners, calling my best mate every night as per usual, planning nights out, trips away, running every morning etc because I'd be missing a huge chunk of my life if I abandoned that. I'm lucky that all my mates think he's deadly too so sometimes he'll tag along, sometimes he'll do his own thing.

Not that hard to master tbh, but friendships need work just like relationships do. I think you grow to appreciate that more with age.

Cork selfbuild

Seen it loads of times before...

Myself & OH go by the saying "we have a life together but we also have a life apart" we actively encourage each other to go out if a friend calls, or we'll all go out together, friends from both sides, as friends are really important for a well rounded healthy relationship, and years later, works great!

sawdoubters

thats nice

Cee-Jay-Cee

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

You should get a girlfriend for yourself too...or maybe you can't???

Legs.Eleven

beks101 wrote: »

I think this is common enough among young people who are navigating their first relationship and lacking the foresight / maturity to acknowledge the importance of having a life outside that relationship. If for nothing else, to have a life to fall back on when the sh1t hits the fan.

I think when it happens among older people, it's more to do with emotional immaturity / co-dependency tbh. Friends are so important. Independence and all that comes with that - personal hobbies, interests, friends etc - is all fundamental to being a well-rounded human being. And all contributes to keeping a relationship healthy and interesting.

I'm in a pretty new relationship at the stage where we both think the other is fecken deadly, and both have mad busy lives outside of that, but I'm still doing the weekly friend drinks / dinners, calling my best mate every night as per usual, planning nights out, trips away, running every morning etc because I'd be missing a huge chunk of my life if I abandoned that. I'm lucky that all my mates think he's deadly too so sometimes he'll tag along, sometimes he'll do his own thing.

Not that hard to master tbh, but friendships need work just like relationships do. I think you grow to appreciate that more with age.

Good luck with the new man, Beks.

Legs.Eleven

orangesoda wrote: »

In my situation we were friends since we were pubeless 4 year olds so why would they wait 17-18 years to reduce the friendship level

Tbh, I don't have much experience with this. I know myself I've always wanted to see my friends even during the honeymoon period. Saying that, at the moment I've been taking it easy and seizing my weekends and not going out much (last time was the first time in about a month).

Perhaps it could be seen as me opting to spend more time with my boyfriend over friends but really it's just a case of not being able to handle the hangovers in my 30s and wanting to do things during the day (when my friends are hungover).

I think in some situations, some people assume people are off with their partners when they just don't fancy going out as much as before. Some people even use their partners as an excuse not to go out.

Cantremember

Sit down and discuss your angst with your mates. They'll feel the same. Have a good natter.

stateofflux

STORMTROOPERS OF DEATH - PUSSYWHIPPED

Walk the dog, do the dishes
Your lips are brown from kissing ass
Sorry guys I can't make it
Maybe next time, think I'll pass
Don't make her mad, don't make her sad
A fate for you that's worse than death
you're a slave and you don't know it
It always happens to the best

[CHORUS]
Pussywhipped, Pussywhipped
Don't you know you're pussywhipped
Pussywhipped, Pussywhipped
Don't you know you're pussywhipped

Medusa22

I abandoned all of my friends for my first serious boyfriend, but that's because he was a ****e and they asked me to choose, you should never ask someone to choose. So three and a half years later I realise he is a complete ****e and dump him, and I'm friendless.

I decided not to do that again. Now I'm in another long term relationship and I have friends. I like them, they're alright but to be honest I treat them like acquaintances, I don't offload on them at all, keep that for my gf and my family, and I just go out and do things with the friends, activities and such.

Unfortunately they do like to offload on me, so I do try to keep people at arm's length but it only works for so long, I will help out a friend in need of course, but to be honest I just keep other people around in case it does go pear shaped with my gf one day and I'm alone again.

I do need people to some extent. I'm the type of person who likes to be alone a lot anyway but it's good to keep a couple of friends just in case. My gf is just as antisocial as me and so we spend most of our weekends trying to hide out in our house, hoping nobody will want to do anything with us, but unfortunately they often do.

conorhal

Medusa22 wrote: »

I abandoned all of my friends for my first serious boyfriend, but that's because he was a ****e and they asked me to choose, you should never ask someone to choose. So three and a half years later I realise he is a complete ****e and dump him, and I'm friendless.

I decided not to do that again. Now I'm in another long term relationship and I have friends. I like them, they're alright but to be honest I treat them like acquaintances, I don't offload on them at all, keep that for my gf and my family, and I just go out and do things with the friends, activities and such.

Unfortunately they do like to offload on me, so I do try to keep people at arm's length but it only works for so long, I will help out a friend in need of course, but to be honest I just keep other people around in case it does go pear shaped with my gf one day and I'm alone again.

I do need people to some extent. I'm the type of person who likes to be alone a lot anyway but it's good to keep a couple of friends just in case. My gf is just as antisocial as me and so we spend most of our weekends trying to hide out in our house, hoping nobody will want to do anything with us, but unfortunately they often do.

It sounds to me as if your good friends forced a choice on you because they were concerned, rightly so as it turned out.
You should have been asking yourself, what is it that they see that I'm missing? If literally all my mates hated my girlfriend I'd be asking myself that question. That's one of the reasons you need friends, they are usually the only people that can tell you when you're being an eejit that you might listen to.
The attitute that 'I'll keep them around just in case' kinda make you a sh1tty friend to be honest.

marnie d

Yep, I have had friends like that. They probably only went on nights out before to get a man, because as soon as they have one, they just can't be arsed anymore. Fair enough if they don't just feel like drinking, but they will make excuses not to meet for tea, or go to the cinema, or call round to the house just for a chat either.

And as soon as it's over you get phonecalls, and they say, "sorry, I haven't seen you so much lately, and I'll never do that again."

Until they get into another relationship.

I've more or less cut ties with some of these people. I have friends who still want to meet up with me even though they're in a relationship, as they know that friendships are important too.

I haven't been in a serious relationship for years, but when I am seeing someone, I'll always make time for my friends.

homeless student

i was good friends with a girl in college, she started seeing this guy and eventually she cut off all her friends, i didnt hear from her for about 4 months, then she broke up with the boyfriend and suddenly started texting me again as if nothing had happened, I pulled her up on it and she denied she had stopped talking to her friends eventhough i had not got 1 single text or call in 4 months, she eventually said she was very sorry and would never do it again, so everthing was back to normal and we were good mates again, then she got back with the guy again, that was about 4 years ago and i or any of her other friends have never heard from her again, just saw them in college the odd time glued to each other.

Medusa22

conorhal wrote: »

It sounds to me as if your good friends forced a choice on you because they were concerned, rightly so as it turned out.
You should have been asking yourself, what is it that they see that I'm missing? If literally all my mates hated my girlfriend I'd be asking myself that question. That's one of the reasons you need friends, they are usually the only people that can tell you when you're being an eejit that you might listen to.
The attitute that 'I'll keep them around just in case' kinda make you a sh1tty friend to be honest.

No doubt I'm not a good friend, but that's not what I'm looking for. Just some people to do activities with, and I will help them out if they need it and I do, but to be honest I have enough of my own **** going on which I don't burden them with.

As for the previous friends, well let's just say that some of them were almost as toxic as the ex, and it wasn't me they were looking out for. It was more a case of 'we don't see you every single day now, we see you four times a week and it isn't good enough, him or us'. It also isn't a good idea to try to isolate someone who is in a bad relationship.

bobwilliams

finix wrote: »

A Friend ? of mine gets into a relationship with a girl and has no time for any of us anymore. The last 2 times we did not see or hear from him in ages. When it ends he starts calling again, mad to go out on the lash. Why do people do this ?

I didn't keep the MATES...that's why I've 2 kids early doors:
ps..the ribbed one's are great for a peddle

finix

bobwilliams wrote: »

I didn't keep the MATES...that's why I've 2 kids early doors:
ps..the ribbed one's are great for a peddle

How long did it take you to come up with that ? Idiot !

mufcboy1999

Depends if the person is needy or not really imo. My motto's always been bro's before hoe's, way too many fish in the sea to be taking your friendship for granted.

You'll only ever get a hand full of close friends where as you could potentially pull or hook up with someone every week.