Sexual Confidence Destroyed

LegacyUser

I'm a registered user going anonymous for this one (for obvious reasons).

I'm a 26 year old guy. I look after myself (don't drink much, don't smoke, don't do any drugs, eat healthy, exercise at least 1 hour a day, go to the gym, etc.) and I've been told a lot I have a great body and that I'm handsome and I'm pretty big as I'm over 6' 2" and have a muscular enough physique. I suppose that's true, and I'm happy with that. I also have a good life all over. Everything should be all rosy.

A few weeks ago, I was out for a friend's birthday and slightly overdid it (kind of contradicting myself in saying I don't drink much, but this was the first time I'd drank since summer of last year). I ended up getting together with an acquaintance who was a good friend of the birthday girl.

Everything going well, until we get back to my place and go to the bedroom. I've never been under any illusions about my penis size. It's not that big at all (it's about 5 inches fully erect and maybe 2 inches of girth and obviously quite small when I'm soft). But I'd never had any complaints and I've been able to make girls orgasm through penetration alone.

She laughed at me and stuff like "baby cock" and sarcastic "it's so cute" comments. The drink took over and I got really angry and told her to "get the eff out". Not my proudest moment, I'll admit, and I tried texting her when I'd calmed down to apologise for my reaction, but she never replied.

Come Monday morning, the snickering from some people and a laugh from some people at my expense was happening. Obviously, the girl told a few of her mates and the "news" that I have a small penis has spread around. I'm devastated.

I went through a messy break up in April last year and since then I've had a few one night stands and a semi-regular friend with benefits. I never had a problem with anything like this. Now, I find the thoughts of being naked in front of anyone again quite terrifying. I'm nervous in the showers at the gym now and I hate thinking anyone is looking at me. I've even cried over some of the remarks people have made (not in front of them, obviously; I laugh them off at the time, but they cut a lot deeper than people realise).

I know all the old adages about the motion of the ocean and all that, but this has ripped my self-confidence to absolute, utter shreds and has made me seriously self-conscious about my body. I know there's absolutely nothing I can do barring invasive surgeries that will probably do more harm than good and that I would never consider, but would sexual therapy help or anything? Also, what is a good, light-hearted, jokey response to some of the jokes and barbs (weeks later, they're still happening. You'd think people would have someone else to taunt by now). I don't want to come off as overly sensitive to them, but it's tough not to sometimes.

December2012

What a bitchy cruel and horrible way that girl reacted to you.

There are a few catty things you could say, but in all honesty you might be better off saying nothing and really trying to let them forget about it.

If you slag her off it will probably only escalate, and you will feel worse.

If it's to somebody else you could comment along the lines off "jaysus x I didn't know you were so obsessed with my penis".

Don't feel bad about throwing her out either - that's fair game in my opinion.

And the "oh he has a tiny willy" joke or slag about someone is so cutting to a man that it can be used commonly. And because it's commonly used it means that women don't usually believe the joke.

long_b

You might do better for advice if you sign up with a new user ID for PMs ?

Anyways. - your penis's main functions are to give you pleasure, someone else pleasure and optionally make babies with.

The size you describe seems ample for all purposes.Don't worry !

As for pithy comebacks ...
"Any more than a mouthful is a waste" maybe ?

Grayfoxy

Wow...

What a bitch.

Don't worry about it dude, brush it off. Sounds like the girl has been watching far too many porno's.

Regarding the showers in the gym, no one judges. Don't mind the "office gossip", she was probably pee'd off that you kicked her out and this was a counter to it.

You have had no problem in the past, this is just one incident, you are fully equipped to get the job done

vertico

If she says, "who's that gonna please" you say 'me".

Taltos

long_b - PM's is prohibited in this forum. Please don't suggest it again.
Also having more than one account is contrary to our T&C's and can result in Admin action being taken.

Thanks
Taltos

long_b

Taltos wrote: »

long_b - PM's is prohibited in this forum. Please don't suggest it again.
Also having more than one account is contrary to our T&C's and can result in Admin action being taken.

Thanks
Taltos

Apologies - I'm not from around here 😊

vertico

If she says, "who's that gonna please" you say 'me".

MugMugs

Reid83 wrote: »

Everything going well, until we get back to my place and go to the bedroom. I've never been under any illusions about my penis size. It's not that big at all (it's about 5 inches fully erect and maybe 2 inches of girth and obviously quite small when I'm soft). But I'd never had any complaints and I've been able to make girls orgasm through penetration alone.

So you pulled somebody with a similar IQ as that of my Toilet Bowl.

There are retorts you can come back with but frankly, I just don't see the point.

I would however be having a word with this lass and letting her know that she is WAY out of line and really needs to grow up !

AnonMouse

Jaysus, i'm completely gob smacked that a girl said that to you. It is one of the b*tchiest things i've ever heard in my whole life. Hardly surprising it is playing on your confidence.

I wouldn't react to any of the comments; this way people will think it doesn't bother you and drop the joke. If they get a reaction from you, they'll keep it up for their own sh*ts and giggles.

Grayfoxy

Come Monday morning, the snickering from some people and a laugh from some people at my expense was happening. Obviously, the girl told a few of her mates and the "news" that I have a small penis has spread around. I'm devastated.

This wasn't by chance in work was it? If so, I personally would go to HR straight away.

sligoface

As you said, you've never had any problems before, and I sincerely doubt you ever would have in all your life if you hadn't met this unbelievably cruel woman. And I'd have little time for anyone who was laughing at you. What kind of people act like this I just don't get it? I mean there's certain lines you don't cross when slagging, and while the size of a guy's manhood may sometimes be fair game amongst younger male friends, IMO it wouldn't be if it was based on someone's actual observation, that's way over the line. Besides, I'm sure they aren't sex gods themselves. Are they co-workers or friends or what? They sound like jerks, tbh. I'd just be rid of them if possible.

i doubt you would ever have something like this happen again, but I can see how it would worry you, and that worry could affect your whole performance in bed, and that's what makes what this girl did so mean. There is plenty of comebacks one could come up with, particularly in regards to her but I don't want to give such negative advice. Why drag yourself down to their level, move on and meet some nicer people.

Maybe instead of one night stands, look for a more meaningful relationship, because a person who really cares for you would never make such comments. On the other hand, a girl who goes home with a guy the first night? While I try not to be judge-y about that, because really it makes them no more of a slut than the man they go with, this one seems to be pretty much your stereotypical cackling whore. She probably stopped valuing her own body a long time ago, so now she has this desire to degrade someone else's body to make them feel as crap as she does. I really don't think women who have healthy sexual relationships with a partner they care about are overly concerned with size issues, because there is so much more to sex than that. And they would no doubt show a lot more respect to their partner, in fact most wouldn't dream of saying the kinds of things that girl did. And despite what you might hear from your mates, TV, Ladbible, etc., most guys actually find that one night stands become unsatisfying, ultimately hollow exercises after a while.

alias06

My God what a nasty piece of work this women was. She must actually enjoy humiliating men. And then to go spread malicious rumours. Unbelievable.

Now how are you going to deal with this situation?

First, take a deep breath. You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is complete nonsense. She is a malicious cow.

Second, if people are sniggering at you and it is getting to you then you have to confront it. I wouldn't advise going to HR just yet. If it is clear someone is making fun of you then I go right up to them and ask them if they have something to say. If they say no ask them 'Are you sure?'. Do this several times. 'You're sure you have nothing you want to say to me'. Face them down. Remember people hunt in packs so never confront a group. Take individuals aside one by one. You'll find when you face them one-on-one that they will become very meek and apologetic. Be firm. Make clear you are not to be messed with.

Third, get a sense of perspective on your situation. You know you are perfectly healthy and normal. What if you had an STD? How much worse would your situation be? I recently listened to a radio programme about Irish people who had contracted AIDS. A friend of mine has recently recovered from testicular cancer. He had one testical removed. How much worse would that be?

Don' let this bitch get to you. You are better than her and you know it.

skooterblue2

alias06 wrote: »

She must actually enjoy humiliating men. And then to go spread malicious rumours.

Now how are you going to deal with this situation?

You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is complete nonsense. She is a malicious cow.

Second, if people are sniggering at you and it is getting to you then you have to confront it. I wouldn't advise going to HR just yet. If it is clear someone is making fun of you then I go right up to them and ask them if they have something to say. If they say no ask them 'Are you sure?'. Do this several times. 'You're sure you have nothing you want to say to me'. Face them down. Remember people hunt in packs so never confront a group. Take individuals aside one by one. You'll find when you face them one-on-one that they will become very meek and apologetic. Be firm. Make clear you are not to be messed with.

Third, get a sense of perspective on your situation. You know you are perfectly healthy and normal. What if you had an STD? How much worse would your situation be?

Don' let this bitch get to you. You are better than her and you know it.

Best advice!!! There is nothing more loved by the office gossip than drama and it feeds it like petrol on a fire. Next week if it hasnt died down and moved on, then you contact HR. Keep a diary.

I think she has more serious bunnies to boil than just you. Some guy must seriously upset her in the past. On the other hand while she is making fun of you I am looking at her from a distance and thinking, "Jesus H Christ what a bunny boiler, staying clear of her, not just romantically, socially too". Remember the old saying "Lie down with dogs get up with fleas".

Give it a week and hopefully it will be as old and boring as last weeks shepards pie.

Merkin

Oh you poor chap What terrible luck for you to come across such a prize b1tch. It's extremely cruel what she did and shows both a very immature and callous streak, especially going around denigrating you like that in front of people.

You absolutely have to rise above it and ignore the jibes. Do not engage with her at all as you will only make it worse, she will absolutely revel in it and you will only make things worse for yourself.

I think December's retort was good, next time someone brings it up say something like "God, you're really obsessed with my dick, do you fancy me or something?"

Also, please remember that the most intense orgasms for us woman can be through cunnilingus and from being pleasured by their partners hands. Penis size isn't everything and you should be happy that you have a fully functioning one that brings you and your partners pleasure! You've had a long term girlfriend and you have recently been enjoying a NSA fling so you've had no complaints there have you m'dear? Please don't develop a complex over this, you were just extremely unlucky in meeting such a nasty girl. I'm a big believer in karma though so rest assured it will come back and bite her in the ass.

Rise above it, you're better than this.

ahnow

First of all OP, you're actually the average size for an Irish male, so I don't know what she's talking about. As you said it yourself, you've never had a problem before in that department, it must be a huge knock to your confidence, but I'd focus on the all of the times before this cow waded in.
Can I just say, for someone to say that to another person, is just low. It's just low. And it says the worst about her, and nothing about you. I also wanted to say fair play to you for telling her to get the eff out, and it was a really big move for you to text her afterwards, and not something a lot of people would have done, and far more than she deserved.
OP, I would go to HR about the comments, imagine a load of lads commenting on the size of a girls breasts in work/college/school or similar. It wouldn't be tolerated, it's harassment and bullying. If you cant do that, I would stop responding to the comments in any way, leave them hang in the air, make them feel uncomfortable.
Really horrible, nasty thing to be going on, and you sound like a really nice guy with a lot going for you. I wouldn't let this subhuman cow bring you down to her level. Best of luck.

beks101

OP you sound lovely, very attractive and very normal.

Your only problem is you encountered a ****ing bitch and appear to be surrounded by immature idiots.

If anyone tried to make a penis joke at the expense of a sexual partner based on an intimate experience I'd immediately judge their intelligence, maturity and character, as would most decent people. It's Mean Girls stuff & quite honestly laughably immature.

Imagine if you commented publicly on her intimate parts, her boobs, her weight? You'd be up for assault.

From a woman's perspective there are all shapes and sizes, there's nothing abnormal or especially 'small' about you from your description and the most mindblowing sex I've ever had was certainly not with the 'biggest'.

Brush it off, roll your eyes at the comments ("seriously you're still obsessing over my dick, what's up with that?") and move on.

The Corinthian

Reid83 wrote: »

She laughed at me and stuff like "baby cock" and sarcastic "it's so cute" comments. The drink took over and I got really angry and told her to "get the eff out". Not my proudest moment, I'll admit, and I tried texting her when I'd calmed down to apologise for my reaction, but she never replied.

Seriously, had you said to her "it's like throwing a Bratwurst down Bahnhoffstrasse" or "holy crap, I've got bigger boobs than you", how do you think she would have reacted? How do you think any self respecting individual would have reacted? Exactly the same way as you did and she'd have been right to do so.

You did the right thing to kick her out; she probably thought she could insult or abuse you at will on the basis that as a man would take it if it meant getting laid. She was wrong and you should be proud that you had enough self respect to stand up and tell her so.

As to penis size - clearly she's been watching way too much porn, as you're apparently, average.

sadie06

What an absolute prize bitch! Please do not dwell on this. You sound like such a nice and attractive guy. The sooner you have a healthy sexual encounter the better, and just move on.

alias06

A few further pieces of advice on this OP.

Do not to retaliate in kind. It might be tempting to do so but this could backfire. At the moment you have the high moral ground and most sensible people will see her for what she is. However, if you say something nasty about her you will be the bad guy. It won't matter who started it.

Don't try and come up with witty retorts or comebacks. This will only feed the cycle. People will take it as a sign you are open to this sort of slagging and you are not.

It sounds to me like you are being bullied. Its been going on for weeks, people are still taunting you and its really affecting your confidence. It might not be so much what happened that night that matters but the fact she told a lot of people about it and now they are literally reducing you to tears. You don't have to take this sort of crap. Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and some guy was laughing and joking about a girls weight or appearance with his mates in the office? Should she put up with it? Absolutely not and neither should you. You are well within your rights to put your foot down on this one.

I know it can be hard when you are the butt of a joke like this and it feels like everyone is ganging up on you. The key is take people aside one at a time and make it clear what is acceptable and what isn't. People hunt in packs. They have safety and strength in numbers but when you confront them on their own they will get very scared and quickly climb down. Make sure you spell out real consequences if they do this again (e.g. I'll never speak to you again, I'll delete you from facebook) and then follow through if they break the deal. If you find this overwhelming and feel there are more people having a go at you than you can deal with then try avoid those who know about this where possible for the time being. Deal with them another time. Deal with those that are causing you the most upset first - make a list and pick them off one by one.

Be good to yourself.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

OP here again. Wow. Thanks so much to everyone who replied. Gave me a real boost of confidence and self-esteem that was badly needed. I never obsessed too much over it and had no idea of the average size to be honest. It was just lately that I'd been very touchy and self-conscious about it.

It was partly my fault too, as I'd known this woman was a bit of a bitch before hand, but I couldn't resist her flirting with me on the night and decided to just go for it. I didn't honestly think she'd react the way she did. And I honestly didn't think she'd go spreading that stuff about me either.

I would never, ever respond in kind. It's not me. Aside from being a low thing to do, it would also be more trouble than it's worth and would likely land me in trouble. But I'd never do it anyway.

I also got a call from my ex. We haven't talked a lot in the past while, but she called me today. She's friends with the woman in question. Apparently a couple of days ago my ex was talking with her and the topic of yours truly came up. A remark along the lines of how she stayed with me so long and that the sex must have been bad was made.

While we may not be as friendly as I'd like, I was touched that my ex stood up for me. She was pretty angry about it and told her not to spread it. I was stunned that she called me to see how I was. We talked for a long time and she hoped I don't let it get to me too much. Of course, I nervously asked her to honestly tell me how the sex was with us and if my penis size bothered her. She said I was always good in bed and that it didn't bother her.

Another big boost that made me feel a good bit better!

There has been a little of the stuff going on at work, but I wouldn't go to HR at all with it. I don't think I could do that. If it doesn't stop soon, I think I'll say it to the guys individually and just tell them to quit it. I wouldn't want to use intimidation, but I'm a big guy and I don't think they'd like me being confrontational with them, in a calm way. We shall see.

Some women have posted here, and it's been a comfort to here from you. I'm still so unsure about myself and feel a bit inadequate still, despite it all.

As someone did mention, I have had a few long-term girlfriends and a current friend with benefits (which is more than just sex; we do actually care about each other, we just don't want a relationship at the moment) and none of them ever had a problem in bed with me. That does make me feel a bit better. I even asked my FWB last night if she had a problem with it and she laughed and told me to stop being silly. As she said herself, we wouldn't be having fun together if either of us had a problem with it.

Trying to keep my chin up and not to let it get to me much any more. It's tough, because it is something that most guys would be sensitive about. And it's not helping that some people seem to take so much pleasure in using it as a weapon against me. I'm no angel sometimes, don't get me wrong. But I try not to be a bad guy and it hurts me a bit that I'm on the receiving end of so much fire at the moment.

Thanks for all the replies and advice. It has helped so, so much.

Czarcasm

OP I could write all sorts of shìte here about how that girl is this, that and the other, but y'know what? No she's not. You wouldn't have had any issue with her if she hadn't made a meaningless comment during a meaningless encounter. This is entirely your own issue with yourself.

Now, you could get bitter about it, you could get angry about it, you could get upset about it, but what's that going to achieve? Absolutely nothing. It'll only fuel the fire, and good luck to you trying to explain your sex life to HR. You need to as alias06 said, get some perspective. We all have our issues with our bodies that when somebody makes a comment it can really hit a nerve. For me it's my eyes, my ears, and my hip - squinty eyes, over-sized ears, and a gammy hip. For you, it's your penis.

You're 25 years of age, in your physical and sexual prime, and quite honestly I'd recommend that you not waste another minute thinking about this and giving credence to what as I said was a meaningless comment during a meaningless encounter. You're not going to be able to please every single woman you ever encounter and that's something you need to understand and learn to live with, because the more people see how focussed you are on this one single issue about yourself, the faster word gets around and the more vulnerable you leave yourself to derision.

TL;DR: You need to let this one go, chalk it down to experience and move on, don't entertain the comments from your work colleagues (my response is usually a raised eyebrow as if to say "I'm supposed to laugh, right?"), it can be quite effective at making them realise they just made themselves sound like, well, a dick.

Chazz Michael Michaels

She needs a good hiding.

fits

What she did says way more about her than it does you. And tbh I am surprised anyone is giving her the time of day on this subject. Call up your inner strength and rise above it. If this kind of craic continues, do you have an ohs delegate or some sort of advocate who can tactfully intervene and tell people to cop the duck on where peoples private lives are concerned?

Faith

The kind of stories she's spreading about you will backfire on her massively, OP. If it hadn't been you at the centre, and you'd heard her saying cruel things about another guy's bits, would you ever want to bring her home with you? No-one would risk going through what you've gone through with her, and her reputation as a fúcking bitch will spread as fast as the stories about you did.

dellas1979

Agree with all the posts here.

She is a horrible person. And very insecure herself to have done what she did - I will assume she has her own issues. Anyways, that aside...

You apologised to her? Thats red flag no. 1.

And you are taking her comments to heart. Thats red flag 2.

Granted at the time, Id say your head was spinning, and you seem like a nice guy, but if someone hurts your feelings, dont ever apologise to them. She was wrong. And its her who should pay the consequence of her behaviour. By saying nothing more on the matter, even to those who joke, it shows your integrity on the matter. Not hers. Also, by retaliating everytime someone makes a comment, you are fuelling the fire, i.e., they can see they are rising you. If you dont react, they wont act.

Secondly, youre of average size...I am not sure where this feeling of inadequacy has stemmed from. It sounds like something you've worried about before. Sure, there are bigger penises out there, there are smaller ones too, there are wider ones, there are thinner ones. A great variety!

Chazz Michael Michaels

You're about average

http://www.livescience.com/38158-average-penis-size.html

boomchicawawa

A lot of negative reaction you might get ..ie the snickering from other guys is just jealousy ... your a tall lad and well built, that makes half the male population envy you....

Penis size is completely over rated at times, to be honest lads, us girls don't have the room for 10 inches !! its supposed to be quite uncomfortable for us if a man is too big....

You need to move on mentally, don't let it get you down, laugh it off as best you can and it will be old news soon enough....learn from it and maybe its good to understand how hurtful it can be to a person to be judged for something so shallow...a lot of lads judge women on how they look, boob size too small, ass too big...etc, men don't come in for half as much stick as women....chin up and I'm glad your ex stood up for you...its natural for us all to dwell on the negative, just keep thinking the positive and I would let the idiots of the office know, quitely but assertively that you have had enough of their thoughtless comments

LegacyUser

I have to agree with other posters, in that that girl was a total bitch! She maybe has some insecurities herself and was projecting them onto you.

Just on a personal note, my fiance says 'he's a grower not a shower' !! He's a similar size to you but I've no absolutely complaints 😃!

RoscommonTom

If shes bad mouthing you like that shes not worth knowing and I wouldnt feeling guilty about kicking her out, youll meet bad eggs every now and again, I wouldnt take it personal, that's a normal size cock as the other fellas said

Neyite

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

She needs a good hiding.

Advocating violence in this forum is not permitted.