Doing the Right Thing

Kintarō Hattori

clairefontaine wrote: »

I'm missing something in this discussion. Why is it anyone else's business what you decide to do with YOUR car?

It's not per se but it seems I've been very misguided and naive in the course of my actions. I was surprised and disappointed to find out that I was getting an earful for doing what I had considered to be the right thing. I had thought it was an action that would carry with it no negative reaction but I was wrong.

I came on here to see whether other people had a similar experience only to learn that my viewpoint on the subject was far too simplistic and that every decision you make in life has to be considered, pondered and reconsidered as it's never a linear decision but in fact everything you do can be split into multiple tangets based on all the factors involved.

seenitall

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

It's not per se but it seems I've been very misguided and naive in the course of my actions. I was surprised and disappointed to find out that I was getting an earful for doing what I had considered to be the right thing. I had thought it was an action that would carry with it no negative reaction but I was wrong.

I came on here to see whether other people had a similar experience only to learn that my viewpoint on the subject was far too simplistic and that every decision you make in life has to be considered, pondered and reconsidered as it's never a linear decision but in fact everything you do can be split into multiple tangets based on all the factors involved.

I'm sorry but to me it seems you are making a lofty-sounding mountain out of a molehill here, in an effort to justify and rationalise what could very well be nothing more complex than your girlfriend's jealousy of your sister benefitting from a generous gift from her brother. A gift of something you no longer needed.

Giving you an earful, as you put it, and moaning about it sounds to me like bad form on her part, and, far from trying to justify her behaviour, I'd be looking at it with a somewhat more penetrating perspective than "I made a mistake... it wasn't worth it for all the grief... too simplistic... linear decision... multiple tangents... yadda yadda..."

clairefontaine

The Corinthian wrote: »

That's a bit like suggesting that the Bible gives us a base for speaking objectively about the existence of God.

I suppose you can be objective, based upon a subjective axiom; but if that axiom is false and your reasoning is correct, then you'll inevitably end up with a false conclusion - that's the problem with logic.

Well useful is the key word there, because there's a difference between a baseline of agreed morals to start with and that those morals are in reality moral or good. In practical terms we choose the least wrong or best right, as I pointed out earlier. But that's not the same thing as something being objectively right or wrong in any absolute terms.

Basically, there's a difference between an absolute answer for right and wrong and a practical one that a best guess for the time being. Otherwise that baseline of yours wouldn't keep on getting changed.

There's plenty of cases where the generosity of a third party may be your business. If someone offers a cigarette to someone whom you care about and who is trying to give smoking, then you have a good reason to care what that third party does with their possessions.

Similarly, I suggested earlier one possible way that the car could end up causing more harm than good, which even got the OP to doubt his actions.

That's a fair point. I recall someone in school who got a corvette from his grandmother for his 16th birthday.

Who gives a 16 year old boy who can't drive a corvette?

The Corinthian

seenitall wrote: »

I'm sorry but to me it seems you are making a lofty-sounding mountain out of a molehill here, in an effort to justify and rationalise what could very well be nothing more complex than your girlfriend's jealousy of your sister benefitting from a generous gift from her brother. A gift of something you no longer needed.

He may be making a mountain out of a molehill or he may have erred as he fears. Honestly, we don't know and neither do we need to know - this isn't the Personal Issues board after all.

Giving you an earful, as you put it, and moaning about it sounds to me like bad form on her part, and, far from trying to justify her behaviour, I'd be looking at it with a somewhat more penetrating perspective than "I made a mistake... it wasn't worth it for all the grief... too simplistic... linear decision... multiple tangents... yadda yadda..."

That's the point of the Humanities board.

clairefontaine wrote: »

Who gives a 16 year old boy who can't drive a corvette?

A rich and senile grandmother?

Or a controlling one; as I was reminded recently some use generosity as a means of controlling others. Infantilize them, dissuade them from finding a way to take care of themselves, and they can never break away from that control.

clairefontaine

I agree with seenitall, it sounds like jealousy/begrudgery to me.

fungun

In personal situations, gifting can be complex though, especially if there are a number of potential gift recipients who may feel more worthy of it/jealous of it. In such a circumstance you have actively given something (nice gesture) but you have also passively not given something to others (they may feel slighted).

That could be almost like situation where a parent might feel one child needs more from their will as they arent financially secure whereas other children are. Is that nice to the person who needs it, or a kick in the teeth to the others who may have worked harder to make sure they are financially secure.

As a second angle, I have one relative who gives very expensive gifts to kids....and it does make others feel a bit **** at times like Christmas when their gifts can look a bit **** in comparison, even though their own gifts may be more thoughtful/personalised