He can't say please or thank you..

LegacyUser

This might sound trivial, but I'd appreciate your thoughts...

I'm in a relationship over two years - he's a good guy in many ways, but he seems to have an inability to say please or thank you for anything, which drives me to distraction.

I actually think it's because of his childhood, but he can't seem to show gratitude for anything - if I go out of my way to buy him a gift, make him dinner, whatever, I barely get a grunt - I have to ask if he likes the gift or the dinner, and he will get quite defensive saying 'of course I do, what's your problem?'...

Recently, a friend of mine gave me some money completely unexpectedly - she had won money and knew I was struggling with a few bills and popped a card in my letterbox with 200e in it. I was overwhelmed at her generosity, shed a tear and rang her to thank her etc....my partner thought I went over the top, said my friend had 'plenty of money' and it was only right that she helped me...he just couldn't see the good in her, in fact, he rarely sees the good in anything or anyone....he never has, it's one of the things I dislike most about him.

It drives me mental...what to do...

Grayfoxy

unregistered wrote: »

This might sound trivial, but I'd appreciate your thoughts...

I'm in a relationship over two years - he's a good guy in many ways, but he seems to have an inability to say please or thank you for anything, which drives me to distraction.

I actually think it's because of his childhood, but he can't seem to show gratitude for anything - if I go out of my way to buy him a gift, make him dinner, whatever, I barely get a grunt - I have to ask if he likes the gift or the dinner, and he will get quite defensive saying 'of course I do, what's your problem?'...

Recently, a friend of mine gave me some money completely unexpectedly - she had won money and knew I was struggling with a few bills and popped a card in my letterbox with 200e in it. I was overwhelmed at her generosity, shed a tear and rang her to thank her etc....my partner thought I went over the top, said my friend had 'plenty of money' and it was only right that she helped me...he just couldn't see the good in her, in fact, he rarely sees the good in anything or anyone....he never has, it's one of the things I dislike most about him.

It drives me mental...what to do...

Unfortunately, this day in age, basic manners are hard to come by.

Is it just you he doesn't say please or thanks to, or if you were in a shop with him, would he say please or thanks to the teller?

CaraMay

I hate bad manners and his sense of entitlement. You are not going to change him. Can you see yourself with this victor meldrew for the rest of your days?

LegacyUser

I would think it's not really about manners or the lack of expression of gratitude, more importantly they're symptoms of how he sees you. Some people are poor at verbalising things, but can show their appreciation in other ways, some people are effusive in their thanks, but only as a learned behaviour to keep the gifts coming. Your OH however, seems to be both unappreciative and showing it.

Stop doing so much for him. If he misses it and learns some gratitude and to properly express the gratitude, job done. If he just starts moaning about it, you're with someone who doesn't appreciate you and you can think about the implications for your future together.

Czarcasm

unregistered wrote: »

This might sound trivial, but I'd appreciate your thoughts...

I'm in a relationship over two years - he's a good guy in many ways, but he seems to have an inability to say please or thank you for anything, which drives me to distraction.

I actually think it's because of his childhood, but he can't seem to show gratitude for anything - if I go out of my way to buy him a gift, make him dinner, whatever, I barely get a grunt - I have to ask if he likes the gift or the dinner, and he will get quite defensive saying 'of course I do, what's your problem?'...

Recently, a friend of mine gave me some money completely unexpectedly - she had won money and knew I was struggling with a few bills and popped a card in my letterbox with 200e in it. I was overwhelmed at her generosity, shed a tear and rang her to thank her etc....my partner thought I went over the top, said my friend had 'plenty of money' and it was only right that she helped me...he just couldn't see the good in her, in fact, he rarely sees the good in anything or anyone....he never has, it's one of the things I dislike most about him.

It drives me mental...what to do...

I actually think it's just because your boyfriend is an ass. The first thing you need to do is stop making excuses for him. Behaving like a spoilt brat is somewhat excusable in childhood, but for a grown man to still be behaving this way?

He's not just getting defensive with you OP, he knows exactly what he's at. He may never learn that the world owes him nothing, but it's up to you whether you want to keep enabling his attitude. It's already beginning to get to you, and as Caramay says - How much longer do you think you're going to be able to put up with it?

I know people will suggest that you sit him down and have a serious chat with him about his behaviour and tell him that it's not on, but you could spend a full DAY talking to this chap and you'll still never change the habits of a lifetime, unless he wants to change them himself.

Please and fcuking thank you, it's not that hard and nobody should have to work for it. They're the most basic manners and showing respect for your fellow human beings!

LegacyUser

It's funny you call him Victor Meldrew - it's a name I've often called him myself!

He never says please or thanks in a shop either - I tell a lie, he might mumble 'thanks' under his breath if the shop assistant happens to be a blonde 21yr old!! But even then, there's no feeling behind it, he doesn't mean it.

Another example would be going to a funeral with him recently - we hadn't planned on going to the afters (pub) and had no money with us = his friend offered to buy us a couple of drinks. He bought us about four drinks each, which I thought was very generous and I was very grateful to him during the day...In the taxi home I said 'Wasn't X very good to get us those few drinks today..' and his reply was 'X will be getting a load of cash from his aunt that died, it's the least he could do...'. Again, absolutely NO gratitude....

It might seem a bit trivial, but it is in almost every situation and it's annoying me more and more...

He has no generosity..no kindness of spirit in him at all...my car is off the road at the moment, and asking him for a lift, I have to tread carefully around the subject, until he eventually gives in and offers me a lift (begrudgingly...). When I had my car, I had no problem giving anyone a lift anywhere, including him!

Merkin

I personally would be dumping him. I cannot abide bad manners and I simply can't bear a sense of entitlement either.

His background has absolutely nothing to do with it. Some people are brought into world by disgusting human beings and grow into well-rounded and gracious individuals.

Your boyfriend just sounds like a pr1ck, sorry.

ElleEm

Wow! He sounds so unpleasant. Have you brought it up with him before? I really cannot abide by someone with bad manners, but when I say that, I mean people who don't say please and thank you in little situations. I don't think I have ever come across someone like your boyfriend.
I agree with Czarcasm, your boyfriend sounds so spoilt and entitled. Have you actually said this to him before? Have you told him how rude and ungrateful he seems?
You must be exhausted. You are doing nice things, buying presents and never being appreciated.

Stavro Mueller

It might be time to ask yourself what sort of long-term effect this attitude of his will have on you. I can see this wearing you down over time to be honest. You're doing all these nice things for him but he doesn't even have the grace to say thanks.

When I see people using their partner's rotten childhood as an excuse for why they're behaving like this, it rings alarm bells for me. You're not in a relationship with him as a child - you're with him as an adult. One who has grown up into someone who sounds like they feel the world owes them something. That negative view of life he has isn't a pleasant thing to be around either. I used to work with someone who was like that and he did bring down the morale in the office a bit. And that was someone I could leave behind at 5.00 in the evenings and at weekends!

The Corinthian

As to his character, while personally I could live with bad manners, the sense of entitlement he displayed when discussing your friend's generosity was a bit disturbing.

Ultimately, he is what he is. Either you live with it or move on. But don't try to change him. You're not his mother.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think "please" and "thank you" are your problem, OP... he is obviously just a very mean person. It doesn't matter how wealthy your friend is, you, your bf and your bills are not her responsibility. So giving you €200 is most certainly not "the least she can do". As for going into a pub after a funeral with no money and accepting 4 drinks EACH from a relative of the deceased... I'd be mortified! There's always tea being given out, have a cup of that.. maybe accept 1 drink and then make your excuses.

Your bf sounds very unpleasant... But you are going along with him. When he said "it was the least" your friend could do, did you say anything about his complete lack of manners, or gratitude? Did you tell him as adults you shouldn't need your friends to pay your debts for you? You continued to sit in a pub with no money accepting free drinks from his friend. Why did you not insist you leave after 1... Or leave him there himself? By sitting with him, you made it look to him like it was completely normal and acceptable... And "the least" his friend could do!

Don't think people don't talk about him (or you!) behind your backs. Meanness is one thing that is noticed very quickly among circles of friends.

8 free drinks at a funeral, and he was still complaining....???????

No matter how wealthy someone is, if they give me money, especially when I'm struggling, then I would be incredibly appreciative. The fact that your boyfriend was not is a bit alarming to be honest. He sounds like a bit of a Scrooge. Have you tried sitting down and discussing these issues with him?

Stavro Mueller

unregistered wrote: »

He has no generosity..no kindness of spirit in him at all...my car is off the road at the moment, and asking him for a lift, I have to tread carefully around the subject, until he eventually gives in and offers me a lift (begrudgingly...). When I had my car, I had no problem giving anyone a lift anywhere, including him!

To be honest you're taking your eye off the target when you talk about him not saying thanks. Even the Victor Meldrew joke is trivialising the problem.

Why are you with him? His behaviour and attitude at the funeral are appalling but this last paragraph is ringing alarm bells with me. Why do you feel like you have to tread carefully around the subject of getting a lift off this guy? Are you afraid of him? Are you afraid of upsetting him or getting an earful?

It's not just that this man is a mean spirited scrounger who seems to have a grudge against people who have money. He doesn't sound like he is a very nice person. This being the case, I again ask you why are you with him?

CaraMay

This is why you date someone before you marry them - to discover the flaws you can and can't live with.

I couldn't live with someone with his personality. Can you?

maria34

That not giving a lift makes my skin crawl! He is your partner and these things should come naturally. U obviously havent been together with a nice guy ever.

What do u love about him? Is there anything at all?

Chara1001

Ugh I'd HATE this.

I had an ex who was tight- really mean and stingy and had a sense of entitlement that drove me up the wall.
A lack of manners or meanness isn't just habitual, to me it points to a meanness of character as bad manners does too. It's a spiteful, unpleasant, personality glitch that pervades his entire character, and if you have brought it up with him, and he can't or won't see it or do anything about it... i suppose it'll come down to whether you can live with or not, because i don't think you're going to be able to argue/ reason him out of it

Ugh i'm getting the rage just remembering what my ex used to get up to, and that was YEARS ago

Stavro Mueller

Another thought: I wonder does your boyfriend view you through the same eyes he sees other people?

Czarcasm

cymbaline wrote: »

Another thought: I wonder does your boyfriend view you through the same eyes he sees other people?

Chances are he does, which is why I mentioned earlier that he knows what he's at - manipulating the OP and having her believe that his childhood is to blame for the fact he never grew up. Experience tells me this is his way of controlling people, and the OP has fallen for it hook, line and sinker by looking for reasons to excuse his bitterness and resentment of other people's success.

The OP's boyfriend will only ever see how much more other people have, and he'll always be there with his hand out for his "share" even though he's made no effort, and doesn't feel the need to be grateful for what he has. This would include the OP, as in he clearly doesn't appreciate her when she's even wary of asking him for a lift!

You're not equals in this relationship OP, and as Corinthian points out - you're not his mother, so you're under no obligation to try and bring him up properly. He strikes me as one of these "I could've been a contender" people, bitter at everyone else because he wants to be the centre of attention at the pity party.

He just doesn't get it yet because he hasn't had to grow up while you're still enabling him. He'll have a very lonely life if he carries on the way he does now.

LegacyUser

Op again.

For those of you who have asked if I have talked to him about it, the answer is yes, a hundred times. He defends himself all the time - 'of course I'm grateful, just not as grateful as you....' He is very like his dad - who I can't stand for the same reasons - I have chatted to his poor mother, who has put up with 40 odd years of his dads similar behaviours...not grateful for anything, blames the world on everything etc.

To answer what I love/even like, about him - as I'm writing this, I honestly don't know...I am trying to think of him making me laugh - or even of him smiling or laughing about something (I love the Royle Family & Fr Ted, for example and would watch them forever...he doesn't see the humour in either of them, and moans his way through them when I have them on TV - to the point where I don't bother watching them anymore).

He has talked about us emigrating a few times - he is in a dead end job 'this country is a kip' is all I ever hear...I am very reluctant...actually, it's funny when you write things down...I'm wondering if I can figure out what I love about him at all.

Czarcasm

unregistered wrote: »

Op again.

For those of you who have asked if I have talked to him about it, the answer is yes, a hundred times. He defends himself all the time - 'of course I'm grateful, just not as grateful as you....' He is very like his dad - who I can't stand for the same reasons - I have chatted to his poor mother, who has put up with 40 odd years of his dads similar behaviours...not grateful for anything, blames the world on everything etc.

Fuuuuck me he is one arrogant son of a... yeah. Seriously OP, could you honestly see yourself in his mother's position forty years from now? I wouldn't waste another minute with such a miserable person or he'll suck the life out of you the same as his father has done to his mother.

To answer what I love/even like, about him - as I'm writing this, I honestly don't know...I am trying to think of him making me laugh - or even of him smiling or laughing about something (I love the Royle Family & Fr Ted, for example and would watch them forever...he doesn't see the humour in either of them, and moans his way through them when I have them on TV - to the point where I don't bother watching them anymore).

He has talked about us emigrating a few times - he is in a dead end job 'this country is a kip' is all I ever hear...I am very reluctant...actually, it's funny when you write things down...I'm wondering if I can figure out what I love about him at all.

"I could've been a contender".

OP I'd cut this guy off before he rides your coat tails and drags you down to his level.

Big Bag of Chips

You feel sorry for his "poor mother", but don't see that you are destined to become her. You say you hate his father for being ungrateful but yet your bf reminds you of him...?

Sometimes when we're in a situation it's difficult to see past it. Your bf will never change. Meanness is something fundamental in a person. You're either mean or your not. If you are, then you can't change.

I have 3 children, 2 of them would share their last bite with you. The other one wouldn't give you a Rice Krispie out of a bowl full! He'll happily take anything that's offered, but will VERY begrudgingly, and with a lot of persuading/arguing/threatening share something of his.

Stick with your bf and in 40 years time you will be his "poor mother".

happyoutscan

Lose him op, or you'll regret it. He sounds like too much hard work.

Imagine how much nicer life would be with someone who thought you were great, and liked doing things for you as much as you do for them. And not only thought you were great, but told you so too. Imagine how good about yourself you'd feel.

You sound like a lovely girl. You deserve that, not what you have. Life's too short to spend it with someone who can't even bring himself to say thanks.

I'd bet my granny he never says he's sorry either.

Stavro Mueller

unregistered wrote: »

Op again.

For those of you who have asked if I have talked to him about it, the answer is yes, a hundred times. He defends himself all the time - 'of course I'm grateful, just not as grateful as you....' He is very like his dad - who I can't stand for the same reasons - I have chatted to his poor mother, who has put up with 40 odd years of his dads similar behaviours...not grateful for anything, blames the world on everything etc.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read this. The only difference I can see between you and his mother is 40 years and a wedding ring. Why is it that you can't stand the father but are putting up with the same shyte from the son?

You've said it to him but he has absolutely no intention of changing his ways. So either you put up with this negativity and joylessness for the rest of your days or you walk.

If you happen to have kids, what sort of life will you be giving them? I'm sure some of your boyfriend's miserable childhood came from his father and his bad attitude. By staying in this relationship you're repeating the cycle.

To answer what I love/even like, about him - as I'm writing this, I honestly don't know...I am trying to think of him making me laugh - or even of him smiling or laughing about something (I love the Royle Family & Fr Ted, for example and would watch them forever...he doesn't see the humour in either of them, and moans his way through them when I have them on TV - to the point where I don't bother watching them anymore).

So why are you with him? Are you afraid of being single?

I bet he moans his way through other TV shows you like too? And films, books, the news....

He has talked about us emigrating a few times - he is in a dead end job 'this country is a kip' is all I ever hear...I am very reluctant...actually, it's funny when you write things down...I'm wondering if I can figure out what I love about him at all.

Why does this not surprise me? Of course it's other people's fault he's not in a job that he feels is worthy of his expertise.

I would also bet the farm that no matter where he moves (preferably not with you at his side, I might add) he'll always be whining.

Czarcasm used a great phrase in his post - if you stay with this man he will "suck the life out of you".

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your comments - writing this post has really got me thinking, your comments have all helped.

I think I just got used to his behaviour - someone said that when you're in something, it's hard to see what's actually happening - I think that's what's happened to me. You are all right about me turning into his mother of course - I have thought about that myself. Obviously, I don't want that to happen, nor will I allow it to happen.

I think it's time to end this...I have tried before but haven't felt like I've had the strength - we share alot of 'stuff' and it would be an upheaval to split...but I think it's the right thing to do...

Big Bag of Chips

You only get one life. It is too precious to waste being unhappy and embarrassed by your partners behaviour. Especially if the only reason you are staying together is because you "share stuff".

Is all that "stuff" worth the next 50years of your life?

Stavro Mueller

It's also not a good sign when you've considered splitting before now. You've had a sense that this is wrong and perhaps that is why you posted here. In the long run you will be delighted with yourself that you found the strength to go through the upheaval of splitting. Apart from the hassle of that, I can't see anything but good things coming from you leaving this man. We've established I think that he's never going to change. It's all he has ever known and he's doesn't see anything wrong with how he is. All that you're doing by dragging this out is subjecting yourself to more misery and things getting more convoluted. If you live with him for a few years, the new laws about cohabitation will kick in and make it trickier still.

finbarrk

Get out now while you can. You don't deserve that sh*t for the rest of your life.

December2012

Where is the love?
The respect?
I can't imagine that a man so selfish would be a considerate lover either.

clairefontaine

unregistered wrote: »

Another example would be going to a funeral with him recently - we hadn't planned on going to the afters (pub) and had no money with us = his friend offered to buy us a couple of drinks. He bought us about four drinks each, which I thought was very generous and I was very grateful to him during the day...In the taxi home I said 'Wasn't X very good to get us those few drinks today..' and his reply was 'X will be getting a load of cash from his aunt that died, it's the least he could do...'.

I burst out laughing when I read that. Wow. At least he's honest!

He sounds like a malcontent carmudgeon, it's just his personality. Accept it or leave.

Hannibal Smith

Its hard when/if you haven't had a well rounded upbringing to see how you should fit into the world. And some people who have awful childhoods dont turn out to be rude and arrogant, but some do. There's a tendency to think of what you put up with, how unfair it was and how you deserve the world to repay you for it. Maybe that's his thought process?

But that should only be considered to explain why he is how he is....not excuse it.

You say you dislike the guy and you're only with him because it's too much hassle to break up? Presumably he didn't just turn into this person. .hes been like this all along?

In the end the old 'come live with me and see what I'm really like' rings through here. When you live with someone you will find things that will annoy you and if those things block out any goodness you used to see...then you know thats not a good sign

LegacyUser

I should have mentioned that we do live together - in my home.

A few things happened yesterday - this whole issue has been on my mind alot, particularly since I posted here and read your replies. Yesterday was no different to other days - he was rude to the girl at the till as we did the shopping, he cursed his way through the journey to and from the shop (no one can drive, except him...), he moaned his way through me watching the omnibus of one of the soaps....

So last night, I finished with him. He was not impressed. He cannot see what I am talking about at all. He was convinced I had met someone else, because 'there just couldn't be another reason to end it with me'.

I've asked him to move out today - he got up and went to get the papers, acting as if nothing has happened. But I'm determined I'm finished with him.

CaraMay

Fair play op. Life is too short to spend with someone you don't even like.

Does he have anywhere to move to today? Have the same conversation with him now and tell him you want him to move out ASAP. If he asks why then tell him you don't love him anymore. This guy doesn't take hints.

Chara1001

Well done OP,

Stay strong and when he turns things back on you, don't listen! It's not like you haven't given him chances by telling him numerous times about his behavior. I'd say he's fully aware and gets it- but i wouldn't think he'll admit that to you.
When he gets back with the papers, don't wait till he's finished reading them or anything- out now!!!

For what it's worth, i think you've dodged a bullet

Roselm

unregistered wrote: »

I should have mentioned that we do live together - in my home.

A few things happened yesterday - this whole issue has been on my mind alot, particularly since I posted here and read your replies. Yesterday was no different to other days - he was rude to the girl at the till as we did the shopping, he cursed his way through the journey to and from the shop (no one can drive, except him...), he moaned his way through me watching the omnibus of one of the soaps....

So last night, I finished with him. He was not impressed. He cannot see what I am talking about at all. He was convinced I had met someone else, because 'there just couldn't be another reason to end it with me'.

I've asked him to move out today - he got up and went to get the papers, acting as if nothing has happened. But I'm determined I'm finished with him.

If he's acting like nothing has happened you need to be really careful that he doesn't ask can he "just" stay til the next day,end of the week/month so he can find somewhere.I'm not saying kick him out on the street but be wary of him just never going.
Also, well done you and here's to the start of a new chapter!

unregistered

unregistered wrote: »

So last night, I finished with him. He was not impressed. He cannot see what I am talking about at all. He was convinced I had met someone else, because 'there just couldn't be another reason to end it with me'.

I've asked him to move out today - he got up and went to get the papers, acting as if nothing has happened. But I'm determined I'm finished with him.

This might be an issue for you OP, and well done on making a decisive move by the way.

Tell someone in your family, a brother or male friend or your dad, then tell your ex they know. Make sure he knows that they'll be around to supervise his moving out.

Otherwise he might think he can just sit it out and intimidate you into leaving things the way they are. You need backup, and you need to make sure he knows you have it. He's a mean sod, so he's not likely to want to leave the meal ticket without a bit of a push.

wesf

Well done OP, now this is the hard part, stick to your guns. He will never understand the problem. No one deserves to be alone but he comes pretty close.
On a side note, I have great manners and would have no problem giving you a lift

dellas1979

OP I seriously commend you for doing what you've done.

Id shake your hand for being brave and courageous, but all I can give you is a smiley face

amtc

I meant to reply to this earlier - good on you, by the way.

Just to give you my slice of life, my fiance was so mean, but as I earned more it didn't really bother me. I had a serious work accident and had to come home to my mother's for three months, and he never once came to see me (our house was five minutes away and I was paying half the mortgage). Yet he sent me his masters' work to do.

Three months on your back in that situation made me realise that if something really bad had happened, he would never be a 'partner'. I dumped him. Never looked back. Meanness of money and attitude means meanness of spirit.

When I moved out (I had bought my own house in the interim) I just hired two guys in a van and they (who had never met me before) were great. He continued to run up the phone bill and got it sent onto me.

I bumped into him a few years later with a little russian dolly bird. Hear she fleeced him (from his sister...who was on my side). Although by the end of it, there were no sides, it was such a relief.

Best of luck.

wesf

Update us when you get a chance OP, is he out yet?!

wesf

wesf wrote: »

Update us when you get a chance OP, is he out yet?!

PI is not a soap opera, please read the charter

wesf

I never said it was a soap opera. She is in a bad situation and i'd like to see her follow through and stick to her guns. Simple.

Neyite

wesf wrote: »

I never said it was a soap opera. She is in a bad situation and i'd like to see her follow through and stick to her guns. Simple.

If you had read the charter like Bluewolf asked you to, you would also have seen that you do not question a mod instruction on thread.

This is also an advice forum, where posters are under no obligation to take any of the advice posted, or to update posters on what they did or did not do in their situation.

Merkin

unregistered wrote: »

A few things happened yesterday - this whole issue has been on my mind alot, particularly since I posted here and read your replies. Yesterday was no different to other days - he was rude to the girl at the till as we did the shopping, he cursed his way through the journey to and from the shop (no one can drive, except him...)

Just think OP, you no longer have to be absolutely mortified on a daily basis on his behalf! I always think it speaks volumes about a person as to how they treat waiting staff and shop assistants etc, the more you have told us about this man the more it becomes apparent that he hasn't got one solitary redeeming feature. Wow.

I'm thrilled that you have seen the wood from the trees and been so decisive about it. Just to echo Candie's sentiments above, I would make it public that it's over and make sure you have back up - I get the impression that he may make the separation as protracted and difficult for you as possible so if necessary, you need to have the back up of people who can reiterate that over means over if it comes to that.

Finally, well done. When you meet someone lovely who is kind and respectful you'll have a partner that you deserve.

Big Bag of Chips

I'd echo the sentiments of having support. You might find him telling you that allowing him to stay until he sorts himself out is "the least you can do".

This man is all about taking, and has no shame in taking as much as he can possibly get away with.

ladygirl

He reminds me exactly of my ex.. I think I stayed with him out of habit more than anything - our lives became a routine and I began to accept his behavour. Like you I had also pondered breaking up with him for a while but when I finally did break up with him I also knew there was no going back (he tried) but there simply is no changing someone like that.

I vowed never to make the same mistake twice and just less than 2 years later I met the man of my dreams - my life now is worlds apart from what it used to be and I can honestly say I have never been happier. The only regret I have is that I didn't end it sooner..

I am so happy for you OP - Your life is just beginning and true happiness is just around the corner :D

LegacyUser

I just wanted to update, because you have all been so kind to reply in the first place.

He left yesterday - I did have to get my dad involved - he was coming over anyway, but kind of supervised the move. Turns out my dad couldn't stand him - he told me this when I broke down and told him what was going on. I always thought Dad liked him - he said he really only put up with him for my sake, but that himself and the rest of my family have been wondering how on earth I ever put up with him...!

He left mumbling under his breath that he didn't understand me at all.....he text today as if nothing had happened. I moved dept's in work today ( a promotion) and he text early, wishing me luck. I didn't reply.

He has his own place, and was renting it out so was able to move back there.

I read all your comments and genuinely believe that life can only improve from now on. Even today, I feel a sense of relief.

unregistered

unregistered wrote: »

I just wanted to update, because you have all been so kind to reply in the first place.

He left yesterday - I did have to get my dad involved - he was coming over anyway, but kind of supervised the move. Turns out my dad couldn't stand him - he told me this when I broke down and told him what was going on. I always thought Dad liked him - he said he really only put up with him for my sake, but that himself and the rest of my family have been wondering how on earth I ever put up with him...!

He left mumbling under his breath that he didn't understand me at all.....he text today as if nothing had happened. I moved dept's in work today ( a promotion) and he text early, wishing me luck. I didn't reply.

He has his own place, and was renting it out so was able to move back there.

I read all your comments and genuinely believe that life can only improve from now on. Even today, I feel a sense of relief.

Well done and congratulations on your promotion.

Things are only going to get better and better for you from now on!

CaraMay

Great news op. Onwards and upwards

fineso.mom

Well done to you ! Your life can only improve from now on. Treat yourself to something nice with all the money you will save with him gone. After all....'its the least you can do'!

Semele

Massive congratulations on handling this so decisively OP!

I don't have any advice, nor do you seem to need it, but reading your posts reminded me so much of a Marian Keyes novel- Last Chance Saloon. A character in it has a boyfriend who sounds exactly like yours and the book brilliantly captures why she stays with him and makes excuses for him for as long as she does. It may be worth you having a read of it- it's often easier to see the truth in someone else's situation than to find the emotional distance to confront your own, so it could be very validating of your decision, especially in the tough early days. It's also a v funny read, so win either way!x